Chapter 2: HELL AND TORTURE
The second chapter (this one, you dingbat!) was written by Christie.
Disclaimer: This is just a lil ficcy written by me, The Wintergreen Custard Man (aka Christie), my sister Jasmine (Jaye), and my friend Julie (aka The Tampon Demon). We don't own Harry Potter, but we most certainly own our own war fleet made up of certified public accountants on heroin. That's nifty. O.o
Oh yes, please don't flame us. I've already gotten tons of flames for one of my fics.........I warn all future flamers of this fic that if you flame us, I will strand you on a desert island with the host of Fear Factor..........in a bikini. So unless you wish to view Joe Rogan in a bikini, I suggest that you don't flame us. O.o
Where we left you off:
Katie took one last look at her old room, and then nodded. "Where are we going?"
"Your new neighborhood. Hell." And with that, there was a flash of pink smoke, and Katie Bell and Satan were gone.
Chapter 2 o.O
Satan and Katie arrived with another pink cloud of smoke in a pitch-black room somewhere under the earth.
"Daddy, where are we?" Katie asked, massaging her ass. "Are we in Hell yet?"
"Yes," said Satan, who was now her new father, "We are indeed in Hell. I would also like to inform you that I speak Yiddish while wearing yellow aprons from the 1930's."
"That's nifty, but one cannot see in this dark place."
"LIGHT-BOY! TURN ON THE EFFIN LIGHTS, YOU JACKASS!" Katie's father screamed.
Katie heard the quick tapping of heels, and then a light came on, exposing a bright yellow room full of stuffed animals and box upon box of condoms. In the middle of the room, holding a box of Trojan Men, Harry Potter was polishing his high heels (with the pointy toes O.o).
"Hey! Boy! Get back to work!" Satan screamed.
"But I'm polishing my heels!" protested Harry, who was scrubbing his pretty magenta heels with all his might, "They're dirty! I stole them from Kate Hudson."
Katie was confused. What was Harry Potter doing in Hell? This was HER ficcy.
"Harry Michelle, get out now, or I'll kill you."
But Harry did not move. Satan magically summoned a long sword and started dancing with it like there was no tomorrow. Katie and Harry Michelle stood there, confused. Satan then let out a 'whoop' and charged at Harry Michelle.
"No!" Harry screamed. Satan stuck his sword through Harry's stomach. He keeled over in pain and fell to the ground."
"Ahhh..........cheddar cheese." whispered Harry. Then he kicked the bucket.
"Um..........Satan, that really wasn't necessary."
"Yes it was. He's a main character, so I just had to get rid of him." said Satan.
Katie nodded in agreement. "Yes, he was a bitch alright. When am I going to see Hell?"
Satan gestured toward a hideous wooden door, which had light gray eyes and plump lips. It was very ugly. The door was singing "Are You Happy Now?" and reading the New York Times.
"Through that door is your new home, Tampon."
Satan approached the door, which was now happily looking at child porn. Satan tickled the door, and it swung open, revealing the most marvelous city.
"Wow." said Katie, apparently shocked.
Hell was a large city full of blackish-red wooden shacks. At one end of the city, a large stone mansion sat in all of its glory. The park in the middle of the city was strewn with random torture objects, such as an electric chair and a spiky metal ball on a chain.
"Isn't it nice?" asked Satan.
"It sure is, Krap Kake!" exclaimed Katie. "This place rocks my socks!"
"Have you seen the people and the demons yet?" asked Satan.
"No."
Satan gestured towards a group of demons coming out of a ballet school on 89th street. The demons were a pastel pink color. They had fuzzy pink antennas. The demons were chubby and covered in light pink fuzz.
"Heeemie Sheeemie Leezy-uss!"
Satan spoke to the demon in some other language. "Ka-ka. Rolpukkkkkkkooo. Smarmayp unnq Hershey."
Satan turned to Katie and said, "Come with me to your new home. I'm sure you'll like it there."
"Okay."
Katie sat in her new room. It was a beautiful place. Her bed was a canopy bed like the one she had at Hogwarts. The blood-red bed matched her curtains. The walls were also blood red, and so was the floor. Katie walked over to the window and saw her new father carrying out some eternal punishment.
"Hey! Bitch! Open your effin mouth and get up, you suicide hotline!"
Katie's daddy was jumping up and down on a cold stone street in the projects of Hell. On the ground next to him was Ronald Fiona Weasley. Ron was crying hysterically, and Satan was kicking him. Ron's face was smudged with dirt. His hair was long and tangled. He reminded Katie of GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE in an advanced placement calculus class. His light up Barbie sneakers were filthy, and his revealing pink tank top from Delia's was torn. He was not wearing any pants, and his Hanes Her Way panties were red with period stains.
