AN: Hey guys, sorry this has been so long in coming. This chapter was actually very difficult to write. I hope you enjoy. Please R&R. The lyrics at the beginning are from Jem Griffith's "Save Me" (if you haven't checked out this cd I highly recommend it, she has a whole song dedicated to 24)
Convince Me
Chapter 5
Panic
Why would I think such things
Crazy thoughts have quick wings
Gaining momentum fast
One minute I am fine
The next I've lost my mind
To a fake fantasy
Insecurities keep growing
Wasted energies are flowing
Anger, pain and sadness beckon
Panic sets in in a second
The pale light of early morning was just beginning to spill across the room when Nina awoke the next morning. She blinked trying to will herself awake, she felt as if she hadn't slept at all last night. She shifted slightly and was suddenly very aware of someone's hand resting on her waist. She realized with a start that the hand belonged to Jack. She was lying there with her head on his chest, his arms wrapped around her waist in a tangle of sheets. Nina thought for a brief second that she was either dreaming or she had stumbled back in time, but the memory of the strange events of the night before gradually began to materialize in her mind. A small smile played across her lips as she thought of how he had kissed her. He had not held back this time and for the first time in years there had been no lies hanging between them. As strange as it seemed last night had been the most honest time they had ever shared.
As the growing light removed any remnants of sleep, the brief happiness Nina had felt was replaced with a strange sort of panic. What was she doing? Lying here acting as if one night was going to make everything all right. When had she started wanting everything to be all right? Had she lost her mind? She remembered the last time she had let herself care about Jack. That was definitely not an experience she was anxious to repeat. She slipped out of Jack's arms, careful not to wake him, and began to collect her scattered clothes off of the floor, dressing rapidly. Last night had been a mistake. Blame it on the gunshot wound, or Jack's being vulnerable with her for once in his life, or Mexico. Whatever the reason, last night had definitely been a mistake and now she had to get out.
Nina rifled through Jack's jacket pocket, pulling out the small vial of the virus. If she was leaving she definitely was not doing so empty handed. She grabbed her phone and Jack's gun off of the bedside table. She was leaving him with nothing, he had let her in again and once again she was taking everything. Nina silently slipped out the door into the fresh heat of the morning air.
Once outside, Nina stopped. The panic that had had allowed her to think of nothing but running away was ebbing slightly. Here she was once again fully prepared to run, to disappear, and she realized it was the last thing she wanted to do. She was suddenly very aware that she was simply running away, she wasn't running to anything. This had been her life for the past year drifting aimlessly from place to place, cause to cause, man to man. Cutting her loses and running away whenever fear, self-interest, or boredom compelled her onward. She was tired of running.
Last night was the first time in a long time that she had felt alive. She hadn't had to lie, she hadn't had to weigh the risks and the benefits, she had simply let go. And now that the moment had passed she found herself unable to run and that inability terrified her. Nina stood for a long time staring at the open road, two conflicting desires desperately warring in her mind
---
Jack squinted against the sunlight that was now flooding into the room. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he groggily sat up. It took a second before all that had happened last night crashed down on him. He had no idea why it had happened and trying to understand it made him feel more exhausted than he already was. He was not at all surprised when he noticed that the other side of the bed was abandoned. He had not expected Nina to stick around in the morning. He stood and slowly began collecting his clothes off of the floor and getting dressed. He saw that the gun and phone where both missing from the night stand and reached for his jacket with a growing feeling of trepidation. He swore aloud when he found all the pockets empty. The virus was gone. Nina was gone and she had taken everything.
"How could I have been so stupid?" Jack asked aloud.
"Is that a rhetorical question or do you actually want an answer?" a familiar voice questioned. Nina was sitting at the small table in the corner of the room, the gun, the phone and the vial of the virus all arranged in front of her. Jack stared at her blankly for a long moment silenced by surprise. Jack knew that he was exceptionally good at reading people, but every time he thought he had a read on Nina Myers she did something completely crazy that pulled the rug out from under his world.
Nina looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something. She saw about a dozen emotions play across his usually stoic face and she was curious to see which one he would choose.
"I expected you to run." He said finally.
"I thought about it." Nina saw his eyes fall once again on the small collection of necessities on the table and knew that he realized just how close she had been to disappearing. Jack opened his mouth to say something but words failed him. When he looked at Nina again something in his expression took her by surprise. It was as if he could see the emptiness and loneliness that really scared her, scared her badly enough to keep her here.
"Jack, I've got to say, you're much more fun than you used to be." She said getting up to keep herself from squirming under his gaze. " I mean drugs and sex with a fugitive in a seedy Mexican motel. I always thought you were more interesting than your typical civil servant." Nina smiled sardonically but Jack didn't take the bait. He knew what she was trying to do and he wasn't going to let her. For what ever reason last night had gotten to her and she was much easier to get along with when she wasn't completely on her guard.
"I need your phone." Jack said holding out his hand. Nina picked the phone up off the table and turned to hand it him. She paused for a second before placing it in his hand.
"Before you make that call, we need to get something straight." Jack looked at her a bit apprehensively and she continued. "Our deal still stands. I will go back to CTU with you and I will tell you everything I know about the current situation, but I am going to need some form of written confirmation that I will be allowed to leave once I've done so. Call me paranoid, but I haven't exactly played by the rules in the past and I would hate for someone to lock me up and accidentally, on purpose throw away the key."
"Fine." Jack said curtly and took the phone out of her hand; very relieved that was all she had wanted to talk about.
