Notes: 5 reviews!? Thanks a bunch!
You've been rewarded. Chapter 2 has been released from the asylum to venture into the new world of fanfiction, just for you! -huggles reviewers- I love you!
Oh, and I'm SO sorry for the delay! If you have any clue how hard it was to post this dang chapter, you'll know how I feel… Y'know, sitting around at 3:48 staring angrily at that little memo that says I can access my account again at 2:57… That is SUCH an annoying feeling!
So, really, people, it's not my fault this took so long… Blame ! Let's join forces and kill them ALL!! BWA HA HA!
Disclaimer: What would you think if I said that I did own them? ... Yes, yes! I OWN Rurouni Kenshin! Mua ha ha!
Say Cheese! :)
'Speak Philosophically, Carry a Blunt Weapon'
THERE WERE KATANAS…
AND THERE WERE WAKIZASHIS…
AND THERE WERE BOTH…
BUT SOON THESE WERE USED FOR EVIL…
AND PEOPLE DIED.
AND KAMI-SAMA WAS MAD…
AND SO HE CREATED THE SAKABATOU…
AND KENSHIN WAS HAPPY…
AND SAITOU FROWNED…
Chapter 2:
On Catching the Thursday Boat on a Sunday and Why God-Like Speed Doesn't Come Equipped with Brakes
Saitou frowned.
He was tired.
He was sick of it.
Heck, he was sick and tired of it!
And he frowned in discontent.
He drew his tiny-brittle-police-officer-sabre and charged at his hated enemy.
He had had enough…
But as he charged, Battousai made no real effort to evade or even block the shot. Rather, he simply stood there and let it pass right through him.
And Saitou frowned on in shock and utter, utter amazement… "N… n… n… n… naa…"
Before Saitou could finish, Battousai quickly explained that he was but a soul, not actually capable of taking a human form. And Saitou realized that he did look slightly transparent.
And Saitou frowned.
And Battousai frowned upon him.
And they both frowned at each other and stuck out their tongues in a babyish sort of way.
And Saitou pulled out a cigarette and puffed on it apprehensively… He wondered whether or not Battousai got wet when it rained… He wondered whether or not he tasted whatever it was Kenshin was eating…
He wondered about many such things, and the answers as well.
And Saitou suddenly sucked in too hard and gagged.
For he had finally remembered that this was not the time to be pondering such things, and he headed off to the harbor to catch his boat to Kyoto.
And so he charged off, leaving but a trail of fire.
And Battousai stood in a bemused sort of way and wandered off into oblivion feeling rather empty…
And so he, too, charged off to the ends of the earth with a mission to rejoin with his also-feeling-empty-ish alter ego, who he knew was sitting mindlessly popping heads off dandelions. (And, of course, he knew this because he could feel it; he could feel it with that strange feeling that he couldn't quite place…)
And, of course, he was correct, being as his senses never really failed him unless it was completely mandatory that they not.
And so after quite a few years of running Battousai finally reached the ends of the earth and he slammed on the brakes as he neared the never-ending precipice.
But, unfortunately for him, God-like speed does not fare well with being halted quite all of a sudden. So Battousai ended up sliding across the grass leaving mass destruction behind him, and he nearly was sent careening over the face of the earth. Emphasis here on nearly.
Fortunately for him, he had "bumped" into his alter ego and the two had melded into one once again…
And they ran off and lived happily ever after, arguing about this war and those radishes and that laundry with feelings of complete completeness…
No, that's not right…
Actually, they--er, he... tore off to the harbor after Saitou and, thanks to his God-like speed, reached it before Saitou had even passed Megakioizaka.
And so he sat there in a nothing sort of way and waited for the arrival of the Sunday ferry.
And he watched as the ferry pulled into the harbor… And he looked at the speck in the distance that was Saitou… And he did some calculations… And he realized Saitou would never make it in time…
Which of course made him laugh at poor Saitou's plight…
And he smiled at that.
And Saitou rushed towards the harbor now… He had rather gotten sick of charging…
But, alas, he arrived just in time to see the Thursday ferry pull out once again into the ocean, where it turned in the direction of wherever it was headed.
And--Hey, waaaait a second… The Thursday ferry? Wasn't it Sunday? Saitou looked at the fast-disappearing boat again and inferred that it was in fact the Thursday ferry…
Which made him think something was very fishy indeed.
