The Awakening - Chapter 6

The Jades Fire - Somewhere in hyperspace

It had been a good run. Mara Jade accessed the data she'd collected on her trip to the colonies. She'd spent three months trying to forget. Orders new and others completed - surely there was more to her life than that. Where was the purpose she'd once had when she'd served the Emperor? Somehow the thrill of the trade had gone flat. She'd never expected that to happen. She was free, independent and alone. Mara winced; there was something ugly about the last word.

'Alone.'

She had good colleagues and there were people she would admit being quite close to, but they didn't own her body and soul. The Emperor had owned her complete allegiance and it had turned to be a lie - one big deception. She couldn't let it happen again, not even with Luke, but oh, she wanted to.

Then there was that voice…

She wandered into her cabin and found the remote control for the holo-viewer. Karrde's slicer, Ghent, always made sure she had the latest galactic news bulletins sent directly to the Jade's Fire. In her job, it paid to know which system was at war with another one, or who was bedding whom amongst Coruscant's elite. Mara shivered slightly. 'That could have been me.'

She flicked listlessly through the summary titles. It was as she'd suspected - the usual petty squabbling in the Senate and somewhere in the Outer Rim a larger world pounded a smaller one to smithereens, ignoring the inhabitants in their quest for power. No one won in these conflicts and especially not the people, caught in the middle of a war they neither wanted nor asked for.

"It doesn't really matter since I'm not heading in that direction," she muttered.

'Jedi Master mediates in escalating Verran problem.'

The headline caught her eye. Suddenly, it did matter. Stars of Alderaan it mattered very much.

"Luke," her mouth shaped the word and something twisted in her gut. She thought about him constantly and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't rob herself of the memories. Mara closed her eyes trying to shut out the images as they replayed over and over. This had to stop. She scrolled down over a few more unimportant trivialities.

'Jedi Master injured in fighting - recuperates on Coruscant before flying back to battle zone.'

''Skywalker helps people in Greoa Prime after a freak volcanic eruption kills thousands. Many still missing.'

Mara's pulse thundered in her ears. What the hell was he playing at? She pulled up the last report and watched horrified at the devastation caused by the disaster. Why hadn't she heard about any of this? The world had literally exploded from underneath one of the major cities of the planet. Luke Skywalker had gone from one incident to another over the past three months. Even when he'd been caught in the war zone and slightly injured on Verran, he had only stayed on Coruscant for two days. Was he still on Greoa Prime? Where the hell was it?

The holo-reporter droned on from his safe seat in a Coruscant studio while the pictures continued to run. Mara peered at the screen, anxiously straining for a sight of Luke. Just something to tell her he was alive and well. It was then that she saw him in the background of a harrowing news report. He emerged from the temporary shelters the rebels had once moved from place to place, as they'd run from the Empire. They now housed the bewildered lifeforms, dispossessed and displaced by the vagaries of nature at her finest. It provided shelter, but it wasn't a home. Grey, utilitarian and totally soulless, they rose from the blackened earth and Luke stood there in his Jedi robes - the one sure thing for the dazed populace. The holocam zoomed in on the Jedi Master. But Luke was thin, his face drawn and gaunt and his blue eyes haunted and dull. He'd seen too much in the past few days. He'd pulled too many dead from the wreckage of collapsed buildings.

Luke always took things too much to heart, and Mara cried silent tears as she watched the man she loved go through so much pain. And this, she knew, would cause him real anguish. If Luke could prevent anything at all, it would be the needless suffering of others. He would sacrifice himself to do so and part of Mara hated him for that. He would leave her alone to mourn his loss and therefore the loss of a love she never had the courage to embrace totally.

'He loves you too, my daughter.'

Mara didn't even snarl at the owner of the voice. Snarling, she'd found, was a complete waste of time. She had tried every way to discover whom, what and where, but had found nothing. So she'd given up and ignored it, even though the owner of the voice obviously knew what was in her heart and her mind.

Luke had clearly thrown himself into the traditional role the Jedi had adopted during the Old Republic. Except he was trying to do it alone. Mara had read many of the Emperor's hidden files on the Jedi. They told of a Council of Masters, and Jedi travelling the galaxy with their apprentices as they fought to uphold peace and justice. She'd shared what she knew with Luke and he had done what he could with what he had. The other Jedi on Yavin were not ready for what Luke was attempting to do now, but still, someone should have been with him to support him. His sister could have helped. There was no other more suitable.

'What about you?'

"I can't," Mara replied, then froze as she realised she'd been responding to the ever present voice in her head.

The holocam caught Luke pulling a screaming child alive from under a large rock, then easing a frightened old man into a healing trance. He was everywhere, projecting the aura of calm, helping the weak and the children. But as Mara watched the broadcasts as they'd progressed over the weeks, she saw that he had lost a little more of himself every day.

