Lucas Gets His Crumpet An Are You Being Served? Fanfiction

Summary: When two American tourists come to Grace Brothers, they wreak havoc in the store. Mr. Lucas is enthralled by them, but by the end of the day, which "bird" will he pick up?

It was minutes before the opening bell, and Captain Steven Peacock was pacing the gent's and ladies ready made goods floor impatiently. As usual, no other staff members were there yet. Peacock expected them to all come pouring in any minute now, each making their own outrageous excuses up.
Peacock was right. A minute later, Mr. Lucas came in through the lift, beginning his excuse before he got on the floor. "I'm dreadfully sorry Steven. There's been some insanity outside. Mrs. Slocombe thought a car with two young birds in it was going to hit her. Well, they weren't. They just wanted all of our autographs. So everyone else is out there," Lucas went on, ignoring the mean glare that Peacock was giving, "I was going to come get you, honest I was. But these birds...ooh...these were the most scrumptious birds I've ever seen! I was just about to make my moves when—"
Lucas was cut off by the lift opening. Mr. Humphries emerged, dragging a screaming Mrs. Slocombe in behind him. And behind her were Miss Brahms and the two amazed girls.
"Will somebody please give me a logical explanation for all of this?" Peacock bellowed, "It's almost 9 o'clock and customers will be here any minute!"
"We told you to tell him, Dick!" Mr. Humphries said, handing Mrs. Slocombe her flask.
"Well, I did tell Steven. But he didn't believe me!" Mr. Lucas said, then turned to Mr. Humphries and continued, "Besides, I didn't mention my sick mother. You know that makes for a real excuse!"
Peacock had listened in on this comment, but luckily, a large group of customers came in, and he ran off to tend to them.
"What should we do about Mrs. Slocombe?" Mr. Humphries asked, looking at her, sitting in a chair, drinking heavily from the flask.
"I haven't a clue...she's in no right condition to work, just look at her muttering and drinking!" said Miss Brahms, heading to her place at the counter.
"Can we move her into a fitting room? It might take a lot of us, and—" Mr. Lucas was cut off by Mrs. Slocombe slugging him in the arm.
"I AM still here, you know...speaking of people still being here...are those two ruckus-causers still here? I would love to let them in on my anger!"
"Um...no, no, no! They're not still here!" said the two men's ware assistants, rushing to block her view of them. But she was already back to drinking and muttering, apparently so shaken up that it would be impossible for her to work today.
After an hour, things had returned to normal (or as normal as they could be at Grace Brothers). Mrs. Slocombe was resting in a fitting room, the rest of the staff was busy serving customers, and the two young visitors (who turned out to be American) had gone off to look at the other floors in the store. (They had left saying that they always heard about the other floors, but had never gotten to see them.)
Soon, Captain Peacock called the staff to the center of the floor. "Mr. Rumbold has asked me to get this new display up immediately." As Mr. Mash rolled out a large stand with many green outfits no it, Peacock continued, "This is the Spring Fling Formal Ware display. Mr. Rumbold has asked that one man and one woman not only work at this display unit, but also model these green ensembles."
"Yeah...looks as though they were woven from Mrs. Slocombe's hair!" joked Mr. Lucas, getting another slug from the angry, drunken worker.
Captain Peacock continued his explanation, "Now, since Mrs. Slocombe is, well, incapable of working today, that leaves Miss Brahms as the female representative. Now, I will leave the decision of her partner up to the—"
"I'LL DO IT!" Mr. Lucas shouted, scaring Mr. Humphries into a faint. While catching him, he privately explained to Peacock that this may be his big chance with Miss Brahms. Peacock agreed, and later that afternoon, they were fitted into their green outfits.
As is the case with Grace Brothers display units, there was something wrong with this. After a very long delay, Mr. Lucas finally came out of the men's fitting room.
"Well...I can see why you took so long in there. Why is your suit so small?" Captain Peacock stifled a laugh at the sight.
