Disclaimer: Not mine.
A/N: Random drabble on the Blue Pill Red Pill. Boring stuff.
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I really don't know. I really don't know what to do.
How would anyone want to know? It isn't exactly as if they give you a brochure or a guide or something. I doubt that there'll be a "How To Live In The Real World For Dummies" where I might be going. I don't know. I really don't know.
The chair's comfortable, at least. The chair's very comfortable. It's one of those plush leather chairs, one of those obscenely coloured ones that ought to be banned for their assault on the eyes. But it's comfortable. I resist the urge to bounce. You're not supposed to bounce before you make the one decision that's really going to change your life. Permanently. It isn't as if I'm trying to be flippant, or trying to dismiss the importance of all of this. It's just that... I don't know.
I wonder if I'll be comfortable, in this world, when I die, if I die here. I sure as hell will not be comfortable in the Real World.
Do they leave trails to be found? Purposely? Trails that say: There's another world out there, come on, step through the looking glass, don't just stare past it. If they didn't, I wouldn't have found them, would I? I wouldn't have discovered anything. I'm not even that old, or that smart, or anything. I'm not all that special. I just found them. I know how to code, sure, who doesn't, in this day and age? You go pick up a book or two, let your fingers exercise, viola.
Maybe it isn't that simple. But I wouldn't know, would I? I've only ever been as I have been, chasing my dreams and chasing other people's dreams and dreaming a whole lot more than I ought to be.
If I'm asleep, does that mean that I'm dreaming in a dream? Am I really awake? Am I alone in all of this.
His glasses glint in the light. It isn't even bright. They just glint. I wonder how much it would take to programme a glint. A really cool glint. Sliding off, nice and slow. The stuff of legends, a good glint. Makes you seem dangerous.
Red, blue, red, blue, purple. They say that purple's a gay colour. I wonder.
I dream. Yeah, I dream. I dream a lot. I can imagine some weird kung-fu music in the background. Who's to say I can or cannot dream? Who's to say I won't grow up to be a billionaire? Who's to say I won't live the life that I want to dream.
And.. I hate Science, at least in school. Too many stupid things to memorize and learn and dispense. Do they, do we, do Real People have lots of science where they are? They have to, shouldn't they? If I die, could I live again there? Could I do things? What jobs could I have? Will I be able to grow up and dream? Dream some more?
Who doesn't want to dream? Honestly? Those who follow the trails, do they have dreams? Are they chasing those dreams? Are they?
They call it a nightmare. I don't want to become a battery. I'm human. I know I am.
I know I am.
I know that I can code, I can hack. I know they want me to go there. I know that I'm human. I swear I know that I'm human. I know I like Math, and that I like school, to some extent. I know my friends, they know me. I know I have friends. I know I like to dream.
His glasses are glinting again. Bloody glasses.
They stop glinting, if you stare at them from an angle. Blue, red, blue.
Hhn.
I wonder why I wondered about it in the first place. Hell, I know I'm human. You know why I know I'm human? Because human's dream.
You are only what you know you are.
I think I am, I think I am, I know I am.
I know nothing.
Isn't there another world beyond their world, mummy? Is there a fairy-vat waiting? Is there a dream world of chocolate and laughter and music and song? Isn't there? A place where there aren't any wars, a place of peace, laughter, fun and joy? Why do people die, mummy? If I pray for them, will they be all better? Do you believe in God, mummy? Do I believe in God, mummy?
Hell, if this world is a lie, my life is a lie.
But I dream. I know who I am. I can't dream over there. I'd be another person. Another lie in a swath of lies, an ocean of misdirection.
Blue, red, blue.
I wonder what I'll dream about tonight.
Hell.
I never really liked red anyway.