Mara's hand went involuntarily to her belly. She'd almost hoped that their one night might have produced a child and had been unaccountably distressed for some obscure illogical reason, when her usual monthly cramps had started.

She paused the distressing reports and began to ready herself for sleep. Slipping on a thin shift she wandered into the Fresher. Staring at herself in the reflector, Mara began assessing her own appearance. She too was thinner, the angles in her face more pronounced, the fire in her eyes had dulled. She looked tired and spiritless. Three months without him. Three days without him had been too much. She'd gone far longer than this before without experiencing the desire to be with him. When had this need awoken in her? When had she begun to harbour the deep-seated, gut churning need, which only Luke could assuage? In the old days they had gone for long times without contact, then slipped into an easy camaraderie as if they'd never been apart. Mara felt that she had given Luke a much-needed perspective on real life and without it he slipped back to his old bad habits. Luke was doing too damn much. He was trying to do it all. When would he realise that he couldn't? The whole bloody galaxy knew his itinerary; he'd never been out of the galactic news nets for the entire time they'd been apart. Someone should have gone with him - one of the other Jedi.

'No - You should have gone with him.'

Mara gritted her teeth. "I know." She climbed into her bunk and pulled the comforter over her body. "That's it, I've lost it. I'm speaking to thin air." There was no answer, no ripple in the Force. There might have been an echo of a distant quaver in the Force, but not enough for her to grasp on to.

No Force visions disturbed her dreams that night, only vague shadowy memories of a man's kiss against her parted lips. If the tears ran down her face, she didn't remember, but the name she muttered in her sleep was Luke's.

'I gave you my soul, that night… my soul…. my soul….'

Coruscant Spaceport

Mara landed the Jade's Fire with a grace and skill few could rival and surveyed the deserted landing bay; something told her she'd have company soon. She could feel it, and it was vaguely hostile at that. She pulled her hair back from her face and secured it tightly with a green ribbon. Coruscant was the logical place to come. She'd stopped off at Yavin to try and gain something from being with other Force adepts. Kam Solusar, running the Academy in Luke's absence, had been friendly but suspicious. She'd taken part in a few classes, but these had quickly reinforced the idea that Yavin was not for her. None of the other Jedi could give her any help with the voice she continued to hear and when she'd asked them why they'd let Luke go off on his own, they had looked at her as if she was mad.

"He's the Jedi Master. He didn't ask us or tell us where he was going."

Mara had snorted in disgust. "That's a pathetic excuse and you know it."

Kyp Durron's eyes flashed with annoyance, but closed his mouth when Kam had shaken his head warningly. Mara was trying to needle them. She'd had enough of Jedi calm.

"If he had wanted us we would have gone." Kyp argued with a hostile glare.

"I don't agree," Mara retorted. "And it's not too late. Have you seen the newsnets recently. Luke's half dead. You all know what he's like."

Kam gave Mara a shrewd stare. He'd seen them together and had thought the Jedi Master was smitten with the beautiful redhead, but he'd not been so sure about Jade. But in the light of her comments, he had to reassess what he thought. Mara had demanded he accompany her into her ship to view the evidence, as she put it. She was right; the last few pictures to emerge from Greoa showed a unmistakably exhausted Luke.

Perhaps he was leading by example hoping the Yavin Jedi would grasp the opportunity to serve the Citizens of the New Republic. Maybe Mara was right about them being unwilling to accept the true nature of the tasks the Force would set for them. The Jedi had not risen from obscurity to become isolationists on a jungle moon. Still, Mara Jade was clearly very concerned about the Jedi master and looking again at the last set of pictures Kam was beginning to agree with her. Kam knew most of the Jedi were not ready for such a task, but he could prepare those that were. It was time for them to do.

"Okay, Jade. We'll prep a ship and get some of the Jedi to help out."

Mara nodded and some of the fight went out of her. Kam could feel the tension ease slowly from her slender frame. This was very important to her. 'No,' Kam concluded - Luke was very important to her.

"Take the healers, Solusar. That's the most important thing at the moment."

"We will… Mara?"

The green eyed woman lifted her head and gazed at the Jedi.

"Thank you."

"It's okay. I'm doing it for Skywalker."

The implication was obvious. 'Not you.' "I know. But think about doing it for yourself too, Mara Jade. You are as much a Jedi as he is, however much you try to deny it."

She had set out for Coruscant immediately - she still had a business to run. Mara turned to her astromech droid and gave it instructions to secure the ship, before activating the boarding ramp. The welcoming committee was waiting for her. She stalked down the ramp with her nose in the air and muttered a curt. "Solo," at the Corellian as she passed. It wasn't going to work, not even her best glare would work on Han Solo; he had enough nerve to outface her any day and not many men could make that claim. Mara looked pointedly at Solo's hand clutching her arm.

