Chapter Six.......on Easter Sunday, we were told by Kathy and Jeff that the show really sucks.
Sandy's dead....and Weaver can't see the baby....HORRAAAAAAY, they're finally torturing
Weaver for once......why did they have to kill off SANDY?! We actually LIKED Sandy, poor
soul that she was for dating Weaver in the first place....then we learned that Morris was still
at the hospital....so much for the future of medicine. The Justice system in this show really
SUCKS!!!
Also, we're informed that Lizzie is dating some teacher guy that she practically "threw her-
self at".....does anyone but us think that is so not Lizzie?! I think it is a safe thing to say,
that after they said season 10 would be the best yet////and "you won't believe your eyes"//
Well.....they were half-right. I don't believe my eyes....but I really have to get this one little
thing out of my system, if you'll allow me to blow off a little steam.....
THIS SEASON SUCKS!!!!!!!!IT'S THE DUMBEST STUPIDEST EXCUSE FOR AN ER
SEASON THEY'VE EVER HAD!!!!!And I think they should have ended the series LAST
year to avoid the EMBARASSMENT of this entire STUPID SEASON!!!!
[ahem]...right, now that I've spoken my mind, Rob and I have finished with Anspaugh, who
is most definitely dead.....[or he's in a world of pain] (pause....my legs hurt...must have drugs
now...)
Okay, left off at.....Freddy and Amanda VS Sam and "Son of Sam".....Yes, Amanda, you get to
kill Sam next section! Doesn't that give you a nice warm fuzzy feeling? Deb has nicely coated
the staircase in Schmuck blood......Here Spike Spike Spike....come and get it!!!! Which also tells
us not to use the stairs...[you will kill yourself slipping in it--please use the elevators to avoid
a concussion, broken leg, (and or) broken neck--do have a nice day]
Anyhow, we now return you to the Breaktime Spoof in progress.
***********************************************************************
WARNING: Remember children.....playing with matches is dangerous, and only YOU can
prevent forest fires///providing you don't go camping with Elizabeth Corday.
***********************************************************************
CHAPTER SIX: "RETURN OF THE FIRESTARTER"
******************************************
As Elizabeth re-entered the hospital, after having packed Ella and her things and arranged to
have them delivered to their new home....[the Raptor Squad volunteered their services] she
decided to go find Robert and see what he was up to. In the main entry, she coughed on
something that could only be purple smoke. "I see Amanda's around here." She murmured.
"Yeah, she took off with Krueger." Frank informed her at the main desk. "After she left this
wonderful stuffed bunny for Cassi."
Elizabeth stared. "Isn't that the Energizer Bunny?" She asked, with a frown.
"Yep." Frank answered, sounding bored. "Apparently, he doesn't just keep going and
going."
"I knew those people were lying about him." Elizabeth retorted, snickering. "I especially
like the large bullet hole in his temple."
Frank shrugged, still looking bored out of his mind.
"Do you have any idea where Robert went?" Elizabeth asked, changing the subject.
"After Cassi, don't know where." Frank informed her. "Want me to page him?"
"Yes, please." She replied. "Tell him I'm in the ER, talking with Shirley." She motioned over
where Shirley was standing outside the lounge with Carter, Ardeth, and Kovac.
"Got it." Frank remarked, watching her leave. This 'bust in and kill everyone' was starting
to get really boring.
***********************************************************************
Random Insanity Break # 4,567,483,792
[We would like to thank Becca for giving us even more stupid things to put in these things
just as I was running out.....isn't that wonderful?]
we now present you with....THINGS TO PONDER.....
#1 If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport a "Terminal"? [2 words--"Final Destination"]
#2 How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes the entire box to light the
campfire? [screw the matches//bring Lizzie]
#3 If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? [now that you
mention it.....]
AND FINALLY.....#4 Did you know that if you cut the head off a cockroach, it will stay alive
nine days without its head before it starves to death? [we assume somebody had lots of
time on their hands, and decided not to ask////we DO however recommend mental help]
--speaking of mental help....see next Insanity break...
We now return you to the Breaktime Spoof in progress.
***********************************************************************
WARNING: Lortab+Ray Stevens & Weird Al Yankovic = the mental status of a gum ball.
[just wanted you to know that....we don't care either.]
***********************************************************************
Up on the surgical floor, Cassi and Romano walked down the hall, looking mildly bored....as
Anspaugh was now dead, and no longer any fun to play with. They were now looking for
something else to do. [I never was known for a long attention span]
"So what do you wanna do now?" Romano asked, swinging the chainsaw.
"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" Cassi replied, cleaning the blood off the knife with
what used to be part of Anspaugh's coat.
"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" Romano repeated, with an evil grin.
