Aisha: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Okay this is the first funny story I'm putting up, and it's really something that me and one of my hyper friends thought up and wrote when we were really tiered, up at 1:30, and sorta sugar high. Well on with the story!!!
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"Baaakuuuuraaaa I'm bored..." Malik (Yami Marik) whined as he flopped down on the sofa in the apartment that he and Bakura shared. Bakura ignored him and stayed quite intently focused on the wallet that he had just stolen, and finding out what was in it. Malik grabbed Bakura (The Yami of course.) around the neck and started to snuggle.
Bakura continued to ignore him. Malik looked a little pissed and decided to try a more direct approach.
"Bakura, let's have the best damn wild, crazy, and kinky sex ever." Finally Bakura seemed to have some reaction, but not to Maliks suggestion. He stood up, thru the wallet at the wall, and started to curse it. Malik, trying to be helpful, went to pick up the wallet, but it burst into flames the minute he got near it. He decided to just leave it be. (Aisha: Sorry, it's a joke me and my friends have. I drew a comic with Malik in it and someone asked his if he could ever be helpful and his replay was 'things tend to burst into flames when I do that...' I just had to include that...)
"MALIK!!" Bakura yelled, turning to look at the man. "WE NEED MORE MONEY!!" Malik stared for a moment.
"Why?" The other Yamis eye twitched.
"Why? Why, you ask? Well, maybe because we have NONE!!!"
"Sooooo?"
"So we need... um... money for the apartment."
"We could move in with your hikari, then kick him out, and have the apartment all to ourselves."
"Ohhh..... You're good...." Bakura stood and thought for a moment.
"Just because I like to horde money.... And other valuable things...." (Aisha: That's just like me. I love to horde money and things...) Malik pouted for a moment.
"But I wanna have sex." Bakura waved his hand. Trying to shoo Malik off.
"Not now I need a plan to get money." Malik sighed but then picked up the newspaper. He scanned over the head lines, and then stopped.
"Hey... How about we kidnap him?" He said showing Bakura the paper. The once thief took the paper and looked at it for a minute.
"You think we should kidnap him?" Malik nodded vigously. Bakura was quite for a moment but then.
"All right! Why the Hell not?"
"After that can we...." Malik trailed off knowing that Bakura would understand.
"...Okay, but only after we've made some money."
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Bakura and Malik had wanted their kidnapping to be at least a little professional looking so they thought that they would need a car. Well they went to a parking garage and stole someone's car.... But they had some problems. But we'll get to that later.... So they got to their destination...
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"It's 11:23.... Is he out yet?" Malik asked again. Bakura gritted his teeth, and tried not to be annoyed with his boyfriends amazingly short attention span.
"No."
"It's 11:24 .... Is he out yet?"
"No!"
"It's 11:25...... Is he out yet?"
"NO!! AND IF YOU ASK THAT ONE MORE TIME I'M NOT GOING TO SPANK YOU!!!" Malik was quite.
Only a moment after that their target came out of the building. Bakura jumped out, dragging Malik with him...
Well really the two of them sorta fell out in a swearing, cursing, jumbled heap on the pavement. The two quickly detangled themselves from each other and then stood.
Kaiba and Mokuba stared at the two.
"Kaiba! And I guess Mokuba too... We're here to kidnap you!" Malik yelled at the top of his lungs. Bakura twitched and slammed his hand to his face.
"Oooookay...." Kaiba said slowly backing up, and taking Mokuba with him, "Riiiiight..."
"Give us just a moment, please." Bakura said pulling Malik a small distance away. The Kaiba brothers nodded and each took out a book.
"MALIK YOU MORON!!" Bakura whapped the man on his head. "What were you thinking?!?" Marik whimpered, looked pitiful and said...
"I'm sorry.... Pleeassse forgive me? I can fix it..." He then gave really really cute chibi eyes. Bakura glared at him, opened his mouth, then shut it. He shook his head.
"You are so damn lucky to be so cute." Bakura said giving the man a small kiss.
"Not in front of my brother." Kaiba said without ever looking up. Malik and Bakura stared at Kaiba for a moment.
"Here! I'll fix it!!" Malik said skipping over to the two. Seto and Mokuba put away their book looking annoyed.
"What is it this tim-" Seto was cut off by Malik hitting him right on the head with the rod. He then hit Mokuba on the head as well. Seto was knocked unconscious, but Mokuba was just dazed. Malik shoved them both into the car and then shut the door, smiling back at Bakura.
"See? I fixed it!" Bakura smiled back.
"Yes, you did." He got into the passengers side of the car, and Malik got into the drivers side. "Now just get us back home." Malik smiled at him for a moment.
