The rumble I heard that day rips me out of my sleep.. I sit up and look
around.. I am safe in my bunk in the house.. next to me Taylor sits looking
at the picture of her father.. she hasn't slept in days... not since he went
missing.. every night she's been at the pile, looking for any chance that
there might be more that we can pull out.. more that we can save..
something to give us some meaning to the reason that we go down there
everynight to search for the missing and possibly the dead.. something to
find to give the families some solace... I hear footsteps, heavy footsteps
coming up the stairs as more of us come back.. I hope today is quiet, it
will give us the chance to get back to normal.. well as close to normal..
if you wanna call it that.. a head appears at the top of the staircase,
followed by a weary body.. it's D.K.. he makes it to a bunk and collapses
onto it.. within moments he's sound asleep...
I look over again at Alex.. she crosses herself and kisses her hand and places it on the picture of her father.. Chief Taylor was lost in Tower one as it fell to the ground.. it all still seems so senseless we were lucky and we only lost Tommy Doyle.. good man and a damn good Firefighter.. some houses closer to ground zero lost their whole company.. so many of us went in and so few came out... I have been to three funerals so far this week.. I have a feeling that there are going to be so many more.. Johnson is trying to keep moral up.. so is Doc and Carlos... we were going to cook our first meal since the nightmare began tonight but they found Tommy... we had to go and get him.. we had to bring him home.. that was the most emotional moment I have ever had to face.. going into that pile to the place where they found Tommy.. place him on a Stokes basket and bring him back home.. Lieu and I placed the flag on our wall as the people gathered to watch us.. I remember when Tommy first came here... he was young and still new to the job.. I hadn't been here that long either so I guess you could say we took our lumps together.. we became part of the brotherhood together...
"You allright Jimmy?"
Taylor's voice pulls me back to the house.. I didn't even realize that I had a tear running down my cheek until she wiped it away for me.
"Yeah I'm allright thanks Alex, are you going to even try and get some sleep?"
She looks at the picture of her dad again and sighs..
"I cant sleep knowing he is still out there... waiting for me to come and find him.."
She chokes back a sob and wipes her eyes... its been almost a week now, since it happened.. since we suffered the most devastating loss the FDNY has ever experienced.. and we still cant recover.. I don't think that we will ever recover.. Walsh tried to make joke from it saying that the best thing to happen out of this is that we got a new rig out of it.. our old one is still buried out there somewhere.. I don't think they'll ever find it..
Lumbardo, Taylor, Walsh, D.K and myself all decided that we were going to get tattoos done to honor those who didn't come out.. sounds like a good idea to me.. I will never forget that day when the 4th 5 alarm call was issued.. we all jumped on the rig.. we had been experiencing false alarms all week long and it was driving us insane.. but as soon as we looked to the downtown skyline and saw black smoke belching out of one of the twins we knew we had to get there.. and fast.. we were in the middle of a shift change and all of us piled on to the rigs.. Taylor was hanging off the back with D.K. Tommy and Lumbardo and I had just claimed the last seat in the cab as we packed everyone we could fit onto it.
We arrived to find chaos.. but it was an organized chaos.. we got there just in time to see the second plane hit the other tower and we knew that this wasn't an accident.. this was an act of war.. people were already jumping from the first tower each making a thump as they hit the ground.. I will never in my life forget that sound.. it will haunt me until my dying day.. Doc and Carlos were fast behind us.. they had both heard the news and somehow made their way to the house to get a bus and come down here.. I think that every person who was associated with the FDNY or NYPD was here... I saw Bosco pointing people away from the area.. he was in his street clothes with one hand holding his badge and the other waving people away...
We get closer, people move out of the way.. but then again I think that it is hard not to notice something that has more bells and whistles blaring loud enough to wake the dead and lights flashing bright enough that they would light up a room.. people are streaming out of both towers now.. I hope that the people got off the top floors of the second tower before it got hit.. I don't have a good feeling about this.. Chief Ganci makes his way to us and yells something to Johnson, he nods and we are on our way in.. we were positioned outside the border of the center, there were already so many units in already that it was getting too crowded for anymore additional units to make their ways into the area. We could do nothing but sit and watch.. and wait for orders from above.. I watch people stream out of the towers in a constant flow of bodies....Tommy looks at me and shakes his head..
"Jimmy I don't have a good feeling about this.... Look at the fire its too high up.. and its bein fed by jet fuel... I betcha those planes were fully fueled.. I just don't have a good feeling about this..."
