Notes: Song of the Moment is "Take the Skinheads Bowling".
-sigh- I'm inspired to write! Do yourself a favor and never EVER listen to that song!
Warnings: For the first time, a warning! Kaoru speaks!
Disclaimer: I don't own Kenshin. It is the property of Watsuki-sensei and a whole gaggle of other bigwigs who have nothing better to do than to argue the fact that I don't own Kenshin.
Kenshin: I'm not an "it"! Hnnn . . . Just because I have girly looks doesn't make me a trans--
6: Wellll... On with the fic.
Say Cheese! :)
'Speak Lovingly, Carry a Tough Shinai'
THERE WAS KAORU...
AND SHE WAS IN LOVE...
AND THERE WAS KENSHIN...
AND HE WAS, UH, SOMEWHAT PARTIALLY PERHAPS MAYBE IN LOVE?
BUT KENSHIN WAS GONE...
AND SO KAORU LEFT...
AND CHASED HIM TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH...
AND SHE FOUND HIM! YAYS TO KAORU!
AND KAORU WAS HAPPY...
AND KENSHIN WAS HAPPY . . . MAYBE.
AND SAITOU THOUGHT, WHERE'S MY TOKIO WHEN I NEED HER?!
Chapter 4:
On Manic Ciggy Obsessions and Rabid Tanukis
Saitou frowned.
He was lonely, and Kenshin could tell.
He could tell by the way Saitou sighed constantly and consumed more cigarettes than humanly possible.
He could tell by the way Saitou never spoke.
He could tell by the way Saitou was always alone.
Saitou sighed, and Kenshin sighed in exasperation.
And, so, he popped the question. (No... Not that one... The other question...) "Saitou, are you in love?"
And Saitou looked at him a moment and wondered how he knew. He decided to be honest for once. "Actually... I'm married."
Kenshin face-faulted in giga-shock for the second time in this story. "Naaaaaaniiii?!"
And Saitou was saddened at the mere thought of his lovely wife. He began to sob. "WAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" he sobbed.
Kenshin felt rather odd in being at that place at that time, and so he began to wander off ever so silently.
Saitou pulled out a cigarette and sniffed. "I miss my dear little Tokio!"
Now Kenshin felt bad for Saitou. He felt guilty. He felt sorry. He felt ashamed. Only, the thing was, he didn't really know why.
He just did, OK?!
OK.
And so Kenshin made an attempt to comfort Saitou in the best way he could.
But that only made Saitou feel like a pity party.
And he frowned.
He HATED IT!
And so he simply walked off to wherever it was he was going, forming a cloud of smoke above him.
And Kenshin had the sudden urge to yell out, "Toot toot!" and if you had been around at the time, you might have thought that Saitou was pretending to be a train.
And Kenshin laughed maniacally.
And Saitou frowned.
But suddenly...
The sound of rushed footsteps could be heard in the grass. To Kenshin and Saitou, it sounded much like the charging of a wild animal, and so they moved out of the way for it.
... Which reminded Kenshin of his mission. "Anou... Saitou?" he asked.
"Hnnnnnn...?"
"How do you stop an elephant from charging?"
"Hnnnn..."
"Take away its credit card!"
Saitou blinked.
Kenshin blinked.
They blinked in unison. "Well, that was useless..." Kenshin muttered. "The man's as stiff as Aoshi!" And actually, he didn't know what a credit card was. And neither did Saitou. It was a moot point all along. Don't you love how I waste time like this?
'Stiff as Aoshi, am I?' Saitou thought. 'That's saying something.'
And at that very moment, Aoshi popped in. He sliced at Kenshin with his long cape thing for ever saying such a thing, and, upon missing, disappeared into the mist.
"Oro?"
"Hnnn..."
Now, at this point, Kenshin and Saitou could see a yellow speck charging in their general direction. The earth rumbled with the power of the thing, and they were thrown around by the sheer weight of it. Soon, they heard a sound coming from it. "-!"
Kenshin gasped and then groaned. There was only one person who could scream that loudly.
One Kamiya Kaoru.
