Day Two: Daniel (FCOL)
Jack is looking at me again. He's scared...honestly I'm a little scared too. Scared that it wasn't just the withdrawal that had me standing on the wrong side of my balcony. Thank god Jack came. I still feel light headed when I think about it. I don't remember much about it. I remember hearing Jack, telling me to come inside. I remember turning my head, calling for him. He was there in a flash, his hands gripping my arms. I don't think I've seen Jack that scared in a long time...
Sam and Teal'c don't know much about what happened. I don't think Jack's been able to bring himself to say anything to them. I don't know if I can either. It's not exactly a great conversation starter...'Oh hey guys, just thought you should know I tried to take a nose dive off my balcony yesterday.'
Loren has been hovering around us. He's been here alone for a long time. I'm still surprised that after all the time we spent here, before everything hit the fan, that we didn't see him once. I guess in some ways it's good that we came here. At least the kid can get off this planet of bad memories.
I've been keeping my distance from Jack. I don't know what to say. 'Thanks for stopping me from doing a header off the eighth floor'? I can see when he looks at me that he wants to continue the conversation I cut off yesterday. I don't know if I want to get into it though. We've been doing a pretty good job of avoiding things lately. I've been getting used to not running to Jack, and to not having him hovering over me like a mother hen.
Sam has been studying the light since we got here. She's fascinated by it, of course. New technology. Well, at least she has something to do for the three weeks we're going to be stuck here.
Teal'c headed back to the SGC yesterday, reporting to Hammond and Janet. They sent through supplies for our 'vacation'. Teal'c came back with it, deciding he would stay with us. I'm pretty sure he's just staying for the ice cream.
Thankfully they sent through my journal I can't believe Jack wouldn't let me have some work sent through. Good ol'Teal'c. At least with my journal I'll have something to distract me from thinking about what happened...almost happened yesterday and something that I can hide behind so that Jack doesn't force me into a conversation I'm just not ready to have yet...if ever.
"Hey Daniel."
"Hi Sam."
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine Sam...really." I smile at her, hoping that she won't see through my lie. I'm not fine...far from it, but I can deal with it on my own. That's the way it's been most of my life. Things just got a little out of perspective for a bit. I let myself come to depend on Sam, Teal'c...Jack. It's better this way. I don't want them to have to deal with my insecurities...my fears.
I set about writing in my journal. Needing to get a few thoughts down on paper. My eye catches the device I used to shut the light off. Picking it up, I flip it over, running my hands along the script. Curious, I walk back towards the room where the light is. Yesterday I barely saw the walls let alone what was written on them, today though, today I want a distraction. In moments I'm lost in thought as I begin to work on translating the rest of the script on the walls.
"Chows on."
"I'll be there in a minute."
"Now Daniel."
"Hang on Jack, I think I know what this wall says here."
I feel Jack's hand on my arm and I jerk away, memories flooding through my head. I see the concern in his eyes. He knows why I pulled away but I'm still not ready to talk about it. I lower my eyes stammering, "Sorry Jack." Quickly walking past him, I move towards where Sam had set up our 'kitchen'. Sitting between her and Teal'c, I smile as she hands me an MRE. You'd think after everything we'd been through they would have sent us something better than MRE's.
Sam is trying to explain something to Loren. She had spent most of yesterday telling him about how the gate and the DHD worked. I could see Jack's eyes glaze over instantly. I think it's just an automatic response now whenever Sam or I start talking. He avoided Sam and Loren most of yesterday, and with me avoiding him, that left Teal'c. Luckily Teal'c has the patience of Job. Jack prattled on about something sports related and Teal'c sat quietly eating his ice cream. I don't think he was really listening to Jack, but when Jack reached over to get some ice cream. Let's just say if they hadn't sent something to keep the ice cream in, Teal'c could have kept it frozen with the look he gave Jack. Needless to say, Jack took that opportunity to do another check of the area, not that there was anyone or anything other than us here on this planet. I think he just likes to keep busy. God help us all if Jack starts to get bored.
I need air. I haven't been out of the 'palace' since we got here yesterday and Jack's constant worried glances are seriously starting to get on my nerves. I mean, I know he means well, I know I scared him and I know he hasn't gotten over it yet. I know that the only way he'll get over it is if we talk about it but I just can't, not right now.
