BLUE WASTELAND

A Kim Possible Fan Fiction Oddity

By Psychedelic Leviathan

(KP is owned by Disney. I am owned by me. BWHAHAHAHA! Gotta own something. Um, yeah.)

a/n: This is me getting back to what I do best, the dark fic. My Rufus story will continue onward, but I'm just not as good at being funny. So this will be my main focus, with RKOTW being the diversion for when I flame out on angst between chapters.

A vein was bulging in Doctor Drakken's forehead. His blood pressure was steadily rising as his hands trembled with the cold steel. He had decided at last that it was time to cut the whining and just do the dead already. His nimrod henchmen hadn't really put up much of a fight, mainly because they were far too stupid to comprehend what was going on with Drakken. All they knew was that he had asked for a gun and a bullet. Not plural as in bullets, but a single solitary piece of ammunition. The lumbering red suited morons hadn't even asked for the why and wherefores as to this request, everything Drakken did was a mystery to them. Asking for a sole bullet with which to do something unexplained with, it was nothing out of the ordinary.

Thats why Drakken left them the letter. So they would understood where their master was and why he wasn't going to be coming home. Ever. He almost felt a bit bad for his minions, they would be completely confused as to what the situation was with the blue doctor. They only knew of hitting things, rappeling down things and trying to grab things. Angst and depression were beyond their scope of intellectual power.

Yes. The clouds of gloom that had hung around him for so long were finally parting. He could see the sun rising in his mind's vision.

"Just quit your whining and do the damn deed already." He told himself as the icy winds blew through his greasy black hair. He stood at the cliffs that overlook the frigid waters of the ocean. Drakken shivered as a cold wind blew off of the blue abyss, the little warmth in his body being sucked away by it. Well this was just peachy. He had wanted to die somewhere nice and the nicest place he could think of at the moment of at the moment was California. He had studied at Berkeley for two years before quitting and in his memories the west coast had always been a sunlit bright spot in a life that was otherwise dark and frigid.

But those memories were not the present. It was a cold day on the San Francisco bay. Well at least the ocean was still pretty. He watched the white capped foam rising and beating against the shore, the waves rising and dying and being reborn as they had been for millions of years and would do so for millions more after he was gone. The thought and the vision filled Drakken with a sort of grim tranquility.

Was it time now?

Drakken wondered when and where things had begun to unravel. He couldn't put an exact date on it, mainly because he didn't think things had ever really been together for him in the first place. Had he always been such a loser? Why was he such a loser? He mused these things as he stared out over the expanse of undrinkable water.

The catalyst of course had been Shego. Their relationship had never been classified into 'good' at any particular moment in time but it had completely fallen apart in recent weeks. He could still here her hard voice inside his head.

"Drakken...this is your worst idea ever! Using a giant spray can to burn a hole in the ozone layer...that doesn't make any sense!"

"No Shego it makes perfect sense! It only doesn't make sense if we stop with just burning the hole in the ozone layer. We destroy the ozone layer and then I deploy my huge sun blocking machine! We charge people not to be burned alive!"

"It is so stupid. Even if it works...lame."

Drakken lost it. "Can't you cut me some slack! I've spent half of my once very large trust fund on you and you still treat me like something you pulled out of your ear."

Shego was merciless when she got mad. "That's because you are a huge loser. You think your going to rule the world someday? You can barely tie you shoes. If you wind up taking over so much as the local mall I'll be greatly surprised."

"I am not a loser!"

"Yes, you are. And I am through wasting my valuable time on this Earth trying to make your weak ass lame brained schemes work right. I'm going out on my own. Goodbye and good riddance."

Shego stormed out and never came back, leaving Drakken on his own with no one around but his slow witted speech impaired henchmen. Drakken had every reason to believe that Shego would never return. He was left to his own devices, staggering around the dark and empty liar by himself. He grew so lonely that he even tried making conversation with the said dull brained henchmen, but they weren't interested in talking about anything other then porno and the Dallas Cowboys and he soon tired of trying to communicate with them.

