Hello! Just thought I'd give writing a fanfic about Gundam SEED a shot. I want to continue this story, but if I don't have time, it can remain an oneshot. =) Takes place after SEED. Spoilers. Please review.
Disclaimer: Gundam SEED does not belong to me, nor do the characters. It belongs to Sunrise, Bandai, and other companies…
Into the Darkness
In the distance… faint visions of chaste beauty drifts gracefully like a sinuous stream of splendor, drowning the room in blissful harmony sung soothingly by a serenading piano; caressing the wooden keys in a softly fading descendo before crashing savagely into a melancholy song, sure to slice at your heart with a bitter silver blade, twisting it to emotions unknown to his senses, finally manifesting itself within his bloodstream filled with raw ice.
Just for a day, an hour even, he wished he could let go of everything in his life and breathe in the mint air that he fervently dreamt of. Alone, in a cold dark room where no thoughts or commotions bothered him, that was truly pure bliss. He would be able to sleep, sleep for an eternity just so that he can be away from things that weaken him and make his soul bleed continuously, in which those things just merely callously disregard his cries of mercy. But reality was cruel and slapped him hard with its hand along with freshly sharp manicured nails, scratching his picturesque fantasy away until his eyes snapped open and he bumped his head on the open cabinet door.
He heaved out a sigh and blinked repeatedly when his reverie shattered into a blurred setting. It took him confusing moments to collect himself, for his vision was wavering, upsetting his mind with lightheadedness until his eyes adjusted to the dim lights of the room and his head stopped swaying to and fro.
With his chest mildly rising and falling, he observed the genuine surroundings. He found it rather unventilated. His whole body was damp and his russet hair was wavy and clung to his pallid, moist face. The room was like a boiling sauna, it was humidly sweltering with transparent vapor floating to the top of the tiled washroom, and then settling itself into the air. His body was scorching, and tingled as his sense of touch came surging back to him in an unpleasant way, the steamy heat enveloping his sense of feel.
Mentally unaffected by the clammy ambiance, he turned to the medicinal cabinet behind the bathroom mirror and gently slapped it shut. Then, for the first time he noticed the hot water gushing out of the rusty faucet beneath him, its foggy mist had shrouded the surface of the mirror, so he was unable to see his reflection— not that he really cared about it.
He inhaled another breath, and finally, his hearing kicked in and he heard a soft rattling noise coming from his right hand, and a loud knock on the door to his side. He looked at his hand that was gripping on tightly to a miniature bottle of unmarked blue pills. They were jiggling hectically about in the little container because his entire arm was uncontrollably trembling for reasons unknown to him. Unscrewing the lid, he popped down two pills and tossed his head back to swallow, then, faltering a bit, he hastily opened back the cabinet door and placed the bottle on a shelf and shut it again.
To his utter surprise, a sob escaped from the confines of his throat, pushing the pills back up his throat and caused him to throw them up into the sink while clutching his neck. He breathed heavily as beads of sweat rolled down his moistened face. Brushing his bangs back with his hand, he inhaled shallow breaths and rested his forehead against the bathroom mirror. Groaning softly with dreariness, he then collapsed to his knees, knocking down a few bathroom items on his way down.
A blue razor fell to his side and his eyes quickly traveled towards it and he stared at the object drearily with impulsive ominous thoughts flooding through his mind. Observing it, a crooked smile curled and formed on his lips. How small it was, yet there were two sharp miniature blades attached to it... ready to cut…
Without a thought, the brown-haired boy hastily reached out his shaky hand towards the razor, hovering it above the object for seconds contemplating his sudden thought, then finally grasping onto it.
He had nothing to live for anymore. Surely someone who has been through as much pain as he had couldn't look forward to a brighter future, when his or her soul is completely traumatized and haunted by horrific images from the battlefield.
Another bang at the door; he jumped, and at last, his attention immediately diverted to the door.
"Open up!" Someone shrieked from the outside, and yet, the person did not cease their banging, and evidently didn't hear the brunette irritably reply, 'Go away'.
Kira breathed in once more, and sighed, his breath wavering with confined emotions, dancing around in the pit of his stomach. He felt sick. Backing himself further away from the door, he sat down in the very corner of the bathtub and curled up into a ball and rolled his head back to rest upon the smooth wet wall. He sighed again, his grip on the razor tightening.
"Kira," the voice was beginning to sound anxious, "answer me!"
He closed his eyes, tightly squinting them until his head felt faint with a nauseating rush of extra blood to his head. He wanted to get back to that undisturbed austere atmosphere, where it was cold, so cold…
"Hey-!"
"Leave me alone." He muttered loudly, and the person stopped the violent pounding, slightly taken aback by his sudden response.
Ssigh was silent, quite unsure of what to say to his remote friend. "Are-are you okay?" He queried, worry etched into his question.
No answer. "Kira, I'm coming in." He informed and grabbed onto the doorknob, which was oddly warm to his surprise but he overlooked it and twisted it to the side, only to find it immediately halt. He then resumed his assault on the wooden bathroom door, yelling at the occupant inside. The door was locked.
"Kira, open up!" Ssigh hollered, "You can't miss the memorial ceremony!"
Time stopped. And the first thing that came to mind was the memory of the burgundy haired girl and her compassionate words lingered, they were soft, but oddly, this time they were screaming in his mind. He choked on another sob that abruptly traveled up his throat and made him cringe from the unpleasant feeling. Then he felt it. Tears. Rolling down his cheeks now rosy from the heat. He tried to wipe them away with his arm but the onslaught of salty liquid drops ceased to end.
Now he remembered it. She was so close… Hope were in those pale blue eyes, and a smile, just for him… but his bliss in seeing her safe and sound was abruptly shattered and she disappeared from him forever…
A pain suddenly stung his head. And his hand, on impulse, came up and slapped his forehead; covering the wound, which had opened again and seeped through the white bandages wrapped around his head. The wound in which came from several attempts to take his very own life…
"It hurts…" He whimpered; small tears escaping from his firmly shut eyelids.
"Kira!" Ssigh's scream was loud and booming in his ears now. It echoed through his thoughts, and strangely it had changed to a different voice… The voice of Fllay etched with worry. He remembered, remembered the horrific scene in which she was killed and departed in a glorious blast, and that was when his heart had closed up as well.
"I'm sorry… I couldn't protect you…" Kira murmured, and silently wept. Propped on his elbows and knees, his fist repeatedly slammed against the tiled floor, wishing miserably that the floor were none other than himself. His sobs developed into even more rickety and loud cries, as sorrow continued eating out what remained of his heart.
"I'm… sorry…" He whispered, and then finally collapsed onto his stomach while a silver ring quietly rolled out of his shirt pocket and danced circles before falling with a quiet trill. His violet eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly in surprised remembrance. He let go of the razor and his arm slowly reached out to retrieve the ring.
Maybe… maybe there is something to live for, or rather, someone.
As his final ounce of strength left him, his hand collapsed lifelessly on the ring, and at last, his mind finally drifted off into that wondrously peaceful slumber once more.