"I suggest you let me go," she remarked sweetly, but with a tinge of menace in her tone.

"Good to see you too, Jade," The Corellian uttered flatly with an insincere smile, but didn't let go of her arm. She would find that it was actually bruised later on.

"I could get out of this if I had to."

Han shrugged. "Sure, you probably could. I ain't denying it, Jade. But I want to talk to you." He smiled thinly.

"Suppose I don't want to talk?"

"Well, that's just too bad, 'cause we're going to talk." He produced his blaster and waved it at her. "You do want to talk."

"I could still get out of this if I had to." Mara kept her tone light. "You do know how to use that thing, I take it?"

"Nice, Jade. Sure, I know you could escape any time you wanted to, Jedi thing and all that. I live with one - remember? However, I have all the spaceport exits covered." He grinned to himself; Chewie could still move fast if he had to. He didn't enlighten Mara that Chewie was covering all the other exits. "Besides, it's not really me that wants to talk to you. In my opinion, you've talked too much and not done enough. The words 'running away' mean anything?"

'Oh Sith!' "I'm not interested in your opinion, Solo. I could use the Force to overpower you and get away."

"Fighting talk, Jade. I like that." His hazel eyes twinkled. "I was beginning to think you were sickening for something. All the fight had left you and you were mouthing meaningless threats. Funny…" Han's grip on her arm tightened and his voice dropped in pitch. "Because you didn't fight for my buddy. You left him, flat. Now he's trying to be a one man Jedi army and it's killing him." Any pretence of civility slipped from his voice and the words came out flat and hard.

Mara found herself thrust into the back of the Solo family's airspeeder. Chewbacca growled in satisfaction as Mara landed awkwardly in the back seat with Han keeping a wary eye on her, just in case she tried to make a run for it. Mara lurched into an uncomfortable place on the seat. She seemed to be sitting on something. She dug around under her seat and pulled out a stuffed Ewok toy. Han immediately reacted by waving his blaster in its face. They gaped at each other in shock.

"Do you normally threaten stuffed toys with your blaster?" Mara asked dryly, as one red-gold eyebrow rose mockingly. "I thought you and the Ewoks were blood brothers or something?"

"I'm a member of the tribe," Han admitted shortly.

"How sweet." She lapsed into silence until they approached the Solo residence. "How long do I have to suffer this kidnap?"

"When you've had your little chat."

'Oh dewback drool.' "Leia," She moaned softly.

Han grinned again. "Yeah, Leia, and you're not her favourite person at the moment. Come on, Jade. Did you really think the confab was with me? I'm flattered."

"So I was fooling myself." Mara closed her eyes and tried to wish herself elsewhere. The Skywalker twin thing - she'd forgotten about that. "I'd forgotten that you'd just mastered joined up sentences."

Han smiled with grim satisfaction, before turning to speak to Chewbacca. "Hey, pal. I said we'd pick up the children and take them out for the afternoon. Give the girls a chance to chat."

The Wookiee snuffled softly in reply. "I think that's a good idea." He placed a massive shaggy hand on Mara's shoulder as she slid out of the airspeeder. "Talk," he growled warningly. "And listen, Mara Jade."

Han slid out of the seat and helped Mara exit the vehicle. "He said…."

"I… know… what he said," she gritted.

"Good."

Mara was left on the floating platform outside the residence with a feeling she was being watched. Leia stood waiting, her face set in impassive lines. A careful Force probe told her nothing. Mara's stomach churned and again she wished herself elsewhere.

"Mara," Leia's voice was cool, her face giving nothing away.

'Sith - protective sister thing. I should have known. Heck, it's none of her business what I do with her brother.'

"Look, Leia…" Mara began.

"Unless you want to apologise for what you've done to my brother…"

"Can it, Leia. You brought me here - I presume to discuss something. I've done nothing to your brother. I haven't seen him for months."

Leia glared at Mara, her dark eyes furious. "I want to know what happened between you and Luke?"

Mara's eyes opened wide in feigned surprise. "That's between me and the farmboy." She placed a graceful hand over her heart. "You mean, he hasn't told every sordid detail?"

"He's my brother and you've hurt him deeply. Of course he hasn't told me every detail. But, you admit it was sordid?"

The hurt flashed across Mara's lovely face and she turned on Luke's sister with a vengeance. "Listen to me, Leia Organa Solo. What happened between Luke and me was beautiful; it was not and never would be sordid. I don't regret it…" Mara stopped, her chest heaving.

"That's not the impression Luke gave me." Leia stated calmly. So it was as she'd thought. Luke and Mara had slept together.

Mara's face paled. "You mean, he thought it was like that?"