"I said GET UP!" screamed Satan.
Katie laughed to herself. This was certainly amusing!
"Alrighty there, buster." said RonnieKins. Ron got to his feet and reluctantly opened his mouth.
"There. That's better," said Satan, unzipping his pants. "I don't see why you are afraid of my little punishment. You'll be here forever just because you're a main character."
Satan grabbed his member, which happened to be neon green, and aimed his piss into Ron's mouth.
Katie couldn't watch anymore. She did a cartwheel and jumped onto her bed. Just then she heard a knock on the door.
"Come in." she said.
Satan walked in, zipping up his pants. He was holding an envelope. Hermione Ulysses Granger followed, dressed like a damned prostitute named LeRoy.
"I've got something for you," said Satan, dancing on his tippy-toes and chanting in Hebrew.
"What is it?" asked Katie.
"Something special."
Just then, Herms snatched the envelope and hid in a corner. She renamed her father Mercedes.
Satan kicked Hermione and took back the letter thingie. "You'll be doing overtime with me tonight, you sexy bitch." He said to Hermione Ulysses. He turned to Katie. "It's a letter for you."
"Thanks, Papa."
Satan turned on his hooves and walked away, dragging Herms by the hair and spanking her ass.
Katie was glad to get a letter. But who was it from? She opened the letter and read.........
Dearest Katheryn Peter Bell,
We are oh-so-pleased to hear that you have joined us in Hell. Isn't it just peachy? Anyway, We'd like to meet you in Torture Park tomorrow at noon. Apples?
Sincerely,
Hannah Abbott, Ernie MacMillan, Blaise Zambini, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Dennis Creevey, Alicia Spinnet, Padma Patil, and Mad-Eye Moody's second cousin twice removed.
Katie was delighted! She'd finally have friends in Hell!
I wasn't exactly sure how to end this! I hope you liked it. I personally thought it was nifty. Please review, you anorexic police officer named Barbara! Erm.........yes.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN KATIE MEETS THE OTHER MINORITY CHARACTERS? WHAT PUNISHMENTS WILL THE MAIN CHARACTERS FACE? AND WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE AUTHORS SET LIONS ON PAT SAJAK? ALL OF THIS AND MORE COMING UP IN THE NEXT CHAPTER (PROBABLY WRITTEN BY JASMINE).
Christie
.
The second chapter (this one, you dingbat!) was written by Christie.
Disclaimer: This is just a lil ficcy written by me, The Wintergreen Custard Man (aka Christie), my sister Jasmine (Jaye), and my friend Julie (aka The Tampon Demon). We don't own Harry Potter, but we most certainly own our own war fleet made up of certified public accountants on heroin. That's nifty. O.o
Oh yes, please don't flame us. I've already gotten tons of flames for one of my fics.........I warn all future flamers of this fic that if you flame us, I will strand you on a desert island with the host of Fear Factor..........in a bikini. So unless you wish to view Joe Rogan in a bikini, I suggest that you don't flame us. O.o
Where we left you off:
Katie took one last look at her old room, and then nodded. "Where are we going?"
"Your new neighborhood. Hell." And with that, there was a flash of pink smoke, and Katie Bell and Satan were gone.
Chapter 2 o.O
Satan and Katie arrived with another pink cloud of smoke in a pitch-black room somewhere under the earth.
"Daddy, where are we?" Katie asked, massaging her ass. "Are we in Hell yet?"
"Yes," said Satan, who was now her new father, "We are indeed in Hell. I would also like to inform you that I speak Yiddish while wearing yellow aprons from the 1930's."
"That's nifty, but one cannot see in this dark place."
"LIGHT-BOY! TURN ON THE EFFIN LIGHTS, YOU JACKASS!" Katie's father screamed.
Katie heard the quick tapping of heels, and then a light came on, exposing a bright yellow room full of stuffed animals and box upon box of condoms. In the middle of the room, holding a box of Trojan Men, Harry Potter was polishing his high heels (with the pointy toes O.o).
"Hey! Boy! Get back to work!" Satan screamed.
"But I'm polishing my heels!" protested Harry, who was scrubbing his pretty magenta heels with all his might, "They're dirty! I stole them from Kate Hudson."
Katie was confused. What was Harry Potter doing in Hell? This was HER ficcy.
"Harry Michelle, get out now, or I'll kill you."
But Harry did not move. Satan magically summoned a long sword and started dancing with it like there was no tomorrow. Katie and Harry Michelle stood there, confused. Satan then let out a 'whoop' and charged at Harry Michelle.
"No!" Harry screamed. Satan stuck his sword through Harry's stomach. He keeled over in pain and fell to the ground."
