Motherhood part 3

disclaimer: Please note some of the ideas and concepts that will be explored in this chapter do not represent my personal opinions, but are what I consider to be the opinions of the time and culture that I'm talking about.

Disclaimer 2: This chapter will deal heavily with incest. IF a frank decision of that subject offends, do NOT read.

Disclaimer 3: in western (Christian) culture Sex is the original sin. (Although disobedience was the true original sin, but, sigh) So, anything connected with sex is, at best, questionable. And incest is considered one of the worse sins. (Although, Lot and his two daughters, makes one wonder, esp. since he was considered a goodly man . . . there are other places in the bible that makes one wonder on occasion, esp. in the old testament.)

In historical Japanese culture the original sin is being dirty. A lot of Shinto's ceremonies are cleaning ceremonies. Sex was NOT a sin.(or, rather, it was a minor sin, simply because in the process of engaging in sex, you tend to get dirty, sweaty, etc.) There is a time and place for everything, and in its proper place, sex is wonderful, enjoyable and you want to do it. Yes, it was known that incest breeds birth defects and, since, a family wanted strong children, you wanted to avoid weak children. But, incest was NOT an automatic sin . . . that wasn't brought into Japanese culture until after 1600 (and into Japanese law until after 1870)

Kagome's mother's full name for my purpose is Higurashi Kimiko. (IF her name has been given, officially, please send me the link.)

soft knock

Kagome's mother cracks open her eyes. She blinks. The soft light of a three- quarters full moon shines through the window, giving her enough light to make out the major features of her room.

soft knock

She glances at her door. 'Someone is knocking?' she glances at her alarm clock. It reads: 3:30 A.M.

"Mom?" Kagome's voice whispers through the thin door. "Are you awake?"

"No." She whispers back, "this is someone else sleeping in your mother's bed." A thin giggle floats through the door. "Can I come in?" Kagome whispers.

"Of course." Kimiko whispers as she sits up in bed. The covers fall to her waist. She and her daughter share a similar style in nightgowns.

Kagome quietly enters the room, closing the door behind her. "Can we talk, please?" she whispers as she looks at the floor. Kagome is wearing her normal nightgown.

Kagome's mother nods. "Sit." She pats the bed next to her.

Kagome nods and sits down on her mothers bed. There is about an arm's length distance between them.

"What's so important?" Kimiko asks. 'Earlier tonight when she came back through the well, we had a long talk about the natural childbirth that she witnessed today. But. I thought we had covered all that. So . . . why a middle of the night talk?' she thinks.

"Mother." Kagome begins to whisper. She licks her lips and starts again, "Mother, I need some help."

"Of course, my dear, about what? We talked about childbirth earlier, is that it? Or is it something else?"

Kagome grimaces, "Well . . . some it is connected, I suppose. But." She pauses and sighs, "when I was there, though, Emi and her mother and I got to talking about how you raise children . . . "

Mrs. h slowly nods, "And they do it differently in the past."

Kagome vigorously nods. "And . . . well, they said a couple of things and."

"And you want my opinion on those things?"

Kagome nods.

Mrs. H nods. "What things do you want to talk about?"

Kagome looks down at her hands, as she twiddles with her fingers. "Mother, should I breast feed Shippo?" She blurts out.

Higurashi Kimiko blinks in surprise. "Ah . . . " She whispers.

Kagome quickly adds, "once I thought about it, I remembered that I've seen other women breast feed older kids throughout my travels, but I've just ignored it. Now, though, I wonder."

"About what?"

"Should I breast feed him?"

Mrs. H purses her lips, "I would." She replies.

Kagome looks up at her mother, her eyes wide with surprise, "you would, just like that?"

Her mother nods, "I don't know if you remember or not, my dear, but I did breast feed you, until you were two."

Kagome pauses and then shakes her head, "I remember being close to you, maybe, even suckling on you, but. I couldn't swear to that."