"Not to interrupt you, but did you wanna kill Dorset now?" Deb asked, coming up behind
them.
Romano looked at Cassi and shrugged. "Okay." Cassi answered. "Where'd you leave his
bloody remains?"
Deb grinned. "On the stairs." She told them. "Watch your step. It got a bit slippy there."
She lead them over to the main stairway.
"Nicely done." Romano remarked, impressed. "You should see what we did to Anspaugh."
"I heard the chainsaw." Deb replied, with a nod. "Tell you what, we can bring both back
and switch!"
"Ooo, sounds like fun." Cassi murmured.
Before Romano could answer, his pager went off.
"Now what?" Cassi asked, as he looked at the message.
Romano gave a grin. "Lizzie's back." He answered, in a sinister tone.
"Cool." Deb remarked. "Let's burn the OR!"
"Okay!" Romano and Cassi agreed at the same time.
"I'll take the elevator to the ER." Romano went on. "You both know where the OR is."
Deb and Cassi exchanged a glance, watching him head for the elevators.
"Where is the OR again?" Cassi asked, pointedly. "I've seen the shows, but you NEVER
know what direction they're all going."
Deb shrugged. "We could always follow the signs along the hallways." She suggested.
Cassi frowned for a moment, considering this. "Nah, that would be too easy." She answered,
with a grin. "I know just what to do. We'll follow this lovely trail of land mines!"
"Good point." Deb remarked. "Besides, I wouldn't put it past Ryan's group to rearrange the
signs."
"Very true." Cassi agreed, as both of them headed for the OR.
***********************************************************************
Random Insanity Break # 345,327,157,971
MENTAL HOSPITAL ANSWERING MACHINE.....
"Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline."
~If you are obsessive/compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. [Murdoc, MacGyver, Spike, Romano,
Cassi, & Freddy]
~If you are co-depandent, please ask someone to push 2 for you. [Spoofauthor's Aunt-older one]
~If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, &6. [Gollum & Norman Osbourne]
~If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can
trace your call. [Burt Gummer, Becca, & Silver]
~If you are delusional, press 7, and your call will be tranferred to the Mother Ship. [Mulder,
our sister Erika,& The Lone Gunmen...except Langly, who became insane at his wedding]
~If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a voice will tell you which number to push.
[Chris Mason, Ryan Gaerity, John Carter, Jenny Thornton, our sister Erika, Silver, Emmy,
and about 90% of our current cast]
~If you are Maniac-Depressive, it doesn't matter which button you push, no one will answer.
[Doc Ock, Romano -after the writers were through with him-, Lizzie Corday-see previous,
John Carter, Abby...and most of the current ER cast*if the writers have their way*]
~If you are Dyslexic, press 96969696969696969696. [Our sister Ireyna]
~If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative
comes on the line. [Lizzie's med student the martini shaker...Nathan & Pietro/Quicksilver]
~If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of
birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name. [Logan Wolverine]
~If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.....[The entire set--Only on selective subjects]
~If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you,
anyway. [don't have many of those on set, and it makes it worse if we name them]
And one we added for the joy of it...
~If you are completely insane, don't call us, we can't help you. However, Ravencroft
Maximum Security Institution Devoted to the Study and Incarceration of the Criminally
Insane will take you in if you kill someone. *And if you can say that name all in one breath,
you're good.* [Sven, Fiddles, Ardeth Bay, Prince John, Pippin, Cassi, Becca, Amanda, Dru, The
Warners, & the rest of the people who read our work]
Now back to our story.....
***********************************************************************
WARNING: Due to very bad ouchies, Cassi has been forced to take a second Lortab...well
half of one more.....this promises to be a REALLY messed up chapter.
***********************************************************************
When Romano reached the ER, he started coughing, and quickly ducked away from the
purple smoke in the air. "If I'd have known they were gassing the place, I would have
brought a mask down." He muttered.
"Amanda and Freddy are playing with Sam and her kid." Chuny explained.
"Did they kill 'em yet?" Romano asked, sounding a bit too eager.
Chuny shrugged. "They said they were gonna play with them first." She paused. "But Sven
cought up with Pratt."
"Really? Cool, is he dead yet?" Romano asked.
"I think she stabbed him with that machete, and hacked off an arm..." Chuny remarked, trying
to remember what Lily had told her. "I supposed he's dead, someone mentioned she was
headed to Kerry's office to write quotes or something."
"Oh the humanity." He retorted flatly. "Did she say where she left him? I wanted to kick his
ass."
"If you can find it, I'm sure she wouldn't mind you kicking it." Lydia replied, ducking some
more purple smoke. "There was more than a few pieces."
Romano looked impresseed. "What is it that these people enjoy about dismembering Pratt?"
He mused. "Must be his charming personality."