"Same here Bro.." I don't get to finish my sentence when I hear the mayday call over the radio.. they are ordering people out of the area.. something about the tower bein ready to collapse....
We can't move the rig.. there are too many people around us now.. so we all get out and start running with them just as the rumble starts.. it is like nothing that I have ever heard before in my life..I have heard buildings collapsing.. hell I have attended tons of demolitions but nothing compared to a 110 story building collapsing all at once.. we are all running for our lives now all of us being chased by this cloud of dust and debris.. its true what they say.. you do run faster when you are scared out of your mind.. all the time when I am running I keep my eyes on D.K as he runs ahead of me.. though my mind however I see nothing but flashes of Joey.. and of Kim.. if this cloud catches me I wont make it to see them.. I run faster, passing D.K and Walsh as I spot an opening, an building doorway with possibility of shelter.. I point and head towards it the others follow me and we all press our backs against the building side as the cloud overtakes us.
I heard the debris hitting the wall behind me. I smelled the jet fuel... the scent still clung to the air.. It's hard to breath in this cloud that has consumed us.. powdered concrete and burning debris makes it harder... I force myself to take slow controlled breaths and the tight feeling in my chest releases.. I look over at the guys at least I try to, the smoke is still so thick that I cant see a foot in front of my face, but I can make out the images of D.K, Walsh, I think that was Lumbardo in the corner, Johnson was beside him, Taylor was huddled against the wall in between them... I breathed a small sigh of relief that she was safe along with the rest of us, and then I realized that Tommy wasn't here... He was right behind me when I left the squad...
"Tommy!!"
No answer from him... I feel the knot of fear tighten in my stomach...
"You guys... where's Tommy?!!"
All I get back are hopeless looks from the others.. we stood there waiting for Tommy.. figuring that we would grab him as he ran past us.. we figured it was a good idea to keep the company together, especially now since we had already lost Tommy.. we didn't want to loose anyone else, I had a feeling that other companies were in the same boat as us.. frantically searching for their Brothers..
"Don't worry Jimmy.. we'll find him.. he'll come runnin...."
D.K doesn't get to finish that sentence when we hear another low rumble grow as the second tower collapses... We all huddle closer together into the corner of the building as glass shatters around us as the sound barrier is breeched... all of us shelter Taylor.. I hear D.K saying "Hail Mary's" joined with him is Taylor and Walsh.. I am not a very religious person but I join in too.. praying for Tommy as the second massive cloud envelops us, blanketing us with more debris and powdered concrete...
"Jimmy.. Jimmy you comin? We gotta call..."
Taylor's voice rips me from my nightmare and back to my bunk in the firehouse I hear the commotion as the rest of the guys are headed downstairs to the rig.. I hear the call again and leap from my bed down to the fire pole and slide down to the rig to grab my gear.. Taylor is close behind me as I leap into the rig, saving a seat for her beside me, she joins me and slams the door closed as we leave the house...
"Do you think we'll find him Jimmy?" she asks quietly beside me.. I know she is talking about her father..
"I don't know Alex...but every night I pray that we find him..."
I see a tear roll down her face and I knew that she was hurting bad.. her father meant the world to her.. he was the one reason she joined the FDNY in the first place... to show her father that she could live up to his expectations, to his standards.. she spent every waking moment proving to him and to us that she was one of the guys.. she didn't have to prove anything to me.. I already knew she was one of us.. I had heard about her reputation when she came here.. and after that football game well it was obvious that she was one of us.. she acted like one of us and I was proud to call her a sister..
"I hope so.. Jimmy I miss him... I already miss him badly.."
Her choked words made up my mind that I would ask Doc for something to help her sleep the first chance I saw him when we got back to the house... I felt bad for wanting to drug her but I had no choice... she needed to get some sleep.. it was still early in the morning so she wouldn't miss a night at the pile.. I wouldn't take that from her.. I think it is her way of finding solace in this messed up situation.. really it was my way too.. it made us feel like we were doing something instead of mourning our loss... we had to help bring our brothers home..
I watched the scenery flash by the rig as we sped to the call one arm slipped around Taylor for comfort the other pulling my hood over my head, ready for the fire...
"Don't worry Alex.. We'll bring him home.."
She nods and does the same with pulling her hood over her head and slipping the straps of the air tank over her shoulders as we pull up to the call.. it's a high rise fire.. we look up and see black smoke belching out of what looks to be the 20th floor.. I look at Taylor she is already working on getting a line going... I admire her strength.. after the 11 I thought she would have a thing for high rises but in true Taylor style she shows no fear in anything.. and I admire her for that..
