A.N - So sorry that it has taken me so long to update. I've been having
some writers block but I have also been really busy. I want to thank you
all for your encouraging reviews. I'm glad you are enjoying.
Abby awoke with the sun shining on her face. She smiled, yesterday she held her daughter for the first time. She was so tiny, but so incredibly beautiful. She hoped that Holly would gain weight quickly, to allow her to come home. Abby was desperate to take her home and start living the life she wanted with her daughter. The main thing Abby remembered about the day before was the look on Carter's face when she handed Holly to him, to hold on his own. His eyes sparkled, shining with tears that threatened to fall. They had looked at each other so deeply, as if looking for the very first time. So much was said without a word being spoken. She couldn't deny her feelings for him, she loved him, always had and probably always would, but there was so much to talk about.
She could hear his soft snores from the corner of the room. He had stayed the night. She smiled looking at him. He always looked like such a little boy when he slept. His hair was all ruffled, his cheeks rosy. So adorable. She wished that she could tell him the truth as to how she felt but it seemed impossible. Even after all they had been through in the years they had known one another.
A small tap came on the door, pulling Abby away from her stare-a-thon of Carter. She looked up and indicated to the nurse it was okay to enter. The nurse came in pushing Holly's incubator in front of her. "Miss Lockhart, The doctor wondered if you would like to try breast feeding Holly?"
"Of course I would." Abby answered excitedly, the smile on her face was enough to rival the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. "Does Doctor Neilson think she is ready?"
"I think Holly will benefit from the closeness that you will both share from the experience." Doctor Neilson's voice came from the doorway. "I'm not sure whether she will actually get anything from you but it's worth a go. She's a strong little girl Abby and she needs you."
"Thank you Doctor Neilson. You don't know how much this means to me." Abby told the doctor as she slowly unbuttoned her night-shirt and took Holly into her arms. She positioned herself in the bed as comfortably as possible before guiding Holly to her breast. The little girl needed no prompting, she seemed to know exactly what she was doing, latching on first time and suckling away. Abby was amazed by the sensation she felt as Holly drank from her. The doctor and nurse smiled at mother and child before quietly leaving the room. "John, wake up." Abby called across the room trying to rouse Carter from his slumber.
"What?" Carter seemed all disorientated when he first awoke. "What's happening?"
"Your daughter's breast feeding for the first time, I thought you might like to see." Abby said lovingly as she stroked her daughter's head. She had such soft hair, light brown the same as Abby.
"She is?" John moved over and sat on the edge of Abby's bed watching in awe as she fed their daughter. He couldn't believe the miracle he was witnessing. He finally had a family, not one that he expected to have but a family none the less. "Abby, I know that this is maybe the wrong time to be telling you this but I can't thank you enough for what you have given me. You and Holly are family to me now, a family that I never expected to have but you have given it to me and I am so grateful to you."
"John, you don't have to thank me but we do have to talk, just not here. Somehow it doesn't seem appropriate to talk here. They talked about letting me home this afternoon. I don't want to leave her, but they say she'll be here for a few more weeks until her weight comes up more."
"The rate she's going I don't think it'll be long before she's coming home." John said stroking his daughters cheek, causing her to let go and turn her head. He smiled down at her, she was his daughter and nothing would change that.
Abby was silent for a while before she finally spoke. "I'm scared though John. You don't know what I have gone through in these last eight months. All the upheaval, not just physical but emotional. I never thought I would be a mother, let alone a single one."
"But you aren't going to be." John interrupted.
"That's just it John, I am. Even though you are here and wanting to be part of her life, who says in three months you won't run back off to Africa again." Tears had come into Abby's eyes. She had never admitted so much to one person before. Holly had finished feeding. Abby lifted Holly off her chest and placed her over her shoulder.
"Abby, I won't leave you ever again. I left you once and it was the biggest mistake I have ever made, I'll never do it again. I have to much to live for here in Chicago. I have you and Holly. Abby I love you. I have loved you from the moment I saw you. Going to Africa and meeting Kem was all just a blip in time. A blip that I wish I could erase."
"But you thought you were having a child with her?" Abby spat at him. How could he tell her that he loved her when he thought he was having a family with another woman.
"Yes, I now but I never loved her, not in the way that I love you. I could never love anyone the way that I love you. No one in the world could ever come close to you. You are my world Abby, you and Holly and no-one will ever change that for em." HE leaned over kissing Abby's forehead. Leaning back he wiped the tears that had fallen down her cheek. "I truly meant at Abby and I hope that some day you'll find it in your heart to believe me."
