Notes: This chapter, I hope, will be longer and much better than the last. I apologize for that one... Again. Well, as I'm writing this before I actually write the chapter, I can't tell you at this moment whether or not it's better, but I can tell you that I will try to make it wonderful through the best of my abilities.

Also, I'm incredibly sorry about the very bad text-formatting on Kaoru's long sentences... I tried to fix that but it didn't work... SORRY!

Warnings: Long-winded speeches, the Raisin's hideaway is made of candy, Saitou makes intelligent conversation (finally), and headaches by the end of it all...

Claimer: I do not disclaim to own Rurouni Kenshin... They are already disclaimed by Watsuki-sensei and a pile of other companies who want to feel special...

Oh! Here's a little mess-up I made in Chapter 4. Did anyone catch this?

Saitou: -reads- Saitou pulled out a cigarette and sniffed.
Kenshin: Hehheh... Hope he doesn't take that the wrong way...
A few minutes later...
Saitou: MMPH! Hellllllllp! -cigarette stuck up nose-
Kenshin: -sigh- He took it the wrong way... I should have known...
Saitou: !
Kenshin: This is so amusing!
Saitou: F--
Kenshin: Moving on...

And now for the grand moment! It's time to find out who the Raisin and the Plum are! WHEE! ... Even though... no one... guessed at all...

Say Cheese! :)
'Speak Long-Winded-ly, Carry a Large Bottle of Tylenol'

THERE WAS SHISHIO...
AND HE WAS BURNED...
AND HE WAS UGLY...
AND HE WAS WRINKLY...
AND SO THEY CALLED HIM THE RAISIN... ONLY NOT REALLY.
AND THERE WAS TOMOE...
AND SHE WAS KILLED...
BUT SHE WASN'T UGLY.
AND SHE WORE WHITE PLUM PERFUME...
AND SO THEY CALLED HER THE PLUM. ONLY NOT REALLY.
AND THE RAISIN AND THE PLUM...
THEY WERE BOTH VERY INTERESTING CONVERSATION-STARTERS...
AND SO KAMI WANTED THEM TO BE INVOLVED IN THE STORY...
AND KAMI SMILED...
AND... THAT WAS IT.

Chapter 5:
On the Raisin and the Plum

Saitou frowned. Yes, he frowned.

Which meant, of course, that he was back to his normal frowning self.

Kenshin groaned.

He didn't like this Saitou quite as much. In fact, he didn't like this Saitou at all.

Come to think of it, he didn't like Saitou at all, smoke-deprived or not!

But, alas, he didn't mention that, for he hardly ever expressed his true feelings about anything. That was just the way he was.

So, instead, he turned his mind to what had happened just a few moments ago, while they had been chasing Saitou across Japan...

Flashback...

Saitou tore off into the fields, crying loudly. He had been insulted, and he didn't like it. 'Why do they not like me?' he thought to himself. 'What did I ever do wrong?'

He stopped by a small pond and looked at his reflection. Thinking deeply, he began to sing. "Who... is that man I see, staring straight back at me? When will my reflection show who I am... INSIIIIIIIIDE? When will my reflection show... who I am... inside...?" He sighed.

Saitou suddenly exploded into a fit of rage, so atypical of his previous state. "WHYWHYWHY?" he cried out. "WHY? ALL I WANT... ALL... I WANT... IS A FRIIIIIENNNNDDD!" He sobbed into the person nearest to him.

"Uh... Saitou-san?" the person said. "What the...?"

Saitou looked down and screamed. "AAAAAH!" he screamed."S-soujiro-kun?!"

Soujiro smiled in a frowning way. He wasn't happy, but he didn't show it. "Maa, maa, Saitou-san!" He was nearly pushed over by the incredible weight of the man.

Saitou sniffed. "N-n-nobo-body likes me!"

Soujiro blinked in confusion. "Anou..." he ventured. "Do you want a cigarette?"

Saitou nodded. "I just want to be normal..."

Now Soujiro was a henchman of the Raisin who was definitely not cut out to be one. He smiled sympathetically and surrendered his cigarettes to a man in need willingly! (Why Soujiro was carrying cigarettes is something even I can't answer.)

Saitou grinned. "Arigatou! Arigatou! You don't know how much this means--"

Soujiro interrupted him with his hand. "Any time!" He then turned and wandered off to God knows where.

"SAYONARA!" Saitou called out and lit up. He inhaled and exhaled deeply... -drum roll-

And frowned. (Dun dun DUUUUUUUN!)

Now, it was at this point that Kenshin finally decided to show up. Saitou turned as he heard him slugging -- funny word -- through the grass and frowned.

"Anou... Saitou-san..." Kenshin panted out as he drew nearer. He yanked out a pack of cigarettes from Tokyo -- for they were best there anyway -- but stopped in his tracks when he noted Saitou was already under a mist. " Oro?" He suddenly got very, very annoyed and threw the box at his head. "AAGH!"

