Let It Snow

Chapter Seven: Oh How I Hate to Go Back in the Storm

Quote: The heart wants what it wants.... There's no logic to those things.- Woody Allen

The next morning they were packed and on the morning train out of Zermatt. Lily wished they could just floo back to school, but the hotel wasn't connected to the network. Once the arrived at the station they were going to signal the knight bus, in the mean time, they had several hours to kill. Lily leaned back and watched the scenery, only half interested in what she saw. The country side moved quickly, too quickly Lily felt, and yet, as she sat in silence with James, perhaps not quickly enough.

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"Oh good you're up! I just owled my mum and dad," Adelle said as she walked through their hotel door to suitcases strewn about the room. "to let them know we'd probably be at the station in time for Hogwarts Express."

Sirius grunted in reply and placed his sweater into the suitcase.

"What's with you?" Adelle asked as she reached for the light switch and a fluorescent glow filled the molding room.

"Jesus Adelle! Turn that off!" Sirius cried, clutching his head.

A small smile played on her lips. "Someone had a little too much vodka last night, huh?" she asked, amused.

He grunted again.

"I tell you sweetheart, as fun as you are when the drinking the stuff, after the fact you are such a bore." Adelle tossed him a bottle of water. "Drink this, you'll feel better."

"Thanks." He mumbled.

They packed in silence for a moment.

"Done." Adelle said proudly and shut her suitcase closed with a snap.

"Ahh." Sirius moaned softly. "I'm never drinking again."

Adelle just smiled remembering the night's events. "Sure sweetheart."

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Kings Cross Station was absolutely bursting with muggles who were returning home after the holidays. Adelle and Sirius had to fight the crowd milling between platforms just to get close enough to platform nine to fall through. Holding their trolleys firmly, they leaned casually against the barrier, stumbled through to find Platform nine and three quarters was already filled with Hogwarts students.

"Do you see them?" Adelle asked after a moment of searching the crowd.

Sirius shook his head, but just then he saw a flash of auburn hair. "There they are!" he said pointing some twenty yards down the platform. He grinned happily. "Oi! James! LILY!" he cried.

James and Lily whirled around and waved in response as they made their way slowly through the crowds.

"Don't look too happy, do they?" Adelle asked, eyebrows raised as she caught sight of the grimaces on their faces.

"Must be tired." Sirius said with a shrug as they approached. "Hey sweetheart." He said and enveloped Lily in a hug which she gingerly returned. He kissed her forehead as they pulled apart. "How was your trip?" He asked and took her trolley, unaware of James' stare or subsequent frown.

Lily managed a smile. "Brilliant." She said weakly, all too aware of James' stare.

"Good." He said and turned to James. "'lo Prongs." He grinned at his friend and patted him on the back.

"'lo." He said avoiding eye contact and quickly turning to Adelle, who pecked him on the cheek.

"How was your holiday?" he asked and reached out to take one of her bags.

"I've got it, thanks." She said and held onto her bag. "Great we…ah…experienced a lot of culture." She winked at Sirius who smirked.

"By culture she means hangovers." Sirius whispered conspiratorially to Lily.

"Ahh…" she said and watched as Adelle steered James toward some other friends to say hello.

"Save us a trolley," Adelle called.

"yeah, sure." Sirius said enthusiastically.

Awesome thought Lily Just peachy

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"You look exhausted, Lil' did you sleep at all sweetie?" Adelle asked, studying Lily for the first time since they had gotten back.

Lily shrugged. "I had a lot on my mind." She said, without looking up from her suitcase which she was unpacking with unusual care.

"Did you and James get along, you guys seemed very strange on the train." Adelle asked, watching Lily.

Lily suddenly felt her heart give a strange flutter. "Um…well…not at first, but we…uh…er…learned to live with each other." Lily's heart was beating very fast and she was sure her face was bright red. After a moment she looked up to see Adelle still staring at her, and Lily's already red face turned neon.