"Why not?" Chuny asked with a smirk. "That's why they all wanna kill Dorsett."
"Don't remind me. Deb made a mess of him on the main stair case." Romano told them. "If
you head upstairs, you may wanna take the elevators. The stairs are a bit slick as you get
closer to the surgical floor."
Lydia made a face. "Ew, thanks for the warning." She commented, turning around. "I'll get
someone to put a sign on the stairs."
Chuny gave a thoughtful look. "I have my camera in the nurses lounge, I think I'll go get it."
She remarked heading that way. "By the way, Elizabeth was looking for you..." She stopped
a minute. "Speaking of which, are you two moving in together?"
"Where did you hear that one?" Romano asked, frowning.
"Lucy." Chuny informed him. "So dish. Is it true?
"First of all, it's none of your business." Romano snapped. "Second of all, I asked her to
marry me." He finished with a small grin.
"And?" Chuny prompted.
"She told me to get her a ring and spend more time with Ella." He answered after a moment.
"But I'm assuming that's close enough to a 'yes.'"
Chuny stared at him in disbelief. "Can I come to the wedding?" She asked, excitedly.
"Wedding?!" Becca interrupted from where she was passing by with Lucy, Sparrow, and
Mid. "Oooo, I LOVE weddings! Drinks all around!"
"I think you had enough." Mid retorted, smuggly.
Romano shook his head with a flat look. "I got an idea." He told them all. "How's about you
wait until we decide to have a wedding before you invite yourselves?"
"Can I help her pick out her dress?" Lucy asked, ignoring him. "Can I be a bridesmaid?"
"I think my pager's going off." Romano cut in. "Gotta go now. Later!" He finished, making
a hasty exit in the direction of the lounge.
"I wonder if she'll let me be a bridesmaid too." Chuny mused. "I have to go tell Lydia, Connie,
Haleh and Lily."
------------------------------------Meanwhile.......[snicker]
"So, are you going to wear a white dress this time?" Shirley asked Elizabeth, with a grin.
Elizabeth grinned. "That would be so nice." She replied, happily. "At least I don't look like
a cow this time."
"You didn't look like a cow." Carter spoke up.
"Yes, I did." Elizabeth contradicted, flatly.
"Yes, but you were a beautiful cow." Shirley told her with a completely straight face. "Who's
the Maid of Honor?" She asked.
Elizabeth smiled. "Actually, I thought about asking either you or Lucy." She answered.
"What do you think?"
"I think Lucy would be glad to do it." Shirley replied, honestly. "However, I would love to
be a bridesmaid."
"Your boyfriend's headed this way." Ardeth interrupted. "If you haven't given him an
answer yet, it may not be a good idea to be planning the wedding already."
"Right, gotta leave him in suspense." Shirley agreed. "His head's big enough without adding
to it."
"I know, but I love him anyway." Elizabeth said softly as Romano approached the group.
"Lizzie!" He spoke up, with a smile. "Care to help us torch the OR?"
Carter laughed. "Now THAT is the most interesting pick-up line I ever heard." He managed
to say. "I gotta write that one down."
"I thought you were happily married already." Romano commented.
"I am." Replied Carter. "But Luka isn't."
"I saw the video." Shirley spoke up, changing the subject. "I think I'm leaving too. This
place sucks."
"Preaching to the choir." Carter retorted, flatly. "I'm glad I got out when I had the chance."
"Me too." Luka remarked with a nod. "The writers of this show aren't going to stop until
they put us all in the Psycho-ward."
Ardeth frowned. "And the Spoof World doesn't do the same?"
"Whole different kind of psycho." Romano informed him. "There, they don't completely
destroy your life just for some lousy ratings." [All ER fans that hate this season say AMEN!]
**Ahem, no, we destroy only their sanity for good reviews....*grin*...and for the sheer joy of
it!**
Elizabeth shook her head in disgust. "Not to mention sudden personality changes that make
no sense at all." She added, with a shiver. "No way in [heck] would I ever sleep with that
arrogant piece of [insert bad word here]."
"Ugh, don't remind me." Romano muttered. "Then again, you'll be happy to know he is
very dead right now. Deb made a big mess on the stairs with him."
"How big?" Carter asked, interested.
"Chuny went to get her camera and it's been suggested that if you wish to go to the surgical
floor, either take another stairway, or the elevator to avoid slipping and falling down the
steps." Romano informed them.
Carter, Ardeth, and Kovac exchanged a glance. "I'm getting the video camera!" Carter cried,
running off.
Shirley made a face. "I think I'll be going home to pack now." She remarked, making a quick
exit.
Elizabeth gave a sly grin, as she watched Shirley leave. "So what did the two of you do to
Donald?" She asked turning back to look at Romano.
