Title: Spin

Author: Hawk Clowd

Disclaimer: so far as I know, I own nothing.  Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami and I wouldn't take it away from her for anything in the world.  I just like to play.  ^_^

Blood Type: I don't care...  Something flammable, like hairspray.  Simply because you could light a match and Ryuichi would be on fire.

Warnings: very few.  Yaoi, which is a fairly obvious one, considering the fandom, random smut, and possible angst.

Archived: all of the usual places.

Part: Three

Author's Notes: blah blah blah etcetera.  I have nothing to say.

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"How was your stay at Sakuma's place?" Shuichi asked when Tatsuha returned the next morning via taxi.  Shuichi was in high spirits this morning, although there were dark bags under his eyes, almost as though he hadn't slept at all the night before.  The singer was a blur of activity, rushing to and fro around the apartment.

Tatsuha shrugged in response to Shuichi's question.  "S'okay.  Where's Eiri?"

"Still sleeping.  He'll probably get up once the automatic coffee maker starts running in about half an hour or whatever.  It's better than any alarm clock he could possibly buy." 

"What did you and Sakuma do?" Shuichi asked.  "Nothing bad, I hope."

Tatsuha shook his head, not bothering to answer.  "Is the couch safe to sit on or did you guys decide to christen it last night?"

Shuichi flushed.  "Tatsuha!"

"What?"

"That's..."

"If you're concerned about getting our cooties or something," Eiri interrupted as he stepped into the room, combing his fingers through his bed-mussed hair, "you probably don't want to be staying here any longer."

Shuichi's flush deepened and he started to babble.  When he finally regained his voice, he began to protest.  "Yuki, don't talk about stuff like that in front of other people!"

"Tatsuha isn't other people," Eiri replied, quirking an eyebrow.  "In any case, Tatsuha, you've probably caught my 'cooties' a million times over, since we used to share girls all of the time."

Tatsuha smiled just a little, tentatively taking a seat on the arm of the couch.  He was careful to avoid what were currently the more sensitive parts of his rear (which he had managed to locate while squirming in the back seat of the taxi).  "You're in a much better mood this morning," he quipped.

Eiri shrugged.  "Things got quiet after you left and I was able to get my work done."

Shuichi smirked.  "Wrong on both counts," he said in a singsong voice.

The bickering began.  Grateful that Shuichi wasn't giving him the third degree about what had gone on the previous night, Tatsuha listened to the mismatched pair quarrel back and forth.  It was satisfying, in a way.

Days passed and it came to the point where Tatsuha began looking at the massive amounts of homework he had been given over the summer break.  He busied himself with that for a while, trying to get his mind off of things--especially Sakuma Ryuichi.  Eiri, when he agreed to help, was only decent at the classes that involved writing or languages in any way.  Shuichi was absolutely no help at all when it came to the homework, but he did offer Tatsuha the phone number of his friend Hiro, who was apparently a whiz when it came to numbers and equations, so Tatsuha completed the work in record time, finishing it all a day or two before he was scheduled to go back to Kyoto.

Tatsuha also began going out more and more then, really for two reasons.  The first was to give Shuichi the opportunity to 'keep Eiri happy'.  The second was to give him time to think about whatever was troubling him at the time... usually about Sakuma Ryuichi.  During one of his walks, however, it began to rain and so Tatsuha returned to the apartment earlier than he normally did.  He didn't bother to seek out Eiri and Shuichi, instead heading to the kitchen for a drink.  He wanted to take a bath, since the rain had a tendency to make his hair feel grimy, but the only decent shower in the apartment was in the master bedroom, where Eiri and Shuichi undoubtedly were.

He had to pass their door in order to get a drink, however, and on his way back he caught his name being spoke on the other side of the door.  It was the only thing he could hear at that particular moment, but the fact that they were talking about him stuck Tatsuha as odd.  Heck, the fact that they were talking at all came as a shock to Tatsuha; Eiri was not a big talker and hadn't been for years.  Shuichi was a chatter, of course, but Tatsuha found it hard to believe that Eiri encouraged the habit, especially in the bedroom.  Tatsuha put his ear to the door.