"Ummm.. Beloved.... I don't know how to drive a car...." (Aisha: That's the problem I mentioned earlier. Neither of them can drive.) Bakura stared for a moment.
"Well.... Ummmm just try..." So Malik turned the key, which was in the ignition, and then pressed down on the gas pedal.
( About an 1hours later)
Kaiba and Mokuba woke up pretty quickly, but then thought that they were dreaming because they were in the middle of nowhere, and Malik and Bakura were driving the car. Seto quickly demanded to know what the hell was going on.
"Well..." Bakura said quietly. "I needed more money so I decided to kidnap you two for ransom." Mokuba shrugged, murmured something about how this always happened to him, and then pulled out a video game. Seto fished around in his brief case, which he still had, and then pulled out one of his cell phones. He dialed the number for Kaiba Corp. and waited for one of his secretaries to pick up.
"Hi. Kira? Lysine Bakura and Mal... Mal..." He covered one end of the phone, and leaned towards Malik, "What was your name again?"
"Malik." Seto retuned to his cell phone.
"And Malik have kidnapped me.... Yeah, Mokuba too.... Muhmmm.. Just move all my meetings back a few days...All right then... Okay, good." He hung up the cell phone and stared at the two "drivers".
"Do either of you two know how to drive?"
Silence.
"Great..."
"I think I'm doing a rather good job!" Malik said indignantly. Seto shook his head and then pointed out the window.
"We're not even in the city anymore!!! Where were you trying to get to!?!?!"
Another silence.
"Our apartment....
"Which is how far away from Kaiba Corp.?"
".......... 2 blocks...." Malik said as Bakura tried to keep him quiet. After Seto heard this he started to bang his head against one of the windows.
"Then let me drive."
"NO WE'RE KIDNAPPING YOU!!! YOU CAN'T DRIVE!!!" Malik screamed at the top of his lungs. Everyone in the car clutched at their ears.
"Seto... I'm hungry..." Mokuba said as he put away his handheld game. "Can we get something to eat?" Seto glared at Malik and Bakura
"You two didn't bring any food did you?"
Yet another silence.
Seto sighed and then pointed to a gas station.
"Just stop there...." He looked over Maliks shoulder. "You two need to get gas anyway." So Malik pulled into the gas station. He managed to stop the car, only because of the fact that Seto was telling him what to do, and then got out and started to get gas... also only because of the fact that Seto was telling him what to do.
As Malik stood there pumping the gas Bakura got out of the car and just walked around and stretched. Seto and Mokuba both got out and went into the convenience store. (Aisha: So basically Malik and Bakura have kidnapped Seto and Mokuba, who have called to tell people that they're kidnapped and now they're just walking around doing what ever...--; Great job...) Mokuba really was hungry and ended up having Seto buy like 5 pounds of food for the two of them, but the only thing that Seto got was a cup of coffee. (He's on a diet.) They paid for all the food and then got back into the car.
"It's nice to be able to go on vacation." Mokuba commented as he started to eat the hotdog that he had forced Seto to buy. "I can finally tell you something that I've been meaning to.... I'm getting an operation and I'm gonna be a girl..." Seto stared at him for a moment, mouth a gape.
"WHAT?!?!?" Mokuba cringed in his seat.
"NOTHING I WAS JUST JOKEING!!!!" Seto seemed to calm down at that but was still fuming.
"Mokuba that was not a funny joke." Mokuba nodded.
"Sorry." Malik and Bakura got back into the car, and Seto lifted an eyebrow as they drove away.
"Did you pay for the gas?"
"YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT?!?!" Seto sighed. Bakura looked through the food that Seto had bought and then noticed something.
"HEY! None of this food has sugar..."
"Yes, very astute." Seto said his voice raining sarcasm.
"Why?"
"None of the Kaibas have very good reactions to sugar." Bakura smiled at this.
"Neither of you?" Seto nodded. Bakura was going to say something else but then it happened.
They got a flat tire.
Seto sighed once more and got out of the car.
"Come on... Mal... Molly." He said to Malik. "I'll tell you what to do and you can do the grunt work." Malik grumbled but got out of the car. He turned to Bakura.
"This had better be the best damn sex EVER!" Bakura smiled. As Malik and Seto changed the tire Bakura grabbed Setos coffee he also grabbed Setos wallet out of his brief case. He pulled out a small packet of sugar and opened it up. De dumped in one grain of sugar and the sugar fell..... And fell........and fell ....... And fell..... And fell.....
"Wow... that's really dramatic..." Bakura mumbled to himself.
