Ch5: Feelings
Where is he?! Thought Sarah. She was sitting on a bar stool in the Leaky Cauldron, looking rather impatient. I've already flirted with every guy here, at least twice, she mused with a small smile. And now she was quite bored. Her thoughts floated towards Sirius. He's been late before, she noted, but never this late! Now where the hell is he! Then her thoughts moved toward her conversation with Lily, only a few hours before.
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"I just don't know what to do, I think I still have feelings for him, but how do I know for sure." asked Sarah, looking rather confused.
"Well, when you see him tonight find out how you feel when he's around," answered Lily.
"I just don't want to get hurt…"
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Her memory was interrupted by the sight of Sirius walking through the door. Her eyes flashed as he came closer, and closer to her. No sooner had he got there did she see the blood that was attached to his arm.
"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN!? I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR TWO AND A HALF HOURS!" She yelled.
"Hey, hey, just calm down Sarah! And quit yelling." Sirius calmly said, as the alcohol was begging to take affect on his head, "Just let me explain!"
She sent him a look that would have sent most men cowering, then decided that it was better to listen to his exuse, so she said,
"What?"
"Well you see," Sirius began as he sat down with the blond on his lap,
"I was on my way to meet you when I bumped into Vanessa here. We had a fling last week, and I hadn't the time to call her back." he looked at the blond, who giggled in return.
"Well, when a pretty blond asks you for a drink, you just can't say no, so we went out for an hour or two."
Sarah looked at him, then at Vanessa. She could not believe he would blow her off for some two-face slut in high heels.
When she didn't say anything, Sirius took this as a sign to finish his story.
"To continue-"
"Don't continue, I think I can tell what happened!" said Sarah, who was utterly disguised at the fact that he was going to continue.
"Thanks for understanding." he sighed with relief, to drunk to notice the look on Sarah's face.
"I just got caught up in my girlfriend here and er-Can I take a rain-check on our dinner date?"
What did he say? GIRFRIEND, she thought, how could he have a girlfriend after two nights? She snapped back to reality when she saw him looking at her.
"Sure, why not, you were two and a half hours late anyway!" she yelled and stormed out of the pub.
"Thanks." was all he could say, before he was distracted by his latest romance.
She stormed through her house, and into the living room. I need some peace and quiet to sort this out, she noted, as she sat on the couch. She was too deep in thought to even realize her brother had told her he was going to bed. She hardly noticed anything around her, at all.
This is too much, she thought, a girlfriend! They hardly know each other! He would call that no-good-dirt-whore his girlfriend!? She is just a town slut! That bitch! All she does for a living is sleep with other men! Oh I'll show her! No one steals my man and gets away with it!
My man…She had never thought herself to be the jealous type before. But now she realized that all she wanted to do was strangle that Vanese, or whatever her name was, just as long as she stayed away from Sirius.
Clam down, she told herself, Sirius is my friend. We used to date, but that was a long time ago. After it we both decided we should just be friend, but… That doesn't mean I don't have feelings for him still. O god! I do still have feelings for him. What am I going to do?
Oh, what are you talking about, one part of he said, I'm just jealous 'cause this is the first girl I've actually seen with Sirius after we broke up. But another part in her, a stronger part said, 'stop denying it, you care for him, admit it!'
But she couldn't let herself face that reality again. No, she had gotten her heart broken twice 'cause of him charm, his finesse. She had always had control over her own life and feelings, now was not any different. So she sat there, in deep thought, all night, in a battle of her heart and mind.
She stayed that way for two whole days, neither eating nor sleeping, just muttering things over and over in her head. Her brother tried and tried, but it was to no prevail. He discovered all too well, that her concentration was not to be broken, at least not by him.
Peter and James walked into the house at about 7:00 P.M., as was planned.
"Where's the misses?" Remus playfully asked, as he welcomed his guest into his house.
"She's at home, with our son," James responded, just as playfully,
"And Sirius is running late, as usual."
"Well, good, Sarah would be pissed if he could see her now!" Remus smiled, imagining the look on Sirius' face if he ever saw he like she was, zone out and tired.
"Well, why don't we see what is going on with her?" stammered Peter.
"I don't know if she would be too happy about that," Remus paused to think,
"On second thought, who cares!"
"When James looked at him funny, he explained,
"All I know is that she's in one of thoughts traces she has. She's been on the couch for two days now, and nothing I do will get her out of it."
They spent part of the evening trying to wake Sarah out the trace that she had so gracefully put herself into. They tried every thing from shaking her to spells and charms, but nothing seemed to work. So they decided to spent the rest of the time catching up with one another.
When it was time to go, they said their good-byes and left the couch to leave. Just as James was out the door, he said,
"I'm really sorry we didn't get to see Sirius, but I'll drag him along next time."
"Okay, see ya," was all Remus said as he shut the door behind James.
At the mention of Sirius' name, Sarah's surrounding all flooded back to her. She was now aware of where she was and how tired she had become. She stood up, looked around the room, and spotted James heading out the door that her brother shut. She watched as Remus, still unaware of her awakening, walked towards the living-room.
"Whoa, your finally awake," he said, sounding very surprised.
"Of course I'm awake! What did you expect!? Me to stay that way forever!?" she cried.
"Well, with you anything's possible!" he joked.
"Shuv off." she retorted, a bit annoyed.
"Well you come back from your dinner with Sirius like a mad zombie, and I can't wake you up for two days!"
"So, I've had traces before. And I never had dinner with Sirius." the snarl in her voice warned her brother to tread lightly.
"And what happened?" he asked.
"He came two and a half hours late with a slut that he called his girlfriend!" she cried.
"Oh, and you were jealous because of your feelings for him right?!" he teased.
"No! I was angry and upset he stood me up!"
"And that was enough to get you in a two day trace?" he knew his sister all too well, for he could tell she had feelings for Sirius.
"Ohhhh! I'm going to take a walk!" biting back a yawn, she strolled on to the front porch.
Sirius walked into the yard, through the shadows. Shit! He thought, Remus is gonna kill me! Late as always, he was half-running into the yard, when a creature in the doorway caught his eye. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. In the moon light he could just make out her milky skin and soft lips.
Ducking into the shadows as best he could, he watched her, knowing that if he approached her, she was likely to strike. He had been and idiot two nights ago he realized, but scaring her half to death was not the way to make an apology, so he just waited and listened for her to leave.
As Sarah walked up and down the yard, she had only one thing on her mind, men. And a particular man at that, Sirius.
"How could he do this to me!?" she thought out loud.
"I thought we were over, I convinced myself we were…" she let her voice trail off. Then thinking for a minute, she gave into what she had been fighting for three days, she loved him.
"Shit! I thought these feelings were over. I can't love him, that's impossible!"
"Well… I guess I do, I only wish that he felt the same way, ughhh!" she said, and she began to cry for herself, and for Sirius.
He wanted to go to her, a he always had when she had been angry or upset, but he knew this time was different, very different. She loved him! He needed to think, so slowly he retraced his steps and left for home.
When he was home he thought about what she said, 'I love him, I only wish he felt the same way!' But I do, he told himself, oh but I do. And with that he forced himself into a dream world of darkness and sleep.