I get up slowly, trying not to draw attention to myself. Making my way towards the doors, I step out into the sunlight and fresh salt air. It feels...wonderful. I just need a few moments alone, a few moments away from everyone. Besides, thanks to the light it's not like I can go very far anyway. I walk towards the sand, taking my boots and socks off, reveling in the feel of the sand on my feet. Walking towards the water, I test the temperature with my toe. Surprisingly it's rather warm. I bend down, rolling my pants legs up and begin walking along the shore line, letting the small waves lap at my legs.
Before my parents died we had spent much of my young life in Egypt, the desert, not getting near water much. Oh the Nile wasn't that far away, but with Mom and Dad so busy with their digs we didn't get much time to do anything recreational. Then they died. Most of my foster families had been too busy and too far away from anything resembling a beach, so for all intents and purposes this was something new.
Flashes of Oannes attack my mind. OK, so not exactly new, but I wasn't strolling along the beach when Nem held me captive. I never noticed before that the sound of the water, it was very calming. I could almost forget everything that happened yesterday just by getting lost in the sounds surrounding me.
The suns had reached their apex and it was getting very warm. I threw my boots on the sand, and took off my fatigue shirt, desperately wishing we had shorts with us instead of these too hot fatigue pants. I sit on the sand, my toes still touching the water, gazing out into the ocean before me. Wiping the sweat from my upper lip, I realize that I desperately want to cool off.
Standing, I remove my fatigue pants, not caring that I'm standing on an alien planet in my boxers. Throwing my t-shirt on top of my pants, I begin wading out into the warm, inviting water. I smile at the feeling of the water hitting my legs, my thighs. I've waded to my waist now and am just about to dive under when I feel an arm grab me from behind. For a moment it feels like my heart has stopped, until I hear a growl in my ear that is all too familiar.
"Daniel what the hell do you think you are you doing?!" Jack is dragging me back to shore. I take in the fact that he's fully clothed and soaking wet. Looking at his face, I immediately know what he is thinking.
"Dammit Jack...are you trying to scare the living daylights out of me?!"
"ME trying to scare YOU?! What the hell were you doing wading out into the ocean Daniel?!"
"I was hot Jack, I thought I'd cool off seeing as how we have all this water here!" I gestured to the ocean at my back. I can't believe that he actually thought I was going to try and kill myself again. Nice to know he actually trusts me.
He stands there, mouth open, looking like a gaping fish. I know he's not sure what to say. I doubt very much that he wants to come out and say 'Damn Daniel I thought you were going to try and drown yourself'. "I wasn't trying to you know."
"Wh-what?"
"Drowning...I wasn't trying to drown myself." I wrap my arms around me, turning away from him and back towards the water. Somehow I feel colder now. Cold not just because I'm standing on the beach, half naked and soaking wet, but cold because I now know my best friend truly thinks that I was on that balcony not because of some alien influence but because...he thinks I wanted to do it.
"I didn't say that..."
"You were thinking it."
"Daniel, I found you perch on the wrong side of your balcony yesterday, forgive me if I'm still a little freaked out by it."
"And you think I'm not?!"
"Are you? Cause you've been steadily avoiding me since yesterday. You can't bury this Daniel, you have to talk about it."
"God! Why?! Why do I have to talk about it Jack? What do you want me to say?"
"I...Daniel..."
"And no Jack! No, I did not want to be there, it WAS the damn light that had me on that balcony."
"What?! Daniel do you really think that I believe you wanted to be up there?"
"Don't you?"
"Of course not!" He reaches out to grab my arm, trying to turn me to face him. I pull away, not sure if I can face myself let alone face him.
"I'm not so sure."
"Daniel, I know you would never do anything like that willingly."
"I mean..." I run my hands through my hair, desperately wanting to walk back into the water. To feel the gentle caress of it washing away these feelings, these fears.
"What Danny...what did you mean?" Jack's voice drops to a whisper. He's using the 'please talk to me' voice. The one he reserves just for me. I walk back towards the water, standing ankle deep, my toes curling in the sand. The breeze is warm, drying my wet skin. I shiver. Not from the wind, not from the fact that I'm still dripping wet, I shiver because I know I have no choice.
"I'm not so sure that it was the light that had me on that balcony Jack." He's standing beside me, holding out my fatigue shirt. I slip in on, still avoiding his eyes.
"I'm sure enough for the both of us." He squeezes my neck, in the gesture of friendship I was so used to but had missed for so long. I smile weakly. He sounds so confident, but...if I'm not sure...
"That's not always enough Jack."
