Let it Snow

Chapter eight: But if You Really Hold Me Tight

 Quote: The most difficult thing that you can do is to watch the person you love love someone else.
--Unknown

Sirius clawed his way through James' trunk. There had to be something here, some kind of proof. A letter, a trinket, something.

"Then the Prat gave me extra homework!" Peter whined as he opened the door.

"Well-" Remus stopped abruptly at the sight of Sirius. "alright there, buddy?" he asked warily.

Sirius looked up eyes wild. "Where's James?" He cried, as though he hadn't even heard Remus.

Remus and Peter exchanged looks. "I don't know." Remus said slowly as he desperately tried to work out how long he had before James came back to calm down Sirius. "What do you want him for?" he asked.

Peter started make for the door but, without taking his eyes off of Sirius, Remus grasped him by the collar and pulled him back.

"Want him for??" Sirius gave a bitter laugh. "I don't want him for anything. He's done quite enough on his own."

"Sirius, I really think you should just calm down and tell us what's going on." Remus forced himself to speak in even tones but he was beginning to panic.

Sirius shut James trunk rather violently, having found nothing, and moved towards the door, wand in hand. "Move aside Remus." He said.

"Sirius calm down! What is going on?" Remus drew his own wand. In the corner, Peter cowered.

"Going on? I'll tell you exactly what's going on, my "best friend" is getting with my girlfriend." Sirius was red in the face. A mixture of anger, resentment and mostly pain filled him and threatened to overcome him.

Peter gasped and Remus' eyes grew wide. "Did he tell you that?" Remus asked slowly, feeling out the situation.

"He didn't have to!" Sirius said, anger overcoming all his other emotions. He tried to move past Remus again, but Remus wand remained held high.

"He didn't have to?" Remus repeated lamely. "I see. So you just know that Lily and James are going behind your back?"

Sirius blushed and pushed Remus aside, completely ignoring the wand in his hand. He heard laughter down the hall. Lily's laughter. He rushed down the hall.

"Sirius wait!" Remus said as he pulled himself off the ground and followed him to the stairs.

Sirius had stopped dead at the top of the stairs. Remus came behind him, Peter in tow, and followed his gaze. Lily and James were laughing together in the firelight. The light danced off of her red hair and her eyes danced in a way Sirius had never seen. She had never laughed that deeply for him or sat so relaxed. James looked truly happy for the first time since his parents death. He was watching Lily talk, watching her in a way Sirius knew all too well, a look he'd worn oh so many times over the past two years.  A piece of hair fell into her face and he watched somewhere between horrified and amazed as James brushed it away and shy Lily didn't shy away.

"They're not getting together, mate." Remus said softly.

"But they want to." Sirius said. It wasn't a question.

Suddenly Sirius felt very sick. The kind of sickness that only afflicts good people. Good people who are in love. "I need a minute."

Remus nodded and watched him walk back to the dorm. Sirius went to his dorm and grabbed his broomstick, his wand falling to the floor. He flew out the window without another thought.

"Lily, can we talk?" Sirius asked. He had shadows under his eyes and his voice seemed heavy, different, older.

Lily noticed the change immediately. He clearly hadn't slept in days. "Of course." She said quickly and shut her book. She followed him to a windowsill in a deserted section of the common room. Outside the snow fell softly and silently. Unconsciously, she shivered.

"What's going on?" she asked, searching his eyes for some clue. But he was closed off.

"I've given this a lot of thought." He began and Lily immediately began to feel colder than she ever had before. She knew where this was going. "and you've meant so much to me for so long…I think…" he took a deep breath and steadied himself to say the words he'd heard echoing in his head for days. "…we've grown apart recently…"

Lily heard herself recoil at the words.

"…I think we should see other people." He was finished but the silence was even heavier that the words. Lily was screaming inside for someone to make sense of the situation. To give her an explanation but Sirius had already gotten up to leave and as she heard herself say 'ok' he walked away. Half of Lily had shriveled up and died. The other half was rejoicing. On the inside, she wished she'd never been born. On the outside she stared venomously at the snow.

Let it snow she thought bitterly snow's what got me into this mess so snow away.

"James I broke up with Lily today." Sirius said, he voice as nonchalant as humanly possible.

James dropped his broomstick. "You what?"

"Oh yeah, dropped the bitch. Got sick of her." He said casually and gave a laugh. "Two years is really too long for anyone."

James was staring at him in disbelief. "Were you guys having problems?" he asked cautiously.

Sirius took an internal breath and grinned at James. "Us, nope. I just saw a really cute Ravenclaw, you know, Sarah Hornbach, and thought I might hit that up."

James continued to stare at him. "I see." He said, his mind working it all out. "So you're okay?" he said.

"Me, oh yeah, I'm fine." Sirius said and grinned again.

They sat in silence for a minute as James processed everything and built up his courage.

"So you're totally over her." James said, watching Sirius hopefully.

Inside Sirius smiled bitterly. On the outside he shrugged casually. "Oh, yeah totally. Why? You want a go?"

James shrugged. "Maybe." He said, testing the water.

Sirius smiled. "Go for it."

"Really?" James looked up in shock.

Sirius nodded.

"Lily!" James called, his voice tight from cold. Lily whirled around. Snow all over her eyelashes and hair.

"James." She said and waited for him to trot over.

"I just talked to Sirius. He told me…I mean….he's okay with…will you go to Hogsmeade with me?" he finished lamely.

Lily stared at him emotionless. "What about Adelle."

"I just broke up with her. I'm sure she wont care." He said, still breathless, watching her hopefully.

Lily couldn't deny that. She probably didn't care. "Hogsmeade." She repeated after a minute, a smile finally beginning to play on her lips. "You're inviting me to Hogsmeade. Little lame after Zermatt, wouldn't you say?"

James' face began to fall. Lily stepped forward and took his face in her hands. She drew him close and kissed him, guilt free and refreshed.

All around them the snow fell.

"You did a good thing." Adelle said as she put her hand on Sirius' back. Below them in the courtyard James and Lily kissed in the snow.

"I know." He said heavily.

"You know what you need?" Adelle asked, taking his arm and leading him away from the window.

"No, What's that?"

"A drink. You my friend need a drink and I know just the kind, too." Adelle led him to the one eyes witch.

Sirius smiled sadly. "A drink sounds really nice. Really nice.