BLUE WASTELAND

A Kim Possible Fan Fiction Oddity

By Psychedelic Leviathan



(This show is not mine. Blah blah blah. And the character Herman isn't either, he's from the Simpsons.)

a/n: Bleh. I'm not even to the halfway point in this monstrosity and I'm already tired. Never the less I will have to forge ahead.

The episode today helped a little. There's something about Junior's disco lair that really inspired me.



"GARAHHHHHHH!!!"

The steel was immovable, an inhuman crushing force that blue fists suspended upon a man's neck.

"Drakken." Irv growled at the man below him. "Put that shit up you fucking bitch."

"GARRRRAHHHHHH!!!"

Drakken was able to budge it now as his motivation increased to superhuman levels. He had not been able to move this almost literal ton of bricks at first, but now as his chest burned and his triceps caught fire he pushed the bulk, an inch, two inches, six...LOCK OUT...and he heard the plates rattle deeply as he set them back onto the rack.

"Alrite!" Irv hollered in pure joy. He extended his big hand to the gasping, dehydrated Drakken who then accepted it. Irv pulled Drakken onto to his feet with one massive yank, the force of which briefly shattered gravity's kung fu death grip. "Alrite motherfucker! My man! Good shit! Good shit!"

"No pain, no gain." Drakken said with a strange gym mysticism. "How much did you put on that?"

"That's two hundred fifty pounds dawg." Irv said poking the bar that Drakken had forced upward.

"Is that good?"

"Around here it's entry level." Irv ruminated while watching one of the inmates of Hell's Gym riding his bike around on the exercise floor, the gym owner running after him furiously. "But for average stick boy people that's pretty good."

"Do you want it now?"

"Yeah dawg. Just put on some more weight."

"How much yo?"

"Four hundred five pounds should be good. And don't say Yo, your an initiate into our gang, you haven't earned the right yet. Y'all understand what I'm saying?"

"No yo? But I trashed that robot bee-atch with you?"

Irv thought about it. "Okay you can Yo. But you got to use it in moderation. Your a brutha, but not a RIGHTEOUS brutha if you understand what I'm saying?"

Drakken nodded slowly. But he kind of didn't understand what he was saying. Irv never talked in ghetto speak when they were alone, but inside the gym and around these mountainous Neanderthals he would do a metaphorise before his eyes. They had this whole homeboy thing going on that Drakken thought was kind of stupid, though he did greatly enjoy using the lingo of the hood.

Drakken listened to the deep throated rattle of the groups of 45 pound plates as the man below him pushed the equivalent of six or seven blocks of cement against Earth's gravitational pull. He gazed up at the muscle chapel's grand photo of Arnold Schwarzennegger, the God of beefcake. He imagined that photo with his face atop it instead of the Austrian's. In his mind and in the power of the pump he felt and saw himself growing to enormous proportions. His mind made him swell and wax supreme amongst living things. He would be rex mundi, king of the world.

Drakken saw himself grow larger then all men, his body swelling out to increasingly monolithic proportions. A nightmare amongst human beings as he now was literally seeing himself walking over buildings and stepping on cars.

The people below him screamed as Drakken approached. He was now Drakzilla, his blue feet as big as a small lake. He watched the small humans run in fear of the end of the world as he swatted away an annoying helicopter and chuckled with a laugh that reverberated throughout the frightened air. The ground shook beneath his feet as he took his casual stroll across the metropolis. He picked up a train and the people inside screamed "MY GOD!" as his huge face looked in on them. Annoyed with the train he threw it aside to the sound of a satisfying explosion.

The air around him burst into flames as he was struck by a cluster of missiles. He saw instantly that air planes were coming in at him, letting fire with heat seeking death rockets and rapid firing gattling guns. On the ground below he saw a group of tanks approaching them. The army vehicles opened fire upon Drakken, their heavy Armour penetrating shells exploding against his invulnerable blue skin. Drakken roared in a primordial death howl that shattered the air, then he unchained his wrath upon the armed folly of men.

