Notes: I truly don't hate Hiko-sama... I think he's AWESOME! I just thought it would be funny for him to be insanely drunk for awhile... Don't worry, he'll be back to normal soon enough... I AM NOT BASHING HIM! I just found it really easy to picture him all wide-eyed and mumbling, for some reason I have yet to gather...

Ugh, thus ends my rant.

Disclaimer: Do you get it yet?! I OWN them! Sheesh, you think people would get the picture after the first time I write a stupid disclaimer! Ugh, people these days!

Say Cheese! :)
'Speak Rudely, Carry a Big Bottle of Sake!'

THERE WAS SEIJUUROU HIKO THE FIRST...
AND SEIJUUROU HIKO THE SECOND...
AND, MY, MY, THERE WAS EVEN SEIJUUROU HIKO THE THIRD...
BUT THEY ALL DIED, AS MOST DO.
UNTIL THERE WAS FINALLY A SEIJUUROU HIKO THE THIRTEENTH...
AND IT WAS GOOD...
BUT THIS AFOREMENTIONED HIKO WAS A DRUNK...
AND IT WAS NOT SO GOOD...
AND KENSHIN WAS SCARED...
AND SAITOU SMIRKED.

Chapter 3:
On Late-Night Inspirational Speeches and the Pros and Cons of Sheer Insanity (which is like drapery, you know)

Saitou frowned.

He was... How can we put it? He was... was... nervous.

He was nervous about being around this madman who, according to Kenshin, had once been one of the world's greatest swordsmen.

For one, the man had just fallen on his face. Not very swordsman-like.

For two, he had gotten up and torn across the yard with what Saitou could infer was not-quite-God-like speed. While yelling. And while swinging his katana around in a rather dangerous way.

He had definitely lost it.

And Kenshin stared at him in a rather befuddled way, looking altogether like he was completely lost.

For Heaven's sakes, the man had just "oro"-ed at him!

Oro. Now that was a word that had caused his Shishou some grief. It was a habit he had tried to break but, a lot like what smoking could do to a person, it seemed to come back and haunt him like some restless child spirit urging him to go out and play.

It was scary.

And Kenshin looked at his Shishou, the Ultimate Fatherly Figure, the Ultimate One Standing Atop the Golden Pedestal, the Ultimate Master of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu! (And, ah yes, the Ultimate Sake Champiiiioooonnnnnnn!!!)

Or, at least, those were the thoughts that had somehow wound up in Hiko's inflated-ego mind.

Hiko.

Kenshin wasn't sure he liked that name. It was too sharp.

But on second though, he supposed it suited a swordsman to have asharp name A sharp name to go with a sharp sword. (That wasn't a dirty joke, either.)

He pondered that thought a minute, but was suddenly interrupted by his just-too-cool-archenemy-rival-associate-Saitou-sama.

Saitou said, "Hnnnn..."

And that was it.

And Kenshin looked at him in a perplexed sort of way and wondered if perhaps both Saitou and his Shishou were losing their ability to speak Japanese.

And he was almost scared at the thought.

Almost.

But, alas, he looked back towards his Shishou and made a vague attempt at conversation. "Anou... Shishou-sama? "

But Hiko didn't respond to that.

"Shishou?"

Nope.

"Hiko-san?"

And at the sound of this Hiko blinked and skulked over, meandering in a drunken sort of way.

Which, of course, gave Kenshin some insight on the state of mind that the man might be in at the instant.

Which, of course, was the fact that the man must be drunk!

And he looked over at Saitou, who was simply standing and smirking at his misfortune.

And Kenshin got slightly irked.

And he glared at him with that Battousai glare that made him melt into a puddle of goo.

And that was just punishment.

And he continued to glare until he was suddenly interrupted. (For it was quite Hiko-sama's nature to interrupt people when they were in the middle of something important.)

Hiko cleared his throat as if about to reveal the meaning of life or burst into wild sonnet or ballad.

"I am a free sword!" he exclaimed to all present. "Free! Free! I am bound only to the rules and regulations that apply to a sword! I... am... FREEEEEEE!!!"

And he tilted his head back with such vigour that he toppled over onto the ground, laughing hysterically.

"Oro?"

"Hnnnn..."

