Notes: Oops, a long wait again… Gomen GOMEN GOMEN! I didn't mean to, I really didn't! -sobs- They just… I just… You… We… WAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I feel so bad! -sniffles- Anyways, here's the next chapter for you all! It's a long one! YAYS! ) I'm pretty sure it's one of my best so far… Hope you all think so…
Speaking of what you all think, the results for the vote are as follows:
Aoshi: 7
Soujiro: 4
Shishio: 3
Enishi: 1
And, just for you, I've compiled an omake describing our characters' reactions to the results:
Aoshi-chan: …
Sou-chan: ! Thank God it isn't me! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! .
Aoshi-chan: … Are you implying something?
Sou-chan: Gee, I dunno… -innocent grin-
Aoshi-chan: …
Shishio-chan (and, just for a minute, think about how silly that sounds): MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! -smile- HAHAHAHA! -frown- What do you mean I didn't win?! -summons flame- Grrr… GRRR! -announcer voice- I will now attempt to take over the world.
World-chan: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
Enishi-chan: Oh, no, you don't! That's my job! Thankfully, not being submitted to incredible torture freed me up some time!
World-chan: -sweatdrop-
Oro-chan: Hey, what's that supposed to mean? Incredible torture… -un-Kenshin-like growl-
Enishi-chan: -whistles- Oh, nothing, nothing… Wait! What am I saying?! This is the perfect time to plot out my plan for world domination using… pieces of string and… pink erasers! -evil, evil laugh- Bua ha ha ha… BUA HA HA HA…. BUAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAA-HAAAAAA HAAAAAAAA!
Oro-chan: Er… Why do I suddenly feel blessed, de gozaru ka?
o.O
Those are the results as of this moment! (Note: If you gave me two votes, I counted them both… I'm just like that.) If you don't like the results or want to change your vote, you have until the end if the story to do so! :)
Other Notes: Some people have told me my chapters are too short… To borrow certain words from a well-known playwright: Brevity wa soul of wit, de gozaru!… Or something like that… So, NYAH!
Warnings: LOTS of randomness, and LOTS and MUCH randomness… and some brevity, too… Also, read this chapter VERY carefully, otherwise you might miss some of the little between-the-lines jokes that I threw in… Also also… I mentioned this in the last chapter… BEWARE THE APPEARANCE OF THE RANDOM HIPPO!
Disclaimer: There is no spoon.
Say Cheese! :)
'Speak Forbiddingly, Carry a Big… Fat… Cow'
THERE WAS THIS THING CALLED THE WORLD…
AND IT WAS GOOD…
AND ALL WAS HAPPY UPON THIS WORLD…
AND THERE WAS THIS BIG, FAT COW WHO WAS IRRELEVANT…
AND IT WAS NOT SO GOOD…
FOR THE COW STUNK TO HIGH HEAVENS...
AND SO IT WAS DEEMED BAD…
BUT THE COW WAS POINTLESS…
AND THE STORY WAS POINTLESS…
AND SO IT ALL WENT TOGETHER…
EXCEPT THAT THE COW REALLY WAS POINTLESS AND REALLY NONEXISTENT…
AND SO THAT WAS IT...
AND SAITOU FROWNED.
Chapter 9:
On Saturday Morning Fanaticism and the Sort of End of the World
Saitou frowned.
He felt it. Strongly.
Very strongly.
In fact, he felt it so very strongly that he was almost drawn to turn back from their route and run back to Tokyo that very moment.
He felt it that strongly. That feeling… The one we always try to evade… The one that everyone fears.
Yes, our dear Saitou was in the midst of experiencing a Feeling of Impending Doom. Gasp.
And it made him nervous. (Oh, all right, he was scared, but who'd ever think he'd admit it to a soul?)
But, alas, he was oh-so-deceptive in that last remark that he began to contradict it right then and there. "Oi, Battousai…" he said in his usual way, for Kenshin was the only one in the general vicinity anyway… Had it been any other way, Saitou likely would have spoken the words to someone else, anyone else… "I've got that feeling…"
Kenshin blinked, disrupted from the thoughts he had been pretending to have. "What feeling?"
"That feeling."
"Which feeling?!"
"That one."
"Which one?"
"That one."