"--and he's been all distant and he doesn't wanna do anything and he doesn't even want to watch the Nittle Grasper music videos I got the other day and even you should know just how weird that is for him and--"

"Shuichi."

Tatsuha smiled slightly.  Only Eiri could silence Shuichi with a single word.

"You don't have to tell me what he has or has not been doing; I believe you when you told me that Tatsuha was acting strangely."

"Aa...  Sorry, Yuki."

"Stop apologizing so much, you idiot."  There was a slight noise, as though someone had just gotten out of bed.  "How long has this been happening?"

"Mmm..."  Shuichi had a tendency to hum while he thought about things.  Tatsuha was sure bothered Eiri, but the writer never said anything about it.  "A while, I guess," Shuichi answered finally.  "You remember that night last week when I brought Hiro back here and I broke that table?"

"Yes."

"Since before that."

Tatsuha winced.  Shuichi and Hiro had come into the apartment dead drunk not too long ago and, as Tatsuha had discovered, Shuichi was a very clumsy drunk.  Eiri had been pissed too--he apparently didn't approve of the singer drinking, the hypocrite.  Tatsuha had been the one who had been forced to deal with Shuichi, too, since Eiri had locked him out of the master bedroom.  That had been...  Tatsuha quickly calculated it inside his head.  Two nights after his 'encounter' with Ryuichi.  Shit.

Eiri was the next person to speak.  Tatsuha listened closely, a knot forming in the pit of his stomach.  Eiri was going to figure it out--he was good at stuff like that.  Damn it.

"Since before that?" Eiri repeated.  Then he paused.  "Hey.  That day you finally grew a bit of a brain and managed to make Tatsuha and your friend leave the house, how exactly did you get rid of them?"

"Eh?" Shuichi questioned.  "Well, Sakuma invited Tatsuha over to his place and they begged and stuff until I agreed to it.  What's that go to do with--OH!"

"Any thoughts?"

"Do you think that maybe he tried to do stuff with Sakuma and got shot down or something like that?"

Tatsuha frowned, offended.  Why did Shuichi think of rejection first?

Eiri made a noise that was almost a laugh.  "He'd probably better off if he had been turned down.  Keep thinking."

"Do you think he and Sakuma actually did stuff, then?  Oh no!  Poor Sakuma!"

"Poor Sakuma?" Eiri asked.  "Has he been acting strangely as well?"

Shuichi paused.  "You mean more so than normal?  Well... no, not really..."

"So wouldn't it be better to say 'poor Tatsuha'?" Eiri asked, slowly leading Shuichi down the path that led to the right answer.  "I imagine that they did go ahead and try to fuck but Tatsuha chickened out before they could actually go through with it.  Or worse, he was shrugged off afterward, as though nothing had happened at all."

Tatsuha felt like cursing until he was blue in the face.  Damn him!

"Aa," Shuichi said hesitantly, "but why would Sakuma..."

Tatsuha walked away then, wanting to be alone with his despair for at least a little while longer before Shuichi figured everything out and started trying to 'fix' him.  Damn Eiri for being so goddamned insightful!  He'd practically hit Tatsuha's problems right on the mark, the bastard.

Fuming, Tatsuha turned on the television--loudly--interrupting whatever Eiri and Shuichi simply by letting them know that he was back.  It wasn't long before he heard the shower begin to run.  Soon after that, Eiri exited the room, hair wet, with a laundry basket in his arms.  Shuichi was obviously taking his turn in the shower now.

"You do a lot of laundry around here," Tatsuha noted dryly.

Eiri smirked in reply.  "The brat is very messy."  He jerked his head toward the master bedroom.  "We also take a lot of showers, in case you hadn't noticed."

