The Void between Us
So here I am. Sitting on the deck of my boat looking at the Boston skyline as the sunsets. It's been seven months since I left Capeside. Seven months since I last saw her. The last time I saw her she was crying. Everyone was at the dock wishing me good bye. Things had been awkward between her and me for the two months after our break up. I never expected her to stay behind after the others left, but she did. She's been quiet all night. But now she was crying, and begging me to stay so we could be together. But I couldn't, we'd decided that if we were together we'd end up falling out of love and we didn't want that happening. But guess what, I was wrong. I can't stop loving her.
I'm meant to finishing my English essay that's due in tomorrow. But my minds not on it. My eyes being to wander around the room. First falling on a picture of my friends. He's in it. It was taken the day he left Capeside. My eyes wander again and land on the calendar. I realise it's been seven months to the day when I last saw him. That day being the day he left, and the day I asked him to stay. I remember begging him, saying things could work between us. At the time I was kidding myself. We both thought we'd end up not loving each other with us being so far apart. But I know I was wrong. Seven months of not seeing him has only made me love him more.
"Joey are you ready to go?" Audrey stuck her head around the bathroom door and smiled brightly at Joey.
"Yeah, let me just grab my jacket." She swung the jacket over her shoulders and followed the smiling blonde to the door, "Where we meeting Jen?"
"The docks for some reason. We've never met there before."
"She probably wants to meet there because with Dawson coming down, and Andie over from Italy it's the closest thing with have to a creek in Boston."
The two girls headed out of their dorm room to the docks. It was a surprisingly bright day, considering it was in the middle of January. The small group of friends were meeting up for the first time in about 5 months. Dawson had come down from L.A and Andie had managed to get a flight over from Italy, although she was very annoyed Drue had decided to invite himself. Then Jack had invited Tobey. Everyone was going to be there, except Pacey. None had any idea where he was. No one had heard from him in months.
As Joey and Audrey approached the docks a small group of people came into view. A tall blonde guy, stood next to a small blonde girl with wavy hair. Another tall fair haired guy stood with a dark haired guy and finally a small blonde girl stood next to another tall dark haired guy. Joey broke into a smile and ran towards the tall blonde guy.
"I've missed you so much Dawson." She flung his arms around his neck and he caught her in his arms.
"Ahh, so you're the Dawson I've been hearing so much about." Audrey said walking up.
Dawson smiled, "You must be Audrey."
"Audrey, Dawson, Dawson, Audrey. And that's Tobey, Drue and Andie." Joey pointed to each other her friends.
Before long everyone was getting along like they had never been apart, even Audrey was getting on with everyone. They told tales of things that had done when they together in Capeside. They'd been sitting in the same spot for almost an hour before Andie suggested moving on. Slowly they all got up together and started to make their way down the dock. They turned the corner to head up one of the main roads in hope of finding a coffee shop bigger enough for them all to get into. That was when they ran into him.
I've only been in Boston a few hours and I've already managed to run into everyone, at once. Including her. Everyone started saying hello, and welcome back. I'm not really paying attention though, I'm looking at her. I'm trying to figure out what she's thinking. I always used to be able to do that. I can't now. She's either not letting me purposely or it's been too long and she has fallen out of love.
I never thought I'd see him again. Well not here, not now, without any warning. Everyone else is happy to see him. Although I'm not looking at them I know they're smiling and welcoming him back. I can only look at him. I want to know so desperately what he's thinking, but I can't. It's been too long. Or maybe it hasn't. Maybe he just doesn't feel the same anymore.
I hate the silence between us as we sit on the deck of my boat. We've been sitting here for roughly an hour now. The others left us. I think they sensed we needed to talk. Not that we are talking. I don't know about her but I have no idea what to say.
Audrey told me to tell him how I feel just before our friends left us. But instead, like him, I'm sitting in silence and have done for the past hour. I don't know how to say what I feel anymore. I just wish this silence would end.
"Erm, Pace?" she pushed her hair out of her face.
He looked up at her, glad the silence had ended but wishing it was him who had broken it.
"Erm, I've missed you." It came out as barely a whisper.
"Missed you too Jo."
She smiled shyly at him.
"Erm, Jo. there's no easy way to say this." he said quickly, not wanting a silence to fall over them again, "erm. I was wrong."
At first Joey didn't know what he was taking about. She didn't think he'd be talking about the reason they broke up. She'd always thought she was the only one who was wrong about her feelings back then.
"I don't understand. Wrong about what?"
"Remember 7 months ago. to the day. when we erm well you know. And we said it was because we knew we'd fall out of love with being apart? Well I was wrong, I can't stop loving you."
He knew it was a long shot telling her, he doubted she felt the same anymore. She got up and walked to the edge of the boat and looked out over the ocean. The wind had begun to get colder and stronger so she pulled her jacket around her tightly and folded her arms around her.
"I remember. I can't forget that day. I can't forget the day you left either. I know that back then I thought we would fall out of love, and I know I was stupid for asking you to stay. But now I know that maybe it was my heart telling me my mind was playing tricks on me because ever since that day I knew I was. And every day we've been a part has only made me love you more."
By this time Pacey was standing next to her, staring at the steady moving water that gently rocked the boat. As soon as she said she'd been wrong too he had begun to smile to himself, happy that she felt the same. She turned and smiled at him brightly, happy they had both admitted what they'd been feeling for months. He draped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to him into a tight hug.
"God, I've missed you so much Potter." He kissed her fore head before resting lightly against it.
"She raised her eyes and looked at him, "Missed you too."
She stood on her tiptoes, cupped his face lightly and placed a kiss on his lips, "Love you Pace."
He smiled as her lips left his, "Love you too."
This is what I've missed most, just holding her. This is something I could do forever, just standing here with the ocean in front of me and Josephine Potter in my arms. Just like our first summer together. From that moment I have never stopped loving her and I never will.
The best feeling in the world is being held by the one you love. I want to stand here forever. It's exactly the same feeling I had when I ran to find him at the beginning of our first summer together. And I know it's never going to go away. The empty space inside of me that's been there for 7 months has been filled, and I know I'm never gonna feel that way again.