As Nina watched Jack make the phone call to CTU she was very aware of the risk she was taking. She was also struck by the realization that this might be the first truly stupid move her life and she was still willing to see it through. It was the first real risk she had taken in years and she wasn't sure she had anything to stand from taking.
Convince Me
Chapter 5
Panic
Why would I think such things
Crazy thoughts have quick wings
Gaining momentum fast
One minute I am fine
The next I've lost my mind
To a fake fantasy
Insecurities keep growing
Wasted energies are flowing
Anger, pain and sadness beckon
Panic sets in in a second
The pale light of early morning was just beginning to spill across the room when Nina awoke the next morning. She blinked trying to will herself awake, she felt as if she hadn't slept at all last night. She shifted slightly and was suddenly very aware of someone's hand resting on her waist. She realized with a start that the hand belonged to Jack. She was lying there with her head on his chest, his arms wrapped around her waist in a tangle of sheets. Nina thought for a brief second that she was either dreaming or she had stumbled back in time, but the memory of the strange events of the night before gradually began to materialize in her mind. A small smile played across her lips as she thought of how he had kissed her. He had not held back this time and for the first time in years there had been no lies hanging between them. As strange as it seemed last night had been the most honest time they had ever shared.
As the growing light removed any remnants of sleep, the brief happiness Nina had felt was replaced with a strange sort of panic. What was she doing? Lying here acting as if one night was going to make everything all right. When had she started wanting everything to be all right? Had she lost her mind? She remembered the last time she had let herself care about Jack. That was definitely not an experience she was anxious to repeat. She slipped out of Jack's arms, careful not to wake him, and began to collect her scattered clothes off of the floor, dressing rapidly. Last night had been a mistake. Blame it on the gunshot wound, or Jack's being vulnerable with her for once in his life, or Mexico. Whatever the reason, last night had definitely been a mistake and now she had to get out.
Nina rifled through Jack's jacket pocket, pulling out the small vial of the virus. If she was leaving she definitely was not doing so empty handed. She grabbed her phone and Jack's gun off of the bedside table. She was leaving him with nothing, he had let her in again and once again she was taking everything. Nina silently slipped out the door into the fresh heat of the morning air.
Once outside, Nina stopped. The panic that had had allowed her to think of nothing but running away was ebbing slightly. Here she was once again fully prepared to run, to disappear, and she realized it was the last thing she wanted to do. She was suddenly very aware that she was simply running away, she wasn't running to anything. This had been her life for the past year drifting aimlessly from place to place, cause to cause, man to man. Cutting her loses and running away whenever fear, self-interest, or boredom compelled her onward. She was tired of running.
Last night was the first time in a long time that she had felt alive. She hadn't had to lie, she hadn't had to weigh the risks and the benefits, she had simply let go. And now that the moment had passed she found herself unable to run and that inability terrified her. Nina stood for a long time staring at the open road, two conflicting desires desperately warring in her mind
---
Jack squinted against the sunlight that was now flooding into the room. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he groggily sat up. It took a second before all that had happened last night crashed down on him. He had no idea why it had happened and trying to understand it made him feel more exhausted than he already was. He was not at all surprised when he noticed that the other side of the bed was abandoned. He had not expected Nina to stick around in the morning. He stood and slowly began collecting his clothes off of the floor and getting dressed. He saw that the gun and phone where both missing from the night stand and reached for his jacket with a growing feeling of trepidation. He swore aloud when he found all the pockets empty. The virus was gone. Nina was gone and she had taken everything.
"How could I have been so stupid?" Jack asked aloud.
"Is that a rhetorical question or do you actually want an answer?" a familiar voice questioned. Nina was sitting at the small table in the corner of the room, the gun, the phone and the vial of the virus all arranged in front of her. Jack stared at her blankly for a long moment silenced by surprise. Jack knew that he was exceptionally good at reading people, but every time he thought he had a read on Nina Myers she did something completely crazy that pulled the rug out from under his world.
Nina looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something. She saw about a dozen emotions play across his usually stoic face and she was curious to see which one he would choose.
"I expected you to run." He said finally.
"I thought about it." Nina saw his eyes fall once again on the small collection of necessities on the table and knew that he realized just how close she had been to disappearing. Jack opened his mouth to say something but words failed him. When he looked at Nina again something in his expression took her by surprise. It was as if he could see the emptiness and loneliness that really scared her, scared her badly enough to keep her here.
"Jack, I've got to say, you're much more fun than you used to be." She said getting up to keep herself from squirming under his gaze. " I mean drugs and sex with a fugitive in a seedy Mexican motel. I always thought you were more interesting than your typical civil servant." Nina smiled sardonically but Jack didn't take the bait. He knew what she was trying to do and he wasn't going to let her. For what ever reason last night had gotten to her and she was much easier to get along with when she wasn't completely on her guard.
"I need your phone." Jack said holding out his hand. Nina picked the phone up off the table and turned to hand it him. She paused for a second before placing it in his hand.
"Before you make that call, we need to get something straight." Jack looked at her a bit apprehensively and she continued. "Our deal still stands. I will go back to CTU with you and I will tell you everything I know about the current situation, but I am going to need some form of written confirmation that I will be allowed to leave once I've done so. Call me paranoid, but I haven't exactly played by the rules in the past and I would hate for someone to lock me up and accidentally, on purpose throw away the key."
"Fine." Jack said curtly and took the phone out of her hand; very relieved that was all she had wanted to talk about.
As Nina watched Jack make the phone call to CTU she was very aware of the risk she was taking. She was also struck by the realization that this might be the first truly stupid move her life and she was still willing to see it through. It was the first real risk she had taken in years and she wasn't sure she had anything to stand from taking.