Kimiko nods. "I did. And," She reaches out and grips her daughter's hand. "I think, no, I'm sure that breast feeding you helped create the bond we share."

Kagome grips her mother hand. She slowly nods. "Perhaps."

Mrs. H shakes her head, yes. "I'm sure of it."

"Really?" Kagome asks in surprise.

Her mother nods, "yes. I breast feed you and our bond is strong." She squeezes Kagome's hand. "I did not breast feed Sota." She sighs, "And my bond with him is a lot weaker than I'd like it be."

"And you think not breast feeding Sota is the reason?"

"Yes. Or at least, a large part of the reason." Mrs. h replies. She sighs, "when he was born, and since he was premature, the doctors had all these special formulas and diets for him to eat. Because of that, I didn't breast feed him, and now, as Sota grows up . . . " She pauses, "my bond with him." She shakes her head.

"Are you sure, Mom?"

She nods. "Yes, more than ever. I had thought that my bond with him was weaker than it should be, and with you gone . . . " She sighs, "I've been able to spend more time with Sota, and." She slowly shakes her head. "And instead of growing closer, we aren't."

A pause and Mrs. H continues, "I have even thought about starting to allow Sota to suckle on me."

"Mom?" Kagome's eyes widen in surprise.

Mrs. h shrugs, "I won't, Kagome, it's been too long. But, I've got to find ways to get closer to my son." Mrs. H's free hand forms a fist and she softly pounds her thigh. "It's just, as I rethink my actions when he was born . . . I keep wishing I told my doctor that I'm breast feeding my son, no matter what."

She sighs, "Kagome, please, don't think that I dislike doctors, they are really good people, but, their training, their instruments are designed around something that they can measure. Your temperature, a virus, and so forth, but, a bond between a mother and her child . . . you can't measure that."

Kagome slowly nods and she covers her mother's hand with both of her, "And since a doctor has to treat what he can measure."

"When there's something involved that he can't measure."

"He can't take that into account as well as he could have."

Mrs. H nods. In a low, but intense tone she stresses, "I should have been the person that Sota saw when he opened his eyes, not a nurse. I should have been there, holding him, feeding him, creating the bond between us. And he should never have been left laying there with a tube down his throat, I should have held him all the time . . . "

Kagome reaches out and wraps her arms around her mother. Her mother hugs her. Kagome begins to slowly rock back and forth as she listens to her mother sob into her chest.

Kagome's eyes tear up as she whispers, "mom . . . I never knew . . . "

"I didn't want you to know." Kimiko whispers, after a long pause.

Higurashi Kimiko slowly releases her daughter. She softly clears her throat. "I'm sorry, Kagome. I shouldn't have . . . "

Kagome grabs her mother's hands and squeezes. "Mother. I'm proud of you. And I'm more than proud that you told me that." She smiles, "And, if I can help you with Sota, just ask."

A pause as Kagome's mother cleans the tears from her face. "So, you see why I think that breasting Shippo is a good thing?"

Kagome nods. "Before I came in, mom, I was pretty sure that I was going to breast feed him. Now, I'm positive that I will."

Kimiko squeezes her daughter's hands and sighs, "Kagome, to be honest, from the stories you've told about Shippo, I think that your bond with is strong enough that you really don't need to breast feed him. I think your bond with him is about as good as you can make it, given the circumstances."

"But, you still think that I should?" Kagome asks.

Her mother nods. "I don't think it'll hurt and it can help."

Kagome nods as she interrupts, "yes, that was what I was thinking, especially on those nights when he wakes up crying, I really need to comfort him, however, I can."

Mrs. H nods. "Yes, that is exactly what I was thinking."

A pause . . .

Kagome sighs, "mother?"

"There is something else?" Mrs. H asks. 'Yes, there is. She just said that she had, almost, made up her mind about breast feeding before she woke me up. So, what?' She thinks.

Kagome takes a deep breath and sighs. "It's about comforting Shippo."

"And?"

