Archive: In my yaoi site,
once its up.
Yipee! This is going faster
than all of my fics combined. Angst fests are myfave!
Deathwish
Part 1
Maybe everything should start
at the beginning. And the beginning is Quatre.
Born of the Mother goddess
and her mortal lover, Quatre had been nothing special. Beautiful certainly,
for both his parents possessed unusual beauty, and so innocently trusting
and helpful, but nothing out of the ordinary. Until one looked into his
cerulean eyes.
Those eyes…all who looked
at him loved him. From the Mother Goddess herself to the least living creature
on the surface of the world, all sought to protect this mortal child.
Out of her love, the Mother
Goddess bestowed on him partial immortality. He would remain young and
would never die of old age, However, death could still take him if someone
killed him. As powerful as the Mother Goddess was, she could not totally
erase her son's mortal side. To do so would be tantamount to killing him
herself. Even she could not change the nature of things.
To compensate for this, the
Mother Goddess extracted a pledge from all things and creatures of the
world, a pledge not to cause harm to her beloved son. And every thing and
creature, much enamored of the boy, had agreed. Everything and everyone
save the Fates and Death who were outside the natural order of things and
cannot give such a pledge.
That done, the Mother Goddess
was contented. Her son would never die for even Death cannot take the life
of one without a reason and she had taken away all the reasons.
Heart at peace, she ensconced
Quatre in a pavilion in the woods and visited him when she wished.
And this was where I came
in…
***
I had become curious of the
boy who had this ability to make everyone love him and so I journeyed forth
into the woods where he lived. Through the thickly canopied woods I walked
until finally I saw the pavilion, sitting prettily in the sunshine flittering
in through the leaves.
To my surprise, it was deserted.
I had been expecting the boy to be inside, lounging about. But he wasn't.
I surmised that he would be back, maybe he had gone walking in the woods.
He came back alright. Much
much later than I had imagined he would, just as I decided to leave, walking
into the darkened hall where I waited, dragging his feet in what I would
call exhaustion.
He didn't see me at all.
Not that it was surprising. I had this tendency to blend in with the shadows.
And for a moment I let it go as I watch him. He wasn't much to look at…as
I said before, he was beautiful but I had seen beauty many times. There
was nothing that could have attracted me. Until he turned around and looked
directly at me.
I drowned in cerulean. And
came out stunned and loving him. I did not think it possible. I, who walked
far from both the mortal and immortal plane, I, who had never known love
before, I who had never thought it possible to fall in love, could not
resist his call.
He looked at me with no surprise
and smiled…the brightest smile in all of creation and asked. "Good day.
Might I ask who you are? And will you be joining me for dinner? The villagers
gave me fresh honey."
"You shouldn't talk to strangers."
I tell him perfunctorily, trying to recover from this alien emotion inside
where once there had been emptiness and this uncommon friendliness he was
showing me.
He laughed then, thrilling
me with the pure sound. Chimes, his laughter reminded me of the wind chimes.
"With all the sorts of people that mother drags in here and those that
drop in unannounced, I would think it's a little late for that sort of
warning. Now, may I know your name?"
He seemed genuinely friendly
and I who had never known camaraderie and friendliness before suddenly
did not want him to change just because of who I am. So I lied.
"I am Trowa."
Trowa. It is the name of
the last man whose life I had taken. It suited me then to use his name.
His eyes crinkled. "Why hello
there, Trowa. Nice to meet you. My name is Quatre."
I had thought that my lie
worked when he didn't even blink as I told him my name. He dragged me in
to have dinner with him and made small pleasantries. I, being the solitary
creature I was, only nodded and made small noises of affirmation.
Finally though I had to ask
that one question. Out of curiosity I suppose and partly out of irritation.
"Does your mother approve of you venturing out into the world?"
He blinked then answered.
"Of course she does. I am safe, anywhere I go. She made sure of that."
The logic was, of course,
faultless. All loved him therefore no one would even dare kill him. Still,
it did not settle the irritation I felt when I waited for hours in his
pavilion. Nor does it settle me to know that he went out.
"What do you do outside?
You seemed tired."
He smiled. "Oh odds and ends.
I help around the village. Primarily healing. Along with the other gifts
my mother gave me, I found out that I could heal people to a certain extent.
And when there is no one to heal, I help in the harvest. Its harvest time
now you know. Its tiring work, but very fulfilling."
It is my time to be startled.