And Hiko droned on for quite a few more hours, occasionally swaggering in a drunken sort of way as he paced about the yard. His comments seemed to mostly center on the fact that he was 'FREEEEEEE!!' but my guess is that you got that already.

But suddenly he was finished.

And he looked on expectantly as if waiting for a round of applause or a standing ovation.

Crickets chirruped in their typical cricket way.

Fffffffghffffffffffffffff vncnddddddddddddddddds. (Actually, my cat just wrote that and I think it gives immeasurable depth to my story. Please review her work!)

Crickets chirped. But you already knew that.

And Hiko frowned in discontent and mumbled out a few incoherent things.

And Saitou frowned along with him in discontent as was so typical of him.

And they both frowned in discontent together.

And Kenshin looked on...

But suddenly, Hiko exploded into fits of complete hysteria, which was not-quite-so-typical of him.

But being as this story is quite atypical, it can be inferred that this was quite not so bizarre as it sounded.

And so Hiko continued on in a rather-typical-for-this-story sort of way, and not a soul found it bizarre.

Except Kenshin, of course, who, at this point, was positive everything was bizarre. There was completely, obviously, absolutely nothing sane about anything at the moment.

And so he simply sat back and watched the show with mild curiosity.

But... -sigh-... Sooner or later, all good things must come to an end.

-sob- Hiko's insane antics were starting to fade, giving way to things like sarcasm, bitterness and MORE SAKEEEEEEE!! WHEE!

And Saitou thought this was rather amusing to watch.

"Freeee... freee..." Hiko mumbled, as he was typically inclined to at this point.

But suddenly, he seemed to "pop" (or something) and started yelling out more relevant things. He looked at Kenshin in wonderment and muttered, "Baka deshi?" as if seeing him for the first time.

"Oro?"

"What the--"

-pop-

"Yup..." he slurred. "I really... must be drunk... yup... awful drunk... but freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--"

-pop-

"--heck are you doing here?"

-pop-

"--eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..."

And this continued on in much the same fashion for quite a few minutes, with Kenshin looking confused and Saitou frowning as usual.

But after a time the "pop"s became less frequent, and Hiko seemed to turn back towards the side of him that was sanity.

And finally, after an eternity, Hiko was good.

For lack of a better word, yes, he was GOOD!

And he stood in his usual cool manner and began speaking in his usual rude and sarcastic way. He cleared his throat and began his previous question that had been interrupted by his "pop"ping. "Baka deshi?"

Kenshin responded in his usual rurouni way. (Must I explain that to you all?)

"What, pray tell, are you doing here?"

"Anou... I need to learn my ougi, de gozaru..."

"Hnnn..." Saitou mumbled in boredom. (But the only reason he said anything at all is because I thought he hadn't had much action for the past few paragraphs. He's still here playing bishounen for all of you who are into that kind of thing.)

"Why?" Hiko demanded in his demanding way.

"Because I'm booooooored!" Saitou exclaimed with added enthusiasm.

Now Hiko and Kenshin both stared at him blankly, and Hiko said, "Not you, baka!"

And Kenshin took this moment to answer. "So I can defeat Shishio, de gozaru!"

"Why?"

"Ahh... So we can have peace, de gozaru..."

"Why?"

"... Because peace is good, de gozaru ka?" (Too many "de gozaru"s! AAAGH.)

"Harrumph," Hiko harrumphed. "Fine, then."

And he grabbed Kenshin by the ear and yanked him back into the dark, dank forest, leaving poor Saitou in the dust.

And Saitou said, "Hnnn..." and lumbered off after them.

Now, at this point in our little Kenshin series, there is a fight involving concussions, the fetching of water, and the commenting on the youthful glow of Hiko as announced by Misao. My story refuses to follow this path, because a) Misao is not present, b) Concussions hurt (!), and c) It would take a long time and much paper to drag Kaoru and Co. all the way here, as well as force Kenshin to walk all the way to the stream and fetch water... OK? So forget any of that really ever happened. :)

So...

Hiko had quite a strange way of teaching. In fact, one could not really call it teaching at all. Perhaps "attacking" would be a better way to put it.

Yes, that worked.

Hiko launched himself at Kenshin at a pace that shocked even Saitou, who was looming away in the trees. But instead of mauling him into a million gazillion pieces, as he was quite capable of doing, he simply made little sword "pricks" in those 9 deadly places.

