Notes: Chapter 8 has been released after receiving special permission from the Asylum for the Happy in Citytownville, Kentucky, my new abode. I have hereby been given a special promotion to the "Some Human Contact" ward, which means I can now post my chapters… That's why you had to wait so long… The men in white jackets are stiff and very difficult to bribe… :)
Okay, okay… I was on Vancouver Island… No Internet, just my laptop… So, I typed a couple of chapters for you all! I'm so sorry for the delay, but the only time I had on the 'Net was in those little Internet cafes, and there was a line-up, so I didn't waste time in posting the chapter.. And, my God, was that a run-on sentence or whaat?! Okay, again… Sorry… Thankies are at the bottom as per usual. Love you all!
Warnings: -snort- Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha… -goes on forever-
Disclaimer: Who thinks I own Kenshin? Huh? -crickets chirp- Thought so.
Say Cheese! :)
'Speak Oro-filled-ly (?), Carry a Handful of Existence'
THERE WAS "ORO"…
AND IT WAS A WORD… OR MAYBE IT WASN'T…
AND THERE WAS REAL LIFE…
AND IT EXISTED… OR MAYBE IT DIDN'T…
AND KAMI-SAMA STOOD BACK AND PONDERED THEM BOTH…
AND KAMI-SAMA BECAME CONFUSED ON WHETHER OR NOT IT "WASN'T" OR IT "DIDN'T"…
AND SO KAMI-SAMA CREATED KENSHIN…
AND KENSHIN WAS CONFUSED FOR KAMI, INDEED…
AND SO KAMI SMILED…
AND SAITOU SMIRKED…
AND KENSHIN ORO-ED SOME MORE…
Chapter 8:
On a Definition of Oro and the Reason for Our Very Existence
Saitou oro-ed.
Oh, wait, that's not right. Kenshin oro-ed.
But now we're forgetting tradition! Oh, my God, oh, my God, let's just start over…
Saitou frowned.
He wasn't alone anymore.
It made him mad.
It made him angry, furious, enraged, irate, incensed, petulant, raging, wrathful and provoked.
It made him irked.
It made him redundant.
But he wasn't alone. And so he frowned. Really, in the past little while, he hadn't been able to find anything to soothe his strange thing. When he was alone, he wanted company, but when he had company, he wanted to be alone! All in all, it was quite strange.
And so he frowned about it.
And frowned some more -- Just for the heck of it.
And nearby, Kenshin glared up at his, um, companion and willed him to smile. (i.e. 'Smile, smile, smile!' he willed. )
But, either Saitou was very weak in ki sense or very good at disguising this aforementioned sense, because he simply stood there, without moving or blinking or even frowning! After a short while, Kenshin began to wonder what was up.
And meanwhile…
Saitou tore across the field "happily", i.e. emotionlessly, pleased to be alone again.
And he suddenly frowned (again).
For he had suddenly some to the conclusion that he needed company again. He had come to expect this feeling for some time now, and so he knew precisely what to do. He about-faced and returned to wherever it was he had come from. (Who actually knows where they are? In fact, after the previous chapter, they ran off all by their lonesome. I had to search for hours! So, I'll just say they're somewhere on the way to Kyoto…)
When Saitou finally reached wherever it was he was going, he wasn't surprised to find our dear Kenshin poring over the wooden decoy confusedly. Saitou could have laughed at his ingenuity, or even smiled… but he didn't. Instead, he cleared his throat and said, "Oi."
And at this, Kenshin looked up with an (if possible) even more confused look and let out a resounding "oro." Or, at least I think it was an "oro." It may have been an "ororo." Oh, well…
And at the sound of this, Saitou covered his ears and complained for the first time ever (in this story, anyways). "Have I ever told you how incredibly stupid that word is?"
"Oro? What word?"
"That word."
"Oro?"
"Hai, that word."
"Oh. Hai, actually… Everyone tells sessha it's stupid, de gozaru."
"So why must you use it?"
"Shiran."
