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Chapter Three: Bliss

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A few weeks passed by, nothing exciting happened except the rumors that were slowly beginning to spread.

Everyone thought that something happened to Harry during the summer so they started to think up the reason why. But they never knew the real reason and Hermione and Ron weren't about to give it away.

Harry had been quiet the whole time. He felt detached from everyone else, like they were people who cared for nothing but themselves and he was the silent ghost, doing nothing, saying nothing, and cutting himself.

After he cut himself that day at greenhouse three, he felt something inside him awaken. He didn't know if he should like it or not, but he always found himself cutting himself with something sharp whether it was a knife or broken pieces of glass or the other.

No one noticed, he made sure of that.

Each time he cut himself he felt like he was complete, happy; it only made him want to do it again more and more.

By the end of September, he already had a large number of scars on his arms, especially on his wrists; some of them had designs on them.

But the next time he cut himself he wasn't too careful.

He was in Transfiguration with the Hufflepuffs.

"Today we'll be transforming a bird into a quill," said Professor McGonagall.

Everyone listened to the instructions and began to try and transfigure their birds.

Hermione got hers to transfigure into a quill but it still had a beak on it. Ron got his halfway, the top was a quill but the bottom was still the bird. Harry didn't even transfigure his bird, that would require talking.

He sneaked into his bag and secretly took out the piece of glass he found at Charms. He placed the sharp end to a spot in his arm without a scar and started to cut it.

"No Ron, you have to wave your wand twice not once," said Hermione as he observed Ron's fifth attempt.

"Two times, got it."

Hermione looked over to Harry who was looking at the bird. She noticed his hands were underneath the table.

"Harry, do you want some help?" she asked uncertainly.

Harry nearly jumped but shook his head.

"Ok," she looked at him worriedly, she was worried for him ever since she saw him at the train station, she desperately wanted him to speak, to tell her what was wrong. She knew it must have something to do with Sirius.

Class was over, everyone packed their things and left, Harry hid the piece of glass in his pocket and picked up his bag. He left the class with everyone else.

Professor McGonagall transfigured the transfigured birds back to actual birds. Once she walked up to Harry's table, she noticed it.

There was fresh blood on the floor trailing all the way to the door.



History of Magic was next, the most boring class to ever exist; it was the only class where mostly everyone caught up on some sleep.

The three friends went to the back of the class and took out their books, Hermione tried hard not to fall asleep but Ron already did and Harry made himself become immune to going to sleep.

Instead, through this time he took out the glass from his pocket and started cutting himself again, no one noticed, they were too busy sleeping, but he had to be careful with Hermione, she was on the other side of Ron and even though she was trying to pay attention she was also glancing at Harry.

Harry looked down at his arm, he wanted to make a word or sentence, but how could he do one with Hermione glancing at him every five seconds?

He pretended to be asleep with his chin to his chest, it sort of worked. He looked back as Hermione and saw her with her elbow on the desk and her hand supporting her chin, her eyes were closed.

Feeling a bit safer, Harry looked down at his arm and began to make his sentence.

He carefully made an L then an I then F and E, careful to no let the blood spread too far and dry up.

He carefully made the S making sure it didn't look too much like a squiggly line, then the U, then C, K and again the S.

As he admired his latest work he realized that students were packing their things.

Ron stirred awake and sat up wiping the drool from his chin. But Hermione didn't move, she was staring at Harry's arm in horror.



"What should we do, Headmaster? If he's cutting himself this much then shouldn't we send him to St Mungo's or something?" McGonagall asked Dumbledore worriedly.

"No, we'll just send him to the hospital wing; if he keeps doing this to himself then we'll just help him get over this cutting situation."

"How?"

"I think therapy would shake him off."

"Therapy? That muggle technique where those doctors talk to insane people?"

"Yes, it's worked a lot of times, it's either that, or we modify his memories."

McGonagall sighed and looked at the blood trail on the floor. "Alright fine, but he won't talk."

"Neither have most of the patients therapists have had."

"But how are we going to get a therapist?"

"I believe Professor Vector knows a bit about therapy."

McGonagall eyed him but nodded. "Lets just hope he stops cutting."



Hermione grabbed Harry and hurried him to the hospital wing, too horrified to say anything. Ron was catching up behind them holding all of their things which pretty much pissed him off.

"A little help here!?" he cried angrily.

"Not now Ron," Hermione said shakily.

"What the devil's wrong with you?"

"Not know," she repeated still shakily.

They arrived at the hospital wing; Hermione rushed inside and sat Harry on one of the beds as she looked for Madam Pomfrey.

"Hello!? Madam Pomfrey!?"

"Hermione why are we here?" whined Ron.