"Daniel, look at me." I turn slightly, looking behind him, above him, beside him, anywhere but at him. "At me Danny." He grips my face turning it so that I'm forced to look him in the eye. "Daniel...do you want to kill yourself?"
"What?! Of course not Jack! Don't be absurd..." He's smirking at me. Damn. I hate when he's right. OK, well I don't hate that he's right in this instance, but I hate how easily Jack can manipulate me.
"See? You don't believe anymore than I do that you were up there of your own free will."
"What if the light taps into some underlying subconscious thoughts? What if deep down I really could do something like that?"
"Daniel, I know you better than anyone, probably better than you know yourself. You care too much about life, there is no way you are going to convince me that now or ever you would consider doing something like that."
"I'm scared..." I whisper, eyes falling to the ground again. I want to believe Jack, I really do, but at the same time am terrified that he's wrong. That all it will take is one more alien device and poof, I throw myself off the nearest building.
I felt his arms come up, wrapping around me, drawing me into a hug. I stand stiffly, fighting to hold back my emotions. Things between Jack and I have been strained recently, our friendship, it seems odd for him to be hugging me now. He has his hand on my head and a flash of memory assaults my vision. A memory of Jack hugging me once before. There in the gate room, not caring if anyone saw, he hugged me and I knew that finally I had found a family. One that I knew would love and accept Sha're as they had me. Of course, things hadn't worked out the way I wanted. I lost Sha're, without ever really having the chance to say goodbye.
As if a dam had been opened all my emotions came to the forefront and I wrapped my arms around Jack, hanging on for dear life. He whispered comforting words, not letting me go. As always Jack managed to somehow make me believe that everything was going to be alright. That things weren't as hopeless as they seemed.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome Danny." I pull away, breaking contact first. Wiping a hand across my eyes, I turn and gaze once more at the ocean.
I threw off my fatigue shirt once more, avoiding the question in Jack's eyes. I had to prove to myself, even if Jack believed it, I needed to as well. In one fluid motion I dove under the water, gasping as I broke the surface. It was a little colder than I first thought, but oh so refreshing. I grinned at Jack, who looked a tad pale. I let my body relax, floating on the top of the water, feeling it gently rock me. For the first time in too long I felt happy. Placing my arms behind my head, closing my eyes, I yell to my best friend still staring at me as if I had lost it, "Come on in Jack! The water's fine!"
I hear him mutter something to himself, he must be hungry, I can make out something about fries and a happy meal. I crack an eye open to see what he's doing. He's picking up my discarded clothes and boots. Never thought of Jack as a maid, but hey, whatever floats his boat.
"OK, Aqua boy. Let's go. We've been gone a while, Carter and Teal'c are going to send out the search party for us. Besides, if we don't get back now, Teal'c will have eaten all the ice cream."
My stomach growls at the mention of the ice cream. I didn't eat the rocky road last night and now my stomach is showing it's discontent over such a dastardly deed. Diving under once more, I surface and swim towards a waiting Jack, holding out my clothes.
"Hmmm, I kind of like the idea of you waiting on me." I avoid the playful swing directed at my head, grabbing my clothes and beginning the walk back towards the palace.
We walk back in a comfortable silence. I've yet to redress as I'm still a little wet, and I can't help but smirk at Jack looking like the creature from the black lagoon.
"What are you grinning at?"
"Just thinking that maybe you shouldn't have run to grab me fully clothed." He raises an eyebrow at my comment. It takes me a moment before I realize what I had just said, and I curse silently as I feel myself blush. "You know what I meant."
"Well, I think I'd prefer walking back into our accommodations by the sea soaking wet and fully clothed, as opposed to walking in, soaking wet in nothing but my boxers." Jack whistled as he walked up the stairs, while I quickly took in my appearance and began pulling my clothes back on. Damn.
"So kiddies, any ice cream left?" I heard Jack call, as I quickly headed back inside. Sam tries not to burst out laughing at Jack's appearance, while Teal'c simply raises an eyebrow, as he brings a scoop of chocolate ice cream to his mouth.
"Everything alright Sir?"
"Peachy Carter, why do you ask?"
"Why are you dripping water on the floor O'Neill?"
"Uh...."
I quickly speak up, stopping Jack from having to explain, "Any ice cream left?"
"Indeed Daniel Jackson. I believe your Rocky Road is in the cooler."
"Thanks Teal'c!" I make my way over to the cooler, grinning happily as I pull out my tub of Rocky Road.