Saitou sighed. He ha--Well, hate was a strong word. He strongly disliked the word with a passion. Heck, he didn't even know what it meant, but he hated, well, intensely loathed it nonetheless. So, as a spur-of-the-moment question, he asked, "So, what does it mean?" On second thought, it wasn't really imperative that he know, but oh well, it would waste time.
And at this, Kenshin immediately yanked out his 'Official Book of Kenshin Words,' where he flipped the pages to the 'O' section. "Oro:" he read, "An expression of confusion, shock, horror, excitement, sadness, happiness, etc. normally used by K--oh, er… me. May be used without warning and at any given time, even when it is pertained to be irrelevant to context. See also: 'Ororo' and 'Ororororororo…'" Kenshin looked up from the book. "Does that clarify it?"
Saitou frowned. He still didn't know what would make a person want to use a word like that. It was so… Saitou couldn't quite figure out what the word was that he wanted to put in that spot.
But suddenly, as if on cue, Shishio leapt up from nowhere. "BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!!" he laughed maniacally. "BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!!" he laughed some more.
And Kenshin and Saitou stood there in confuzzlement (though I know that's not a word) for a moment, pondering what might be in store for them this time. While they did that, Shishio laughed some more incessantly. He continued on his laughing rampage until he was rudely interrupted by himself. Shishio coughed from lack of air, and, once he had regained his breath… continued laughing some more. "BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!!" he laughed. "BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!!"
And Kenshin and Saitou stood there for awhile, but soon left as they realized Shishio was showing no signs of even taking note of their presence. They took this to their advantage as they sneaked away to God only knows where.
And suddenly God Himself showed up and pointed them in the right direction. He walked with them a little ways, making small talk, before disappearing off into Heaven and leaving them with their own devices once again. Kenshin and Saitou continued on as if nothing peculiar in the least had happened, making their way to Kyoto at quite a slow pace, surprisingly. Saitou lit up quite a few times along the way, and Kenshin almost grew bored, as he had nothing to take up time. He almost started singing, before he remembered he wasn't alone and thought better of it.
Then, a thought came. 'Make. Him. SMILE!' Kenshin drew back slightly and pondered Saitou's retreating form, wondering how he could make the man smile. As we have mentioned before, in many of the previous chapters, he really had no clue on how to do it. Every idea he had though up just seemed highly un-Saitou.
But, on second thought, Kenshin thought that Saitou having a wife was very un-Saitou, so… Maybe there was more to the man than he had initially thought…
And so, Saitou walked and smoked, and Kenshin walked and pondered, and all in all, it was a fairly silent journey.
But, alas, after many, many moments on pondering about Saitou, Kenshin grew bored once again and began pondering what every ponderer has once pondered: The Meaning of Life.
And, strangely enough, Saitou started pondering the meaning of life at almost the exact same moment. Now, that was coincidental! A little too coincidental… (And that was cliché… A little too cliché…)
And so Saitou and Kenshin pondered their separate ponders.
Saitou thought, "Life is like a big, fat box of cigarettes. The more you take, the closer you get to death."
And Kenshin thought, "Life is like a Sakabatou. If you don't use the blunt side, someone's bound to die. But, waaaait a second… In life, someone's bound to die anyway… Chik'so, that doesn't work…"
And Saitou and Kenshin both thought about the meaning of life for a long, long time. Saitou was running out of ideas, and Kenshin had really had none to begin with. 'Life is like… a pillowcase… It's soft and fluffy and… No… Life is like a tree stump… Pink bunny slippers… Feather dusters… Sake… Ah! Life is like sake… The more you use up, the less you have…'
And Saitou and Kenshin thought for a long, long, long, long, long time more. Just to give you the impression on how long they thought, consider the length of time Kenshin & Co. spent fighting Shishio. Double that and add 2 episodes, and that's how long they thought for. In other words, it was a long time. A very long time, indeed.
And Saitou frowned some more. He was out of ideas.
And Kenshin almost frowned, but decided to set an example and smiled instead.
And Saitou looked over at him and simply frowned some more. After quickly making sure the man wasn't looking in his general direction, he yanked out a weathered, dog-eared book labeled 'The Meaning of Life for Dummies.'