Drakken sucked in great quantities of air with an exaggerated fist clenched effort. Then his face turned brutal again and he spat out a ravening atomic fire that danced and sung as it vaporized the tanks and caused a number of buildings to explode and catch fire. Drakken then turned his attention upward and backhanded one of the jet planes as it flew in towards him, causing the aircraft to be destroyed and knocked out of the air. As the other planes began to retreat he blasted them away with his blue hued atomic breath.

Drakken then began randomly wrecking things, using his great fists to punch through the glass walls of office buildings and stepping on cars. He saw a row of gas tanks and opened up with the blue flame again, causing them to ignite and then detonate in a horror show chain reaction. Drakken then roared with pride again.

"CITY! YOU THINK YOUR BUILDINGS ARE ALL THAT...BUT THEY'RE NOT!" He declared as he began to randomly knock down more of the varied follies of men.

Drakken then saw a familiar figure among the fleeing crowds. Making individual recognition of the humans was a difficult task but the pale skin and the green outfit were unmistakable. It was clearly Shego, who was looking up at him in terror. They had moved near this nameless big city's ocean coastline now, Shego was trying to make a getaway towards some ships that were anchored out in the harbor. They were going someplace far, far away from this madness. But Drakken didn't want to let her get away. She had wounded him while she was more powerful then he was, now he would get payback.

"AH HA!" Drakken yelled. "REJECT ME WILL YOU!? REJECT THIS!"

Drakken began to chase Shego. The raven haired vixen running and jumping to try to get away from him, but it was no use with the difference in the length of their legs. Drakken grabbed Shego and then picked her up in his hand.

"AHHHHHH!" She shrieked as he raised her upward in his hands.

Drakken was then drilled by some kind of explosive shell that staggered him with sheer force and caused him to nearly drop Shego. He growled and looked in the direction of the offense and then saw that a warship of great size and power was sailing into position to attack him. Drakken snarled and then began to make his way out to see, but not before he took some metal from one of the buildings he'd wrecked and wrapped it around Shego in order to keep her from being to go anywhere. Trapped by the force of hundreds of pounds of steel she was immobilized, which would allow Drakken to focus his wrath upon this accursed water enemy, which was now lobbing a volley of heavy artillery shells in his direction.

Drakken was hit by the fire and vanished in a cloud of smoke, a cheer began to rise from the refugees trying to escape via boat.

But such cheering was short lived as the blue giant emerged from the smoke of the explosions and roared in pain and hate. He was waist deep in ocean water now, so he lowered his head and dived under the waves. Drakken began swimming quickly towards the ship. Then like some kind of mutant Jaws he rose from under it's hull and drove himself straight upward into the ships steel hide.

A series of explosions crippled the ship as he punctured various engines and it began to take on water. Drakken then came up for air and watched the warship begin to sink from the gaping hole he had busted into it. He smiled again and the people despaired as the vessel began to vanish beneath the waves. Now there was no one left to stop Drakken.

Drakken went underwater again and began to swim towards land. He emerged from the sea and picked up Shego again, then after he freed her from the metal prison he put her back in his behemoth hands. Drakken then began to make his way in the direction of the city. But what to with Shego? She had betrayed him, she had mocked him. But he was now Drakzilla, four hundred feet of blue radioactive fury.

His delirious dream knew what the answer was. He saw before him a massively tall building, so high in height that it's manufactured peak pierced the very clouds and touched the face of God. He took his free hand and with it and his huge feet began to climb upward.

He reached the submit and held on with feet and on hand. He waved the captured and shivering girl around in the free hand as he looked down upon the conquered city. He roared in sweet victory.

Drakzilla heard a voice. "YO!" It boomed.

The monster looked about in confusion. It saw nothing.

"YO! DUDE!" The voice repeated.

Things began to break up, to become less coherent.

"YO! MOTHERFUCKER I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

Drakken was once again a man and he saw that Irv had the weight stuck immovably on his chest. Drakken's face began shocked and he immediately went down to grasp the weight, with great assistance from Drakken the hulking Irving was able to re rack the 400 some pounds of steel. Drakken was a bit fearful as the big man began to suck in air.