"Exactly how far should I go when I comfort him?" Kagome asks. In a quick voice she blurts out, "Emi comforted her brother by masturbating him to sleep."

"I see . . . " Higurashi Kimiko slowly says.

"And," Kagome continues to quickly speak, "I've been in the village, a lot. I've been in other villages, in which, I'm sure, people do the same thing. But, I have not seen anything really bad. Like, since incest is bad, you'd think I would if everyone did that?"

Mrs. H nods, a sharp quick nod.

A pause . . .

"Mother?" Kagome whispers. Her face may be shadowy from the moonlight, by her anxious expression shine through.

Kagome's mother takes a deep breath and lets it out.

"How to start . . . " she whispers. She reaches out and grabs Kagome's hands. Kagome squeezes back.

Mrs. H licks her lips. "Kagome." She nods as she decides what to say. "I'm only going to say this once, so . . . "

"Mom?" Kagome's whisper is a mixture of concern and fright.

"When I was thinking about trying to bond closer with Sota, I have considered doing that, or something close to it."

Kagome takes in a deep breath. "Are you going to?"

Higurashi Kimiko sighs deeply, "probably not, but . . . the temptation is there, Kagome."

Kagome nods. "I see." She hisses.

Her mothers slowly shakes her head, "I don't think so, my dear." She can see Kagome about to interrupt, so she quickly continues with, "You don't know my history or . . . or what happened between your father and I."

Kagome closes her mouth with a snap. She clears her throat. "Mother?"

Mrs. H looks down, at the bed, as she whispers, "incest is part of the family's history, my daughter."

Kagome's eyes go round with surprise

Mrs. H sighs, "because of that, I've thought about this, a lot, my dear." She shakes her head, "Kagome, what I'm going to do is talk about things in general, than, I'll go into the family's history."

She thinks, 'and over the years my views on how to raise my children have changed over time. When I was younger, I was going to raise them by the most modern methods. . . now. . . I wonder, people were raising children for centuries by the old traditional methods. . . some of them have to do some good. . .'

"Ok." Kagome whispers.

Mrs. h clears her throat. "First. Incest is bad, why?"

"Birth defects." Kagome quickly responds, then "it's against the law."

Mrs. H nods. "Kagome, earlier today when we were talking about childbirth you mentioned that some of the mothers and children died during birth." Kagome nods.

"I'll bet you that if you asked Keade, she'd tell you that some, how many I don't know, but some, of those children were from incestuous relationships."

Kagome slowly says, "that has to be the cause of some of Keade's problems." She looks at her mother, "I need to tell her about this!" she says with some excitement. "It'll help her!"

Mrs. h shrugs, "my dear, I'm sure that Keade already knows it." She says in a dull voice

"But, what mom? You sounded like it doesn't matter?" Kagome replies quickly.

"She probably warns them, but, people don't listen to warnings all the time."

"Oh." Kagome says in a small voice.

"And about incest being against the law, well. A lot of that is from the west. Even a quick glance at our family tree will show you a lot of marriages between uncles and nieces, and other close relations." MRs H pauses, "I don't agree with everything that my father says about turning back the clock and getting rid of the western influences and becoming pure Japanese, but, he does have a point when he says that we changed our laws in 1870's to conform to western practices."

Kagome slowly nods, remembering times when her grandfather has ranted and raved about the bad effects the west has had on Japan.

"And, Kagome, remember, my favorite artists, and the ones that I pattern my professional art styles on are from the feudal times, so, I'm familiar with their personal histories, including who slept with whom." She smiles, "And since you've been visiting then, I've tried to read up on the history of the times."

"So you knew that something like this was going on?" Kagome asks.

Mrs. H nods. "Of course. I didn't really think it would be important. Even if you meet a relative, the differences in generations mean that incest isn't possible."

"Mom, I am more concerned about a mom and her son and how that affects their relationship." Kagome says sharply.