"Ahhh..........cheddar cheese." whispered Harry. Then he kicked the bucket.
"Um..........Satan, that really wasn't necessary."
"Yes it was. He's a main character, so I just had to get rid of him." said Satan.
Katie nodded in agreement. "Yes, he was a bitch alright. When am I going to see Hell?"
Satan gestured toward a hideous wooden door, which had light gray eyes and plump lips. It was very ugly. The door was singing "Are You Happy Now?" and reading the New York Times.
"Through that door is your new home, Tampon."
Satan approached the door, which was now happily looking at child porn. Satan tickled the door, and it swung open, revealing the most marvelous city.
"Wow." said Katie, apparently shocked.
Hell was a large city full of blackish-red wooden shacks. At one end of the city, a large stone mansion sat in all of its glory. The park in the middle of the city was strewn with random torture objects, such as an electric chair and a spiky metal ball on a chain.
"Isn't it nice?" asked Satan.
"It sure is, Krap Kake!" exclaimed Katie. "This place rocks my socks!"
"Have you seen the people and the demons yet?" asked Satan.
"No."
Satan gestured towards a group of demons coming out of a ballet school on 89th street. The demons were a pastel pink color. They had fuzzy pink antennas. The demons were chubby and covered in light pink fuzz.
"Heeemie Sheeemie Leezy-uss!"
Satan spoke to the demon in some other language. "Ka-ka. Rolpukkkkkkkooo. Smarmayp unnq Hershey."
Satan turned to Katie and said, "Come with me to your new home. I'm sure you'll like it there."
"Okay."
Katie sat in her new room. It was a beautiful place. Her bed was a canopy bed like the one she had at Hogwarts. The blood-red bed matched her curtains. The walls were also blood red, and so was the floor. Katie walked over to the window and saw her new father carrying out some eternal punishment.
"Hey! Bitch! Open your effin mouth and get up, you suicide hotline!"
Katie's daddy was jumping up and down on a cold stone street in the projects of Hell. On the ground next to him was Ronald Fiona Weasley. Ron was crying hysterically, and Satan was kicking him. Ron's face was smudged with dirt. His hair was long and tangled. He reminded Katie of GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE in an advanced placement calculus class. His light up Barbie sneakers were filthy, and his revealing pink tank top from Delia's was torn. He was not wearing any pants, and his Hanes Her Way panties were red with period stains.
"I said GET UP!" screamed Satan.
Katie laughed to herself. This was certainly amusing!
"Alrighty there, buster." said RonnieKins. Ron got to his feet and reluctantly opened his mouth.
"There. That's better," said Satan, unzipping his pants. "I don't see why you are afraid of my little punishment. You'll be here forever just because you're a main character."
Satan grabbed his member, which happened to be neon green, and aimed his piss into Ron's mouth.
Katie couldn't watch anymore. She did a cartwheel and jumped onto her bed. Just then she heard a knock on the door.
"Come in." she said.
Satan walked in, zipping up his pants. He was holding an envelope. Hermione Ulysses Granger followed, dressed like a damned prostitute named LeRoy.
"I've got something for you," said Satan, dancing on his tippy-toes and chanting in Hebrew.
"What is it?" asked Katie.
"Something special."
Just then, Herms snatched the envelope and hid in a corner. She renamed her father Mercedes.
Satan kicked Hermione and took back the letter thingie. "You'll be doing overtime with me tonight, you sexy bitch." He said to Hermione Ulysses. He turned to Katie. "It's a letter for you."
"Thanks, Papa."
Satan turned on his hooves and walked away, dragging Herms by the hair and spanking her ass.
Katie was glad to get a letter. But who was it from? She opened the letter and read.........
Dearest Katheryn Peter Bell,
We are oh-so-pleased to hear that you have joined us in Hell. Isn't it just peachy? Anyway, We'd like to meet you in Torture Park tomorrow at noon. Apples?
Sincerely,
Hannah Abbott, Ernie MacMillan, Blaise Zambini, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Dennis Creevey, Alicia Spinnet, Padma Patil, and Mad-Eye Moody's second cousin twice removed.
Katie was delighted! She'd finally have friends in Hell!
I wasn't exactly sure how to end this! I hope you liked it. I personally thought it was nifty. Please review, you anorexic police officer named Barbara! Erm.........yes.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN KATIE MEETS THE OTHER MINORITY CHARACTERS? WHAT PUNISHMENTS WILL THE MAIN CHARACTERS FACE? AND WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE AUTHORS SET LIONS ON PAT SAJAK? ALL OF THIS AND MORE COMING UP IN THE NEXT CHAPTER (PROBABLY WRITTEN BY JASMINE).
Christie
.