He grinned. "You wouldn't recognize him now."
"That bad then?" Elizabeth asked, interested. "So what are you doing now?"
"Torching the OR." Romano answered, seriously. "Would you like to join us?"
Elizabeth grinned. "Only if we can bring Dorset back to life so I can kill him." She told him.
"And while I'm killing people, where is that weasle, Edson?"
Romano's face broke into a wide grin. "He's in more pieces than Anspaugh is." He informed
her, proudly. "Deb and I took care of him, but we can bring him back and kill him again, if you
want to."
The pair headed for the elevators, still talking.
"You know, this would make for the strangest stories to tell Ella about our early dates."
Elizabeth commented.
"Lizzie, if you told her all this, she'd have nightmares and we'd be spending all our money
on shrinks." Romano retorted, with a smirk.
"I meant when she's much older." She told him flatly, as they stepped into the elevator.
"Right, what is she, about three now?" Romano mused. "You're right. Let's wait till she's
five."
***********************************************************************
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT......
Sven's book, "Still at Large" by Michael Newton 'Casebook of 20th Century Serial Killers who
Eluded Justice' [Please don't ask about Sven's choice of reading material] One question we
just HAD to ask about what was said on one of the cases.....
HOW IN HEAVEN'S NAME DO YOU "NEATLY DISMEMBER" SOMEONE WITH A
HACK-SAW?!?!"
Ahem...we now return you to the story in progress.....
************************************************************************
In the OR, Deb was looking around at the explosives set all over the place. "Something tells me
this may not be a good idea." She pointed out. "You could blow the place sky high."
Cassi grinned. "So we'll wear protective glasses." She announced with a shrug.
Deb frowned. "What did you say was going on downstairs?" She asked.
"Um, Freddy was killing Son of Sam." Cassi replied, studying the vomit basins full of C4.
Deb brightened. "I think I'll go help get rid of Sam." She told her, waving Freddy's glove.
"I think Amanda's taking care of that." Romano announced from the doorway, where he stood
with Elizabeth.
"Amanda's here?" Cassi asked, surprised.
"Yeah, you invited her." Romano reminded her. "She dropped your dead pink bunny off at the
desk and went with Freddy."
"Cool, I'll go watch!" Deb decided, dashing out the door.
"I see Ryan was around here." Elizabeth replied, looking around.
"You think?" Cassi asked, seriously.
"Yeah, and if I remember right, aren't Emmy and Silver with them?" Romano mused.
Cassi nodded. "Yeah, that's where all the land mines in the hallway came from." She told him.
"I think that means we'd better torch the place later." Romano suggested. "It may blow the
place to [heck] where it belongs."
Elizabeth arched an eyebrow. "Really Robert?" She remarked, flatly. "I could have sworn we
were already there."
"You may be right." Romano admitted. "So now what?"
The three were quiet a minute.
"Dorset and Edson?" Elizabeth spoke up.
Cassi and Romano exchanged a glance. "Okay." They answered in unison.
*************************************************************************
RANDOM SPOOFAUTHOR QUOTE # 34,789
SVEN: (about her kitten Orphie) "She just loves playing with that flying mouse toy. So if she
ever runs into a flying mouse for real, she'll know exactly what to do."
CASSI: "The flying mouse just saved the life of the Purple Magic Gel Pen."
ORPHIE: (belches purple feathers) Good Purple Magic Gel Pen!
*************************************************************************
End section Six.....which was actually longer and completed much faster than the last one.
Review responses to follow.....(pause) after I proofread Chameleon....YES, I heard you, Sven!
--Have to connect to respond to reviews....all on the Email--
Coming soon.....The demise of Sam and Son of Sam.....and the deaths of Edson and Dorset....
AGAIN!!!! [talk about being caught in a rut]
Reviewer Responses......
(this is why it takes so long to update....Are Becca, Deb and Amanda the only ones
that read this last section?)
Becca....yes we are alive....did you get your box yet? Oh yeah....Orphie didn't eat ALL of the
pen....we think. It still has a bit of fuzz on it. (grins)
Deb: As you can see, yes...you can go watch Amanda. Don't know how she's going to die
yet...(hint hint Amanda) And that woman REALLY gets on my nerves...because I don't think
Romano did anything to her on purpose....think about it. Why would he cop a feel if he can't
FEEL anything with that hand?! Duh. Besides, what would he want with her anyway? It's
Lizzie he wants to cop a feel on.
Amanda: Email me about the killing thing soon. It's in the next section. Hopr you like our
comments reguarding the Energizer Bunny. They made the Mements List. (aren't you proud?)
Now....Let's have a few more reviews!!!! We're killing people you don't like here! We need
more motivation.....not to mention suggestions. We can always bring back dead people for
the sheer purpose of killing them again. More fun that way.