Saitou perused the book for a moment and frowned. 'What?' he thought. 'There's no reference to smoke or cigs in here? Life is a box of chocolates? Life is a bowl of cherries? Oh. My. GOD.'
Saitou nearly exploded in agony and threw the book at the nearest available solid object, which was a nearby tree. He pondered the picture a few moments before saying aloud, "Life is like a book about life. If you throw it against a tree, you'll never find out how it's supposed to end."
Kenshin blinked.
Saitou blinked.
They both blinked.
Shishio appeared out of nowhere again and laughed insanely. "BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA-HAAA HAAAAA!!!"
And Kenshin suddenly thought of another phrase that was incredibly stupid and not even remotely funny, even if it was meant to be. "Life is like a Raisin… If you don't shut it up, it'll just keep laughing."
And Shishio suddenly stopped.
And Shishio suddenly glared.
And Kenshin was suddenly very, very scared of what the man could do to him. He quickly hid behind the tree stump he had examined some time back.
And Shishio glared and glared and glared some more, and glared and glared and glared and glared… and ran away forever.
And Saitou looked at his retreating form strangely.
And Kenshin did the same, except that he smiled ever so slightly. He inwardly laughed at Shishio's baby-ish nature in a very un-Kenshin-esque way and smiled wider.
And Saitou frowned.
And frowned some more.
And did exactly what you all expected him to do. He sm--frowned again.
(AN: Yes, that was the anticlimax… Bua ha ha… Expect a climax any time soon now… It's coming… It's comin--It vanished. I deceived you once more. OHNOES.)
And Kenshin Do Ryu Sen-ed into the nearest available piece of land in his anger. 'Grrrr…' he thought, and began reciting a single mantra/ oath in his head over and over. 'Make him smile make him smile make him smile…'
And, over by the tree, a very mutilated book sat in loneliness. Kenshin quickly noticed it and scooped it up, flipping through the pages. Not only was Saitou victimizing humans, but he was taking out his anger on the harmless little books!
And Kenshin spoke a few words to end the exceedingly short chapter. "Life is like a bowl of Saitous. Chances are you'll never pick a happy one."
Owari, Chapter 8
PLEASE, BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING, READ THIS! Are you reading? Thank you… I need to take a vote… Who do you think I should use for the sequel? Like, Aoshi or Shishio or Hiko or… I mean, you decide, people! Vote for someone else if your favorite wasn't there, but PLEASE VOTE! This is quite important to me 'cause I want all of my readers to be happy! (Or at least, the majority anyways… ) Okay, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do that! For me? PLEAAAAASSSEEEEE?!?!?!?!?! Arigatou, arigatou! Oh, and also, if you think I shouldn't waste my time on a sequel, don't hesitate to say so. stern teacher look. Honesty is the best policy.
-sigh- GOMENGOMENGOMEN over and over and over and over! This chapter is so short! Please don't hate me, PLEASE! I think it's still pretty funny… Of course, whatever I think is highly unimportant, so PLEASE REVIEW even though I know you would have anyways… I hope it didn't really, really suck… Anyhoo…
Next chapter will be way longer, I SWEARS! I'll make it, like, 10 pages or something, to make up for this one… I am so sorry… I mean, I covered everything I wanted to, but I just kinda ran out of inspirational thoughts!
Anyways, here's the Dictionary, even though none of you need it by now, I'm sure…
Chikuso: All-purpose curse
De gozaru: That it is
Gomen: Sorry
Oro: Did I make it clear enough for you in this chapter?!
Shiran: Um… 'shiranai,' or "I don't really know."
Oh, shortage of words! Well, there wasn't a lot of talking in this chapter either… Mmm… Maybe I should start writing more speaking, ne? I DON'T KNOW!
I did notice, though, that my paragraphs are getting a lot longer… Maybe that means such a short chapter isn't so bad! Eh, he he he… -nervous grin- You know?