And it was at this point that he noticed Kenshin a few feet away, who was a) also looking at the boat, and b) also looking equally as confused…
And they both looked out at the boat in perplexed sort of ways, and Kenshin said, "They must have sent the wrong boat… Happens all the time!"
And Saitou grunted an agreement that was relatively incoherent.
And they looked out again in mutual agreement for once.
But suddenly…
The boat exploded anime-style, by first glowing, then shooting a ray of light into the sky, and then finally spontaneously combusting until there was quite nothing left of it at all.
And Saitou let out a string of curses in complete shock, and he thanked every God he knew, and even the Gods he didn't know, for not-so-God-like speed and other such obstacles.
And Kenshin looked on with eyes wide, and his inner self let out a string of curses of equal significance to Saitou's. (And equal harshness…) But, Kenshin was not about to let these words flow out into the open, and so he squeaked out a long, "Orororororororororoooooooo…" instead (or something to that effect).
And they both looked on in shock for a few long moments before Kenshin said, "Well… What now?"
And Saitou mumbled something about swimming all the way to Kyoto, but disregarded that thought, being as he knew it was quite difficult to swim and smoke at the same time, no matter how good one was at multi-tasking.
Noticing Saitou's lack of immediate response, Kenshin ventured an option mentioned in the previous chapter of this story: "Well… We could always go visit my Shishou, de gozaru…"
And Saitou frowned slightly at this… (Frowning slightly?? Is that actually humanly possible? Oh, well…)
"You know… It is right on the way, de gozaru…" Kenshin thought maybe that he was stretching the truth a bit… Technically, it was on the way… If you considered the mountains to be on the way to Kyoto… Well, they were on the same side of the map anyway…
Saitou scrunched up his face as if he were making some decision that would decide the fate of humanity or the reason for his very existence. And, once again, he brought up the question, "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you want to go and see him?"
"Oh… To learn my ougi, de gozaru…" (Now, be honest and tell me you thought it was pronounced 'ooh-gi.' Spill it.)
"You mean you don't know it?!" Saitou asked in a shocked sort of way.
"Well… Sessha… Ah… You know… De--"
And Saitou smirked at that and taunted poor Kenshin! "Hmmm… Maybe, just because of that, we won't go see him… Heh… Yes, I think that's what we'll do… Nyah ha ha!" Saitou laughed evilly, and then suddenly frowned once again. "Yes. Yes… That's what we'll do! Bwa ha!"
And he took off in the general direction of Kyoto, with a very distraught-looking Kenshin trailing along behind him.
And he smiled in a not-quite-really-smiley-ish sort of way.
And pulled out yet another cigarette, and puffed on it with an ultra-cool demeanor.
And he frowned and decided that cigarettes from Tokyo were much better than cigarettes from Megakioizaka.
And he sighed, but continued on smoking, knowing full well that it was hazardous to his health but also not really caring much.
But suddenly, he felt his cigarette yanked out of his hand by an unparalleled force. He looked down and frowned in realization.
Kenshin stood with Saitou's dear cigarette held above his head and cried out, "Hah! Now, let's go visit my Shishou and I just might give this back!"
Saitou quirked an eyebrow at that and reached deep inside his deep, deep pockets for another one to light up.
And Kenshin grinned evilly and held up the box.
And Saitou frowned and frowned and frowned… and sighed… "Fiiiine…"
And Kenshin smiled sweetly and pointed towards the high and mighty peaks of the highest and mightiest mountains. "It's that way, de gozaru!" And he headed off in that direction by cutting through a field of corn rather than following the usual tactic of taking the road.
And Saitou just knew he'd get lost, but he was irresistibly drawn to the smoky smell of his still-lit cigarette.
(Is this enough talk of smoking already or whaat?! Yeah, I agree…)
Now, it was at this time that Kenshin remembered his "mission" (which you've probably forgotten, too). He sighed and tried to think up any way to make his rival smile… Hmmm…
A joke? Naah, that was way to un-Saitou-ish… He'd probably prefer sarcasm…
He could always ask his Shishou to give Saitou a few lessons… Anyone would smile simply to get out of there! Kenshin smiled evilly (again…) at this thought… He could see it now…
Hiko: BAKA BAKA BAKA! 4,549,549,493.14159 more strokes!