Kagome's mother nods. "Yes, I understand, my dear, but, there are differences between now and then, ok? And I'm talking about then."

"Mom." Kagome starts to say, then pauses. "Ok. There are a lot of differences between the times."

Mrs. H nods. "Yes. Now, why is incest wrong?"

Kagome pauses, "birth defects are known, but, they do it anyway, so that's out. And," she nods, "the laws about marriages where a lot looser then. I have read about marriages between close family members and marriage with multiple wives were accepted and praised."

"Marriages between uncles and nieces were even considered lucky." Mrs. H interrupts. "And... When a father died, it wasn't uncommon for the son to have sex with his mother, to prove to the family, who the new head of the family was."

Kagome looks at her mother, "but, isn't incest supposed to be bad? Where are the bad parts?"

"Some of the bad part is from the west, my dear. The culture and morality of the west," Kagome mother pauses, "hates sex. So, throughout the history of the west the Christian church keep telling everyone that sex was wrong. Shinto never did that. And without that constant voice yelling in everyone's ear the sex is wrong, marriages and sexuality in Japan were different."

Mrs. H pauses, "yes, there are some sects of Shinto and Buddhism that feel that sex is a major sin, but not all sects do. Most sects will have some rules and laws governing sex, but compared to how it is treated in the west, those are minor laws. Like some of the laws governing what you can eat in some western religions."

Kagome nods. She thinks, 'that makes sense. Shinto and Buddhism are different from Christianity.'

"Now about," Mrs. H sighs, "the bad part is that the relationship between a young person, say, a girl and an older man, her father. There is already a bond between them and them having sex will change that bond, right?"

Kagome nods.

"Even between adult men and women that are the same age, their relationship can be twisted into something bad, depending on them. When you add in the age and the maturity difference, the father would find it very easy to twist the relationship with his daughter into something bad."

Kagome grimaces, "I can see that. The daughter wants to please her father and then you add in this, and if the father has any problems, he can take it out on her."

Mrs. H nods, "turning a healthy father-daughter relationship into an unhealthy relationship." She pauses, "And, Kagome, remember, you don't need sex for this to happen. Sometimes people have children and they are not prepared for it, and the relationship becomes abusive, simply because the father and mother are poor parents."

Kagome slowly nods, "that's why the nurse at school has problems when I show up at school with a bruise. She thinks that you, or someone else, are abusing me."

Kagome' mothers nods, "Kagome, I think that I've thought of something might show the differences between now and then and why incest back then wasn't considered bad."

Kagome bends forward, "What?"

"Kagome." Her mother begins, "what would happen if say, a father started to rape his daughter in Keade's village?"

"Keade would hear it happen, instantly, probably while it was happening." Kagome replies, and surety shines in her voice. "She'd," Kagome pauses, "I could see her killing the father, slowly, right then and there. Definitely he would be kicked out of the village before the day is out. Probably nude and maybe even with his balls cut off."

Mrs. h nods, under her breath she whispers, "that's the easiest someone like that should be treated." Then she says, "And how would Keade hear it happen?"

"There's no privacy in the village." Kagome looks at her mother.

Her mother slowly nods.

"That's it?" Kagome asks.

"I think so." Higurashi Kimiko replies, "in today's culture, especially in western thoughts, privacy is very important, so, what happens behind closed doors nobody knows about. Until it's too late and it spills into the open." She pauses and she shivers in fright, "like when you hear about those kids killing other kids in USA. Those kids had the privacy to plan and prepare."

Kagome nods, "where in the past, there isn't any privacy. As soon as something starts to wrong, somebody knows . . . "

She pauses, "and the gossip in those villages." She nods. "I've never seen gossip spread as fast." she whispers in an undertone.

Mrs. H nods. "Also, my dear, in those villages, everyone has to work together, to grow the crops, and make the clothes. The community spirit is very strong."

Kagome nods. "Yes. Sometimes I've thought that the village is basically one huge family. They work too together so closely."