"Ohh… That feeling…"
"Nope. The other one…"
"Which other one?"
"That one."
"That one?"
"Yes."
"Sessha sees…" he said darkly. After a long, dramatic pause for emphasis and pondering, he asked, "Which feeling was that again?"
Saitou pulled his bangs in annoyance. "That one… You know… The one where…"
"Oh, y--" Kenshin began, but he was suddenly interrupted as he walked into a hippo. He blinked at it confusedly.
"Hello!" the hippo said happily. "And how are you today?"
"Ah… Fine, de gozaru…"
"Oh, that's wonderful, WONDERFUL! That's just wonderful!" And with that, the hippo about-faced and flounced off into the wilderness. (Well, as well as a hippo can flounce anyway…)
"That was…" Saitou began. He then shrugged. It wasn't as if it was really going to determine the way he lived his life, anyway… (Or maybe it will…Bua ha ha…)
Kenshin blinked some more, but not for any apparent reason. "Oro? What were we talking about again?"
Saitou pondered the question a moment before answering. "I… Oh, yes. The feeling…"
"Oh, right… That feeling…"
"Yes, that feeling…"
And, all of a sudden, Kenshin felt the feeling too… Something was about to happen… Something big… Something important… And something terribly random…
Meanwhile, in Hell, Shishio pranced about gleefully. "I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! I've got it!" he sang happily. "I've got it!"
"Got what?" Soujiro asked with a smile. "Got what, Shishio-sama?"
Shishio suddenly looked glum. "I don't actually know… It was just fun to pretend that I actually had a good idea…" He suddenly erupted into sobs. "I'm so stupid. I can't do anything! Whywhywhy? Why can't I ever come up with a good idea? Maybe I… Maybe I just wasn't cut out to be an evil villain… Villainous Principle says I must laugh evilly at any given moment and always have a plan to get over an incredible obstacle… But I CAN'T and I DON'T!"
Soujiro grinned sympathetically (wtf.) at him. "Ara? It doesn't really matter, now, does it?"
Shishio sniffled. "No… But… I still want to kill them all…"
"So, go! Run! Fly free! Leave right now and kill them! Kill them ALL and take over Japan!"
And Shishio suddenly smiled. "Yes… That's what I'll do… I really think that's what I'll do…" And he laughed evilly. "-…"
Um, or not…
Saitou frowned some more.
It was coming at a rate faster than he could have imagined. He could feel the feeling increasing and Doom coming closer and closer and closer and--
Bam!
Oh.
It was there already?!
Saitou frowned in apprehension and spoke a few words. "You're early…"
Doom shrugged his shoulders. "Feh," he said without much concern. "My meeting ended early."
"Oh."
"… Yeah…" Doom spoke uneasily, as if he were holding the…
(Dun dun duuun…) Key to Existence Itself.
And, suddenly, out of nowhere, the…
(Dun dun duuun…) Key to Existence Itself appeared. "Ploof!" it ploofed as it fell from the sky.
Now Doom looked on evilly, Saitou looked on frowningly, and Kenshin looked on confusedly. All in all, they looked on much as they would have had the situation been any different. So, really, that comment was pointless… So, really, I guess I'd better be getting along with the story again… Yeah… Okay…
…
And so Doom, Saitou and Kenshin looked on in their typical ways. Of course, it could be inferred that nothing atypical was about to happen. Right?… Riiiiiight…?
All of a sudden, the sky fell with a thwmp. Everything was immersed in darkness and Doom began to sing gleefully. "It's the end of the world as we know it! It's… the… end of the world as we know it! (1) …" He continued to sing incessantly.
And meanwhile, Kenshin and Saitou sat, listening to Doom sing. In fact, it was beginning to get quite annoying.
And Saitou frowned.
And Doom smirked.
And Kenshin looked on in confusion some more.
But, suddenly, Doom spoke again. "It's the end of the world as we know it," he said, as if it could not have been inferred by his lovely serenade."Therefore, I must leave and go to destroy someone else's life…" He looked at his schedule. "Ah… Next is my little trip to Death's door…" Realizing the idiom he had said unknowingly, he laughed. "Hahahahahahahahahaha! That was funny! I made a joke!"