Kenshin made a sound not dissimilar 'Eep!' and tore off into the waist-deep wheat growing near him. Saitou stood back and watched him a moment before slumping onto the grass in a most distressed way.
He was alone.
Again.
Damn.
Now, by this point, Kenshin was miles upon miles away, thanks to his God-like speed. He discovered a patch of dandelions and was reminded of the first chapter of this story.
He was about to pop a head off, but he was reminded of a review sent by faerie-chan, saying he sounded like a sped for popping heads off dandelions. He sighed. He frowned. "Hmph." He most certainly wasn't a sped, whatever that was. And so he glared at the dandelions for a long, long time.
But suddenly, again...
He was jarred into the earth by a force he determined to be Kaoru. (If you'd like to see a picture of this scene, kindly tell me. I'm drawing one, and I could e-mail you a copy of it. No pressure. Just a suggestion. Not that I can draw, but I love perspective. Helps, don't it? xDDD)
Kaoru leapt onto her boyfriend/ brotherly figure/ fatherly figure/ chum/ distant relative figure.
"Oroooooooooo..."
Now, Kaoru was a very talkative person, and she began to speak.
Nearby, in Kyoto, a light burned out. A shot was fired. A woman screamed.
She took a deep breath. "Oh . . . '
pleasepleaseiwannagohome! Idon'tlikeKyotoatallit'!"
"Oro?"
"Don'tyou'oro'mesillythat'--wenttoseeHikobutyouweren'!"
"Ah... Sessha--"
"Don'tyougoand'sessha'''tyou?"
Kaoru continued on in this way for quite a few more hours, pausing on occasion for a breath and to take a sip of water. Kenshin, of, course, caught none of it.
Saitou smirked in his Saitou way and lit up yet again. He was becoming a craved lunatic for the things. He'd hate to know what would ever happen if he lost--
"Saitou-san! Yoroshiku!" Kenshin hollered at him from a distance. Saitou looked up to see that his not-quite-but-kinda-sorta-not-really companions were lined up as if ready to parade to Kyoto.
He groaned. A parade to Kyoto?! How retarded!
They wouldn't.
The little voice in his head told him otherwise. 'Oh, yes they would. Oh, yes they would!' it squeaked in its annoying little way.
He groaned and got into the line, demanding as he walked, "WHY?!"
Misao and Yahiko giggled. Kaoru and Kenshin shrugged. Saitou fumed.
And so they made their way to Kyoto, Misao and Yahiko marching in a stately manner, Kenshin grumbling and trudging, Kaoru speeding in speech, and Saitou frowning and, well... walking.
What Saitou didn't notice was that he had forgotten his cigarettes on the grass behind him... (-sigh- Totally unpredictable, no?)
Mua ha ha...
Horror struck Saitou as he realized his mistake. "AAAAAAAAAGH!" he screamed in agony. He clutched at his throat and made an attempt at 'catching' the smoke which was quickly receding from above his head.
Kenshin turned around to peer at him anxiously. Screaming was not Saitou's thing, that was for sure. "Nani?" he asked worriedly.
But Saitou was at the stage where nothing could get through to him. He swerved dangerously on his feet, only to charge off, only to return, only to dig frantically in his pockets, only to scream, only to do it all over again.
Yes, Saitou had most definitely lost his cigarettes.
"Turn around!" he shrieked to the front of the line. "I MUST... I must get back there!"
Misao and Yahiko looked at him curiously.
Kaoru looked at him strangely.
Kenshin looked at him sympathetically and patted him on the back. "Maa, maa..." he said softly. "We can get some in Kyoto, right?"
Saitou exploded. "NONONONONONOOOOO! I need them NOWW!" He fell to the ground and pounded his fists into the earth with incredible force, the cravings getting stronger with every punch.
Kenshin drew back with haste to avoid getting obliterated. "S-Saitou... ? Perhaps we can just... You know... Work this out? Ne?"
"NOOOOOOOOOO!"
Kenshin was getting irate. "God, you idiot! Just wait awhile, will you? Can't you put on a Nicotine patch or something?!"