Sandy's dead....and Weaver can't see the baby....HORRAAAAAAY, they're finally torturing
Weaver for once......why did they have to kill off SANDY?! We actually LIKED Sandy, poor
soul that she was for dating Weaver in the first place....then we learned that Morris was still
at the hospital....so much for the future of medicine. The Justice system in this show really
SUCKS!!!
Also, we're informed that Lizzie is dating some teacher guy that she practically "threw her-
self at".....does anyone but us think that is so not Lizzie?! I think it is a safe thing to say,
that after they said season 10 would be the best yet////and "you won't believe your eyes"//
Well.....they were half-right. I don't believe my eyes....but I really have to get this one little
thing out of my system, if you'll allow me to blow off a little steam.....
THIS SEASON SUCKS!!!!!!!!IT'S THE DUMBEST STUPIDEST EXCUSE FOR AN ER
SEASON THEY'VE EVER HAD!!!!!And I think they should have ended the series LAST
year to avoid the EMBARASSMENT of this entire STUPID SEASON!!!!
[ahem]...right, now that I've spoken my mind, Rob and I have finished with Anspaugh, who
is most definitely dead.....[or he's in a world of pain] (pause....my legs hurt...must have drugs
now...)
Okay, left off at.....Freddy and Amanda VS Sam and "Son of Sam".....Yes, Amanda, you get to
kill Sam next section! Doesn't that give you a nice warm fuzzy feeling? Deb has nicely coated
the staircase in Schmuck blood......Here Spike Spike Spike....come and get it!!!! Which also tells
us not to use the stairs...[you will kill yourself slipping in it--please use the elevators to avoid
a concussion, broken leg, (and or) broken neck--do have a nice day]
Anyhow, we now return you to the Breaktime Spoof in progress.
***********************************************************************
WARNING: Remember children.....playing with matches is dangerous, and only YOU can
prevent forest fires///providing you don't go camping with Elizabeth Corday.
***********************************************************************
CHAPTER SIX: "RETURN OF THE FIRESTARTER"
******************************************
As Elizabeth re-entered the hospital, after having packed Ella and her things and arranged to
have them delivered to their new home....[the Raptor Squad volunteered their services] she
decided to go find Robert and see what he was up to. In the main entry, she coughed on
something that could only be purple smoke. "I see Amanda's around here." She murmured.
"Yeah, she took off with Krueger." Frank informed her at the main desk. "After she left this
wonderful stuffed bunny for Cassi."
Elizabeth stared. "Isn't that the Energizer Bunny?" She asked, with a frown.
"Yep." Frank answered, sounding bored. "Apparently, he doesn't just keep going and
going."
"I knew those people were lying about him." Elizabeth retorted, snickering. "I especially
like the large bullet hole in his temple."
Frank shrugged, still looking bored out of his mind.
"Do you have any idea where Robert went?" Elizabeth asked, changing the subject.
"After Cassi, don't know where." Frank informed her. "Want me to page him?"
"Yes, please." She replied. "Tell him I'm in the ER, talking with Shirley." She motioned over
where Shirley was standing outside the lounge with Carter, Ardeth, and Kovac.
"Got it." Frank remarked, watching her leave. This 'bust in and kill everyone' was starting
to get really boring.
***********************************************************************
Random Insanity Break # 4,567,483,792
[We would like to thank Becca for giving us even more stupid things to put in these things
just as I was running out.....isn't that wonderful?]
we now present you with....THINGS TO PONDER.....
#1 If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport a "Terminal"? [2 words--"Final Destination"]
#2 How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes the entire box to light the
campfire? [screw the matches//bring Lizzie]
#3 If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? [now that you
mention it.....]
AND FINALLY.....#4 Did you know that if you cut the head off a cockroach, it will stay alive
nine days without its head before it starves to death? [we assume somebody had lots of
time on their hands, and decided not to ask////we DO however recommend mental help]
--speaking of mental help....see next Insanity break...
We now return you to the Breaktime Spoof in progress.
***********************************************************************
WARNING: Lortab+Ray Stevens & Weird Al Yankovic = the mental status of a gum ball.
[just wanted you to know that....we don't care either.]
***********************************************************************
Up on the surgical floor, Cassi and Romano walked down the hall, looking mildly bored....as
Anspaugh was now dead, and no longer any fun to play with. They were now looking for
something else to do. [I never was known for a long attention span]
"So what do you wanna do now?" Romano asked, swinging the chainsaw.
"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" Cassi replied, cleaning the blood off the knife with
what used to be part of Anspaugh's coat.
"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" Romano repeated, with an evil grin.
"Not to interrupt you, but did you wanna kill Dorset now?" Deb asked, coming up behind
them.