Saitou merely flinched as the box bounced off him. "Is there a problem here?"

Kenshin fumed. " You mean to tell me that I went ALL the way to TOKYO for no REASON?!"

Saitou pondered. "Yes, that's about right..."

"URGH!"

And Saitou frowned at this. He wasn't especially fond of sounds with no apparent meaning.

And so, he wandered off into oblivion.

And Kenshin Battousai-glared at his back but grudgingly followed...

End of Monumentous Flashback

Kenshin finished thinking about the long flashback and resumed pondering on about nothing.

I just suddenly realized Kaoru and Co. are gone. They, uh, ran off and joined the circus.

Saitou was also in the midst of pondering on about nothing. Well, in actuality, he was pondering the Raisin, but there really wasn't much to think about.

1) The man needed to die
2) They needed to kill him
3) He couldn't let him kill them
4) Lists are a good way to make yourself sound intelligent

Not an incredibly difficult concept to grasp. He glanced down at his archenemy/ ally/ companion of sorts/ accomplice/ partner in crime and smirked. Some no-killing vow was not about to stop him from accomplishing his horrific deed. Mua ha haaa. He decided he'd better have a chat with this aforementioned person to clarify the situation. "Oi, Battousai..." he said.

"Oro?" Kenshin glared up at him. "That's not my name!"

"Wakatteru..." he said icily. "But what are you going to do about this vow of yours? You're going to have to break it..."

"Iie," came the response. "Iie, iie, iie, iie! I made a promise! I'm not going to break it!"

Saitou was about to say, 'Hnnn...' but decided against it as it was not exactly intelligible conversation.

"You can kill him!" Kenshin said. "Tomoe-san wouldn' t want me to kill him..." His eyes glazed over at the thought of his previous wife. (Geez, he sure has a way with women, ne? 2 wives!)

"Tomoe? Isn't she dead?"

"Hai... Demo..."

Saitou snorted in disgust. 'Sheesh.'

He barely had time to finish the thought when suddenly the Raisin himself stood before them, oily sword in hand. He quickly frowned in intense shock.

"The strong die... The weak live... That is the way--Wait, that's not quite right..." the Raisin muttered in confusion. He quickly yanked out a script and pored over it a moment.

"Oro?"

"Luke, I am your mother--father--unc--NAANI?"

Saitou and Kenshin looked at the Raisin in befuddlement as he tried to find the right script. He glanced at them sheepishly."Yes... I'm playing Darth Vader in the Star Wars series..."

"Oh..."

He suddenly exploded into song and dance. "It' s a hard enough life... for us! It' s a hard enough life... for--No?"

Kenshin and Saitou shook their heads. That definitely wasn't right, either.

He sighed in exasperation and pulled out a file folder filled with scripts. "Let' s see... Little Shop of Horrors... No... Miss Saigon... No... Les Miserables... No... Rurou--Ah! Here we are! Ahem!" he read. "The strong live. The weak die. That is the way it is."

The nonexistent audience gave a warm round of applause.

The Raisin glanced expectantly at his enemies and groaned. 'What a waste!" he thought. 'A sheer waste of time!' And he departed with haste, leaving behind two people who were comfortably sleeping in boredom.

But suddenly they were both awake again, having registered the fact that the Raisin's monotonous voice was no longer permeating their dreams. "Ikuso," Saitou muttered.

"Where?"

"To find the Raisin again, I suppose..."

Kenshin snorted back a laugh. "The Raisin?! Ha ha ha! I love that! Hee hee! The Raisin... the Raisin..."

Saitou glared and Kenshin hurriedly composed himself. They quickly followed the Raisin's path through the fields and soon came to his deep, dark, dank, secret hideaway. "Sugoi..." they muttered. The place was huge.

In case you' re wondering, the path they were following was a trail of fire left unintentionally by the Raisin. He accidentally let his sword drag in the dry grass. Oops.

The place was huge. You already knew that.

The place was hot. Heck, it was pretty much on a volcano. You probably knew that, too.

The place was made entirely of candy. I'm quite certain you didn't know that. If you did, uh, that's just really, really scary. Saitou and Kenshin got rather ill simply looking at it, but they ventured in regardless.

Inside, they wandered about aimlessly. As we have already mentioned (twice), the place was huge.

They first came to a kitchen, where the Raisin was not. "Anou..." Saitou said. "I wonder why he needs a kitchen if he has a hideaway made entirely of food."

"I have no clue..." came the clueless-as-usual response.

Next was a living room. "Couches made of marshmallows!" Kenshin exclaimed in amusement. He flopped down on one and was surprised as it began to melt. "Oroooo!"

He noticed at that point that the walls appeared to be caving in. "AGH! The walls are melting! The entire place is melting!"

