Disclaimer – we still don't own Harry Potter sigh. In fact we don't even own this computer its J's dads. The shame vv

Authors Notes – this was written in math and was yet another product of complete boredom! But hey now school's over (for the summer at least) and FTJ gets to spend their whole stinkin' summer writing stupid stories! Yay! If you like random people falling from random skies and smelly guys named Gluteus check this story out! And don't forget to review.

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The Creation of Hogwarts

Once upon a time...there was a princess named Cinderella but she wasn't a Princess yet...wrong story (sorry).

Let's try this again... Once upon a time there was this one dude named Gluteus Maximus and he was very hungry for a cheeseburger, with coleslaw, and sushi. Then suddenly a huge fat hog fell from the sky and landed on Gluteus' gut. But because Gluteus was so pudgy the hog merely bounced off him, and Gluteus was left unharmed. However the hog died instantly because of Gluteus' B.O. problem.

Insert angst here

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Cried Gluteus. This may have been because a big fat hog fell on his gut or because he had an idea. The world will probably never know.

"I want to make a school called Hogwarts!" Cried Gluteus triumphantly "This is because a hog just fell from the sky! It is a sign!" Why would anyone want to call a school such a weird name? Who knows? And really let's face it, who the heck cares? And so Gluteus grabbed a conveniently placed wand from the hogs mouth and cried "Ballyhoo-alma-mater!" And a huge castle (complete with moving staircases) fell out of the sky and landed on his head, instantly killing him. And then Good-looking Gryffindor, Hilarious Hufflepuff, Ridiculous Ravenclaw, and Sexy Slytherin who just happened to be walking around entered and sat on gilded thrones at the heads table. After that they sent owls to a bunch of random kids, whose names they pulled out of Godric's brand new hat. Thus the first ever sorting hat ritual took place. And like a hundred thousand-ish years later Harry Potter was born.

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Authors Notes - Ok we had to squeeze Harry Potter in there somewhere didn't we? This is supposed to be a HP fic shrug. Oh and the spell used to create Hogwarts ballyhoo-alma-mater those are actually real words. Ballyhoo means building (as in to build verb). And alma mater means school. These are simply synonyms. Ain't that interesting? That was your daily Grammar lesson of the day! Enjoy!

F&T – if anyone hates grammar as we do, and do NOT want to be reminded of it over summer break that was totally J's idea NOT OURS, so kill J instead.