Title: Severely Messed Up

Author: Stormhawk

Rating: PG

Disclaimer:

Matrix universe and associated characters: Wachowski brothers.

Angel, Star and T'Lorie belong to themselves. And the men with white coats.

The 'humans suck' tee belongs to Lejindarybunny, a good friend of mine. Go check out her work.

Word Count: 1142

Summary: This is a randomly requested fic from the message board.

Notes: Friends-insertion, these scary people do exist.

To join our randomness, go to Stormhawk.hyperboards.com

It's set in a parody-verse of the Agents series, but you don't need to read them to understand anything. I do highly recommend them. Just for the new people who don't know, we got Jones and Brown reversed ok?

Please read and Review.

The conference room was very still; Agent Clarke had left about five minutes ago, stating that the new agents would be there soon. They were already late, which was odd for agents.

Smith looked at Stef who shrugged, Brown sat back in his chair and daydreamed about shooting rebels and punching Bob, his punching bag that Recruit Zane had named. Jones required his laptop and searched for some glitches.

The silence continued for ten minutes then Smith looked at the others, "where are they?"

"It could be possible that their programs had some problems, but we would have been informed of that," Jones said as he shut the lid of his laptop and drummed his fingers on it.

Giggling from outside the door both agreed and disagreed with Jones' theory. The door swung open and three sugar high female agents walked in. "Sorry we're late," the brunette said. "We needed sugar. I'm Agent Angel."

The other agents could have sworn they heard Brown squeak when the next agent walked through, she was blond and had deep blue eyes; she looked one hell of a lot like Whitman. "I'm Agent T'Lorie."

 Lastly one with black hair walked in, unlike the other two suited agents, she was dressed in black slacks and a black v-neck top. "I'm Agent Star," she said. All three of them required chairs and sat down across from the other agents.

The other agents mumbled their names, quite afraid of the new agents' behavior. Then again these programs were R-A, random agents. The mainframe must have been drunk when it came up with them, or something.

"Will you be working with us?" Smith asked tentatively, "Clarke didn't specify on that point."

"I WILL ASK THE QUESTIONS!" Angel roared at the older agent. Stef winced and Jones held his laptop, Brown's hand was straying further and further toward his gun.

Smith raised an eyebrow, "will you now? And why is that?"

Angel looked confused that he wasn't intimidated by her roaring. The red cordial stain on the bottom of her shirt may have been part of the reason. "Because," she said in a more civil tone, "I am an interrogation agent."

"That does not give you permission to raise your voice at me," Smith said calmly.

"I'm the tech agent," T'Lorie said.

Jones relaxed somewhat; the other tech agent didn't seem quite as strange as Agent Angel. "I like to cause glitches," she continued. Jones' face fell. "Glitches of all kinds," she chanted and ran around the room. "SUGAR!!!!"

Angel grabbed the back of T'Lorie's suit and pulled her back down into her chair. "Sit down."

"I will havo dad Mellon."

"What language are you speaking?" Brown asked, as his earpiece had failed to translate it for him. "Or is it gibberish?" his hand was now sitting on his gun, if nothing else, it was helping to make him feel safe. Like a blankie.

"She said, 'I will sit down friend,'" Stef mumbled, "though why an agent is talking elvish is beyond me."

Angel pouted, "I likes elves. He looks like Elrond!" she said pointing a finger at Smith. She jumped over the table and pulled at his ears, "look, I can make them pointy."

Smith was horrified, he picked the buggy agent up and carried her back around the table and placed her in her chair. "Don't ever do that again."

"Yes sir, Elrond sir. Legolas is hotter than you though."

"Mm, Neo," Agent Star said as she kicked her feet up and placed them on the table.  

"What did you just say?" Stef asked in horror.

"Neo is hot."

"Can we shoot them now?" Brown asked.

"Relax," Star said holding up her hands. "I'm a deception agent. I'm meant to…distract him." She finished with a wicked smile. "It does help that he is a god of good looks sent down from somewhere beyond the mainframe."

Angel shook her head; "even we want to shoot her when she gets in this mood."

"How long have you actually been online?" Jones asked, trying to bring the conversation back into the realm of normality.

"About a month," T'Lorie replied. "We have been learning the fine points of having fun. Something you agents wouldn't know about."

Star looked from Jones to Brown and back again, "you guys aren't Chippendales are you?"

Agent Star was shot by six guns, she blinked out of sight then back in again. "I was joking, I would pay good money not to see that," she paused, "but even more money to see Neo like that."

Brown looked at Smith, pleading permission to shoot them, Smith shook his head. "Will you be working at this agency?" he tried again.

"I ASK THE…" Angel started to shout again.

"Just answer the question Agent Angel," Smith said with an intense look on his face.

Angel whimpered, T'Lorie stopped sending weird looks at Brown and Star took her feet off the table. "No," Angel said in what approached a normal tone. "We have been assigned our own, it's two blocks from here."

"Good," Smith said and sat back in his chair.

"Can we make our agency pink?" T'Lorie asked.

"No." Smith said.

"Yellow?"

"No."

"Green?"

"No."

"Polka-dots?"

"I will let Agent Brown shoot you in a moment if you continue this line of questioning." T'Lorie saluted and shut up. Star was sitting quietly requiring herself into different outfits, deciding which would the best to distract Neo with.

"Yo, Agent M," Star said looking across at Stef, "whatcha tink?"

"That you need vocabulary lessons," Stef deadpanned back at her.

"No, about the outfit," Star stood and twirled.

"I honestly don't believe that a 'humans suck' tee-shirt will attract the highest valued rebel that has ever existed."

"Oh, right. How about this?" the tee-shirt now said 'agents suck.'

"That statement could be considered traitorous," Brown said. He desperately wanted to shoot these three.

"Whatever," Star said and changed back into her original outfit.

"Ok girls," Angel said, "let's go."

"Let's go shopping," T'Lorie said. "Please, please, please?" The other two nodded as they walked out the door. As soon as they were out the door Brown shifted away. They didn't know where he went.

***

Brown paced in his private him, walking in a straight line from one side to the other, holding a baseball bat.

"Can't work, buggy female agents will get me," he repeated over and over.

***

"I do believe they have serious glitches in their codes," Jones said.

"You can say that again," Smith said rubbing at his ears.

""I do believe they have serious glitches in their codes."

"I wasn't being literal," Smith said with a groan, Jones shrugged and walked out with his laptop.

"Why would the mainframe program three agents who act like that?" Smith asked.

"I have no idea Agent Elrond," Stef said with a shrug.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ok, I wrote that in like half an hour, after promising the real life versions of the trio for weeks. Want more? Beg in a review lowly humans…