Doom suddenly was surrounded in flame as he began laughing more and more evilly. "Mua ha ha ha… MUA HA HA HA! I… AM… IMMORTAL!! MUA HA HA HAAAAAAAA HAAAA HA HA HAAAAAAAAA HAAA-HAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"
And he disappeared in a flurry of daisy and tulip petals.
After a long and overly dramatic pause, Kenshin said, "Anou…"
And Saitou frowned some more.
And sighed.
The feeling hadn't dispersed. It was growing stronger and stronger by the minute…
And he sighed again and frowned.
It was going to be a long day.
(1) Not mine.
Shishio grinned. "I've got it… I've got it… I've got it… I've got it… I've got it!"
Soujiro smiled in a not… exactly… sort of… kinda… partly… um…
And Shishio smiled again. "Heeheeheeheeheeheeheehee…" he laughed. And smiled. And laughed. And smiled. And--Alright…
And Yumi suddenly appeared out of nowhere. "Shishio-sama," she proclaimed with added emphasis. "SHISHIO-SAMA, ROCK ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!"
And Shishio grinned some more. "Don't worry, Yumi… Oh, yes… I will…" And he glared with a Bad Guy Glare into the nearest shiny surface.
Yumi frowned. "It needs work…"
Shishio twisted his face around into agonizingly uncomfortable positions. "Now?"
"No…"
"Now?"
"No…"
"How's this one?"
She merely stared.
"… Now?"
Yumi gasped. "That's it… That's the one…"
And with that, the camera zoomed out slowly, leaving a startlingly disturbing picture of Shishio, his tongue stuck out and eyes widened. Oh, yes, that was the perfect evil glare…
Sort of…
"Sessha has got it, de gozaru yo!" Kenshin suddenly cried out as a thought suddenly struck him. "Ii-ta-ta-ta…" he muttered as he gingerly rubbed the spot where the Thought had struck.
Saitou looked on frowningly. "Got what?"
"Got milk!"
"Got milk?" Saitou questioned, and, upon speaking the fated words, was suddenly squashed by a mountain of chocolate chip cookies. "#$," he said angrily. "!$#($(!!!" He hurriedly unburied himself.
Kenshin laughed maniacally for a few moments. "Sessha just knew that would happen, de gozaru!"
Saitou frowned.
And so, being as Saitou was showing no signs of conversation, Kenshin continued on with his aforementioned statement. "Sessha has got it, de gozaru yo!"
And Saitou hesitated for a moment. Sensing no impending danger, he spoke cautiously nonetheless. "… Got what?"
"The answer!"
"The answer to what?"
Without answering, Kenshin disappeared under the blanket of sky. After a few long moments, he returned, carrying the…
(Dun dun duuun…) Key to Existence Itself.
Saitou raised an eyebrow curiously. "Let me guess… Now, we have to go looking for the….
(Bum bum bum bum…) Door to Existence Itself?" He snorted.
Kenshin blinked. "Sessha never thought of that, de gozaru…"
And, nearby, a Director gave a thumbs-up.
And suddenly, as if on cue, the...
(Bum bum bum bum…) Door to Existence Itself popped up out of nowhere.
Saitou blinked curiously. "You know…" he started lamely. "I didn't really expect that to happen… Yare, yare…" He quickly snatched up the…
(Dun dun duuun…) Key to Existence Itself, and unlocked the…
(Bum bum bum bum…) Door to Existence Itself.
Note to Self: Lay back on the dramatic mentionings next time… It's getting tedious…
Note to Self: Add the word "mentionings" to my Laptop's dictionary, even though you'll trick yourself someday into thinking it really is a word.
Note to Self: Next time, exclude the "Note to Self"s… What makes you think people are even interested in what you say to yourself?!
…
o.O
Anyhoo…
The… -sigh-
(Bum bum bum bum…) Door to Existence Itself opened with a screech.
"Well…" Saitou said. With an un-Saitou-ish reaction, he leapt up and shouted. "Onwards! To the New World! To the New Life! To wherever the Door takes us! To--"
"Saitou-san…" Kenshin intervened. "Sessha thinks we get it by now, de gozaru na…"
And Saitou frowned and said, "Saa, this is a perfect time for a scene change, don't you think? Right at the moment before All is Revealed and the World is Saved?"