"I don't know what he thought, but I do know this. He fell in love with you and you hurt him deeply, rejecting him yet again."

"In love… with me?"

"He doesn't think you're ready to hear it from him, so he didn't tell you. Mara, he offered you his friendship so many times before you accepted it. What makes you think he would ever believe you could love him?"

Silence greeted Leia's question. Mara stood rooted to the spot, her face stricken.

Leia's anger melted as she carefully guided the bewildered girl into her sitting room and pressed a glass of Corellian brandy into her hand. "Luke loves you. He doesn't expect anything in return but I know my brother. Here, take this." She poured a generous amount into her own glass. "You turned him down flat…"

"I can't love him," Mara interrupted wildly, her cheeks flushed. "I can't. I cannot give him what he needs."

"Have you asked yourself what he needs?" Leia answered her own question. "Of course you have but have you asked him?" She watched the other woman struggle to find the right words with satisfaction. "I didn't think so. He needs you, Mara." Leia's voice lost a little of its edge. "I suppose you've been watching the latest galactic newsnet feeds? Is Luke getting what he needs by becoming a one-man crusader? He cannot do it on his own."

"I keep telling him that," Mara burst out, finding something to say at long last.

"It's tearing him apart, Mara. He's gone from one dangerous situation to the next. We lived like that during the civil war. He's still doing it. He can't go on this way; surely you must see that? You've done this to him, Mara. It will kill him eventually. He's in love with you…" Leia paused, her voice lowering, "And you love him."

'Listen, daughter,'

"Will you shut up!" Mara whirled around and clenched her fists, her eyes blazing. "I don't love him. I can't love him. I can't love anyone." The last word echoed around the room containing all Mara's desperate fears.

Leia's mouth dropped open in shock. "I beg your pardon?"

"Not you, Leia - her. She's always talking to me. I can't see her or feel her. I keep hearing her voice. She just tells me to listen. Listen to what?" Mara all but shouted. "It's like a stuck holodisc. Always the same - 'Listen, my daughter.' That's what she says. I don't know who she is, or where, or how. I'm going mad here."

Leia looked at Mara with concern. "Have you talked to Luke about this?" She asked the question carefully. "Luke also mentioned a female voice speaking to him - the day you left him."

Mara nodded tiredly. "Luke sent me a message. He told me but I haven't spoken to Luke for over three months."

Leia frowned. "Can you feel a presence with you?"

"No - not really."

"Not really?" Leia echoed. "You either can or you can't."

Mara slumped down onto the sofa. "The voice is anchored to my presence. Sometimes I feel an echo of something, but it's fleeting. The voice is definitely a woman's and it's older. I've had no visions, no strange dreams, no Force induced phenomena, just this damn voice in my head. If Luke hadn't heard it, I'd probably be consulting a psychiatrist about it. I want to talk to Luke but…"

"Maybe you should talk to him."

"Consult your brother?"

"Why not? What harm would it do?" 'And it would get the pair of you talking face to face again.' "Could it be someone from your past – a relative, a mentor or even your mother?"

"My what!" The red-gold eyebrows shot straight up.

"Your Mother? She calls you daughter."

"I'd never considered that. Well I have but I rejected the idea. I can't remember my mother; I thought it was just a figure of speech – an older Jedi trying to give me advice I don't want. Han still calls Luke - kid."

Leia put her head to one side. "He does, doesn't he? What's funnier is, Luke lets him."

Mara picked up her brandy glass and swirled the amber liquid around. "I have no recollection of my parents, apart from the fact that I don't think they wanted me to go."

"You told me that once before. Have you never tried to delve any deeper?"

"Once or twice, but there was nothing. I figured Palpatine had them killed and my memories removed. I figured life was too short to dwell on things I can't undo."

"Yet you still think you cannot love Luke. That could be construed as moving on with your life and not letting the Emperor ruin everything. Luke could help you."

"Perhaps he could, but I'm not putting myself in his power."

"His power!" Leia exclaimed, startled. Then she laughed. "You… In Luke's power?" Leia covered her mouth with her hands and laughed some more.

Mara's eyes narrowed as she stared laser bolts at the Alderaanian Princess. "It's not funny."

Leia sobered for a fraction of a second, then laughed again, before a thought occurred to her that wiped all traces of mirth from her features. "If you were stupid enough to reject my brother for that cock-brained reason, then you're right. It isn't funny at all."

Mara jumped to her feet, ready to storm out of the room. Who did Leia Solo think she was, calling her stupid?

'I'm beginning to agree with her, daughter, and I never thought it before.'

Mara slumped back onto the sofa and dropped her head into her hands. "I'll talk to Luke."

"Thank the maker, as Threepio would say," muttered Leia. "Now I can tell Han to come home. He can think about the next problem." She pulled a face. "How to get them together, to talk.