Saitou blinked. "Okay." He reached into his pocket and pulled out one of those stop-smoking aids. He popped out a piece of gum with a crnk and chewed on it thoughtfully. The cravings gone, he felt like a new man!
Kaoru, Kenshin, Yahiko and Misao sweatdropped. "Are you quite finished?" Kaoru asked.
"Ah, yes..." Saitou chirped. "Never better, never better... Nice day, isn't it?"
Three jaws, Kenshin's excluded, hit the earth at that moment. Kenshin smirked evilly.
"What?" Saitou skipped off in Kyoto's general direction, singing. "Dakeda wo mamoru koto naite... Kantan ni dekinai ne... Kimi mi furuhame mo, tobeware naiyo!" (1)
Kenshin was annoyed. "That's my song, BAKA! Not to mention you forgot the whole first verse!"
Saitou turned. "Now that wasn't very nice, now, was it? Tsktsk... Control your anger next time, silly!"
"Naaaaaa--"
"Eeh hee hee hee! We're off to see Kyoto! The wonderful Kyoto of Japan! We hear it is the greatest city, if ever a greatest city there was! If ever or ever a greatest city there was, the city of Kyoto is one because... Because because because because becau--"
Kaoru slapped him. "Shut up, will you?"
Saitou looked about as hurt as Saitou could humanly look. "Now, you're not very nice, either, are you? You're hurting my feelings! And I don't like you!" And with that, he tore off into the fields, head in hands.
Kaoru, Yahiko and Misao looked on in shock. Kenshin just kinda stood there. Kaoru questioned this lack of shocked-ness aloud.
"Saa... You see, Kaoru-dono... I've known him for a long time! Since before you were even born!" Kaoru paled. "I know the effects of those aids on him!"
"Then WHY, pray tell, did you give them to him?!" Misao demanded angrily.
"Because..." he began to laugh. "Because it's the world's funniest experience! I couldn't help it! WAI!" He exploded into gales of laughter, the others simply standing by with dark glares. "Anou... Min'na?"
"Kill him," Kaoru said evilly.
"Eep! What did I do?!" Kenshin cried as he was chased to the ends of the earth by a weasel, a raccoon and . . . Yahiko. "Eiiiiiiiii!"
He stopped to pop a head off a dandelion, not caring if faerie-chan thought him a sped.
And that was the end!
Owari, Chapter 4
Wow! Like, Wow! I can't believe I finished this chapter in a day! WOWWOWWOW! Seriously, I was experiencing major writer's block... Whoo, I'm glad that's over with.
Hmmm... Some Notes: Ugu! Pretty short chapter... Hope it sufficed for all you readers... Next one will be longer, I promise!
Um, did this chapter really, really suck? I definitely don't think it was one of my best ones... The next one will be better, too... I'm sorry if this really stunk!
Japanese - English Dictionary! (Like you need it, but oh well...)
(Not Japanese) Sped: I haven't the foggiest! Someone care to enlighten me?
Owari: End
Anou: Um . . .
Min'na: Everyone or something like our 'guys' as in "Hey, Guys!"
Saa: Well as in "Well, well, well, what have we here?"
Nani: What?
Baka: Idiot/Stupid/Unintelligent/etc.
Ne: Right?
Maa or maa, maa!: You probably know this. Kenshin says it a lot. Lit. Calm down! Or "Now, now..."
Yoroshiku: If you please! In this case, he meant, "If you please, get in the lineup already!"
Oro: -sigh-
Wai: Exclamation of... whatever...
Dojo: School for any kind of martial art i.e. empty-handed or something like Kenjutsu...
(1) For all those who don't know, this is one of the songs Kenshin sings in the RK CD. Please tell me if I made a mistake in the lyrics!
Thanks for reading, if you even did, de gozaru! I love all you reviewers so much! I feel so loved! -sings- Love is in the air... La la la la la la la!
Anyone care to wager a guess on who this chapter is going to focus on? Expect lots of deep pondering moments... Not. -snort- INSANITY AHEAD! WHEE!
Next Chapter: On the Raisin and the Plum
Please look forward to it.