It was indeed.
Shishio grinned mischievously. "I'VE GOT-GOT-GOT-GOT ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!"
Soujiro smiled fake-esque-ly… (And vaguely lost a few brain cells upon hearing the description of this smile…) "Just what have you got now, Shishio-sama?"
The mummy-imitation laughed evilly for the umpteenth time. "The Plan…" he said, his voice scarcely above a whisper. "The Plan… My Plan… The Ultimate Plan… The High and Mighty Plan… The--"
Yumi planted a kiss on him gently. "Hai, hai…" She spoke a few overly clicheed words. "Win, Shishio-sama," before suddenly yanking herself away and crying out, "Eii! Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot!!!"
Shishio looked on in befuddlement. "Eh?" he asked in befuddlement. He turned away slowly and made his way up towards the Real World, as it be. "Bua ha ha…" he laughed, before he disappeared into the flames…
Saitou almost smiled.
Almost.
The World had been saved. Again. Thankfully, beyond the…
(Bum bum bum bum…) Door to Existence Itself, had been, shocker, Existence Itself! The sky was rightfully in its place, and birds chirped, and the wind blew slightly, and the sun shone, and the sakura blossoms flowered, and…
Oh, scratch that.
It was your average day on the way to Kyoto. The sun shone, but it was blocked off by a familiar cloud of smoke…
A very familiar cloud of smoke indeed…
Saitou puffed.
And puffed.
And, heck, he just maybe even puffed some more!
And he was happy… (Well, he was as happy as he'd allow himself to look in public anyway… )
And all was right with the World.
But suddenly…
Shishio appeared out of a whole in the ground. He laughed mischievously and evilly and crazily, all in one! "I. Will. Kill. You," he spoke monotonously. He charged forward with extensive speed…
And suddenly fell into a dark pit of nothing.
And, hurriedly, Kenshin locked the…
(Bum bum bum bum…) Door to Existence Itself.
-coughcough-
And, so, the World was saved from fallen skies, and from crazed assassins hell-bent on dominating Japan…
And it was saved from vicious government sanctums and raging fighters and intense bloodlust and hellish demons.
And it was saved from heartless tyranny and blunt rebellion and horrific bloodshed and harsh nostalgia.
And Kenshin smiled.
It had been a good day.
Owari, Chapter 9
Okee, peeps! Dat's it! … For now… evil laugh Sorry for the wait… again. I try, I really do…
Anyways, in commemoration of my achievement of 100 reviews (!!!!!!) I've decided to post an extra-specialty special omake… And, yes, I know that all of my omake to this point have really sucked… This one will be better, I hope.
But, the theme/ summary/ idea for this omake is a secret… Bua ha ha… You'll find out soon enough, though…
Anou… That's it! My omake will be posted at the next update, either before or with the next chapter! (Actually, I'm kinda hoping this might be able to replace Chapter 10, so I can make that chapter really GOOD! You know…)
…
Well? How was it? Good? Bad? In between? You decide! The polls are still open and the world is right… Shishio is gone forever and Saitou… still… hasn't… smiled--But, oh well! All is good, all is happy, and the appearance of the random hippo has given the story depth the likes of which could not have been achieved any other way.
-sigh- I am so happy…
Anyhoo… This chapter is 11 Pages! 11 PAGES! WAIWAIWAI! I know you all love me now… I hope I made up for my shorter chapters…
-reads note at beginning of chapter- Um… You can cancel out the warnings for brevity… The only thing, though, is that I hope it wasn't TOO BORING! It was funny… I think… I loved it… It was incredibly AWESOME to write… I've never had so much fun writing a chapter…
Saitou: You mean you've never had so much fun torturing me, ne?
Oh, yeah. That, too.
Japanese - English Dictionary:
De gozaru (ka/na/yo): I have a feeling you already know this by now… You've seen it, what? 8 times in previous chapters' dictionaries already?
Gomen: Sorry or "Excuse me…"
Hai: Yes
Ne: Right?
Oro: See Chapter 9
Saa: Well…
Sessha: "I", archaic
Wai: YAY!