"Yeah."

Eiri shot him a look, stepping into what passed for the laundry room in this apartment.  "That reminds me.  I did your laundry for you a few days ago, per request, and found something.  Did you get a sex change and forget to tell the rest of us?"

Tatsuha got to his feet, following Eiri into the laundry room and standing in the doorway, confused.  "Say what?"

"You've been bleeding in a very unusual place," the writer said, "and you didn't bother to rinse the stains out of your boxers."

Tatsuha could not find his voice to answer.

"So what happened?" Eiri continued, dumping dirty sheets into the washing machine and dropping some soap in after them.

"Don't pretend you don't know," Tatsuha said.  "I heard you and Shuichi talking!"

"Don't be such a child.  I don't know exactly what happened, thus why I presented Shuichi with multiple options.  I'm assuming that I managed to peg at least one, else you wouldn't be so irate with me."  Eiri shot him another one of his looks.  "And you shouldn't go around listening at people's doors."

Tatsuha glowered at him.

"You don't have to tell me, of course.  I don't care what you do," Eiri told him, turning dials on the machine until he finally managed to turn it on.  "But, as the elder brother, it is supposed to be in my job description."

"Shuichi put you up to this?"

"Yes."

Tatsuha sighed.  "Thought so."

"That doesn't mean that you can't tell me why you've been bleeding," Eiri said smoothly.  "Did you let that singer fuck you?"

"Aa?  Oh...  No," Tatsuha answered.  "Yes.  Shit, I don't know."

"You can tell me just why you don't know out on the balcony.  I need a cigarette."

Tatsuha frowned.  "It's raining, you know."

"I'll stand under the ledge.  Shuichi seems to think I'll quit if he prohibits me from smoking inside, but he's wrong."  Eiri skirted around Tatsuha in order to get to his study, where he opened the doors to the balcony and stepped outside, Tatsuha trailing behind.  Once Tatsuha had shut the doors, Eiri lit up expertly and started to smoke.

"Can I have one?" Tatsuha asked.

"No."

Tatsuha frowned.  "I'll tell Shuichi that you smoke inside all the time while he's not around and then he'll refuse to give you any sex at all until you quit."

"That's what hookers are for," Eiri said, but he did hand his brother both his lighter and an unlit cigarette.

Tatsuha fumbled with the lighter and eventually managed to light his hard-won cigarette.  Indicating the lighter in his hands, he smirked.  "Cute picture."

Eiri snatched the lighter back.  "You ever smoked before?"

"Nope.  Any advice?"

"Don't inhale until you're used to it."  Eiri pocketed his lighter.  "What happened with that singer of yours?"

Tatsuha hesitated.  "It's complicated.  And a long story."

Inside the apartment, Shuichi broke into song.  Tatsuha was personally amazed that he could make out the lyrics, despite the distance separating them and the closed balcony door, but he guessed he should not have been surprised.  Singing was what Shuichi did, after all.

Eiri rolled his eyes.  "I'm going to get that bathroom soundproofed.  But this means he'll be in there for a good hour; I should have just smoked inside."  He sighed.  "Tell me what happened, but give me the condensed version.  I'm not that patient."

Tatsuha took a tentative puff on his cigarette and could barely keep himself from coughing.  Eiri caught this and smirked, but said nothing.  Tatsuha sighed.

"The condensed version...  Well, there was a lot of wine involved," he began.  "And I had a really good buzz going and we were talking about stuff.  Next thing I know, we're in his bedroom and he's taking off my clothes."

Eiri's eyebrow quirked.  "Were you drunk?"

"Maybe a little."

"Was he?"

Tatsuha paused, thinking.  "No," he answered.  "I don't think so."

Eiri nodded mutely, leaning against the closed balcony door and taking a long hit off of his cigarette.  Following his brother's lead, Tatsuha also put the stick to his lips.  The two of them stood like this for a moment before Eiri gave him a scathing look.