Romano looked at Cassi and shrugged. "Okay." Cassi answered. "Where'd you leave his
bloody remains?"
Deb grinned. "On the stairs." She told them. "Watch your step. It got a bit slippy there."
She lead them over to the main stairway.
"Nicely done." Romano remarked, impressed. "You should see what we did to Anspaugh."
"I heard the chainsaw." Deb replied, with a nod. "Tell you what, we can bring both back
and switch!"
"Ooo, sounds like fun." Cassi murmured.
Before Romano could answer, his pager went off.
"Now what?" Cassi asked, as he looked at the message.
Romano gave a grin. "Lizzie's back." He answered, in a sinister tone.
"Cool." Deb remarked. "Let's burn the OR!"
"Okay!" Romano and Cassi agreed at the same time.
"I'll take the elevator to the ER." Romano went on. "You both know where the OR is."
Deb and Cassi exchanged a glance, watching him head for the elevators.
"Where is the OR again?" Cassi asked, pointedly. "I've seen the shows, but you NEVER
know what direction they're all going."
Deb shrugged. "We could always follow the signs along the hallways." She suggested.
Cassi frowned for a moment, considering this. "Nah, that would be too easy." She answered,
with a grin. "I know just what to do. We'll follow this lovely trail of land mines!"
"Good point." Deb remarked. "Besides, I wouldn't put it past Ryan's group to rearrange the
signs."
"Very true." Cassi agreed, as both of them headed for the OR.
***********************************************************************
Random Insanity Break # 345,327,157,971
MENTAL HOSPITAL ANSWERING MACHINE.....
"Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline."
~If you are obsessive/compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. [Murdoc, MacGyver, Spike, Romano,
Cassi, & Freddy]
~If you are co-depandent, please ask someone to push 2 for you. [Spoofauthor's Aunt-older one]
~If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, &6. [Gollum & Norman Osbourne]
~If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can
trace your call. [Burt Gummer, Becca, & Silver]
~If you are delusional, press 7, and your call will be tranferred to the Mother Ship. [Mulder,
our sister Erika,& The Lone Gunmen...except Langly, who became insane at his wedding]
~If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a voice will tell you which number to push.
[Chris Mason, Ryan Gaerity, John Carter, Jenny Thornton, our sister Erika, Silver, Emmy,
and about 90% of our current cast]
~If you are Maniac-Depressive, it doesn't matter which button you push, no one will answer.
[Doc Ock, Romano -after the writers were through with him-, Lizzie Corday-see previous,
John Carter, Abby...and most of the current ER cast*if the writers have their way*]
~If you are Dyslexic, press 96969696969696969696. [Our sister Ireyna]
~If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative
comes on the line. [Lizzie's med student the martini shaker...Nathan & Pietro/Quicksilver]
~If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of
birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name. [Logan Wolverine]
~If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.....[The entire set--Only on selective subjects]
~If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you,
anyway. [don't have many of those on set, and it makes it worse if we name them]
And one we added for the joy of it...
~If you are completely insane, don't call us, we can't help you. However, Ravencroft
Maximum Security Institution Devoted to the Study and Incarceration of the Criminally
Insane will take you in if you kill someone. *And if you can say that name all in one breath,
you're good.* [Sven, Fiddles, Ardeth Bay, Prince John, Pippin, Cassi, Becca, Amanda, Dru, The
Warners, & the rest of the people who read our work]
Now back to our story.....
***********************************************************************
WARNING: Due to very bad ouchies, Cassi has been forced to take a second Lortab...well
half of one more.....this promises to be a REALLY messed up chapter.
***********************************************************************
When Romano reached the ER, he started coughing, and quickly ducked away from the
purple smoke in the air. "If I'd have known they were gassing the place, I would have
brought a mask down." He muttered.
"Amanda and Freddy are playing with Sam and her kid." Chuny explained.
"Did they kill 'em yet?" Romano asked, sounding a bit too eager.
Chuny shrugged. "They said they were gonna play with them first." She paused. "But Sven
cought up with Pratt."
"Really? Cool, is he dead yet?" Romano asked.
"I think she stabbed him with that machete, and hacked off an arm..." Chuny remarked, trying
to remember what Lily had told her. "I supposed he's dead, someone mentioned she was
headed to Kerry's office to write quotes or something."
"Oh the humanity." He retorted flatly. "Did she say where she left him? I wanted to kick his
ass."
"If you can find it, I'm sure she wouldn't mind you kicking it." Lydia replied, ducking some
more purple smoke. "There was more than a few pieces."
Romano looked impresseed. "What is it that these people enjoy about dismembering Pratt?"
He mused. "Must be his charming personality."
"Why not?" Chuny asked with a smirk. "That's why they all wanna kill Dorsett."