"Lily you can tell me the truth." Adelle said softly.

Lily's heart was beating painfully now. She vaguely wondered it Adelle could hear it.

"If you didn't get along babe, its not a big deal." Lily began to calm and let her defenses down. "You don't have to be embarrassed. James can be a real prick sometimes." She spoke with a kindness and a patience that no one but Lily ever saw. She had a real soft spot for her shy friend and was never harsh with her like she was with everyone else. She understood that Lily was hard enough on herself without Adelle's added influence.

"Oh no! He was wonderful" She burst out and her eyes grew wide.

Adelle looked at her with something between amusement and alarm. "Wonderful, was he?" she asked wryly. She shook her head. "I don't know what's going on here, Lily, but whatever it is, you sure are acting weird.

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"Hello James." Lily said stiffly as she sat next to him at breakfast.

"Lily." He said with a curt nod. They sat in silence for a minute.

"Where's Sirius?" Lily asked. James felt as though a knife had been plunged through his stomach.

"Sirius and Remus are trying to help Peter." He said and poured himself some pumpkin juice. He grinned faintly. "He hexed himself again."

Lily grinned. "Really?" she asked and gave a giggle. "What did he do this time?"

James shook his head. "Bloody idiot gave himself a dog snout." He grinned fuller this time and glanced at Lily shyly.

She caught his look and blushed. Lily suddenly forgot what she was going to say. She struggled desperately when suddenly Sirius and Remus showed up, saving her from any need for a response.

"How's wormtail?" James asked, his voice unusually high and looking rather skittish. Remus watched his friend with interest. James seemed to be looking everywhere but at Sirius and Lily and Lily was staring determinedly at her plate.

"Fine." Sirius said, "or at least he will be. We dropped him off at the hospital wing." He stared at his friend for a moment. "Hey did you guys have a row or something?" Sirius asked.

Lily and James looked at each other in alarm, blushed and looked away. "NO." they both said quickly, to quickly.

"I should go check on Adelle." Lily said and pulled away from the table. "I told her I'd wake her up for classes." She hurried away and out the door without another word.

"That was bizarre." Sirius said and watched her go incredulously. "What's going on?"

James shrugged. "Who knows mate." He said, struggling to be natural and painfully conscious of Remus' probing eyes.

Sirius seemed satisfied though and shrugged. "Women." He said. "I'll check on her later." And with that he started on a spirited conversation about broomsticks with Jenny Patil, leaving only Remus aware of James' silence.

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The days past and James and Lily's behavior continued to be strange, though the nature of the strangeness changed. At first they had seemed to be embarrassed by each other's presence, now they only seemed preoccupied and, in Lily's case, distant. James suddenly started going out of his way to do nice things for Sirius and Adelle, much to Adelle's annoyance. She and James had once had a very casual relationship and now James suddenly was the most clingy boyfriend in the school. He seemed to be constantly concerned about her state of my mind and desires. Only Lily knew he was trying to ease a guilty conscience. Finally in a fit of confusion, one day, he decided that he needed to clear his thoughts. He wrapped himself up in his warmest cloak and headed outside.

For Lily's part she was so confused. No matter how bad she felt, no matter how wrong she knew it was, she still dreamt of James, of that night. When she and Sirius made out, she found herself thinking of James and in class, when her mind wandered it was to James. She was wretched. Sirius had been nothing but good to her and all she could think about was James.

Remus had watched all the events unfold with interest and concern. He knew something had happened over vacation which he had not been aware of. He watched Sirius and Adelle unfold their adventures with great zeal and watched the normally competitive James reveal tidbits only when directly questioned. On the day that James had decided to get some air, Remus had been sitting in the common room studying by the window. After a particularly straining bit on the transformation of pixies, he found his eyes wandering. He caught site of James walking alone in the quad and decided to join him. He had had quite enough of transfiguration for one day.