We fight the fires.. we Save the people.. and tonight we go looking for the lost.. trying to bring our lost brethren home... it's a cycle that will repeat itself until we clean up the carnage and bring everyone we can find back... I just pray that we find Chief Taylor so we can give Alex some long awaited Solace... It's the same thing I would want done for me... and I knew that if I was in there... it would be...
I look over again at Alex.. she crosses herself and kisses her hand and places it on the picture of her father.. Chief Taylor was lost in Tower one as it fell to the ground.. it all still seems so senseless we were lucky and we only lost Tommy Doyle.. good man and a damn good Firefighter.. some houses closer to ground zero lost their whole company.. so many of us went in and so few came out... I have been to three funerals so far this week.. I have a feeling that there are going to be so many more.. Johnson is trying to keep moral up.. so is Doc and Carlos... we were going to cook our first meal since the nightmare began tonight but they found Tommy... we had to go and get him.. we had to bring him home.. that was the most emotional moment I have ever had to face.. going into that pile to the place where they found Tommy.. place him on a Stokes basket and bring him back home.. Lieu and I placed the flag on our wall as the people gathered to watch us.. I remember when Tommy first came here... he was young and still new to the job.. I hadn't been here that long either so I guess you could say we took our lumps together.. we became part of the brotherhood together...
"You allright Jimmy?"
Taylor's voice pulls me back to the house.. I didn't even realize that I had a tear running down my cheek until she wiped it away for me.
"Yeah I'm allright thanks Alex, are you going to even try and get some sleep?"
She looks at the picture of her dad again and sighs..
"I cant sleep knowing he is still out there... waiting for me to come and find him.."
She chokes back a sob and wipes her eyes... its been almost a week now, since it happened.. since we suffered the most devastating loss the FDNY has ever experienced.. and we still cant recover.. I don't think that we will ever recover.. Walsh tried to make joke from it saying that the best thing to happen out of this is that we got a new rig out of it.. our old one is still buried out there somewhere.. I don't think they'll ever find it..
Lumbardo, Taylor, Walsh, D.K and myself all decided that we were going to get tattoos done to honor those who didn't come out.. sounds like a good idea to me.. I will never forget that day when the 4th 5 alarm call was issued.. we all jumped on the rig.. we had been experiencing false alarms all week long and it was driving us insane.. but as soon as we looked to the downtown skyline and saw black smoke belching out of one of the twins we knew we had to get there.. and fast.. we were in the middle of a shift change and all of us piled on to the rigs.. Taylor was hanging off the back with D.K. Tommy and Lumbardo and I had just claimed the last seat in the cab as we packed everyone we could fit onto it.
We arrived to find chaos.. but it was an organized chaos.. we got there just in time to see the second plane hit the other tower and we knew that this wasn't an accident.. this was an act of war.. people were already jumping from the first tower each making a thump as they hit the ground.. I will never in my life forget that sound.. it will haunt me until my dying day.. Doc and Carlos were fast behind us.. they had both heard the news and somehow made their way to the house to get a bus and come down here.. I think that every person who was associated with the FDNY or NYPD was here... I saw Bosco pointing people away from the area.. he was in his street clothes with one hand holding his badge and the other waving people away...
We get closer, people move out of the way.. but then again I think that it is hard not to notice something that has more bells and whistles blaring loud enough to wake the dead and lights flashing bright enough that they would light up a room.. people are streaming out of both towers now.. I hope that the people got off the top floors of the second tower before it got hit.. I don't have a good feeling about this.. Chief Ganci makes his way to us and yells something to Johnson, he nods and we are on our way in.. we were positioned outside the border of the center, there were already so many units in already that it was getting too crowded for anymore additional units to make their ways into the area. We could do nothing but sit and watch.. and wait for orders from above.. I watch people stream out of the towers in a constant flow of bodies....Tommy looks at me and shakes his head..
"Jimmy I don't have a good feeling about this.... Look at the fire its too high up.. and its bein fed by jet fuel... I betcha those planes were fully fueled.. I just don't have a good feeling about this..."
"Same here Bro.." I don't get to finish my sentence when I hear the mayday call over the radio.. they are ordering people out of the area.. something about the tower bein ready to collapse....