"Don't remind me. Deb made a mess of him on the main stair case." Romano told them. "If
you head upstairs, you may wanna take the elevators. The stairs are a bit slick as you get
closer to the surgical floor."
Lydia made a face. "Ew, thanks for the warning." She commented, turning around. "I'll get
someone to put a sign on the stairs."
Chuny gave a thoughtful look. "I have my camera in the nurses lounge, I think I'll go get it."
She remarked heading that way. "By the way, Elizabeth was looking for you..." She stopped
a minute. "Speaking of which, are you two moving in together?"
"Where did you hear that one?" Romano asked, frowning.
"Lucy." Chuny informed him. "So dish. Is it true?
"First of all, it's none of your business." Romano snapped. "Second of all, I asked her to
marry me." He finished with a small grin.
"And?" Chuny prompted.
"She told me to get her a ring and spend more time with Ella." He answered after a moment.
"But I'm assuming that's close enough to a 'yes.'"
Chuny stared at him in disbelief. "Can I come to the wedding?" She asked, excitedly.
"Wedding?!" Becca interrupted from where she was passing by with Lucy, Sparrow, and
Mid. "Oooo, I LOVE weddings! Drinks all around!"
"I think you had enough." Mid retorted, smuggly.
Romano shook his head with a flat look. "I got an idea." He told them all. "How's about you
wait until we decide to have a wedding before you invite yourselves?"
"Can I help her pick out her dress?" Lucy asked, ignoring him. "Can I be a bridesmaid?"
"I think my pager's going off." Romano cut in. "Gotta go now. Later!" He finished, making
a hasty exit in the direction of the lounge.
"I wonder if she'll let me be a bridesmaid too." Chuny mused. "I have to go tell Lydia, Connie,
Haleh and Lily."
------------------------------------Meanwhile.......[snicker]
"So, are you going to wear a white dress this time?" Shirley asked Elizabeth, with a grin.
Elizabeth grinned. "That would be so nice." She replied, happily. "At least I don't look like
a cow this time."
"You didn't look like a cow." Carter spoke up.
"Yes, I did." Elizabeth contradicted, flatly.
"Yes, but you were a beautiful cow." Shirley told her with a completely straight face. "Who's
the Maid of Honor?" She asked.
Elizabeth smiled. "Actually, I thought about asking either you or Lucy." She answered.
"What do you think?"
"I think Lucy would be glad to do it." Shirley replied, honestly. "However, I would love to
be a bridesmaid."
"Your boyfriend's headed this way." Ardeth interrupted. "If you haven't given him an
answer yet, it may not be a good idea to be planning the wedding already."
"Right, gotta leave him in suspense." Shirley agreed. "His head's big enough without adding
to it."
"I know, but I love him anyway." Elizabeth said softly as Romano approached the group.
"Lizzie!" He spoke up, with a smile. "Care to help us torch the OR?"
Carter laughed. "Now THAT is the most interesting pick-up line I ever heard." He managed
to say. "I gotta write that one down."
"I thought you were happily married already." Romano commented.
"I am." Replied Carter. "But Luka isn't."
"I saw the video." Shirley spoke up, changing the subject. "I think I'm leaving too. This
place sucks."
"Preaching to the choir." Carter retorted, flatly. "I'm glad I got out when I had the chance."
"Me too." Luka remarked with a nod. "The writers of this show aren't going to stop until
they put us all in the Psycho-ward."
Ardeth frowned. "And the Spoof World doesn't do the same?"
"Whole different kind of psycho." Romano informed him. "There, they don't completely
destroy your life just for some lousy ratings." [All ER fans that hate this season say AMEN!]
**Ahem, no, we destroy only their sanity for good reviews....*grin*...and for the sheer joy of
it!**
Elizabeth shook her head in disgust. "Not to mention sudden personality changes that make
no sense at all." She added, with a shiver. "No way in [heck] would I ever sleep with that
arrogant piece of [insert bad word here]."
"Ugh, don't remind me." Romano muttered. "Then again, you'll be happy to know he is
very dead right now. Deb made a big mess on the stairs with him."
"How big?" Carter asked, interested.
"Chuny went to get her camera and it's been suggested that if you wish to go to the surgical
floor, either take another stairway, or the elevator to avoid slipping and falling down the
steps." Romano informed them.
Carter, Ardeth, and Kovac exchanged a glance. "I'm getting the video camera!" Carter cried,
running off.
Shirley made a face. "I think I'll be going home to pack now." She remarked, making a quick
exit.
Elizabeth gave a sly grin, as she watched Shirley leave. "So what did the two of you do to
Donald?" She asked turning back to look at Romano.
He grinned. "You wouldn't recognize him now."