"Then what?"

Tatsuha cleared his throat.  "Well, he eventually asked if I'd ever done anything with other guys before and when I said no he said he'd take the top...  You know."

Eiri said nothing.

"So shit happened and it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt in my entire life.  I kept tensing up, too, so after a minute he offered to stop.  And I let him, just because I couldn't take a little pain."  Tatsuha groaned.  "And when I asked what was going to happen next, he said nothing.  I mean, that it was all going to be the same as before.  Then he went to sleep and I came back here the next day and that was it."

"But you bled for... how long?"

Tatsuha shrugged.  "A few days, I guess."

Eiri nodded.  "I really can't believe that I'm discussing this with you, or bothering to listen to it all, for that matter, but did he prepare you at all?"  Tatsuha gave him an odd look, so he continued.  "Any lubrication?"

"Said he didn't have any."

"Did he stretch you at all?"

"Say what?"

Eiri explained.  "Before he tried fucking you, did he stretch you out?  It's like finger-bombing a girl, but obviously not in the same place."

Tatsuha made a face.  "That's gross!"

"And a good thing to do if your partner isn't used to doing that sort of thing--like you weren't.  It supposedly eases the pain later on."

"You do that for Shuichi?"

Eiri shrugged.  "I don't see how that's any of your business, but yes, I used to.  I don't need to anymore, however."

"Why not?"

"He's not quite as tight anymore.  That brat started out with the anus of an infant, but it stretched out after repeated use."  Eiri hit on his cigarette again.  "A little like shirt sleeves do if you pull on them enough."

Tatsuha made another face.  "It's still gross."

"I never said it wasn't, but it's usually worth your while."  He gave Tatsuha a sly look.  "It usually prevents excessive bleeding afterwards.  Usually.  And if your singer didn't do either of those, it's no wonder it hurt you so badly.  I don't blame you for copping out."

"Mm," Tatsuha murmured.  Then a thought occurred to him.  "Hey, when you were in New York, did--"

Eiri cut him off quickly.  "Don't you even think about completing that sentence.  We don't discuss that.  Not now, not ever."

"Oh."  Tatsuha paused.  "So what do you think?"

"I think that you're a lousy story teller."

"Tatsuha snorted.  "And you're any better?"  When Eiri didn't answer, Tatsuha went on.  "Anyway, that's not what I meant.  I mean...  Now what do I do?"

Eiri shrugged.  "How should I know?  I was only supposed to find out what was wrong with you and I did it."

"Shuichi has you whipped," Tatsuha observed.

Eiri snorted.  "That will be the day the world ends."  He flicked his spent cigarette away, letting it drown in the rain.  Then he lit a new one and put it to his lips.  Tatsuha held onto his for a little longer, until it came close to the filter, and then he let it follow Eiri's into the rain.  Eiri did not offer him a new one and Tatsuha had no desire to ask for another.  Shuichi was still singing in the background.

"All right, let's pretend for one second that you're not a bastard and you're not just talking to me because Shuichi won't leave you alone until you do."  Tatsuha ran a hand through his hair.  "As my brother, what do you think I should do about this?"

Eiri paused, considering the younger sibling.  "My advice is to forget this ever happened.  It looks like your singer already has.  But you're not going to do that, are you?"

"Probably not."  Tatsuha smiled sadly.  "Would you be able to forget Shuichi had ever happened if he decided to leave you?"

"Yes.  I wish I could get him to leave," Eiri retorted.

"Be honest, Eiri."

The writer was quiet for a long moment, nursing his cigarette and staring intently at the rain.  Tatsuha was beginning to think that he was not going to answer the question at all and prepared to leave, but Eiri opened his mouth then.  But it didn't seem as though he was talking to Tatsuha at all.

"I don't like to think about Shuichi when the sun isn't shining outside."

And that was all Tatsuha could get out of him about that.

---end part three---