We can't move the rig.. there are too many people around us now.. so we all get out and start running with them just as the rumble starts.. it is like nothing that I have ever heard before in my life..I have heard buildings collapsing.. hell I have attended tons of demolitions but nothing compared to a 110 story building collapsing all at once.. we are all running for our lives now all of us being chased by this cloud of dust and debris.. its true what they say.. you do run faster when you are scared out of your mind.. all the time when I am running I keep my eyes on D.K as he runs ahead of me.. though my mind however I see nothing but flashes of Joey.. and of Kim.. if this cloud catches me I wont make it to see them.. I run faster, passing D.K and Walsh as I spot an opening, an building doorway with possibility of shelter.. I point and head towards it the others follow me and we all press our backs against the building side as the cloud overtakes us.
I heard the debris hitting the wall behind me. I smelled the jet fuel... the scent still clung to the air.. It's hard to breath in this cloud that has consumed us.. powdered concrete and burning debris makes it harder... I force myself to take slow controlled breaths and the tight feeling in my chest releases.. I look over at the guys at least I try to, the smoke is still so thick that I cant see a foot in front of my face, but I can make out the images of D.K, Walsh, I think that was Lumbardo in the corner, Johnson was beside him, Taylor was huddled against the wall in between them... I breathed a small sigh of relief that she was safe along with the rest of us, and then I realized that Tommy wasn't here... He was right behind me when I left the squad...
"Tommy!!"
No answer from him... I feel the knot of fear tighten in my stomach...
"You guys... where's Tommy?!!"
All I get back are hopeless looks from the others.. we stood there waiting for Tommy.. figuring that we would grab him as he ran past us.. we figured it was a good idea to keep the company together, especially now since we had already lost Tommy.. we didn't want to loose anyone else, I had a feeling that other companies were in the same boat as us.. frantically searching for their Brothers..
"Don't worry Jimmy.. we'll find him.. he'll come runnin...."
D.K doesn't get to finish that sentence when we hear another low rumble grow as the second tower collapses... We all huddle closer together into the corner of the building as glass shatters around us as the sound barrier is breeched... all of us shelter Taylor.. I hear D.K saying "Hail Mary's" joined with him is Taylor and Walsh.. I am not a very religious person but I join in too.. praying for Tommy as the second massive cloud envelops us, blanketing us with more debris and powdered concrete...
"Jimmy.. Jimmy you comin? We gotta call..."
Taylor's voice rips me from my nightmare and back to my bunk in the firehouse I hear the commotion as the rest of the guys are headed downstairs to the rig.. I hear the call again and leap from my bed down to the fire pole and slide down to the rig to grab my gear.. Taylor is close behind me as I leap into the rig, saving a seat for her beside me, she joins me and slams the door closed as we leave the house...
"Do you think we'll find him Jimmy?" she asks quietly beside me.. I know she is talking about her father..
"I don't know Alex...but every night I pray that we find him..."
I see a tear roll down her face and I knew that she was hurting bad.. her father meant the world to her.. he was the one reason she joined the FDNY in the first place... to show her father that she could live up to his expectations, to his standards.. she spent every waking moment proving to him and to us that she was one of the guys.. she didn't have to prove anything to me.. I already knew she was one of us.. I had heard about her reputation when she came here.. and after that football game well it was obvious that she was one of us.. she acted like one of us and I was proud to call her a sister..
"I hope so.. Jimmy I miss him... I already miss him badly.."
Her choked words made up my mind that I would ask Doc for something to help her sleep the first chance I saw him when we got back to the house... I felt bad for wanting to drug her but I had no choice... she needed to get some sleep.. it was still early in the morning so she wouldn't miss a night at the pile.. I wouldn't take that from her.. I think it is her way of finding solace in this messed up situation.. really it was my way too.. it made us feel like we were doing something instead of mourning our loss... we had to help bring our brothers home..
I watched the scenery flash by the rig as we sped to the call one arm slipped around Taylor for comfort the other pulling my hood over my head, ready for the fire...
"Don't worry Alex.. We'll bring him home.."
She nods and does the same with pulling her hood over her head and slipping the straps of the air tank over her shoulders as we pull up to the call.. it's a high rise fire.. we look up and see black smoke belching out of what looks to be the 20th floor.. I look at Taylor she is already working on getting a line going... I admire her strength.. after the 11 I thought she would have a thing for high rises but in true Taylor style she shows no fear in anything.. and I admire her for that..
We fight the fires.. we Save the people.. and tonight we go looking for the lost.. trying to bring our lost brethren home... it's a cycle that will repeat itself until we clean up the carnage and bring everyone we can find back... I just pray that we find Chief Taylor so we can give Alex some long awaited Solace... It's the same thing I would want done for me... and I knew that if I was in there... it would be...