Yup, that's right. 9 places, one nanosecond. SPEED.

(Minor Spoilers! Again.)

And Kenshin felt but a brush of energy fly past him. In some way that I cannot possibly fathom, he was able to see exactly what it was Hiko had done.

He stood there in shock a moment, and made an attempt to do the same thing.

But, in some bizarre way, Hiko was able to block the un-block-able attack.

And Kenshin gaped, and Saitou smirked at Hiko's sneaky little trick.

And Hiko explained that the real ougi was simply a withdrawal of the sword at a God-like -- or faster -- speed. But, of course, Kenshin had proven in the last chapter that he was capable of God-like plus speed, and so he wondered why it was such an important technique.

And Hiko answered that "Battoujutsu" is a rather boring name for a technique that promises doom. Instead, the name "Ama Kakeru Ryu no Hirameki" is given to it.

Yes, you're right again. A cooler name for the exact same technique.

And Kenshin nodded in understanding.

And Saitou said, "Hnnn..." for the last time, I swear!

Hiko sighed and said that now Kenshin had so-called mastered the ougi, Kenshin had to kill him. (There's a reason why they call it the succession technique.)

Kenshin was shocked at this and, of course, he refused. He hadn't killed for 10 years and he wasn't about to now, even if it meant he was to become the true master of his style. Instead, he simply bowed and apologized in his typical way, and walked out of there.

And Hiko thanked Kami-sama he was alive!

And Saitou said, "Hmmm..." and followed his archenemy.

And that was it. For now.

Owari, Chapter 3

Whee! That's it! You like? You no like? Please tell! Anyways, I've noticed this chapter is shorter, but it's more wordy, so I hope that's okay with you people. (That is, if there's even anyone reading this...) You know the drill by now, I guess.

Okay, Japanese-English Dictionary, even though I'm sure you knew all of this already... I guess this is just to take up more space or something...

Kami-sama: God or Gods... see also: Kami - same thing.
Baka deshi: Stupid/foolish/idiotic/dumb/etc. student/pupil/apprentice/etc.
Battoujutsu: Art of drawing the sword. Therefore, "Battousai": Master of drawing the sword!
Also Saikyou: Strongest (see above, i.e. Battousai)
Anou: Um... Literal!
Ougi: Succession technique
Ama Kakeru Ryu no Hirameki: Gosh... Something involving a hairspin and a dragon and something really fast... Lit. I have no clue.
De gozaru: That it is...
Also de gozaru ka?: That it is? or That is it? or Is that it? etc.
Sake: Duh?
Oro: Must I tell you?!
Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu: You all know this, I'm sure... Lit. The dragon style of the honorable sword to heaven/ sun... I think.

Yess! That's it! Finished! Only twenty bazillion chapters to go! (Actually, to be honest with you, I have no clue how many chapters to go...) Thanks to you all for reading (if you even did) and please please review! I'm living off reviews right now!

Special thanks to all those who already reviewed! As I write this, there are... 9 of you Yeah, woohoo. Note my enthusiasm. 9.

Faerie-chan: Yeah, I wanna make him smile, too! Uh... You said he was a sped? Um, I can't decide whether that means gay, immature or retarded. I didn't want him to be any of those! Well, thanks for your review anyways!

Chaos: Randomness is me! Glad you like it!

Incoherence: It made you laugh? I'm glad! That was the intent!

Karta: Thanks for the review and the compliment! Thanks a LOT! I appreciate it!

Inu-Angel Z: WHAAT?! Continue if I like? I want to know if you want toread more! Hmph. Well, whether you want to read more or not isn't my problem! Here's more for you! Hnnnnnn... but thanks a lot anyways.

L. Sith: Magical Number, that was you! Glad you liked it!

Incoherence: Actually, that made you laugh? Expect nothing less from the great Jovian Angel! Thanks!

Chiruken: Here's more for you, too! Glad you liked!

Yukishiro-sama: Wow! 2 reviews from you! Thanks a lot for the encouragement! I'm so glad you like it! -huggles fanfic-Thanks! Thanks a lot!

So extra thankies to you ALL! Yup, all 9 of you. Whoo.

Next Chapter (if there are any of you planning on reading any more): On Manic Ciggy Obsessions and Rabid Tanuki

Warning: Kaoru speaks! (-evil laugh-)

Please look forward to it.