Jack is standing, staring into the second cooler with a look of disbelief on his face. "You ate ALL the ice cream?!" he yells, turning accusing eyes on Teal'c.
"Indeed I did not. As I said O'Neill, Daniel Jackson's Rocky Road was left untouched."
Jack rolls his eyes, casting one final look of despair at the empty cooler. Then I see his eyes, slowly turn towards me. A sparkle of what I have come to know as the real Jack O'Neill shining through. "Oh Danny boy."
"No!" I jump to my feet, hurrying from the room, my ice cream in tow. This was mine. All mine! I try and shovel in as much ice cream as I can as I hear him in hot pursuit.
"Come on Daniel! No fair! You have to share!!"
"No way Jack! You snooze you lose!" Grinning I shovel another mouth full of the sweet, delectable chocolate and marshmallow into my mouth. There were plenty of hiding places in here. All I needed was 5 minutes.
"You can run but you can't hide!"
"Watch me!" I duck behind a pillar, shoveling a mouth full in, followed by another. All of a sudden I gasp, dropping my spoon to the floor with a clatter, while clutching the bridge of my nose. "Argh!"
I feel my tub of ice cream quickly pulled from my hand and a very smug Jack scooping out a mouth full. "That's what you get for not sharing Danny boy."
"That's what I get for eating too fast."
"That's what I said." I roll my eyes as the ice cream headache slowly subsides. Jack is standing there, grinning, a drip of chocolate smeared on the corner of his mouth. He looked all of 10 years old.
I hear Teal'c coming around the corner and a little gulp from Jack as he's caught eating my ice cream. I try not to laugh as the scene before me reminds me of a bully getting caught picking on a smaller kid.
"That is Daniel Jackson's Rocky Road O'Neill."
"He's full."
"He is not."
"Is."
"I will not partake in such childish behavior. Return the ice cream to Daniel Jackson."
Grumbling Jack takes a final bite, shoving the tub of ice cream towards me. "I was full anyway. I'm going to go change."
"Thanks Teal'c."
"You are welcome." Inclining his head, Teal'c turns walking back to where Sam is explaining to Loren just what Jack and I were doing. Shaking my head, and taking another bite of my ice cream, I turn in search of a pouting Jack.
I find him sitting on a cot, half dressed, staring at something in his hand. I walk over, sitting beside him, "Hey."
"Hey."
"You ok?"
"Fine."
"You can have the rest of my ice cream."
"That's ok, I'm full."
"Whatcha got?" He opens his hand, and I'm shocked to see a tiny green soldier with glasses drawn on it's face with black marker. "DOC!" He's smirking again. "Why do you have Doc?"
"You gave him to me."
"I know that, I meant why do you have him here?"
"I dunno."
"Jack...?"
"Fine....I..I carry him with me ok?" He seems embarrassed and closes his fingers around Doc, pulling his hand back towards him.
"You...you do?"
"It's no big deal."
"Why?"
"What?"
"Why do you carry him with you?"
He mumbles something I can't quite make out, "What?"
"Sigh He reminds me of you alright?" I can't help but smile. "OK, wipe the grin off your face. It's the glasses, that's all."
"Sure Jack."
"Stop it."
"Stop what?"
"You know what." He's growling again. I'm grinning again. This is all just too funny to me. I didn't think Jack would keep Doc, let alone carry him around.
"So...Do you always have him with you?"
"Well this is the only Doc I don't have to worry about running off touching things he's not supposed to."
"Well there was that time in the storage closet..."
"Daniel..." He's glaring at me now.
"Jack..."
"He's a good luck charm."
"A what?"
"Of course, not a very good one..."
"A good luck charm?" My eyebrow raises skeptically.
"You know, I've been thinking. All this stuff started happening after you gave him to me. Maybe you should have him back...I mean, maybe he'll bring you some good luck...he's seems a little ineffective with me."
"You don't believe in good luck charms."
"Oh, I don't know about that...I had one on Abydos that first mission, one that saved my life as well as everyone else's on that planet."
I try not to blush, and fail miserably. "You wouldn't have done it Jack. You would have realized it was wrong on your own eventually."
"I'm not so sure about that."
"I'm sure enough for the both of us." Jack looks up, grinning, handing Doc back to me. I'm about to argue, tell him that I gave him Doc for a reason, but I can see in his eyes that he needs to do this, so I accept him. "Thanks Jack."
"What say we head back to the others before Teal'c comes back." He winks, I smile. Things are finally starting to feel normal again. Maybe our three weeks in a palace at the beach won't be so bad after all.