And fell..... And fell... and finally hit the coffee. Bakura decide not to put in more sugar. He put Setos coffee cup back and then sat back down.
After Seto and Malik put the tire on they both got back into the car. Seto once more picked up his coffee, and took a sip.
"Hmmm... It's sorta sugary..." He mumbled to himself, but he then drank the entire thing. There was a moment of silent then Seto grabbed onto Bakura head.
"HEY LOOKIE!!! A MONKEY! "He yelled, pointing to nothing. He then looked down at Bakura and gasped, a happy look on his face.
"SANTA!!!!" He screeched as jumped into Bakuras lap.
"HEY!!!" Malik yelled turning and trying to pull Seto off Bakura. "HE'S MINE!!!"
"I WANNA PONY AND A BIKE AND," He kicked Malik in the face "You'll get your turn! AND A-" Malik continued to try to get Seto off Bakura, who was also trying to get the brunet off his lap.
"THE ROAD!! THE ROAD!!" Mokuba yelled grabbing onto the steering wheal. Unfortunately Mokuba also couldn't drive and the car started to swerve all over the road.
Mean while some cops were sitting in their car with one of those radar guns, checking to make sure that no one was going over the 45 mph speed limit. The car that Mokuba was trying to drive sped past and the radar gun read 107 mph and then hit a few other cars off the road.
"HEY!" One of the police people said "Did you see that?"
"Yeah!" Her partner said "THAT GUY HAD NO FRONT LINENS PLATE!!! LET'S GET 'EM!!" (Aisha: I don't own Sponge Bob Square pants either...)
Seto was now unconscious in the back seat and Mokuba was sitting next to him, giving directions to Malik who was driving... sorta... well at least they were back in Domino... Bakura was the first to hear the sirens, and turned back to look out the back window.
"NO THE COPS!!! MALIK GO FASTER!!!!" Malik pulled into a parking grage and shoved Bakura out.
"WE'RE HOME!!! NOW OUT!!! RUN BEFORE THE COPS GET HERE!!!" Bakura looked at Seto and Mokuba. Then shrugged thinking that at least he got Setos wallet. So they ran off. Seto sat up and looked at Mokuba.
"Well now that the psychos are gone let's go back to the company." Mokuba shrugged and they walked back to the company.
In case you wanted to know Malik did end up getting his 'best damn sex ever' So everyone ended up happy, save the guy who owned the car that Bakura and Malik stole. He got arrested.
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"Baaakuuuuraaaa I'm bored..." Malik (Yami Marik) whined as he flopped down on the sofa in the apartment that he and Bakura shared. Bakura ignored him and stayed quite intently focused on the wallet that he had just stolen, and finding out what was in it. Malik grabbed Bakura (The Yami of course.) around the neck and started to snuggle.
Bakura continued to ignore him. Malik looked a little pissed and decided to try a more direct approach.
"Bakura, let's have the best damn wild, crazy, and kinky sex ever." Finally Bakura seemed to have some reaction, but not to Maliks suggestion. He stood up, thru the wallet at the wall, and started to curse it. Malik, trying to be helpful, went to pick up the wallet, but it burst into flames the minute he got near it. He decided to just leave it be. (Aisha: Sorry, it's a joke me and my friends have. I drew a comic with Malik in it and someone asked his if he could ever be helpful and his replay was 'things tend to burst into flames when I do that...' I just had to include that...)
"MALIK!!" Bakura yelled, turning to look at the man. "WE NEED MORE MONEY!!" Malik stared for a moment.
"Why?" The other Yamis eye twitched.
"Why? Why, you ask? Well, maybe because we have NONE!!!"
"Sooooo?"
"So we need... um... money for the apartment."
"We could move in with your hikari, then kick him out, and have the apartment all to ourselves."
"Ohhh..... You're good...." Bakura stood and thought for a moment.
"Just because I like to horde money.... And other valuable things...." (Aisha: That's just like me. I love to horde money and things...) Malik pouted for a moment.
"But I wanna have sex." Bakura waved his hand. Trying to shoo Malik off.
"Not now I need a plan to get money." Malik sighed but then picked up the newspaper. He scanned over the head lines, and then stopped.
"Hey... How about we kidnap him?" He said showing Bakura the paper. The once thief took the paper and looked at it for a minute.
"You think we should kidnap him?" Malik nodded vigously. Bakura was quite for a moment but then.
"All right! Why the Hell not?"
"After that can we...." Malik trailed off knowing that Bakura would understand.
"...Okay, but only after we've made some money."
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Bakura and Malik had wanted their kidnapping to be at least a little professional looking so they thought that they would need a car. Well they went to a parking garage and stole someone's car.... But they had some problems. But we'll get to that later.... So they got to their destination...