I had never thought that the Mother's last son would ever be anything but
pampered and spoiled. Never knew that he would feel compassion for the
mortals.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you help them?"
He shrugged. "Because it
is the right thing to do, I suppose." Quatre tilted his head. I noticed
he did it often whenever he was immersed in thinking. "I never thought
about it actually."
His knife twirled aimless
patterns on the plate. I never thought he'd take my question seriously.
"Love."
"What?" I did not catch the
softly spoken word.
"I said love. Love is why
I help them. They have done so much for me, loved me even without me doing
anything. Its hard not to love them back."
"Then love them and play
with them. But keep your distance. Why concern yourself with the doings
of mortals when you are immortal? What you do today will be forgotten tomorrow
when their lives are spent and their bodies decayed. They are not worth
it." I said it flippantly, a test if I must rationalize what I do, because
I almost can believe that this immortal was different from all the others.
It was the first time I ever
saw anything but a smile in his eyes as the blue depths blazed forth in
righteous anger. "They are human and as such they have a right to be treated
with respect. I do not care if immortals view them as some transient species
who are only worth the amusement they give. I will not treat them as such!"
I thought at that time that
he would attack me with his bare hands. He had been really angry. But he
looked at me then and subsided. Maybe he saw how I understood his feelings.
That I was unlike any of the immortals he had met before, I who walked
alone.
He was different from all
the other immortals. He hid it well though in a mask of gaiety that delighted
the other immortals. "Coddling them will only make them weak. You realize
that." I told him as if nothing had happened in between.
"Not everyone is as strong
as you are, Trowa." Quatre said softly. I almost raised an eyebrow at that.
He had dined with me for an hour, knew me for an hour, yet he speaks as
if he knew me.
"Some people in this world
need other people. They need the support the strong can offer. Not everyone
can stand on their own two feet. You know that."
At that moment, I knew. I
knew why this youth, this immortal beloved of all people, of all the gods,
came into this world.
I searched my head to know
what to say next. His last reply had disturbed me, pierced me with his
conviction. I did not have a response.
All of a sudden he sprang
a question.
"So, Trowa, is there any
particular reason why you wear your hair like that?"
Silly, nonsensical.
I remember how I blinked
in surprise. My hair had never been a subject of conversation before. And
I had never put much importance in it. I had let it grow as it will. It
just was. Besides I had never cared much for what others thought.
But there, in that candlelit
dining hall, it suddenly mattered. HIS opinion mattered. And that perturbed
me. Nothing, no one should be able to control me.
But this one did. That was
forbidden.
"I have to go."
"So soon? But it was just
getting interesting."
"I have to go. I have work
to do." And with that I stood up swiftly and took my leave. He followed
me, almost running to catch up with my longer stride.
"If it's the hair thing,
I can take it back. You needn't answer it." He called out teasingly.
I almost smiled.
At the entrance to the pavilion
he stopped and tugged at my flowing robe. "It is a shame that you aren't
able to stay. Drop by another time alright?"
I nodded, not wishing to
talk, and walked out into the darkness of night. I could have vanished
right then but I didn't want him to guess my real identity. In another
minute I would vanish from his life and never come back. That was what
I had decided.
He did not need to know who
I am. Let him go on with the illusion that "Trowa" visited him.
I shouldn't have bothered
with the deception.
"Try to be gentle, Trowa.
I know it is work but it doesn't hurt to care."
That stopped me in my tracks
and I looked at him. Framed in the silvery light of the moon filtering
in through the same space the sunlight did, Quatre stood, hugging a marble
pillar. He looked at me in all seriousness, his eyes, those infinitely
kind eyes, were filled with understanding.
Surely, I thought, he was
only making a generalization. He did not know me. And as if he read my
mind, he smiled gently, cocking his head to one side as he brushed the
soft tendrils that fell into his face.
"I know you, One who Walks
Out of Time and Space, Solitary One. God of Death. Know that you are always
welcome here."
Welcome…it had been strange
to hear the word come from anyone save for the pained sick who welcomed
my coming for the release I brought to them.
He knew me and yet he welcomed
me into his home. He knew me all the time I spent with him and yet accepted
me still, lie and all.
…I did not know what to think
of that.
It was at that time that
I realized why people loved him dearly. They might first fall in love with
him because of his power but they stayed in love with him…for him.
As I knew I would. As I always
did.
TBC Is anyone still reading?
Ehehehe! Lord of Death Trowa...somehow it just sort of fits. ^^
