This is a FrodoXSam song fic based on Conley's "Holding Her, Loving You." It's done from Sam's point of view about the live he's been living under Frodo's roof, since he married Rosie Cotton. This story contains SLASH, though only PG rated. If you don't like SLASH, I suggest you don't read this.
Note: The lines contained with () are the song lyrics.
Rating: PG
Archive: Sure. I don't care. Just let me know, first.
Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR, nor the rights to "Holding Her, Loving You." If I did, I wouldn't be writing this fic because I'd be rolling in mounds of cash! So….don't sue me.
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(It's the third hardest thing I'll ever do. Leavin' here without you.)
I watched you, tonight, when we were all at the dinner table. Rosie handed you a plate of her finest and you accepted with the brightest of smiles. Yet I could tell that your screamin' on the inside, when you looked at me.
When I look back on it, I can't help but feel so guilty. I always thought we'd be married, me and her, but I never knew how much you and I would have fallen in love, before.
(And the second hardest thing I'll ever do. Is tellin her about you.)
When I lie beside her, at night, the guilt returns when I imagine you, instead of her, that I'm holding. If I could go back and change things, I probably would.
(She's been good to me when things were goin' rough. How can I tell her now, good ain't good enough.)
I was such a fool! All I could see, when you told me that me and her could move in, after we were married, was how happy we would all be. One big happy family, under one roof, as it were.
(Oh, the hardest thing I've ever had to do is holding her, and loving you.)
I never thought it would be like this. Every time, I look at you, I see the pain and my heart is broken in two, once again. I never meant to hurt you, Frodo-dear.
(If she'd give me one good reason I'd be gone. She ain't done, one thing wrong so don't expect me to just walk out of the door.)
Maybe we could run away, together. Just me and you. We would be happy and free and together. Nay! I would only feel more guilt, for her swollen belly keeps reminding me that my place is right here, at her side.
(I still love her, but I love you more.)
Don't get me wrong, me dear. I do love her. I wouldn't've married her if no. But I'll never feel for her, what I feel for you. You were my first love, and you'll be my last. Mark me on that.
(She's been good to me when things weren't goin' right. She made my days long before you made my nights.)
All I can do is bite my pillow cover, to keep from sobbing my heart out. I kiss her neck and tell her where I'm going. All I hear is a sleepful murmur. I get out from our bed and make my way down the hall, towards your room. I make no effort to knock but just walk in. I can tell you're awake and I make my way over to your bed. I slowly slink under the covers, beside you, and instantly wrap an arm around your waste. Nothing would please me, better, then making love to you, all night long, just like we used to.
(So, the hardest thing I've ever had to do is holding her, and loving you. Yeah, the hardest thing I'll ever have to do is holing her, and loving you.)
Yet, all I can do is hold you and kiss you gently. We both know it could never go any further, than that. If we decided to continue to be lovers, we'd never be free. As much as it hurts, we both know it can never be the way it used to be. Slowly, a troubled sleep comes to us both and I'm thankful that I at least have been able to hold you, if just for one last time. Frodo, my one true love.
(Oh, the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
Is holding her, and loving you.)
The End