Susan walked along the corridor into Abby's hospital room again just
in case John had appeared back. The room was empty again although she knew
he had slept for a while. His shirt lay across the back of a chair. If he
had been there where was he now.
She headed down to the ER to see if anyone had seen him. "Doctor Lewis, how are Abby and the baby?" Susan turned to see Neela standing behind her. Everyone else was standing around the admit desk.
"The baby, Holly, lasted the night although is still in critical condition. Abby is holding up. Not sure how well but she's keeping her spirits up for the baby." Susan smiled as she thought of her friend sitting by her daughters incubator. "Has anyone seen Carter?"
"He came down a few hours ago and headed out to the diner down the street. Said to page him if he was needed." Frank informed her.
"Thanks Frank." Susan replied before heading out the door. The wind was biting as she walked down the street. Entering the diner she saw Carter sitting at the back of the diner. "Hey you!"
"Has something happened?" His voice seemed to raise as he looked up to see Susan standing over the top of him.
"She made it through the night, but she's not out of the woods yet. Why did you leave the hospital?" Susan asked as she tried to look him in the eye. There was something different about him.
He took a deep breath and looked up to her. "Kem's gone."
"What?" Susan sounded stunned. "What do you mean gone?"
"She left for Africa this morning. Said that she never really loved me and that the baby she's carrying isn't mine." He looked back down to his hands.
"And she waited till now to tell you?" Susan was beginning to sound angry.
"She called me at midnight and asked to meet me. She told em she was leaving and her reason for going. She chose to do it now because of Abby and the baby. She said that I should give my full attention to Abby and my daughter. Susan I feel so stupid for leaving Abby in the first place. Then yesterday I saw how much I had hurt her and now look at me."
"Go and tell Abby exactly how you feel. She needs to know. You both need one another just now. She needs you more than you need her but your both need one another. Your daughter is still in a critical condition and honestly I don't know what Abby will do if anything happens to her. You have no idea the amount she has gone through since you left. That letter you sent almost sent her over the edge. No one seemed to notice what was happening in her life because she kept herself to herself, but she had lost her sparkle. You know what sparkle I'm talking about?"
"Of course I do. The sparkle in her eyes and her voice. I noticed that when we spoke, but she has gained something as well. She had so much confidence in her voice."
"It's all an act Carter. Go talk to her." Susan said pulling her friend to his feet and pointing him in the direction of the door. "Go!"
Back in the hospital, John stood by the door to the NICU for ages before entering. He stood enraptured by the beauty that sat beside the small incubator. To the outside world, she looked dishevelled and exhausted but to him, she was the most beautiful thing on the planet. He just didn't know how to talk to her anymore. Would she listen to anything he had to say? He hoped she would. He watched as the doctor spoke to her and she unwillingly got up from the chair.
Abby looked up as she reached the door. She jumped back a little, shocked to see John standing there. She gave a small smile before pushing the door open. "Hey, did Susan tell you the news?"
He smiled back at her. "Yeah, although she told me that she isn't out of the woods yet."
Abby shook her head. "No the doctor thinks another 48 hours before we know completely. But he is hopeful." Abby kept her head down, not willing herself to look him in the eye. "He told me to go and lie down for a while. I suppose I have to keep to doctors orders." She laughed as she headed along the corridor to her room. His shirt still lay over the back of the chair. "Did you stay for a bit?"
"Yeah, but I had to go and take care of a few things." He was trying to be non-committal. Although he knew he was failing miserably. She looked up at him for the first time. Staring him straight in the eye. He took the chair beside the bed and sat down. "Abby I want to talk to you, and what I may say is confusing and maybe not what you want to hear but I have to say it. If I don't I think I'll burst."
"Okay. Take your time." Abby took his hand into her own. John subconsciously rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb.
"Okay here goes." John took a deep breath and looked straight into her eyes. They seemed to be shining. "Abby, we have known one another for almost four years now. I have loved you from the first moment I laid eyes on you and nothing will ever change that. I have been a fool. There's probably a worse word for me than that but at this precise moment in time I can't think of it. As you told me yesterday something major happened in my life not that long ago and I chose to run from it instead of staying and fighting. I was a coward. My Gamma died and I honestly didn't know what to do. She was the only person in my life that have ever gave me good advice. Then when she died I had no clue how to act, how to see the rest of the world. I chose to shut you out which I shouldn't have. You were having a tough time as well but I chose to ignore you. Shouldn't have done that. Instead of staying and fighting for you I left thinking that I could find meaning to my life in another country. For a while I thought I had but returning here I realised I hadn't I was just hiding from everything that meant anything to me." John's eyes brimmed with tears. He had been watching the floor while he spoke but he glanced up to look at Abby. Her eyes mirrored his own. "Abby I am so sorry for everything that I put you through. I never realised how mush I could hurt one person until I spoke to you yesterday. I never want to hurt you like that again."