Abby awoke with the sun shining on her face. She smiled, yesterday she held her daughter for the first time. She was so tiny, but so incredibly beautiful. She hoped that Holly would gain weight quickly, to allow her to come home. Abby was desperate to take her home and start living the life she wanted with her daughter. The main thing Abby remembered about the day before was the look on Carter's face when she handed Holly to him, to hold on his own. His eyes sparkled, shining with tears that threatened to fall. They had looked at each other so deeply, as if looking for the very first time. So much was said without a word being spoken. She couldn't deny her feelings for him, she loved him, always had and probably always would, but there was so much to talk about.
She could hear his soft snores from the corner of the room. He had stayed the night. She smiled looking at him. He always looked like such a little boy when he slept. His hair was all ruffled, his cheeks rosy. So adorable. She wished that she could tell him the truth as to how she felt but it seemed impossible. Even after all they had been through in the years they had known one another.
A small tap came on the door, pulling Abby away from her stare-a-thon of Carter. She looked up and indicated to the nurse it was okay to enter. The nurse came in pushing Holly's incubator in front of her. "Miss Lockhart, The doctor wondered if you would like to try breast feeding Holly?"
"Of course I would." Abby answered excitedly, the smile on her face was enough to rival the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. "Does Doctor Neilson think she is ready?"
"I think Holly will benefit from the closeness that you will both share from the experience." Doctor Neilson's voice came from the doorway. "I'm not sure whether she will actually get anything from you but it's worth a go. She's a strong little girl Abby and she needs you."
"Thank you Doctor Neilson. You don't know how much this means to me." Abby told the doctor as she slowly unbuttoned her night-shirt and took Holly into her arms. She positioned herself in the bed as comfortably as possible before guiding Holly to her breast. The little girl needed no prompting, she seemed to know exactly what she was doing, latching on first time and suckling away. Abby was amazed by the sensation she felt as Holly drank from her. The doctor and nurse smiled at mother and child before quietly leaving the room. "John, wake up." Abby called across the room trying to rouse Carter from his slumber.
"What?" Carter seemed all disorientated when he first awoke. "What's happening?"
"Your daughter's breast feeding for the first time, I thought you might like to see." Abby said lovingly as she stroked her daughter's head. She had such soft hair, light brown the same as Abby.
"She is?" John moved over and sat on the edge of Abby's bed watching in awe as she fed their daughter. He couldn't believe the miracle he was witnessing. He finally had a family, not one that he expected to have but a family none the less. "Abby, I know that this is maybe the wrong time to be telling you this but I can't thank you enough for what you have given me. You and Holly are family to me now, a family that I never expected to have but you have given it to me and I am so grateful to you."
"John, you don't have to thank me but we do have to talk, just not here. Somehow it doesn't seem appropriate to talk here. They talked about letting me home this afternoon. I don't want to leave her, but they say she'll be here for a few more weeks until her weight comes up more."
"The rate she's going I don't think it'll be long before she's coming home." John said stroking his daughters cheek, causing her to let go and turn her head. He smiled down at her, she was his daughter and nothing would change that.
Abby was silent for a while before she finally spoke. "I'm scared though John. You don't know what I have gone through in these last eight months. All the upheaval, not just physical but emotional. I never thought I would be a mother, let alone a single one."
"But you aren't going to be." John interrupted.
"That's just it John, I am. Even though you are here and wanting to be part of her life, who says in three months you won't run back off to Africa again." Tears had come into Abby's eyes. She had never admitted so much to one person before. Holly had finished feeding. Abby lifted Holly off her chest and placed her over her shoulder.
"Abby, I won't leave you ever again. I left you once and it was the biggest mistake I have ever made, I'll never do it again. I have to much to live for here in Chicago. I have you and Holly. Abby I love you. I have loved you from the moment I saw you. Going to Africa and meeting Kem was all just a blip in time. A blip that I wish I could erase."
"But you thought you were having a child with her?" Abby spat at him. How could he tell her that he loved her when he thought he was having a family with another woman.
"Yes, I now but I never loved her, not in the way that I love you. I could never love anyone the way that I love you. No one in the world could ever come close to you. You are my world Abby, you and Holly and no-one will ever change that for em." HE leaned over kissing Abby's forehead. Leaning back he wiped the tears that had fallen down her cheek. "I truly meant at Abby and I hope that some day you'll find it in your heart to believe me."