Mrs. H smiles, "My dear, I'm sure that if you asked Keade about the marriage records, and looked at them, that you'd find that everyone in the village is related to each other. Everyone has aunts, uncles, two, three, maybe four times removed intertwined throughout the village."

Kagome pauses, then nods. "I think you're right, mother. As I walk through the village, I hear them refer to each other as aunt, uncles, etc. I'd always considered that to be, you know, a term of endearment, like when I used to call a couple of the female neighbors, my aunts. But, now, I'm pretty sure that they meant related by blood."

Kagome's mother nods, "yes, but, what I was trying to point out, Kagome, is everyone in the village helps each other. You don't get people on welfare, you don't get people that just loaf around do you? The western mantra of individualism hasn't destroyed community spirit yet."

Kagome, a shocked tone in her voice, says, "Never, mother." She shakes her head, "Those villages live on the edge of existence, a heavy rain at the wrong time and most of the village would starve to death."

"And, I think you've seen that all the kids, as they run around the village, have to obey any adult?"

Kagome nods. "Yes." She pauses, "I think I see what you're saying, mother. Everything in the village is a community effort, including raising the children."

Her mother nods. "Yes. Which means that everyone in the village has a responsibility to make sure that the children are raised properly."

Kagome slowly nods, "And so, should they even think that some is hurting anyone in the village, they'll investigate and fix it. And if someone looks like they are a bad parent, someone will take them aside and give them correct advice and help. Where now . . . Nobody knows about that, until it's too late." She pauses, "But, mom, why would they think that . . . incest between a mother and son is OK?"

Kimiko pauses, "Everyone sleeps together, right?"

Kagome nods, "especially during the winter. There's no central heating. All most of the families have is a pot with some heated embers for heat during the night."

Kagome's mother, with a twinkle in her eye, asks, "And when raising a child, if they ask questions you should answer them, right? And, if necessary, show them the answer, right?"

Kagome slowly nods, as she knows that is a leading question.

Her mother nods, "Ok. A husband and wife will have sex, right?" Kagome nods. She continues, "and since there is no privacy, sooner or later, the children are going to see it, right?"

Kagome slowly nods.

Mrs. H allows a small smile on her lips, "If, says, Shippo, saw you and Inu- yasha having fun in bed, wouldn't he want to ask questions? And join in?"

Kagome, even in the dim light her mother can see her blush, as she cries, "Mom!" Mrs. H smiles, "And if you pushed him away and said go away. Wouldn't he throw a temper tantrum?"

Kagome, still beet red, nods.

"Back then, and it still happens today, it was considered better to answer his questions and, if he wanted to join in, that was ok, as well." She pauses, watching Kagome.

Kagome pauses and looks around. "Are you sure, mom?"

Mrs. H slowly nods, "pretty sure. Since sex wasn't a major sin, some parents felt that, as a good parent, they should show their children how to pleasure their bodies. They basically felt that since, as good parents, you teach your child, say . . . that it's bad to hike up your skirt and piss on the side of the road."

Kagome squeals, as she whispers, "Mom!"

"So, as good parents, they need to show their child how to use their bodies in bed." She pauses, "Also, remember, Kagome, there is no TV, there wasn't many books, so how else was a person to learn about sex, except by watching others?"

Kagome opens her mouth to point out that there are some books about sex, but closes it when she realizes that the normal peasant farmer isn't going to have that type of book.

Mrs. H sighs, "And, Kagome, I'll be honest with you, if Sota was your age, and he was sleeping next to me every night, like what would be happening in the past. I'll be very tempted to reach over and grab him."

"Mom?!"

Higurashi Kimiko nods. "There are nights, Kagome . . . " she sighs. "I get very, very lonely."

Kagome reaches out and hugs her mother. "Will you?" she whispers.

Her mother sighs, "probably not, my dear. I know that things were different in the past, but, I don't live then, I live now and." Her mouth twitches into a smile, "so . . . I'll find other ways to get close to my son, instead of that traditional way."