He pulled himself free of the goo and tore out, Saitou at his heels. (No, not literally.) Luckily, they reached the exit before the place was nothing but a lump of sugar.

Something suddenly struck Saitou. "Oi... D'you think we killed him?"

As if on cue, a whirring sound was heard and a helicopter flew smoothly out of the mass.

"Oro? Does that answer your question?"

Saitou frowned. So much for the simple approach.

On board the helicopter, the Raisin yelled. "Spock! Spock! We're going down! Fire the radiators! Man your battle stations!"

Soujiro turned around and smiled at him in confusion. "Anou... I believe you have the wrong script again..."

"Oh..." the Raisin muttered sheepishly. He flicked through the pile of script and finally came up with the RK one again. "Soujiro!" he called out to the man sitting but a few inches away from him.

Soujiro covered his ears to prevent deafness. "Hai, Shishio-sama?"

"Take us to Hideaway X -- The Land of the Dead..."

Soujiro gasped. "We're going to Hell?!"

The Raisin nodded and laughed evilly. "Bwa ha ha ha... BWA HA HA HA... BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!!"

And Soujiro joined in with his reluctant, "Eh heh heh heh..."

Meanwhile, back on Earth (literally and figuratively), Saitou in his nightgown and Kenshin in his cap settled down for a long winter's nap.

Uh, that' s not right...

Actually, instead they simply stood there, watching the helicopter fly away and wondering where it was going. They really had nothing better to do.

And for some reason he has yet to divine, Saitou suddenly drew himself into a meaningless rant. "What is good? What is evil? How are they alike? How are they different? What are differences? Why are they there? Are they there? Why are people different? Are people different? What makes people different? Why are differences so important? Are they so important? What is importance? Are we important? Are we not? Is everyone important? Who is everyone? Why don't we know everyone? What is knowing? Is it like understanding? What is understanding? Why do we understand some things and not others? What don' t we understand? What do we understand? Are people alike? Why are they alike? Why aren' t they alike? Is alike like being the same? Are we all the same? Are we all not the same? Is that like different? Why do people who are different not always get along? Why can't we just all get along?" Saitou took a breath.

Kenshin looked at him in shock. "I think that's the most words you've said in this entire story!"

The nonexistent a udience applauded once more.

Saitou frowned and said, "Aa... Ikuso..."

"Matte... Before you leave..."

"Aa?"

"I need a Tylenol..."

Saitou frowned in exasperation. "Hai..."

With that settled, they took off towards... uh, wherever it was they took off towards...

And they wandered off, Saitou with a feeling of accomplishment and Kenshin with a feeling of, actually, nothing really... Pain, maybe?

And that...

... Was a good way to end.

Owari, Chapter 5

Wai! Longer Chapter! Was this a better one? Well, I sure think it was... Teehee, the Raisin is going to Hell! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ah... You see now, Kenshin and Saitou have finally met up with Shishio... You know what that means, don't you? This story is getting close to being finished! WAHA! Unless... Should I take it past the end of the Kyoto arc or not? Any ideas on just how long this thing should be? In actuality, I wasn' t expecting it to be this long... But people seem to like it, so more ideas just keep coming, thanks to all of your positive support! Thanks a lot, all!

I'm thinking of maybe doing a sequel... What do you people think? Maybe one with Aoshi-sama? Hiko-sama maybe? If anyone agrees or disagrees with those ideas, please tell me! I don' t want to write more if nobody's going to read it!

Ahem. On to the Japanese - English Dictionary, though you don't need it:

Aa: Yes
Anou: Um...
Arigatou: Thank you!
Demo: But...
Doko: Where?
Hai: " Yes" or " Here" i.e. in roll call
Iie: No
Ikuso: Let' s go!
-kun: i.e. Soujiro-kun. Saitou referred to him as this because Soujiro is younger than he is. (I think... What is Sou-chan' s age, anyway?) -kun is a respectful way of referring to someone younger than you.
Maa, maa: Calm down! Or Now, now...
Matte: Wait!
Nani: What?
Ne: Right? Or something you add on the end of a sentence to make it sound cool...
Oi: Hey!
Wakatteru: I got that.
Oro: Duh?
Owari: End
Sugoi: Amazing
Wai: Exclamation of... anything... usually glee... and delegated to anime...

Wow! A lot of Japanese words today! :)

Thanks a lot to all my lovely readers!

Oh, an important note: This is also mentioned in my bio. Those who reviewed me on June 13th, 2003, sadly, your reviews didn't show up! If you search for this story, it'll tell you I have x reviews, but x-3 reviews will actually show up. To all those who reviewed, I'm so sorry your reviews didn't show up! I complained to but I don't think they'll do anything about it... But thanks a lot to you all, anyway...

To Goddess Bijou: I sent you an email regarding your odd review. Did you get it? Please reply! Thanks.

Next Chapter: On Heaven and Hell and Night and Day

Please look forward to it.