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"It's 11:23.... Is he out yet?" Malik asked again. Bakura gritted his teeth, and tried not to be annoyed with his boyfriends amazingly short attention span.
"No."
"It's 11:24 .... Is he out yet?"
"No!"
"It's 11:25...... Is he out yet?"
"NO!! AND IF YOU ASK THAT ONE MORE TIME I'M NOT GOING TO SPANK YOU!!!" Malik was quite.
Only a moment after that their target came out of the building. Bakura jumped out, dragging Malik with him...
Well really the two of them sorta fell out in a swearing, cursing, jumbled heap on the pavement. The two quickly detangled themselves from each other and then stood.
Kaiba and Mokuba stared at the two.
"Kaiba! And I guess Mokuba too... We're here to kidnap you!" Malik yelled at the top of his lungs. Bakura twitched and slammed his hand to his face.
"Oooookay...." Kaiba said slowly backing up, and taking Mokuba with him, "Riiiiight..."
"Give us just a moment, please." Bakura said pulling Malik a small distance away. The Kaiba brothers nodded and each took out a book.
"MALIK YOU MORON!!" Bakura whapped the man on his head. "What were you thinking?!?" Marik whimpered, looked pitiful and said...
"I'm sorry.... Pleeassse forgive me? I can fix it..." He then gave really really cute chibi eyes. Bakura glared at him, opened his mouth, then shut it. He shook his head.
"You are so damn lucky to be so cute." Bakura said giving the man a small kiss.
"Not in front of my brother." Kaiba said without ever looking up. Malik and Bakura stared at Kaiba for a moment.
"Here! I'll fix it!!" Malik said skipping over to the two. Seto and Mokuba put away their book looking annoyed.
"What is it this tim-" Seto was cut off by Malik hitting him right on the head with the rod. He then hit Mokuba on the head as well. Seto was knocked unconscious, but Mokuba was just dazed. Malik shoved them both into the car and then shut the door, smiling back at Bakura.
"See? I fixed it!" Bakura smiled back.
"Yes, you did." He got into the passengers side of the car, and Malik got into the drivers side. "Now just get us back home." Malik smiled at him for a moment.
"Ummm.. Beloved.... I don't know how to drive a car...." (Aisha: That's the problem I mentioned earlier. Neither of them can drive.) Bakura stared for a moment.
"Well.... Ummmm just try..." So Malik turned the key, which was in the ignition, and then pressed down on the gas pedal.
( About an 1hours later)
Kaiba and Mokuba woke up pretty quickly, but then thought that they were dreaming because they were in the middle of nowhere, and Malik and Bakura were driving the car. Seto quickly demanded to know what the hell was going on.
"Well..." Bakura said quietly. "I needed more money so I decided to kidnap you two for ransom." Mokuba shrugged, murmured something about how this always happened to him, and then pulled out a video game. Seto fished around in his brief case, which he still had, and then pulled out one of his cell phones. He dialed the number for Kaiba Corp. and waited for one of his secretaries to pick up.
"Hi. Kira? Lysine Bakura and Mal... Mal..." He covered one end of the phone, and leaned towards Malik, "What was your name again?"
"Malik." Seto retuned to his cell phone.
"And Malik have kidnapped me.... Yeah, Mokuba too.... Muhmmm.. Just move all my meetings back a few days...All right then... Okay, good." He hung up the cell phone and stared at the two "drivers".
"Do either of you two know how to drive?"
Silence.
"Great..."
"I think I'm doing a rather good job!" Malik said indignantly. Seto shook his head and then pointed out the window.
"We're not even in the city anymore!!! Where were you trying to get to!?!?!"
Another silence.
"Our apartment....
"Which is how far away from Kaiba Corp.?"
".......... 2 blocks...." Malik said as Bakura tried to keep him quiet. After Seto heard this he started to bang his head against one of the windows.
"Then let me drive."
"NO WE'RE KIDNAPPING YOU!!! YOU CAN'T DRIVE!!!" Malik screamed at the top of his lungs. Everyone in the car clutched at their ears.
"Seto... I'm hungry..." Mokuba said as he put away his handheld game. "Can we get something to eat?" Seto glared at Malik and Bakura
"You two didn't bring any food did you?"
Yet another silence.
Seto sighed and then pointed to a gas station.
"Just stop there...." He looked over Maliks shoulder. "You two need to get gas anyway." So Malik pulled into the gas station. He managed to stop the car, only because of the fact that Seto was telling him what to do, and then got out and started to get gas... also only because of the fact that Seto was telling him what to do.