"Oi, James! Wait up!" Remus called as he raced out the west door.

James whirled to find Remus and she smiled. Of all the Gryffindors in their year, Remus was the only one he could deal with today. "'lo Remus." he said pleasantly and waited for him to catch up. "How are you?" he asked.

"Exhausted, I hate transfiguration." He said. "How are you?"

"Fine," James answered automatically and tossed a stick into the freshly fallen snow.

"Really?" Remus asked skeptically.

"Really." James said, though he sounded less than convinced.

Remus nodded. "How are things with Adelle?" he asked, trying to delve into James' melancholy.

James shrugged. "fine." He said but less than enthusiastically.

Remus nodded. "How are things with Lily?" he asked.

James glanced at him at him in alarm. "What?"

Remus didn't answer.

James at first seemed ready to deny it but instead, just as his shoulders began to puff up he let out a deep, long sigh and suddenly looked very tired. "How'd you guess?" James asked and sat down on the nearest long.

"Wasn't hard, mate." He said. "Blushing when she's around, always trying to be extra nice to Sirius. You've got to tell him." Remus added gently.

"I can't tell him." James said resolutely, yet distantly almost to himself. "We promised we wouldn't."

Now it was Remus' turn to look alarmed. "We?" he asked incredulously. "Whoa, wait a second. I think we're talking about different things here!"

"Well what were you talking about?" James asked.

"You having a crush on Lily. What are you talking about?"

James laughed bitterly. "Crush on Lily? Oh Moony, I'm afraid that's not the half of it."

Remus stared at him unsure of what to say. James had caught him completely off guard.

James took his silence as permission to continue.  "Lily and I hooked up in Zermatt." James said dully staring of into the distance.

"Define 'hooked up'." Remus said cautiously.

"Snogged, made out, kissed." He was completely emotionless.

"Oh." Remus said heavily after a moment. "I see."

James shrugged. Remus stared at him hard before a realization dawned on him.

"It wasn't just a hook up, was it? You have feelings for each other too, don't you?" Remus asked, seeing a bad situation quickly worsen.

James nodded. "So, there you have it."

"James," Remus said quietly yet urgently. "You have to tell him."

"Tell him?" James laughed acidly. "Right. 'Lo there Padfoot, I snogged your girlfriend and I think I'm in love with her. You don't mind, do you? I knew you'd understand." James turned to Remus. "Can you just imagine that?"

"How did this happen James?" Remus asked.

James shrugged. "I have no idea. It's completely crazy, I know. But she's different than any girl I've ever know, I was just too blind to realize it." James seemed very sad at this moment as ran through all the what ifs in his minds. What if he had noticed her before Sirius? What if Sirius had never fallen for her…what if…

"What are you going to do?" Remus asked.

James shrugged for what felt like the millionth time in his life. "What else is there to do?" he asked.

Remus sighed. "I don't know James, I don't know."

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Sirius was sitting in the corner of the common room feeling absolutely wretched. Strange things had been happening for a few weeks now but he was becoming increasingly aware that something was off but it was until last night that he knew something very wrong had gone on between James and Lily, because last night, when he had been with Lily she had moaned. Which would been absolutely fine, except she moaned someone else's names. Not just anyone else's either, but James'. "James." She had moaned. He remembered the scene vividly.

He had kissed her neck and began to move down her body. "ah…" she had moaned softly, Sirius looked up, and then continued what he was doing, "James…" she moaned and Sirius, so engrossed in what he was doing didn't even process it at first but by the time he had, it was too late to stop.

The word had been barely audible, but he had caught it and he played it over and over and over in his mind, feeling as though his heart had been ripped out and stomped on. He had barely slept last night as he had run though the last few weeks in his mind. Now he watched from the shadows as his best friend stared shamelessly at his girlfriend who was working in front of the fire. Suddenly it all made sense. 

Lily and James were hooking up behind his back and he was going to kill them.  The only question that remained, was which one?