"That bad then?" Elizabeth asked, interested. "So what are you doing now?"
"Torching the OR." Romano answered, seriously. "Would you like to join us?"
Elizabeth grinned. "Only if we can bring Dorset back to life so I can kill him." She told him.
"And while I'm killing people, where is that weasle, Edson?"
Romano's face broke into a wide grin. "He's in more pieces than Anspaugh is." He informed
her, proudly. "Deb and I took care of him, but we can bring him back and kill him again, if you
want to."
The pair headed for the elevators, still talking.
"You know, this would make for the strangest stories to tell Ella about our early dates."
Elizabeth commented.
"Lizzie, if you told her all this, she'd have nightmares and we'd be spending all our money
on shrinks." Romano retorted, with a smirk.
"I meant when she's much older." She told him flatly, as they stepped into the elevator.
"Right, what is she, about three now?" Romano mused. "You're right. Let's wait till she's
five."
***********************************************************************
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT......
Sven's book, "Still at Large" by Michael Newton 'Casebook of 20th Century Serial Killers who
Eluded Justice' [Please don't ask about Sven's choice of reading material] One question we
just HAD to ask about what was said on one of the cases.....
HOW IN HEAVEN'S NAME DO YOU "NEATLY DISMEMBER" SOMEONE WITH A
HACK-SAW?!?!"
Ahem...we now return you to the story in progress.....
************************************************************************
In the OR, Deb was looking around at the explosives set all over the place. "Something tells me
this may not be a good idea." She pointed out. "You could blow the place sky high."
Cassi grinned. "So we'll wear protective glasses." She announced with a shrug.
Deb frowned. "What did you say was going on downstairs?" She asked.
"Um, Freddy was killing Son of Sam." Cassi replied, studying the vomit basins full of C4.
Deb brightened. "I think I'll go help get rid of Sam." She told her, waving Freddy's glove.
"I think Amanda's taking care of that." Romano announced from the doorway, where he stood
with Elizabeth.
"Amanda's here?" Cassi asked, surprised.
"Yeah, you invited her." Romano reminded her. "She dropped your dead pink bunny off at the
desk and went with Freddy."
"Cool, I'll go watch!" Deb decided, dashing out the door.
"I see Ryan was around here." Elizabeth replied, looking around.
"You think?" Cassi asked, seriously.
"Yeah, and if I remember right, aren't Emmy and Silver with them?" Romano mused.
Cassi nodded. "Yeah, that's where all the land mines in the hallway came from." She told him.
"I think that means we'd better torch the place later." Romano suggested. "It may blow the
place to [heck] where it belongs."
Elizabeth arched an eyebrow. "Really Robert?" She remarked, flatly. "I could have sworn we
were already there."
"You may be right." Romano admitted. "So now what?"
The three were quiet a minute.
"Dorset and Edson?" Elizabeth spoke up.
Cassi and Romano exchanged a glance. "Okay." They answered in unison.
*************************************************************************
RANDOM SPOOFAUTHOR QUOTE # 34,789
SVEN: (about her kitten Orphie) "She just loves playing with that flying mouse toy. So if she
ever runs into a flying mouse for real, she'll know exactly what to do."
CASSI: "The flying mouse just saved the life of the Purple Magic Gel Pen."
ORPHIE: (belches purple feathers) Good Purple Magic Gel Pen!
*************************************************************************
End section Six.....which was actually longer and completed much faster than the last one.
Review responses to follow.....(pause) after I proofread Chameleon....YES, I heard you, Sven!
--Have to connect to respond to reviews....all on the Email--
Coming soon.....The demise of Sam and Son of Sam.....and the deaths of Edson and Dorset....
AGAIN!!!! [talk about being caught in a rut]
Reviewer Responses......
(this is why it takes so long to update....Are Becca, Deb and Amanda the only ones
that read this last section?)
Becca....yes we are alive....did you get your box yet? Oh yeah....Orphie didn't eat ALL of the
pen....we think. It still has a bit of fuzz on it. (grins)
Deb: As you can see, yes...you can go watch Amanda. Don't know how she's going to die
yet...(hint hint Amanda) And that woman REALLY gets on my nerves...because I don't think
Romano did anything to her on purpose....think about it. Why would he cop a feel if he can't
FEEL anything with that hand?! Duh. Besides, what would he want with her anyway? It's
Lizzie he wants to cop a feel on.
Amanda: Email me about the killing thing soon. It's in the next section. Hopr you like our
comments reguarding the Energizer Bunny. They made the Mements List. (aren't you proud?)
Now....Let's have a few more reviews!!!! We're killing people you don't like here! We need
more motivation.....not to mention suggestions. We can always bring back dead people for
the sheer purpose of killing them again. More fun that way.