It then dawned on that Shego was right, he wasn't a later bloomer, he was just stupid and would never achieve any of his goals. All throughout his life people had been telling him that, but it wasn't until recently that he had finally accepted it. Everything he had attempted in life had blown apart and failed. He hadn't always aimed at doing evil. Back in the day he was trying to figure out how to grow some new type of super fast growing vegetables that he believed could end third world hunger or try to fix the ozone layer that later he wished to destroy. But those things had been pipe dreams that he had failed miserably at. He had been no better at being evil either. He was the laughing stock of the villain world and he knew it. He know only wondered why Shego hadn't left him sooner.

Not only was Shego right but the long line of pricks who had tormented him all his life were right. He lacked fundamental value as a human being. The fat bullies who had taken his money from him in school were dead on, so were the stuck up bitch cheerleaders and the frat assholes at the university. They were a race of total bastards, but they were also winners. And he was a loser. Worse then that he was a loser who for the longest time thought he was a winner. It was sad state of affairs indeed.

Drakken held the gun to his head.

That he realized was an ugly way to do it. He dropped the gun.

The ocean looked so pretty. He decided that was a better way to end. To return to that timeless deluge from which all life had originally started so long ago. From a hard evolutionary viewpoint he was going home. He would be eaten by the fish or fishes and in a way that made sense only to him live a new existence under the sea.

He let himself fall.

What happened after that was either tragic or heroic depending on what your point of view was. To Drakken it was the worst humiliation comprehendible.

"KIM POSSIBLE!" He yelled as she swooped down on her jet pack to grab him.

Even in trying to take his own life, the cheerleader got in the way.

"Drakken?" She asked him with wild eyed concern. "What the hell are you doing?"

He looked up at her with numb, sad eyes. "Kim Possible? You horrid little girl. Why must you ruin all of my plans?"

"Because I was informed of this by one of your flat footed goons. He had trouble reading the message over the phone but I got the idea. Naturally I had to do something to stop it."

Drakken was incensed. "WHY!? WHY THIS TIME YOU INSUFFERABLE BITCH!?"

He then broke down and sobbed at her feet.

"Your plan is to jump into the ocean? That's a lot more like a lemming then a super villain Drakken."

"Go away."

"No. Not when you are trying to..." Kim's pretty face looked quite disturbed and what she said next came out as a peep. "Commit suicide?"

"Is it really that hard a word to say? I thought you could do anything."

"I can."

"Yes. And this includes ruining my life."

"By extending it?"

"Yes."

"Is it really that bad?"

"Kim Possible, you don't know what it's like to be me. You have no idea. Everybody loves you so much."

Kim looked at him with...concern. She wondered what was wrong with her. Drakken was a villain! The world would be safer without him! But she could not help but feel sorry for the whimpering blue mass at her feet.

"Tell me." Kim said.

"How would you even relate? I'm a loser. You have no idea what that's like because your all that."

"Uh huh. Then why do you always make a point of telling me otherwise."

"Have you heard of denial?" Drakken asked in a voice that seethed with sarcasm and bitterness. "It isn't just a river in Egypt you know."

"Well, if you don't tell me now you'll have to do it later."

"What are you talking about?"

"Your coming home with ME. And I'm going to monitor you until your no longer interested in killing yourself."

"Oh so your going to force feed me all of those rosy little lies about how life's worth living and I have value and all that crap? Is that how you get your kicks you sick little do gooder? Can't you just let me die in peace? I'm not taking anyone down with me! I just want to sleep!"

"I'm sorry Drakken. But I can't let you go, knowing that your going to try to hurt yourself again."

"Why? So I can go back to the false hopes? So I can return to the horrid delusion that someone cares about me? When it is so obvious that no one does. Your going to brainwash me aren't you?"

"If that's what I need to do." Kim said grimly.

Kim put an arm around him and he went limp in under it. She began to fly back to Middleton and a strange and uncertain future.