Okay, Reviewer Thank-Yous (Gomen, these are in the order that they appeared, after I copied and pasted them randomly into Word, so I could print them off without including dumb ads and such… )
Note: These are the reviews for Chapter 8 and the reviews for anything else that was reviewed… -reads over- Gods, I'm getting tired… That made no sense…
Ethelflaed: Anyhoo anyhoo anyhoo! Just kidding… Actually, my friends say that, too… I guess they just rubbed off on me… sigh Scary thought… Thanks a lot for the review. (To be honest, I did think that Sarcastic Wolf was Saitou… It just sounds so much like him! Gomen for the error! Thank you for enlightening me!)
Ruby Kitsune: Bizarre, twisted and wrong… Thanks a lot, I think…
GuseBat: Do you even read all the notes I put after chapters? Mimics: What am I voting for?! WHAT AM I VOTING FOR?! Grrr… grrr… Oh, well… Thankies for the review!
Kitty Katana: Oh, you ran out of rants! Poor KK! -sniffles- Oh, well… Even so, your reviews always amuse me to no end…
Kenshin: snort
I am so serious! I feel so loved! -kisses review-
Kra-ZzeldaGurl: You want to… To p-post my story on your website? M-my story? On your website? Oh, my God, I'm crying! Of course! Of course! -sobs- That's the first time anyone's ever asked me that! Thank you! THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Chibi-Tenken (and Misaki): 3 reviews in, like, one day! -giggles shoujo-ly- Thanks a lot! Also, what's harusame? -blinks- I feel so stupid…
Dadsnavygirl831: Updating… Lessee… Where does that fall on my list of priorities?
Kenshin: First. xDDDD;
I try, I really do (And, yes, I know I've already used that line…) … It's just that I'm SO busy with school and kendo and music and life and blah blah…
Kenshin: That's a sorry excuse, de gozaru…
Hey, it works! I got offered CANDY! Bua ha ha! Fear my ability to make people want to give me stuff! -gringrin- I have one word for you: CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE! Except chocolate-flavored gum… Talk about ew…
Icebluedragon-SAMASAMASAMA: Grrr… You know I know you know I know you know I know you know… Oh, never mind… I love your reviews, and I am calmly awaiting an update…
Kenshin: ie, She's pulling her hair out, de gozaru na…
Am not! -stares at tangled mass of hair in her hand- Well… You know… Thanks SO much!
Demonesszen: Psycho… PSYCHO! I know what you mean… Psycho things ROCK! Praise them ALL! Bua ha ha ha ha ha ha! … Um… o.O Thanks a lot…
Neko-Kitsune-Gumi: -rereads Chapter 8- I can't believe I did that! I'll have to include it in future bloopers… -grin- So sue me, I have absolutely no intelligence when it comes to these things… BTW, that line means, "Please look forward to it…" Kaoru uses it at the end of every episode, when she's introducing what will happen in the next episode… Thanks for reviewing!
Yukishiro-sama: You have no clue how much I appreciate you always reviewing me… I feel so lost without all of my Every-Chapter reviewers, my Go Team! -giggles- I just love that… :) Thanks so much!
Sakiya: Long e-mail-writers UNITE! Bua ha ha! We will take over the world! Okay, so maybe not… But, OH WELL! Shishio has scary thoughts… Uck, that's disturbing! -shivershiver- Thanks so much for reviewing!
Sessy da Fluffy One: Will he ever smile? I don't know! I guess you'll have to just keep reading to find out! -hinthint- Thanks so MUCH! I'm so glad you like!
SakuraLuna: Too funny for words! -sobs- Thanks! THANKS SO SO SO MUUUUCH! I love you! But, not that way… Possess Kaoru's body… Now there's an idea… o.O
Ja, that's it! Boy, it seems like I had a lot of reviewers to respond to… 14 reviews since my last update! 14! That's, like, almost 20! And 20 is, like, almost 40! Okay, so maybe not… But, oh well! I love it all, love it all, anyways! -sniffles- THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH AGAIN!
Also, I think I may have forgotten a reviewer or two… If I did, PLEASE TELL ME and I'll provide you with a few extra cookies and chunks of chocolate goodness… I'm SO sorry if I did forget you, though…
Next Chapter: On HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Okay, no, not really… I just haven't thought of a name yet… Hopefully, you'll figure it out the next time I update… )
Please look forward to it...