They hug . . .

After a few minutes they separate. Kagome's mother asks, "Now, do you understand why things were different in the past?"

Kagome slowly nods, as she says, "Privacy was, at best, very limited and everyone lived together. So, physical intimacies were common. But, since everyone knew about it, the relationships didn't become abusive."

Mrs. h interrupts, "most of them didn't, my dear, I'm sure that there were times when it did become abusive. And, the definition of abuse was different. Since this was common, it wasn't considered abusive, just normal."

Kagome nods, "and since the family and village worked together and raised the children together, even if your mother or father, weren't the best, someone else in the village could take over and give the children guidance."

Kagome's mother nods, "yes, I'm sure that they did. The rules for adoptions were very loose and many families adopted in new family members." She pauses, then continues, "here, in the present, privacy and individualism is stronger."

She waves at her window and at the house they can see through it. "In the past, I'd know everything about our neighbors, now, I don't. So, because of that, if a person has a child, but he's not a good father. I'm not going to know about it, until he's already hurt his kids and probably not until he's hurt them badly. And by that time, it's probably too late to really help his children."

Kagome looks at the window. She nods.

Kagome's mother sighs, "When I was your age, Kagome, I was always yelling and screaming at your grandmother. I was going to be free. I was going to be independent. Just like the girls in the USA." She shakes her head. "Now. I wonder. Is that privacy and independence worth it? When the police catch a killer, how many times do I hear that he was a private person that no one really knew . . . " her voice trails off, as she stares out the window.

"Mother?"

"In the past, you could leave the house and not worry about thieves. If someone walked up and talked to my daughter or son, I'd know him. Or, if I didn't, I'd know that someone would be watching the house and children and would raise the alarm if something happened." Higurashi Kimiko replies. "Now? I have to make sure the house is locked, and I have to remind Sota not to talk to strangers."

Kagome slowly nods.

A pause as Kagome reaches out and grabs her mother's hands. Her mother squeezes back.

"Mother?" Kagome whispers. "You said something about you?"

Her mother nods.

"Did grandfather?" Kagome whispers.

Kagome' mothers' lips' twist into a smile, "are you thinking that he hurt me? HA!" she shakes her head, no. "No. If anything, I hurt him over the years."

She thinks, 'he was in the middle of my fights with my mother, and then as things went downhill with my husband, he was caught in the middle of that as well. Every one of us hurt him.'

"Mother?" confusion colors Kagome's voice.

Mrs. H sighs, "yes, Kagome, he and I did have sex over the years. He took my maidenhood, in fact." Her lips twitch again. "And I've had worse lovers over the years." She sighs. "All and all, he is a good man, if weak, and, to be honest, I did enjoy myself with him."

Kagome's eyes grow wide as she stares at her mother . . .

"But, my father has no backbone, Kagome. I'd go to him and he'd agree to do whatever I said. Then, my mother would get to him, and she'd twist him around so he'd follow her orders." She shakes her head. "That made life in this house, when I was a teenager, very much a battleground. I'd want to do something, and I'd get my father's permission. Then, when I'd get home, my mother would have convinced him to rescind that permission."

"Mom?" Kagome whispers.

Her mother, as she stares off in the distance, lost in her memories, continues to whisper, "Mother got her revenge, though, I was soo concerned with making sure that I could do what I wanted to do, now, that I ignored the future. She didn't." She blinks and looks at Kagome.

"That's the reason I was introduced to your father, Kagome. He was my mother's revenge on me."

Kagome takes in a deep breath, "you mean?"

"That he was evil?" Higurashi Kimiko shakes her head, "Not like you describe some of the demons that you fight, my dear." She sighs, "IF anything, he just didn't care about other people." Her mouth twitches into a smile. "I take that back, he did care about appearances, but the consequences of his actions, that's what he didn't care about. He was a very irresponsible person." Kagome slowly nods, but does not say anything, waiting to see if her mother continues to speak.