As Malik stood there pumping the gas Bakura got out of the car and just walked around and stretched. Seto and Mokuba both got out and went into the convenience store. (Aisha: So basically Malik and Bakura have kidnapped Seto and Mokuba, who have called to tell people that they're kidnapped and now they're just walking around doing what ever...--; Great job...) Mokuba really was hungry and ended up having Seto buy like 5 pounds of food for the two of them, but the only thing that Seto got was a cup of coffee. (He's on a diet.) They paid for all the food and then got back into the car.
"It's nice to be able to go on vacation." Mokuba commented as he started to eat the hotdog that he had forced Seto to buy. "I can finally tell you something that I've been meaning to.... I'm getting an operation and I'm gonna be a girl..." Seto stared at him for a moment, mouth a gape.
"WHAT?!?!?" Mokuba cringed in his seat.
"NOTHING I WAS JUST JOKEING!!!!" Seto seemed to calm down at that but was still fuming.
"Mokuba that was not a funny joke." Mokuba nodded.
"Sorry." Malik and Bakura got back into the car, and Seto lifted an eyebrow as they drove away.
"Did you pay for the gas?"
"YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT?!?!" Seto sighed. Bakura looked through the food that Seto had bought and then noticed something.
"HEY! None of this food has sugar..."
"Yes, very astute." Seto said his voice raining sarcasm.
"Why?"
"None of the Kaibas have very good reactions to sugar." Bakura smiled at this.
"Neither of you?" Seto nodded. Bakura was going to say something else but then it happened.
They got a flat tire.
Seto sighed once more and got out of the car.
"Come on... Mal... Molly." He said to Malik. "I'll tell you what to do and you can do the grunt work." Malik grumbled but got out of the car. He turned to Bakura.
"This had better be the best damn sex EVER!" Bakura smiled. As Malik and Seto changed the tire Bakura grabbed Setos coffee he also grabbed Setos wallet out of his brief case. He pulled out a small packet of sugar and opened it up. De dumped in one grain of sugar and the sugar fell..... And fell........and fell ....... And fell..... And fell.....
"Wow... that's really dramatic..." Bakura mumbled to himself.
And fell..... And fell... and finally hit the coffee. Bakura decide not to put in more sugar. He put Setos coffee cup back and then sat back down.
After Seto and Malik put the tire on they both got back into the car. Seto once more picked up his coffee, and took a sip.
"Hmmm... It's sorta sugary..." He mumbled to himself, but he then drank the entire thing. There was a moment of silent then Seto grabbed onto Bakura head.
"HEY LOOKIE!!! A MONKEY! "He yelled, pointing to nothing. He then looked down at Bakura and gasped, a happy look on his face.
"SANTA!!!!" He screeched as jumped into Bakuras lap.
"HEY!!!" Malik yelled turning and trying to pull Seto off Bakura. "HE'S MINE!!!"
"I WANNA PONY AND A BIKE AND," He kicked Malik in the face "You'll get your turn! AND A-" Malik continued to try to get Seto off Bakura, who was also trying to get the brunet off his lap.
"THE ROAD!! THE ROAD!!" Mokuba yelled grabbing onto the steering wheal. Unfortunately Mokuba also couldn't drive and the car started to swerve all over the road.
Mean while some cops were sitting in their car with one of those radar guns, checking to make sure that no one was going over the 45 mph speed limit. The car that Mokuba was trying to drive sped past and the radar gun read 107 mph and then hit a few other cars off the road.
"HEY!" One of the police people said "Did you see that?"
"Yeah!" Her partner said "THAT GUY HAD NO FRONT LINENS PLATE!!! LET'S GET 'EM!!" (Aisha: I don't own Sponge Bob Square pants either...)
Seto was now unconscious in the back seat and Mokuba was sitting next to him, giving directions to Malik who was driving... sorta... well at least they were back in Domino... Bakura was the first to hear the sirens, and turned back to look out the back window.
"NO THE COPS!!! MALIK GO FASTER!!!!" Malik pulled into a parking grage and shoved Bakura out.
"WE'RE HOME!!! NOW OUT!!! RUN BEFORE THE COPS GET HERE!!!" Bakura looked at Seto and Mokuba. Then shrugged thinking that at least he got Setos wallet. So they ran off. Seto sat up and looked at Mokuba.
"Well now that the psychos are gone let's go back to the company." Mokuba shrugged and they walked back to the company.
In case you wanted to know Malik did end up getting his 'best damn sex ever' So everyone ended up happy, save the guy who owned the car that Bakura and Malik stole. He got arrested.