Author's Note: The song is "Understanding/Wash It All Away" by Evanesence; this chapter is meant to be an interlude between the reality and the dream, the nightmare and the remembrance. Enjoy, absorb, before going on to chapter three.
Understanding
Harry sat, his head against the wall—it was the only sensation he came in contact with, the only sensation he felt akin with, that cold wall, like stone. There was a steady drip, drip, as of water falling far away and echoing a thousand-fold into his ears, frozen like a feather's touch just upon entrance, a dragonfly's wing, frozen in time. There were patterns of light upon the backs of his eyelids, like the kaleidoscope images he would see as a child in the dark cupboard, calling them magic, giggling within his own head at the thought of what his aunt and uncle would say if they heard him say it. And deep within him, there lay more images, stark and strange, daring him to look upon their frightening visages, like the countenance of God himself, Death upon his fell chariot, at its forefront pale horses like asphodel lilies, heads like skull, eyes of fire… and dancing smiles all. He felt himself smile. There she was, that glorious being, and her laugh was neither cold nor cruel, but simply… the past. It was Everything. The universe within a shivering snow globe, gray and white and bright, glistening red, turning and looking at him amid a whirl of dazzling light.
You hold the answer deep within your own mind
Consciously, you've forgotten it
That's the way the human mind works
Whenever something is too unpleasant
Too shameful for us to entertain, we reject it
We erase it from our memory
But the imprint is always there.
And he remembered.
The pain that grips you
The fear that binds you
Releases life in me
In our mutual shame we hide our eyes
To blind them from the truth that finds a way to who we are
Please don't be afraid
When the darkness fades away
The dawn will break the silence screaming at our hearts
My love for you still grows
This I do for you
Before I try to fight the truth my final time
We're supposed to try to be real
We feel alone when we're not together and that is real
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away
Lying beside you
Listening to you breathe
The light that flows inside of you
Burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this
And I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot bear it all alone
You're not alone, honey
Never, never
Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won't fade away
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't throw it all away
Can't scratch it all away
Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
Oh get it all away
Oh get it all away
But the imprint is always there
Nothing is ever really forgotten
Because I'm dying too
Because I'm dying too
Because I'm dying too
Because I'm dying too
Because I'm dying too…
It was Christmas time…