"John." Abby began but stopped, she wasn't sure what she was going to say. "I am hurt you left. I suppose in a way I understand why you ran. I did the same the first time I left Minnesota. I wanted my life to make sense. When I started nursing I thought that was it for me but then when I went to medical school it was a whole other ball game. Then I met you. John you have no idea how you changed my life. You made me see and feel things that I had never allowed myself to before. When you left me I'll admit I was devastated. Then the letter you sent, that finished me. I was already dealing with so much that day. The nurses had gone on strike, Luka had come back and I didn't get to see him, I received your letter then it got read out around the ER." Abby could see John looking at her confused. "Frank found it in the trash and decided that it would make good reading material. I was already two months pregnant and alone. I could have ended it all then I somewhere I found the courage to go back to medical school. I hid the pregnancy until I was four months along. Since then I thought I was happy but seeing you with her made me realise I wasn't. I was just existing. So yes I'm hurt. I'm not going to stop you from seeing Holly but you have your new family now."
"Abby I don't." It was Abby's turn to look confused. "Kem left this morning after admitting the baby was never mine. She used me and when she heard how upset I was about Holly she decided to come clean. She wants you and I to be happy. Abby I want to be happy with you again. I realise that it will take you time to trust me again and I'm willing to wait as long as needed. But please believe me when I tell you that I love you."
Abby gripped his hand tighter. It was what she had waited to hear for so long. He still loved her. "John I love you too, but as you say I am not ready to have you back in my life full time. You need to give me time. Holly needs me right now and I am going to do everything for her. I want my, sorry our daughter to live. I need her too."
"I want her too as well. Abby I'll give you all the time in the world. But remember if you need help just ask." He said. He indicated to her that he wanted to hug her. When she nodded, he enveloped her into his arms and held her tight. It felt so right, and he knew it was.
She headed down to the ER to see if anyone had seen him. "Doctor Lewis, how are Abby and the baby?" Susan turned to see Neela standing behind her. Everyone else was standing around the admit desk.
"The baby, Holly, lasted the night although is still in critical condition. Abby is holding up. Not sure how well but she's keeping her spirits up for the baby." Susan smiled as she thought of her friend sitting by her daughters incubator. "Has anyone seen Carter?"
"He came down a few hours ago and headed out to the diner down the street. Said to page him if he was needed." Frank informed her.
"Thanks Frank." Susan replied before heading out the door. The wind was biting as she walked down the street. Entering the diner she saw Carter sitting at the back of the diner. "Hey you!"
"Has something happened?" His voice seemed to raise as he looked up to see Susan standing over the top of him.
"She made it through the night, but she's not out of the woods yet. Why did you leave the hospital?" Susan asked as she tried to look him in the eye. There was something different about him.
He took a deep breath and looked up to her. "Kem's gone."
"What?" Susan sounded stunned. "What do you mean gone?"
"She left for Africa this morning. Said that she never really loved me and that the baby she's carrying isn't mine." He looked back down to his hands.
"And she waited till now to tell you?" Susan was beginning to sound angry.
"She called me at midnight and asked to meet me. She told em she was leaving and her reason for going. She chose to do it now because of Abby and the baby. She said that I should give my full attention to Abby and my daughter. Susan I feel so stupid for leaving Abby in the first place. Then yesterday I saw how much I had hurt her and now look at me."
"Go and tell Abby exactly how you feel. She needs to know. You both need one another just now. She needs you more than you need her but your both need one another. Your daughter is still in a critical condition and honestly I don't know what Abby will do if anything happens to her. You have no idea the amount she has gone through since you left. That letter you sent almost sent her over the edge. No one seemed to notice what was happening in her life because she kept herself to herself, but she had lost her sparkle. You know what sparkle I'm talking about?"
"Of course I do. The sparkle in her eyes and her voice. I noticed that when we spoke, but she has gained something as well. She had so much confidence in her voice."