"Dude..." He began.

Drakken received a single but vicious punch to midsection that doubled him up from the impact force and caused him to stagger backwards like the battleship's cannons in his omnipotent daydream. "FUCKER!" Irv growled. "YOU COULDA KILLED ME FUCKER! Don't be having your weird daydreams in the middle of BUSINESS man! FUCKING A!"

"Sorry."

"Don't sorry me...just don't fuck off like that again! Seriously! Use your head mad genius guy."

"Jesus Christ man." Drakken stated with a sort of exasperation. "How much more of this do you want to do anyways?"

"I think I'm done. That's the most I can bench. We need to go and check the TV for updates on the war dawg."

"Aren't we loosing it?"

The towering bodybuilder grew somewhat serious. "Yeah. Shegos getting pretty close. The government may be close to collapsing any time now. Come on, I know where we gotta go now."

Drakken began to wipe himself down with his towel and they headed out of the door. The place was strangely empty today, with none of the usual fist fights or violent chanting. Drakken wasn't too sure where the muscular inmates of the abyss where at present, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to know. Any kind of activity that could seduce these steroid chugging freaks out of their beloved weight room even for a few hours had to be incredibly unwholesome indeed, something that even the former villain wasn't sure he wanted any part of.

Drakken and Irv walked out into the fierce sunlight. The oppressive heat that accompanied life amidst the sands was now returning.

"Goddamn sun." Irv swore bitterly as the light battered his huge body.

"I know." Drakken growled. "Its that global warming. Anyone who doesn't believe in that should be punished. Brutally and violently."

Drakken's strange friend led him to his car, the interior of which was hotter then the depths of Hell. Drakken moaned in misery as the hostile air assailed him. He heard the ignition to the car being turned into place and the vehicle started.

The windows were rolled down and refreshing wonderful air rushed over Drakken's face. Irv nodded in non verbal agreement then said. "Cruising on an inferno type of day. Its a great thing."

"Where are we going?"

"To meet up with the damned."

"The freaks from HELL'S GYM?"

"Some of them. But these are another group of freaks, paranoid anti government militia freaks for the most part. They told me something important was about to happen, so I believed them."

"When did this happen?"

"While you were passed out after our parallel squats. They cell phone messaged me."

"Militia freaks use cell phones now a days? I thought they were all into the whole death of technology stupidity."

"Unfortunately yes. Their everywhere these days. Kind of sucks, I missed the olden days in which no one knew where the hell I was. But you must keep up with the time and place you dwell in."

They drove out to ranch where a number of strange looking men were gathering. Many of them were armed and wearing camouflage clothing, but they were also dressed in punk clothes or the weird black and skull adorned costumes that Raider fans would wear to the Oakland Coliseum. A few others were walking around stark naked save for ammo belts and combat boots, their disgusting flabby skin burning in the solar wrath of the sun god. A couple of the gun tooting nut jobs were muscle heads that Drakken recognized from HELL'S GYM, a few of whom nodded grimly at him in recognition of the blue man.

"That's the leader of these fruitcakes." Irv whispered to Drakken as a grim looking one armed man ascended a podium in front of them. He wore a scowl and his shirt was adorned with various old military medals. Whether or not he had won them himself was debatable, as many of them were from wars he could not have possible fought in due to time. Drakken thought he recognized the Iron Cross among them. he "His names Herman." Irv stated. "He's kind of out there."

"He loose his arm in Vietnam?"

"No. From what I understand it was a freak field trip accident from his childhood. Now shut up and listen to him."

The one armed man spoke up. "Is there anyone here does not know WHY it is we have assembled here?"

There were some murmurs of assent from the heavily armed crowd.

"As of today the rule of law within this country IS OVER!"

There were cheers from the men. Several of them fired upward into the air, wounding clouds with high penetration rounds.

"Yeah man!" One hollered.

"ANARCHY!" Another whooped.

"DAMN THE MAN!" A third added.