Jack is looking at me again. He's scared...honestly I'm a little scared too. Scared that it wasn't just the withdrawal that had me standing on the wrong side of my balcony. Thank god Jack came. I still feel light headed when I think about it. I don't remember much about it. I remember hearing Jack, telling me to come inside. I remember turning my head, calling for him. He was there in a flash, his hands gripping my arms. I don't think I've seen Jack that scared in a long time...
Sam and Teal'c don't know much about what happened. I don't think Jack's been able to bring himself to say anything to them. I don't know if I can either. It's not exactly a great conversation starter...'Oh hey guys, just thought you should know I tried to take a nose dive off my balcony yesterday.'
Loren has been hovering around us. He's been here alone for a long time. I'm still surprised that after all the time we spent here, before everything hit the fan, that we didn't see him once. I guess in some ways it's good that we came here. At least the kid can get off this planet of bad memories.
I've been keeping my distance from Jack. I don't know what to say. 'Thanks for stopping me from doing a header off the eighth floor'? I can see when he looks at me that he wants to continue the conversation I cut off yesterday. I don't know if I want to get into it though. We've been doing a pretty good job of avoiding things lately. I've been getting used to not running to Jack, and to not having him hovering over me like a mother hen.
Sam has been studying the light since we got here. She's fascinated by it, of course. New technology. Well, at least she has something to do for the three weeks we're going to be stuck here.
Teal'c headed back to the SGC yesterday, reporting to Hammond and Janet. They sent through supplies for our 'vacation'. Teal'c came back with it, deciding he would stay with us. I'm pretty sure he's just staying for the ice cream.
Thankfully they sent through my journal I can't believe Jack wouldn't let me have some work sent through. Good ol'Teal'c. At least with my journal I'll have something to distract me from thinking about what happened...almost happened yesterday and something that I can hide behind so that Jack doesn't force me into a conversation I'm just not ready to have yet...if ever.
"Hey Daniel."
"Hi Sam."
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine Sam...really." I smile at her, hoping that she won't see through my lie. I'm not fine...far from it, but I can deal with it on my own. That's the way it's been most of my life. Things just got a little out of perspective for a bit. I let myself come to depend on Sam, Teal'c...Jack. It's better this way. I don't want them to have to deal with my insecurities...my fears.
I set about writing in my journal. Needing to get a few thoughts down on paper. My eye catches the device I used to shut the light off. Picking it up, I flip it over, running my hands along the script. Curious, I walk back towards the room where the light is. Yesterday I barely saw the walls let alone what was written on them, today though, today I want a distraction. In moments I'm lost in thought as I begin to work on translating the rest of the script on the walls.
"Chows on."
"I'll be there in a minute."
"Now Daniel."
"Hang on Jack, I think I know what this wall says here."
I feel Jack's hand on my arm and I jerk away, memories flooding through my head. I see the concern in his eyes. He knows why I pulled away but I'm still not ready to talk about it. I lower my eyes stammering, "Sorry Jack." Quickly walking past him, I move towards where Sam had set up our 'kitchen'. Sitting between her and Teal'c, I smile as she hands me an MRE. You'd think after everything we'd been through they would have sent us something better than MRE's.
Sam is trying to explain something to Loren. She had spent most of yesterday telling him about how the gate and the DHD worked. I could see Jack's eyes glaze over instantly. I think it's just an automatic response now whenever Sam or I start talking. He avoided Sam and Loren most of yesterday, and with me avoiding him, that left Teal'c. Luckily Teal'c has the patience of Job. Jack prattled on about something sports related and Teal'c sat quietly eating his ice cream. I don't think he was really listening to Jack, but when Jack reached over to get some ice cream. Let's just say if they hadn't sent something to keep the ice cream in, Teal'c could have kept it frozen with the look he gave Jack. Needless to say, Jack took that opportunity to do another check of the area, not that there was anyone or anything other than us here on this planet. I think he just likes to keep busy. God help us all if Jack starts to get bored.
I need air. I haven't been out of the 'palace' since we got here yesterday and Jack's constant worried glances are seriously starting to get on my nerves. I mean, I know he means well, I know I scared him and I know he hasn't gotten over it yet. I know that the only way he'll get over it is if we talk about it but I just can't, not right now.