"It's all an act Carter. Go talk to her." Susan said pulling her friend to his feet and pointing him in the direction of the door. "Go!"
Back in the hospital, John stood by the door to the NICU for ages before entering. He stood enraptured by the beauty that sat beside the small incubator. To the outside world, she looked dishevelled and exhausted but to him, she was the most beautiful thing on the planet. He just didn't know how to talk to her anymore. Would she listen to anything he had to say? He hoped she would. He watched as the doctor spoke to her and she unwillingly got up from the chair.
Abby looked up as she reached the door. She jumped back a little, shocked to see John standing there. She gave a small smile before pushing the door open. "Hey, did Susan tell you the news?"
He smiled back at her. "Yeah, although she told me that she isn't out of the woods yet."
Abby shook her head. "No the doctor thinks another 48 hours before we know completely. But he is hopeful." Abby kept her head down, not willing herself to look him in the eye. "He told me to go and lie down for a while. I suppose I have to keep to doctors orders." She laughed as she headed along the corridor to her room. His shirt still lay over the back of the chair. "Did you stay for a bit?"
"Yeah, but I had to go and take care of a few things." He was trying to be non-committal. Although he knew he was failing miserably. She looked up at him for the first time. Staring him straight in the eye. He took the chair beside the bed and sat down. "Abby I want to talk to you, and what I may say is confusing and maybe not what you want to hear but I have to say it. If I don't I think I'll burst."
"Okay. Take your time." Abby took his hand into her own. John subconsciously rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb.
"Okay here goes." John took a deep breath and looked straight into her eyes. They seemed to be shining. "Abby, we have known one another for almost four years now. I have loved you from the first moment I laid eyes on you and nothing will ever change that. I have been a fool. There's probably a worse word for me than that but at this precise moment in time I can't think of it. As you told me yesterday something major happened in my life not that long ago and I chose to run from it instead of staying and fighting. I was a coward. My Gamma died and I honestly didn't know what to do. She was the only person in my life that have ever gave me good advice. Then when she died I had no clue how to act, how to see the rest of the world. I chose to shut you out which I shouldn't have. You were having a tough time as well but I chose to ignore you. Shouldn't have done that. Instead of staying and fighting for you I left thinking that I could find meaning to my life in another country. For a while I thought I had but returning here I realised I hadn't I was just hiding from everything that meant anything to me." John's eyes brimmed with tears. He had been watching the floor while he spoke but he glanced up to look at Abby. Her eyes mirrored his own. "Abby I am so sorry for everything that I put you through. I never realised how mush I could hurt one person until I spoke to you yesterday. I never want to hurt you like that again."
"John." Abby began but stopped, she wasn't sure what she was going to say. "I am hurt you left. I suppose in a way I understand why you ran. I did the same the first time I left Minnesota. I wanted my life to make sense. When I started nursing I thought that was it for me but then when I went to medical school it was a whole other ball game. Then I met you. John you have no idea how you changed my life. You made me see and feel things that I had never allowed myself to before. When you left me I'll admit I was devastated. Then the letter you sent, that finished me. I was already dealing with so much that day. The nurses had gone on strike, Luka had come back and I didn't get to see him, I received your letter then it got read out around the ER." Abby could see John looking at her confused. "Frank found it in the trash and decided that it would make good reading material. I was already two months pregnant and alone. I could have ended it all then I somewhere I found the courage to go back to medical school. I hid the pregnancy until I was four months along. Since then I thought I was happy but seeing you with her made me realise I wasn't. I was just existing. So yes I'm hurt. I'm not going to stop you from seeing Holly but you have your new family now."
"Abby I don't." It was Abby's turn to look confused. "Kem left this morning after admitting the baby was never mine. She used me and when she heard how upset I was about Holly she decided to come clean. She wants you and I to be happy. Abby I want to be happy with you again. I realise that it will take you time to trust me again and I'm willing to wait as long as needed. But please believe me when I tell you that I love you."
Abby gripped his hand tighter. It was what she had waited to hear for so long. He still loved her. "John I love you too, but as you say I am not ready to have you back in my life full time. You need to give me time. Holly needs me right now and I am going to do everything for her. I want my, sorry our daughter to live. I need her too."
"I want her too as well. Abby I'll give you all the time in the world. But remember if you need help just ask." He said. He indicated to her that he wanted to hug her. When she nodded, he enveloped her into his arms and held her tight. It felt so right, and he knew it was.