Herman gestured with his non severed arm for them to immediately stop in what they were saying and they obeyed him without question. "BECAUSE AS OF TODAY...THE ENEMY HAS TAKEN CONTROL OF AMERICA!"

There was silence.

"SHEGO HAS WON! THE GOVERNMENT HAS SURRENDERED EFFECTIVE OF THIS MORNING." He pointed to a small, impish looking man next to him. "MANSERVANT! BRING FORTH THE TV FROM HELL! WE SHALL SHOW THESE PEOPLE THE ANNOUNCEMENT THAT WAS PLAYED ON THE LIBERAL MEDIA TODAY! THE GOVERNMENT HAS FALLEN!"

The impish creature shambled off for a few minutes and soon returned dragging a large television set on wheels. Drakken half expected that warped little man with the blinding eyes to start fondling the TV and whispering "My precious..." to it in a brooding and odd voice of evil.

"MANSERVANT!" Herman ordered. "YOU WILL PRESENT THE TV FROM HELL FOR INSPECTION!"

"It is ready master." The four and a half foot creature hissed. "Ready for display." His voice was just as frightening as Drakken had imagined it to be, not too much unlike that annoying creature from Lord of the Rings that Drakken had mentally compared him too.

"THEN PLAY THE TELEVISION MESSAGE! DO IT MANSERVANT!" The strange one armed man with the German war medals ordered violently.

"Yes my master." The imp hissed.

The television scream then begin to depict horror and chaos as it relayed images of Washington D.C. in flaming ruins. A number of the green wearing super thugs were standing victorious among the wreckage. The camera then began to zoom towards a familiar figure standing on top of the Capitol steps.

Drakken felt run through his expanded frame as he saw the sight that he feared for so long.

"Yes that's right." The pale skinned woman laughed and tossed her hair arrogantly as she spoke to a reporter who had been allowed to see her to relay the news back to the people. "I did it. I took over the world. And I did it the first time, unlike some people I used to know. Now that I am in charge my first decree will be to build a big statue of me...right there where that fat guy is standing. NOW GET STARTED!"

"Anything else you'd like to add Shego?" The reporter asked.

"Nothing yet, but the new division of slave labor will be drafted soon. So to tell these fools to get ready to toil. Toil for my immortal beauty and greatness."

The transmission ended after that as Herman ordered his manservant to turn off the TV from Hell. Many of those present were pretty shocked...and fairly pissed off.

"Fuck that shit!" One growled.

"Yeah!" Another added. "I'm not a slave!"

"KILL THE BITCH!" One yelled.

Herman waved his arm in order to get his minions to calm down a bit. "I AM GLAD YOU FEEL THIS WAY MY RED BLOODED AMERICAN FRIENDS. BUT WE NEED MORE THEN HATEFUL SPEECH IN ORDER TO DETHRONE THE QUEEN! WE WEAPONS! WE NEED MUSCLES! WE NEED PLANNING! WE NEED SOME KIND OF EDGE!"

"A death ray!"

"A nuclear firecracker!"

"Unthaw Captain Freedom from his Area 51 ice chamber!"

Herman spoke again. "FRIENDS THOSE ARE ALL FINE IDEAS...BUT WE NEED ONE THAT WORKS! AND ALL THE I CAN SAY FOR RIGHT NOW IS THAT WE ORGANIZE AGAINST THE NEW QUEEN..."

Drakken began to go cold, not even listening to the one armed maniac or his disturbing man servant. He could only think of Shego, covered in blood and wearing her imperial cape atop what was the American capital. She had done it. It had been his dream for so long and she had without any of his failure or struggle somehow come from nowhere and lived it. He nashed his teeth together in his blue face.

Shego had stolen his dream!

This was a crime of the highest nature. Was he not pre destined to be the supreme ruler of the weak and pathetic human animal kingdom? It had been fated! He was to be king not her! She had pirated some aspect of his warped soul.

Drakken then vowed before whatever gods lived and breathed that Shego would be pay with her blood for this. If Drakken could not have supreme control over everything then no one would!