I get up slowly, trying not to draw attention to myself. Making my way towards the doors, I step out into the sunlight and fresh salt air. It feels...wonderful. I just need a few moments alone, a few moments away from everyone. Besides, thanks to the light it's not like I can go very far anyway. I walk towards the sand, taking my boots and socks off, reveling in the feel of the sand on my feet. Walking towards the water, I test the temperature with my toe. Surprisingly it's rather warm. I bend down, rolling my pants legs up and begin walking along the shore line, letting the small waves lap at my legs.
Before my parents died we had spent much of my young life in Egypt, the desert, not getting near water much. Oh the Nile wasn't that far away, but with Mom and Dad so busy with their digs we didn't get much time to do anything recreational. Then they died. Most of my foster families had been too busy and too far away from anything resembling a beach, so for all intents and purposes this was something new.
Flashes of Oannes attack my mind. OK, so not exactly new, but I wasn't strolling along the beach when Nem held me captive. I never noticed before that the sound of the water, it was very calming. I could almost forget everything that happened yesterday just by getting lost in the sounds surrounding me.
The suns had reached their apex and it was getting very warm. I threw my boots on the sand, and took off my fatigue shirt, desperately wishing we had shorts with us instead of these too hot fatigue pants. I sit on the sand, my toes still touching the water, gazing out into the ocean before me. Wiping the sweat from my upper lip, I realize that I desperately want to cool off.
Standing, I remove my fatigue pants, not caring that I'm standing on an alien planet in my boxers. Throwing my t-shirt on top of my pants, I begin wading out into the warm, inviting water. I smile at the feeling of the water hitting my legs, my thighs. I've waded to my waist now and am just about to dive under when I feel an arm grab me from behind. For a moment it feels like my heart has stopped, until I hear a growl in my ear that is all too familiar.
"Daniel what the hell do you think you are you doing?!" Jack is dragging me back to shore. I take in the fact that he's fully clothed and soaking wet. Looking at his face, I immediately know what he is thinking.
"Dammit Jack...are you trying to scare the living daylights out of me?!"
"ME trying to scare YOU?! What the hell were you doing wading out into the ocean Daniel?!"
"I was hot Jack, I thought I'd cool off seeing as how we have all this water here!" I gestured to the ocean at my back. I can't believe that he actually thought I was going to try and kill myself again. Nice to know he actually trusts me.
He stands there, mouth open, looking like a gaping fish. I know he's not sure what to say. I doubt very much that he wants to come out and say 'Damn Daniel I thought you were going to try and drown yourself'. "I wasn't trying to you know."
"Wh-what?"
"Drowning...I wasn't trying to drown myself." I wrap my arms around me, turning away from him and back towards the water. Somehow I feel colder now. Cold not just because I'm standing on the beach, half naked and soaking wet, but cold because I now know my best friend truly thinks that I was on that balcony not because of some alien influence but because...he thinks I wanted to do it.
"I didn't say that..."
"You were thinking it."
"Daniel, I found you perch on the wrong side of your balcony yesterday, forgive me if I'm still a little freaked out by it."
"And you think I'm not?!"
"Are you? Cause you've been steadily avoiding me since yesterday. You can't bury this Daniel, you have to talk about it."
"God! Why?! Why do I have to talk about it Jack? What do you want me to say?"
"I...Daniel..."
"And no Jack! No, I did not want to be there, it WAS the damn light that had me on that balcony."
"What?! Daniel do you really think that I believe you wanted to be up there?"
"Don't you?"
"Of course not!" He reaches out to grab my arm, trying to turn me to face him. I pull away, not sure if I can face myself let alone face him.
"I'm not so sure."
"Daniel, I know you would never do anything like that willingly."
"I mean..." I run my hands through my hair, desperately wanting to walk back into the water. To feel the gentle caress of it washing away these feelings, these fears.
"What Danny...what did you mean?" Jack's voice drops to a whisper. He's using the 'please talk to me' voice. The one he reserves just for me. I walk back towards the water, standing ankle deep, my toes curling in the sand. The breeze is warm, drying my wet skin. I shiver. Not from the wind, not from the fact that I'm still dripping wet, I shiver because I know I have no choice.
"I'm not so sure that it was the light that had me on that balcony Jack." He's standing beside me, holding out my fatigue shirt. I slip in on, still avoiding his eyes.
"I'm sure enough for the both of us." He squeezes my neck, in the gesture of friendship I was so used to but had missed for so long. I smile weakly. He sounds so confident, but...if I'm not sure...
"That's not always enough Jack."