"And he did make a good first impression on me." Her mother slowly shakes her head. "My mother didn't have to twist my arm all that hard to get me to marry him. And . . . " She sighs. "The first couple of years were quite good. When he was here, he was a good lover and he cared enough about my mother's good graces that he controlled himself."

Kimiko looks at Kagome, and she continues. "And then, my mother died of a heart attack, while arguing with me. Do you want to know what we were arguing about?"

Kagome nods.

"You were about two years old, at the time. I found my mother masturbating you to sleep." Kagome takes in a sharp breath. "She and I began to yell about the proper way to raise you. She was going on that was traditional and I was going on that I didn't want to be traditional. She had her heart attack in the middle of that."

Kagome's eye's widen . . .

A pause. "After that, though, my marriage began to go downhill. Your father's gambling and drinking habits increased. And, even though I knew that he'd been unfaithful, since soon after our wedding night, the amount of money that he was spending on women increased."

Kagome's mother thinks, 'I'm not going to tell you, dear, about my wedding night and the drunken party that occurred. I was never sure exactly how many of his friends visited my bed that night. Nor how many of their girlfriends he visited, that night.' Her mouth twitches, 'I still wish I knew who was the one with those piercing, unforgettable eyes, I don't remember much about else about him, but, if I could ever find him, again, I'd marry him on the spot. What I do remember . . . is unforgettable.'

Kagome squeezes her mother's hand.

Mrs. h squeezes back. She pauses. She looks around the room as she bites her lips. "When I was pregnant with Sota, my desire to have sex became very limited, my dear."

She pauses again.

"The final argument with your father occurred then." A pause. "I woke up in the middle of the night," her mouth twitches in a smile. "I had to piss, and your father wasn't sleeping next to me."

A pause.

"He was in your room. He had taken the covers off, and pulled up your nightgown. He was masturbating, staring at you." She whispers.

Kagome swallows hard. Her hands and her mother's hands are white as they squeeze it other. "I was sick, wasn't I?" Kagome whispers, "I remember that much. You'd given me some medicine and that made me soo woozy, I don't remember much."

'The fights between my parents were getting worse and worse, and I thought that pretending to be sick might help stop the fights.' Kagome thinks, 'but. Mom doped me up so much, I just don't remember much about the last few days that he was here.'

Her mother nods. "Yes. You were out of it." Her mouth twitches into a smile. "You missed that final argument." She shakes her head. "I don't really want to say more."

Kagome reaches out and hugs her mother. "If you don't want to, don't, mother."

They hug. Both of them quietly cry into each others shoulder.

Time passes . . .

Kagome takes a deep breath and releases her mother. She cleans her face and whispers, "So you think that I should not go any further than breast- feeding Shippo, mother?"

Her mother sighs, "I don't know, my dear."

"Mom?" Surprise colors Kagome's instantaneous response.

"Kagome." Kimiko sighs. She reaches out and grips her daughter's hands. "Before you were born and ever after it, I wasn't mature enough to be a good parent." A pause, "While I did breast feed you, that was at my mother's demand."

Her eyes tear up. "And yes, after the first couple of days, I enjoyed holding you enough that I continued to breast feed you, but." She shakes her head. "I was not a good parent and I didn't really try to be one until after my mother died. "

Kagome, wordlessly, squeezes her mother's hands, hard.

"When I was your age, Kagome," she sighs, "I remember one time, I bet the soccer team that if they won, I'd do a striptease and more in the locker room with all of them."

"Mom?!"

Mrs. H's lips twist into a smile, "yes, Kagome, that was the type of girl I was. Not that I really enjoyed nights like that, really. IT was the expression on my mother's face that I enjoyed seeing, when she found out about it. My reputation in school was horrible." She sighs, "but, as my marriage went to hell, the neighbors took pity on me, and then, when he vanished and I was left to raise you and an unborn son, things began to change. As people saw that I was trying to raise you that helped my reputation."