Pomfrey walked out of her office. "What's wrong, why are you here?"

Hermione too upset to cry quickly pulled up Harry's sleeves revealing a number of scars, one arm was still very bloody from the new cut he made.

"Holy SHIT!" shouted Ron dropping everything he was holding.

Pomfrey paled. "What happened?" she asked shakily.

"I saw him cutting himself," Hermione answered, she looked back at the cuts then turned away releasing her tears, "I don't know h-how long he's been doing this, I j-just found out now."

"It's alright, go to your next class, I'll take care of him."

"I don't want to go."

"Miss. Granger-"

"I'll just wait outside."

Sighing, the nurse nodded. Hermione turned to the door pulling a pale, shocked Ron with her.

Pomfrey bustled around, healing Harry's wounds with different types of liquids that normally would have stung him but he showed no sign of pain, he didn't show any sign of anything.

As soon as Harry's scars were gone Dumbledore walked in. "May I speak with Harry alone."

Pomfrey frowned but nodded and walked outside, she needed to tell Hermione and Ron that Harry was fine anyway.

Harry looked up at Dumbledore. Something told him he knew about him cutting himself.

"Harry. I know you can talk but I won't force you to speak. I just came here to give you a warning," Harry listened, "I know you've been cutting yourself, I only found out from Professor McGonagall. If you continue this cutting then Professor Vector will have to talk you though leaving it."

Harry knew what he meant, he wasn't an idiot, Dumbledore was going to put him through therapy.

"So do you understand?"

Harry nodded; Dumbledore gave him a small smile, "good then."

Draco listened quietly, the curtains around his bed were closed, and neither Harry nor Dumbledore knew he was there. For once he was glad he got in an accident in Care of Magical Creatures, he grinned at the new piece of information.

'So Scarhead is suicidal,' thought Draco, smirking.



A few days passed. Draco nearly yelled to the whole school about Harry being suicidal. It caused the rumors about Harry to become stronger and more insane.

Harry never paid attention to it though, he didn't care anymore, and what if Draco was right? What if he really WAS suicidal? He didn't care about it anymore, all he needed right now was something sharp to cut himself with.

The days were getting closer to Halloween.

Harry lay awake the night before Halloween, he refused to sleep but his eyelids were getting heavy, he hadn't slept for a while, it made him lose the habit of changing into his pajamas.

Everyone else around him was already asleep, off to dreamlands, oblivious to where they really were.

He quietly got up and put on his sneakers. He took out his invisibility cloak and wrapped it around him, he wouldn't need his Marauders Map, he'd have to speak to make the map appear. He needed a place to think.

He walked out of Gryffindor Tower and walked to the Astronomy tower, it was one of the best places to think, when there wasn't a couple making out or doing IT.

He almost got caught by Mrs. Norris but she saw another student walking around and went after her.

Upon opening the door, Harry could feel the small breezes from the balcony, the glass doors were opened a little.

That's when he noticed there was a cupboard labeled 'broken vials' he opened it and took out the sharpest piece of glass.

He sat in a corner and almost immediately started cutting himself, feeling the blissfulness of blood leaking out, the completion of it all.

He started cutting in words and designs. Each time he made a new cut he felt sleepier, he didn't care anymore, he kept cutting himself, wanting the darkness to take him.

Blood stained his clothes, dripping to the floor.

He needed other places to cut, he dragged the sharp points deep into his neck, dragging them to his shoulders, he needed to lift his shirt a bit for that, his shirt was steadily getting more stained with his blood.

After he reached his knees, darkness took over him.



Draco walked through the halls, not really caring if he got caught or not, he was really bored and he couldn't sleep.

He decided to go to the astronomy tower; the only thing he hoped for was that there wasn't any couple making out in there.

He was glad that there weren't any couples when he arrived but he wasn't glad by what he saw.

He didn't see it as soon as he got in the tower. He was going to sit on one of the desks and think for a bit, when he sat down he nearly screamed in fright.

There was the form of a bloody body in the corner of the room; he was lying on the ground bleeding freely, a sharp piece of glass in his hand.

Draco knew he was still alive, he could see him breathing, but it was still a gruesome sight to see. That's when he realized it was Harry.

'Oh fuck! What the hell am I supposed to do!?' thought Draco angrily. If he left then Harry would die of blood loss, then again he could get in trouble for not helping because Colin saw him on his way to the bathroom, he'd accuse him of seeing Harry and not helping, but if he brought Harry to the hospital wing then he'd be sort of like a hero, but he didn't want to have attention for saving Harry, he wanted attention that didn't include Harry at all.

'Crap.'

He took out his wand and conjured a stretcher, made Harry float and lie down on the stretcher.