"Daniel, look at me." I turn slightly, looking behind him, above him, beside him, anywhere but at him. "At me Danny." He grips my face turning it so that I'm forced to look him in the eye. "Daniel...do you want to kill yourself?"
"What?! Of course not Jack! Don't be absurd..." He's smirking at me. Damn. I hate when he's right. OK, well I don't hate that he's right in this instance, but I hate how easily Jack can manipulate me.
"See? You don't believe anymore than I do that you were up there of your own free will."
"What if the light taps into some underlying subconscious thoughts? What if deep down I really could do something like that?"
"Daniel, I know you better than anyone, probably better than you know yourself. You care too much about life, there is no way you are going to convince me that now or ever you would consider doing something like that."
"I'm scared..." I whisper, eyes falling to the ground again. I want to believe Jack, I really do, but at the same time am terrified that he's wrong. That all it will take is one more alien device and poof, I throw myself off the nearest building.
I felt his arms come up, wrapping around me, drawing me into a hug. I stand stiffly, fighting to hold back my emotions. Things between Jack and I have been strained recently, our friendship, it seems odd for him to be hugging me now. He has his hand on my head and a flash of memory assaults my vision. A memory of Jack hugging me once before. There in the gate room, not caring if anyone saw, he hugged me and I knew that finally I had found a family. One that I knew would love and accept Sha're as they had me. Of course, things hadn't worked out the way I wanted. I lost Sha're, without ever really having the chance to say goodbye.
As if a dam had been opened all my emotions came to the forefront and I wrapped my arms around Jack, hanging on for dear life. He whispered comforting words, not letting me go. As always Jack managed to somehow make me believe that everything was going to be alright. That things weren't as hopeless as they seemed.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome Danny." I pull away, breaking contact first. Wiping a hand across my eyes, I turn and gaze once more at the ocean.
I threw off my fatigue shirt once more, avoiding the question in Jack's eyes. I had to prove to myself, even if Jack believed it, I needed to as well. In one fluid motion I dove under the water, gasping as I broke the surface. It was a little colder than I first thought, but oh so refreshing. I grinned at Jack, who looked a tad pale. I let my body relax, floating on the top of the water, feeling it gently rock me. For the first time in too long I felt happy. Placing my arms behind my head, closing my eyes, I yell to my best friend still staring at me as if I had lost it, "Come on in Jack! The water's fine!"
I hear him mutter something to himself, he must be hungry, I can make out something about fries and a happy meal. I crack an eye open to see what he's doing. He's picking up my discarded clothes and boots. Never thought of Jack as a maid, but hey, whatever floats his boat.
"OK, Aqua boy. Let's go. We've been gone a while, Carter and Teal'c are going to send out the search party for us. Besides, if we don't get back now, Teal'c will have eaten all the ice cream."
My stomach growls at the mention of the ice cream. I didn't eat the rocky road last night and now my stomach is showing it's discontent over such a dastardly deed. Diving under once more, I surface and swim towards a waiting Jack, holding out my clothes.
"Hmmm, I kind of like the idea of you waiting on me." I avoid the playful swing directed at my head, grabbing my clothes and beginning the walk back towards the palace.
We walk back in a comfortable silence. I've yet to redress as I'm still a little wet, and I can't help but smirk at Jack looking like the creature from the black lagoon.
"What are you grinning at?"
"Just thinking that maybe you shouldn't have run to grab me fully clothed." He raises an eyebrow at my comment. It takes me a moment before I realize what I had just said, and I curse silently as I feel myself blush. "You know what I meant."
"Well, I think I'd prefer walking back into our accommodations by the sea soaking wet and fully clothed, as opposed to walking in, soaking wet in nothing but my boxers." Jack whistled as he walked up the stairs, while I quickly took in my appearance and began pulling my clothes back on. Damn.
"So kiddies, any ice cream left?" I heard Jack call, as I quickly headed back inside. Sam tries not to burst out laughing at Jack's appearance, while Teal'c simply raises an eyebrow, as he brings a scoop of chocolate ice cream to his mouth.
"Everything alright Sir?"
"Peachy Carter, why do you ask?"
"Why are you dripping water on the floor O'Neill?"
"Uh...."
I quickly speak up, stopping Jack from having to explain, "Any ice cream left?"
"Indeed Daniel Jackson. I believe your Rocky Road is in the cooler."
"Thanks Teal'c!" I make my way over to the cooler, grinning happily as I pull out my tub of Rocky Road.
Jack is standing, staring into the second cooler with a look of disbelief on his face. "You ate ALL the ice cream?!" he yells, turning accusing eyes on Teal'c.