Before Mr. Lucas could answer, Miss Brahms emerged from her fitting room. As small as Mr. Lucas' suit was on him, her dress was that large on her. This prompted the guys to make fun of Mrs. Slocombe again, all forgetting that she was still there. They were quickly reminded, though, when she came over, yelled at, and slapped them all.
Soon, Mr. Lucas and Miss Brahms were beginning to work at the Spring Fling display. Customers were surprisingly not deferred by the badly-sized outfits being sold by the workers, and business was booming.
Mr. Lucas was beginning to tell Mr. Humphries his plans for seducing Miss Brahms later, when the lift doors opened to reveal two people that no one except for Mr. Lucas was happy to see.
"No. Not you girls again. Out. Go, go, go." Mrs. Slocombe said, trying to push them back in the lift. Maybe it was the combined force of the two excited teenagers, maybe it was the lack of strength an old woman has while drinking, or maybe it was a combination of both. Whatever the reason, they both were soon back on the floor, looking happier than ever.
Captain Peacock was ready to ignore the teenagers and join Mrs. Slocombe in the fitting room when Mr. Rumbold came out of his office. Just like Mr. Lucas, he was drawn to the girls, and told them to go to Captain Peacock with any of their concerns and questions.
"Thanks, jug ears," Peacock muttered as Mr. Rumbold proudly strode away, and the now giggling girls came over. After bombarding him with questions, they practically skipped over to the land of mis-sized green clothing.
"Crumpet coming!" Mr. Lucas exclaimed. Miss Brahms looked as dis- interested as she possibly could, but Mr. Lucas was so excited that he didn't notice. Here he was, surrounded by three young birds; surely he would have a chance with one of them!
Although Mr. Lucas constantly bragged about his womanizing skills, they were extremely lacking today. After sputtering and stammering for a minute, the taller, dark-haired girl made the first complete sentence in the conversation.
"So...what's it like working at Grace Brothers?" she asked.
"Well, it's really—" Mr. Lucas began.
He was cut off by the short girl, who seemed very excited about everything, and was talking in a big rush. "Do you like it here? Can you sing? Do you like Miss Brahms? I think you two would be cute together! Can you come back to America with us? Do you like cheesecake? Will you make me a cheesecake?"
"You'll have to excuse Meredith. She's a little, umm, star struck. But seriously, you and Miss Brahms? That would be great!" The taller girl continued, "By the way, my name is Sara. If things don't work out with you and Shirley, I always thought that the name Sara Lucas had—"
"Now just what do you two dead commoners think you're doing?" Miss Brahms angrily asked.
Mr. Lucas noticed this defense in her voice, and took it as a good sign. Perhaps she really did have feelings for him, and a little competition was all she needed to get it out! Deciding to go along with whatever plan Miss Brahms may have had going, he began to wrap things up with the American girls.
"Now, girls, how 'bout I get you a special discount on some things and send you on your way?" Mr. Lucas asked, trying to sound sweet and polite.
They were hesitant to leave, but one look at Captain Peacock hurried them up. He had been jealous of all the attention that Mr. Lucas had gotten, and was now glaring in their direction.
Just as the girls were getting ready to board the lift, the doors opened, revealing Young Mr. Grace. Seeing the two girls set off his heart monitor, so his nurse had to calm him down. Soon, he was walking over to the new display unit. He made his usual "You've all done very well" comment, and the rest of the staff replied in their usual, bored, "Thank you, Mr. Grace." The two girls, Mr. Grace, and his nurse left, and the rest of the day was quite normal.
After the closing bell rang, Mr. Lucas slowly approached Shirley. He had gotten a pep-talk from Mr. Humphries earlier in the day. He got no useable advice out of it, though, and so was on his own.
Luckily, Shirley spoke first. "I'm not doing anything tonight. Do you want to go down to the disco with me?"
"Sure!" Dick exclaimed. Things were going better than he had expected!
As he was waiting for the lift to come, Mrs. Slocombe cam over, looking angrier than ever. "My flask is bone-dry!" she shouted, "I knew I shouldn't have left this sitting on the counter..."