She squeezes Kagome's hands, "you were such a nice, respectful and obedient child, that as your reputation grew, it helped my reputation." She smiles, "If I could raise a child as good as you, than I had to be better than my reputation in school would have made me out to be."

Kagome whispers, "Mother, I wish to thank you about telling me all that."

She thinks, 'that does make some of the odd comments I've heard over the years, make sense.'

Mrs. h sighs, "About your question on how to raise Shippo, my dear. I wouldn't do anything more than breast feed him."

Kagome nods.

"But." Her mother continues, "I think that you are mature enough that I don't think that you would twist your relationship with Shippo into something bad, if you did masturbate him or do more with him." She pauses, "So, my daughter, I'm not going to tell you how to raise him. I wouldn't, but I think you could and it would not hurt your relationship."

Kagome looks at her mother, "you're not going to make that decision for me, are you? You think that I'm mature enough that I can make it by myself?" she asks, but she really doesn't expect an answer.

Her mother nods.

Kagome looks away and shakes her head. "I don't know . . . comforting him like that seems wrong to me." She sighs, "And he isn't human, I wonder . . . "

"Kagome?"

"I'm going to ask Sango and maybe Keade about how kitsune children are raised, once I know more, then I'll make my decision."

Her mother nods. "Yes. I'd forgotten about that. Since he's not human, human behavior patterns don't apply." She smiles, "Although, my dear, since he's not human, and not even your natural son, the birth defect problem with incest goes away."

Kagome's mouth twitches, "yes. I'd already thought about that. But, you might be wrong there, mother."

"Oh?"

"His genetics isn't human, either, and combining that with human genetics? There might still be birth defects."

Mrs. H nods. "I see."

A pause as both women look at each other.

Kagome bends over and hugs her mother, hard. "Mother. I love you." She whispers into Kimiko's ears.

Her mother hugs back, hard. "Thank you, daughter." Her eyes tear up. "I've . . . occasionally thought about telling you about this, but . . . I just never worked up the courage to start this conversation."

"It's ok, mother." Kagome squeezes, "I understand why you never spoke about it."

They continue to hug each other, both of them quietly crying.

The end chapter 3.

There will be a chapter 4. With Kagome & Sango talking about kitsune children, Sango and inu-yasha as she apologizes to him. Kagome and Shippo talking. Kagome and Inu-yasha talking about Shippo and role models. And Kagome/Inu/Shippo scene.

Some of the scenes/opinions above are based on my reading of the book: Pink Samurai by Nicholas Bornoff

Some of the scenes above are based on my reading of the article: The Universality of Incest by Lloyd DeMause

Remove the spaces to use the link if you wish to read the article.

psychohistory. com / htm / 06a1incest. html

A section of that article is below.

One of the most endogenous societies in the world, Japan has approved of incestuous marriages in court circles even in historical times.(152) Preferred sibling, cousin, uncle-niece and aunt-nephew marriages have been so extensive that genetics experts have discovered that the inbreeding has affected their size and health.(153) How often this incestuous marriage system occurred in traditional Japan is still largely unexplored. One indication of what is likely to be found is a 1959 study by Kubo showing that there were still rural areas in Japan where fathers married their daughters when the mother had died or was incapacitated, "in accordance with feudal family traditions.(154) Kubo concluded that incest was considered "praiseworthy conduct" in many traditional rural families. In the 36 incest cases he studied in Hiroshima, he found that there was often community moral disapproval of the families who lived in open incestuous marriages, but that the participants themselves did not think of it as immoral. In fact, when the father was unavailable to head the family, his son often took over his role and had sex with his sister in order "to end confusion in the order of the home." Other members of the family accepted this incest as normal.

Haragei : The stomach game: one meaning, used by politicians: publicly stating support for one position while actually working for the opposite end. (There are some martial arts definitions about understanding things without words or explanations.)

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thank you for reading jeff shelton