Saitou: Hn… -whap whap whap-…
Hiko: BAKA! That's not how you do it!
Saitou: Is it my fault I don't know Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu?!
Hiko: Of course it is!
Saitou: You're so arrogant!
Kenshin: Finally someone understands!
Hiko: Hey!
Kenshin plotted out this dark and somewhat gruesome plan in the part of his mind where things like Battousai lived.
But then he realized that he wasn't really an evil person... He wasn't cruel like Shishio or crazy-mad like Jin'ei… He really had no reason to torture Saitou just to make him smile…
And so he turned back to the fields and sighed in deep thought…
And Saitou followed rabidly behind him, tongue hanging out and eyes unnaturally wide. (For Saitou, anyway.)
And he made a mad dash for Kenshin and slammed him into the ground with incredible force, where he then proceeded to pry his treasures from the ex-hitokiri's iron grip.
"Orooo…" came the response to that, as Kenshin dragged himself out of the hole he had made from the sheer force. "All you had to do was ask…"
Saitou raised an eyebrow and continued on forwards again, feeling rejuvenated! The rain cloud returned and he sighed in contentment.
Life was good!
Kenshin dusted himself off and took off after him again, subconsciously following a trail that he had passed many times, many years ago, on roundabout trips to the city to buy sake or wasabi or other various necessities.
And, contrary to Saitou's dominant paradigm, he didn't get lost!
Instead, he led Saitou through the field and finally up into the steep slopes of the mountains and the prickly itchy forest, where he soon found himself recognizing several odd plants and animals.
And Saitou followed behind, gathering information on their pathway (Left, right, left, left, left, right…) and on some of the obscure creatures the likes of which he had never seen before.
And he frowned for no apparent reason. (Or perhaps there was a reason.)
And suddenly he became aware of the sounds of a rushing waterfall, which made him realize he was ravenously thirsty. But, alas, he was forced onwards…
After but a few more minutes of walking, they arrived at Hiko's tiny wooden shack.
(Very minor spoilers coming up…)
Now Kenshin stood outside of the tiny wooden shack and peered around the corner at the man sitting and creating something from clay. He stuck it into the fire with the end of his stick.
Kenshin crept up to the man very very silently, drew his sword and swung mightily at him.
But, of course, Hiko's ki sense was beyond anything normal, and he leapt into the air with incredible speed and agility.
(Spoilers end here! Moving right along...)
And suddenly he seemed to lose his balance in mid-air, and he toppled over and tumbled back to the hard earth face-first.
And Kenshin rather face-vaulted at this.
And Saitou frowned.
And from deep within the rubble, a slightly different yet strangely familiar sound was heard, a low and growling 'oro'…
Owari, Chapter 2 (Mwa ha ha ha ha…)
Well?! What do you think? I wanted to make it truly different!
Bwa ha ha! A strange twist of events, I daresay!
This chapter is just slightly longer than my other one, but I think it still might be too short… Hmm… Oh well… If you liked this chapter, please review it! I love reviewers with all my heart! (But I'm not like Kamatari. Not quite that bad.)
Anyhoo, you people all know the drill! Review me! Flames will be used for cheese-roasting in… uh… Some later chapter… Or perhaps flames will be used to heat up one of Hiko's new pots!
Lessee, now...
Ki: Spirit or energy… It's easily detectable by someone who understands it, i.e., Hiko or Kenshin or even Saitou
Wasabi: Spicy condiment for sushi! Yum!
Sake: If you know this series, I seriously believe you'd know what this is, people…
Hitokiri: Manslayer or assassin… Duh? Not to be mistaken with 'hitori': alone…
Baka: Idiot
Ougi: (pron. Oh-gi) Ultimate/succession technique in swordsmanship
Sessha: Archaic version of 'I'… Lit. 'unworthy' or 'the unworthy one'
Katana/Wakizashi/Sakabatou/Tsurugi/Ken: All different names for a sword… These were not all used in the chappie.
Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu: Kenshin and Hiko's style of swordsmanship. I think you all knew that… Lit. Um… Something like, 'The dragon style of the honorable sword to heaven/sun…' That's about right, but I don't suggest you trust it 100 percent…
Hey, I think that's it!
Anyways, thanks for reading if you even did!
Review? Please?
Next Chapter: On Late-Night Inspirational Speeches and the Pros and Cons of Sheer Insanity
Please look forward to it.