"Indeed I did not. As I said O'Neill, Daniel Jackson's Rocky Road was left untouched."
Jack rolls his eyes, casting one final look of despair at the empty cooler. Then I see his eyes, slowly turn towards me. A sparkle of what I have come to know as the real Jack O'Neill shining through. "Oh Danny boy."
"No!" I jump to my feet, hurrying from the room, my ice cream in tow. This was mine. All mine! I try and shovel in as much ice cream as I can as I hear him in hot pursuit.
"Come on Daniel! No fair! You have to share!!"
"No way Jack! You snooze you lose!" Grinning I shovel another mouth full of the sweet, delectable chocolate and marshmallow into my mouth. There were plenty of hiding places in here. All I needed was 5 minutes.
"You can run but you can't hide!"
"Watch me!" I duck behind a pillar, shoveling a mouth full in, followed by another. All of a sudden I gasp, dropping my spoon to the floor with a clatter, while clutching the bridge of my nose. "Argh!"
I feel my tub of ice cream quickly pulled from my hand and a very smug Jack scooping out a mouth full. "That's what you get for not sharing Danny boy."
"That's what I get for eating too fast."
"That's what I said." I roll my eyes as the ice cream headache slowly subsides. Jack is standing there, grinning, a drip of chocolate smeared on the corner of his mouth. He looked all of 10 years old.
I hear Teal'c coming around the corner and a little gulp from Jack as he's caught eating my ice cream. I try not to laugh as the scene before me reminds me of a bully getting caught picking on a smaller kid.
"That is Daniel Jackson's Rocky Road O'Neill."
"He's full."
"He is not."
"Is."
"I will not partake in such childish behavior. Return the ice cream to Daniel Jackson."
Grumbling Jack takes a final bite, shoving the tub of ice cream towards me. "I was full anyway. I'm going to go change."
"Thanks Teal'c."
"You are welcome." Inclining his head, Teal'c turns walking back to where Sam is explaining to Loren just what Jack and I were doing. Shaking my head, and taking another bite of my ice cream, I turn in search of a pouting Jack.
I find him sitting on a cot, half dressed, staring at something in his hand. I walk over, sitting beside him, "Hey."
"Hey."
"You ok?"
"Fine."
"You can have the rest of my ice cream."
"That's ok, I'm full."
"Whatcha got?" He opens his hand, and I'm shocked to see a tiny green soldier with glasses drawn on it's face with black marker. "DOC!" He's smirking again. "Why do you have Doc?"
"You gave him to me."
"I know that, I meant why do you have him here?"
"I dunno."
"Jack...?"
"Fine....I..I carry him with me ok?" He seems embarrassed and closes his fingers around Doc, pulling his hand back towards him.
"You...you do?"
"It's no big deal."
"Why?"
"What?"
"Why do you carry him with you?"
He mumbles something I can't quite make out, "What?"
"Sigh He reminds me of you alright?" I can't help but smile. "OK, wipe the grin off your face. It's the glasses, that's all."
"Sure Jack."
"Stop it."
"Stop what?"
"You know what." He's growling again. I'm grinning again. This is all just too funny to me. I didn't think Jack would keep Doc, let alone carry him around.
"So...Do you always have him with you?"
"Well this is the only Doc I don't have to worry about running off touching things he's not supposed to."
"Well there was that time in the storage closet..."
"Daniel..." He's glaring at me now.
"Jack..."
"He's a good luck charm."
"A what?"
"Of course, not a very good one..."
"A good luck charm?" My eyebrow raises skeptically.
"You know, I've been thinking. All this stuff started happening after you gave him to me. Maybe you should have him back...I mean, maybe he'll bring you some good luck...he's seems a little ineffective with me."
"You don't believe in good luck charms."
"Oh, I don't know about that...I had one on Abydos that first mission, one that saved my life as well as everyone else's on that planet."
I try not to blush, and fail miserably. "You wouldn't have done it Jack. You would have realized it was wrong on your own eventually."
"I'm not so sure about that."
"I'm sure enough for the both of us." Jack looks up, grinning, handing Doc back to me. I'm about to argue, tell him that I gave him Doc for a reason, but I can see in his eyes that he needs to do this, so I accept him. "Thanks Jack."
"What say we head back to the others before Teal'c comes back." He winks, I smile. Things are finally starting to feel normal again. Maybe our three weeks in a palace at the beach won't be so bad after all.