Gods, long notes at the end… This is just like one of my typical "Jov's Ranting E-mails" (Although that isn't my sign-in name any more...) Seriously, BEWARE if I send you an e-mail… It'll go on forever…
Oh, and one more thing: In actuality, this chapter really isn't so short… I'll give an example. Chapter 5 had 2475 words. In comparison, this chapter has 2276 words! It's not really that big of a difference, ne? And besides, Chapter 5 was one of my longer ones! Chapter 4 had only 1992 words! :) So, really, be happy all, 'cause it actually was a pretty long chapter! It just had longer paragraphs and sentences! :) YAYAYAYAYAYAY!
Anyways, thanks to all my reviewers again! :):) And here's the list again, in the order they appear:
Reviews for Chapter 7:
NekoShinsen: Freakin' random… and weird… but amazing?! Geez, the first two I can understand, but AMAZING? I feel so special…
Ethelflaed: You have no clue how many times I typed in your name before I got it right… -looks over- That should be right, ne? Anyhoo, thanks so much! Sarcastic Wolf… Ha! Soujiro-glomping… Ha! Love it, love it ALL!
Kitty Katana: Aww, I know your Kenshin from the Endless Bag of Kenshins isn't worth quite as much as it would have been had the E B of Ks not been passed out… Oh, well… Um… -reads last sentence- Did that make any sense whatsoever?
Neko-Kitsune-gumi: Like that name, yo! I won an award! I don't even care if it was a non-existent award! I WON AN AWARD YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!! -catches CD- Oh, I already have this one… Yare, yare… -pops it in and sings along- HITORI DE WA TOUI ASHITA WO! YOAKE TO… something, something… Whatever. Thanks soo much!
Sakiya: I know, everyone was all alone! WAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA! Oh, well. Yeah, they did keep that going for awhile, didn't they…? Thanks a lot!
Yukishiro-sama: I missed your reviews! -sobs- I'm… so… -sobs more- glad you finally reviewed again… -sniffffffffff-… Thanks sooooooooo much!
Some Random Person: You again? Oh wait, how do I know you're the same random person who reviewed me last time? It's all a conspiracy! FLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Um, actually, never mind… Thanks so much for reviewing me again…
GuseBat: We -static- appear to be having some -BZZZZZZ- technical diff--more static Than-annoying, blank buzzing sound-
Inu-Angel Z: More of my story MORE OF YOUR STORY! YAYYAY! :) I need more right now! Thanks so much!
Taji: Make him walk into a hippo? Now that's just silly… I love it. BEWARE THE APPEARANCE OF THE RANDOM HIPPO IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! BUA HA HA! Thanks for the idea!
Icebluedragon: I love you. But not… in… that… sort of way… You had better update soon! (What that really means is, you should update NOW!) You know you want to… You know you want to… You know -hit on head with a Kenshin-… Uguuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…
Reviews for other chapters since my last update:
Kenshinjunkie03: Interesting? That can't be right… I could almost take that as a compliment! Thanks so MUCH! And, yes, many people have commented on the dictionary… Glad you found it useful in your pursuit of understanding the obscurity that is Say Cheese! :) …
Egyptian Lobster Guy: Love that name… Just LOVE it… No flames? Goody! I'm so glad you liked it!
Kenshin: You like me, you really like me!
Jovian Angel: No he doesn't, he just likes the story!
Kenshin: Well, I'm sure he only likes it 'cause I'm in it, de gozaru…
Jovian Angel: Yeah, probably…
Kenshin: -grin-
Saitou: Where's the love?
Ummm… me?: Glad it gave you a laugh. There isn't much else I can say to that… Thanks!
Wolfwood the Evergreen: Funny and insane… THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! That's -sniff- the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me…
Minty Fresh Socks: Um, glad you like it… I think… -searches MSN for: the use of profanity as an exclamation of happiness-… Thank you! I think that meant that you liked it… :) Eh… he he he…
Yay! That's it! PLEASE REVIEW AND VOTE! You know you want to! :)
Next Chapter for those who won't be reading it (?): On Saturday Morning Fanaticism and the Sort of End of the World
Please look forward to it, even though it sounds weird. ;D