'Fucking suicidal idiot.'

He hurried off to the hospital wing, the stretcher with Harry floating right behind him.



"OH MY GOODNESS!" cried Madam Pomfrey when Draco arrived with Harry in the stretcher. "What did you do!?"

"I didn't do anything, I found him in the astronomy tower," said Draco a little irritably as Pomfrey quickly lay Harry on the nearest bed, "can I go now?"

"No, you have to explain to me what happened," she said as she took out her wand and rushed to the healing vials.

"Why? I found him isn't that enough?" whined Draco.

"No it's not," she cleaned all of Harry's cuts and made the scars disappear with the liquid in the vial, "what did he use to cut himself? How exactly did you find him? Was he alone? Why did you save him?"

The last question pretty much knocked Draco back to his senses, why DID he save his enemy?

"Mr. Malfoy?"

"Huh?"

"Answer my questions."

"He used a broken piece of glass to cut himself, I found him at the corner of the room, he was alone, and I don't know why I saved him."

Pomfrey didn't look up at him, she was too busy mending Harry's wounds, but she frowned when she heard his last answer.

"Having a change of heart?"

"You know what? I'm out of here, at least he won't die," he walked to the door.

"'At least he won't die'? I thought you WANTED him dead."

Draco left the hospital wing slamming the door.

Harry woke up finding himself in the hospital wing, he wondered how he got here but he had to worry about that later, Dumbledore was sitting next to his bed looking very serious.

"Morning Harry," he said almost gravely, "do you know how you got here?"

Harry shook his head slightly.

"You might not believe it but Mr. Malfoy brought you here, he found you at the astronomy tower. You've been cutting yourself again."

Harry didn't say or do anything in response. He couldn't believe his own enemy saved him from bleeding to death; this world was turning a lot more insane than him.

"You remember what I said before?"

Harry nodded.

"Well then, after you leave the hospital wing you'll go directly to Professor Vector's office, you'll be meeting with him every day after your classes. Do you realize the seriousness of all this?"

Harry didn't answer, he didn't care how serious things were anymore, he thought he was dead after last night, he wanted to die, why was it that he never got what he wanted?

The door banged open and Hermione and Ron ran quickly to Harry's side. "We just................heard...............what happened," panted Ron.

"I'll leave you three alone," Dumbledore stood up went to speak with Harry.

"Why did you do it?" asked Hermione, her eyes watering up, "you were doing so well and all of the sudden you're back here."

Harry didn't answer.



Draco punched the wall as he took his shower. 'Why the FUCK did I save him? I should have just left him there to die!' he thought angrily as he punched the wall again.

"Draco!" shouted the muffled voice of Blaise from the other room, "I thought you were taking a shower!"

"FUCK OFF!"

"You are so freakin' touchy! Jeeze next time when you need a fuck don't come crying to me!"

'Why did I save him!?' Draco tried to calm down, 'ok, I'll get him in an accident in the quidditch match next month; I'll make it look like an accident!'

Harry had to have Hermione escort him to Professor Vectors office, one reason was because he didn't know where it was and the other was because he wasn't trusted to go alone.

Hermione didn't say anything to him, she knew she'd never get an answer out of him, she'd rather leave it to Professor Vector to crack Harry's shell. She just hoped it would happen soon.

"We're here," she said quietly as they stopped in front of a door near the north tower.

Harry nodded and knocked on the door, Hermione walked away.

The door opened and Professor Vector welcomed him inside his office, it looked like an ordinary office, there were a lot of muggle things lying around but there were a few wizarding things too.

"Please, sit," the Professor gestured to the chair in front of him, Harry sat down, "Dumbledore tells me you've been cutting yourself," the Professor said calmly, "can you tell me why?"

Harry didn't answer.

"That's right; he also said you haven't been talking at all this whole time, why? You can write it down if you want."

He took out a sheet of parchment, a quill and ink and handed them to Harry who didn't take them.

"You don't want to write either?"

Harry didn't answer; he focused on the lines on the wooden desk in front of him, all of them making curves making it look like an eye.

The whole time everything was silent, Professor Vector observed Harry's movements, but Harry barely moved, he was lost in a different world oblivious to everything around him.

"What about your friends? Do you know how much they worry about you?"

Harry thought back, it was true, his friends worried about him as much as he worried about them. It dawned on him that they worried even more about him, especially Hermione. Guilt filled him as he thought about her worries over him.

"What about Draco?"

The question shocked Harry, what was there to think about Malfoy? It already freaked him out when Vector said 'Draco' it sounded weird.

All he wanted to know was why Draco had saved him, why didn't he leave him there to die?

He didn't know that Draco thought the same thing.
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