CLUELESS by Hannah Abbot

I got the Paracelsus chocolate frog card! Oh, Ernie Macmillan is the greatest best friend I could possibly wish for. He gave me the Paracelsus card, one of the rarest ones ever; if I gave him two of the ones I have doubles of. Oh I just love Ernie.

However, right now, I know what you are thinking. That I love Ernie in 'that' way, hey? Well you couldn't be more wrong. STOP THINKING WHAT YOU ARE THINKING! IT'S NOT TRUE! I SWEAR IT'S NOT TRUE! Fine, don't believe me then. See if I care. OH! Just stop thinking that!

I hate two things in life:

1) People who I just know are thinking things which I don't want them to think, and

2) People who say I am paranoid. Which I am not! SO STOP THINKING THAT!

Many people think that I am going out with Ernie, but like hello, he's a great friend and everything, but just not 'boyfriend material'. Anyway, if we were together, then we split up, who would I have to swap Chocolate frog cards with?

In truth, I'm actually going out with Harry Potter. Oh fine, he doesn't actually know this yet, but soon he will. He's getting closer and closer to asking me to the ball in two months time.

Like, he actually talked to me yesterday in Herbology.

It all started when the class was divided into groups of four in alphabetical order according to first names. Unfortunately, Ernie was in the hospital wing, so I was with three Gryffindors, Dean Thomas, Hermione Granger and Harry. We were each given three plants between the four of us: a Fanged Geranium, a honking daffodil, a cronercusreti bush, and had to look after them for the whole term, and given marks according to the state of which they are in at the end. Harry took this opportunity to ask me the following question

"Hey Hannah, how can you tell the difference between Leaping toadstools, and Shivering ones?"

I, of course being in Hufflepuff, Professor sprouts house, answered straight away.

"Well, leaping ones leap and shivering ones shiver!"

Harry smiled (*Note! He smiled at me!*)

"Yeah but what about when they're picked? I need to steal some Snape's cupboard to make a potion. I tried, but they are both in the same box"

"Oh well then. I think leaping ones have 'cow patterned' like spots, while shivering ones,

I think have raised perfectly round spots."

"Thanks Hannah"

"Anytime Harry" I said in my flirtiest voice, flicking my hair back.
Now, we studied leaping toadstools in second year, and as Harry is so clever, he would have remembered that from himself.

So obviously, he just asked me that for an opportunity to talk to me. I even know he would have asked me to go with him to Hogsmeade, if Hermione and Dean hadn't suddenly decided to attempt to try out this new method of automatically watering the honking daffodil, by conjuring the watering can to hover over it, and tip a few drips out every five minutes. Unfortunately, they forgot to put the uhu-stic charm in it, so the lid fell off, and soaked Harry, distracting him from asking me.

It is all Hermione's fault that he didn't get the chance. Fine, Dean's fault too, nevertheless, Hermione is supposed to be the smartest witch in our year so she should've remembered. AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. That I'm only saying its Hermione's fault because of that rumour that she and Harry are a couple. WELL THAT'S NOT TRUE!

Fine, I admit, I have been bias towards Hermione because of that rumour in the past. That whole charming her hair to make it as bushy as a wattle tree thing could be classified under that. And maybe sending that love letter with her name attached to Vincent Crabbe was a little bias. And if you really want to stretch the limits, charming her quill to scramble the letters in a word so that only the first and last were in the right places was a little against her, especially since she had an essay to write. Toghuh rlaley, who cna't raed tihs?

Therefore, no matter what Susan Bones thinks, Harry likes me. I refuse to believe her when she says he only wanted to find out for some potion he was making, and I happened to be the first person he saw who would know. I really don't know what has happened to Susan lately. She used to be so nice, but she never hangs out with me anymore.

She spends all her time in the Gryffindor common room. God knows why. I mean apart from Harry, they are really ugly. No wonder Susan doesn't have a boyfriend. Also, she never considers my feeling anymore. I mean, a few days ago, I simply asked her if she could causally have a chat to Harry, and somewhere in the middle of the conversation, subtly ask what he thought of me. And guess what she said?

"No, sorry Hannah, I can't do that. Harry and I talk about more serious things"

Just like that, with absolutely no concern for me!

"Susan, More serious than my love life? Hello, I don't think so!"

"Hannah, do you ever think of anyone else but yourself?"

I was shocked. Of course I do. I think of Harry quite a lot of the time, for one. I was about to answer Susan, however she had already walked off.

 You know what? I think it's high time I got myself a new best friend. And no, I don't mean Ernie; he will always be my true best friend. But I mean, a girl who will gossip with me, who will talk to Harry for me, and who won't go and desert me for the Gryffindors.

Let's see. What girls are in the best house, Hufflepuff? There is Myself, of course, and Susan, also Megan Jones, and, Janet Sims, who really are nice enough, but just don't cut it for my image.

Then there's this girl called Sally-Ann Perks. I don't actually know that much about her despite sharing a dorm with her for seven years. She always just was there to sleep, spending the rest of her time with these older girls. However, now, we are the oldest girls in the school, and she'll need a new best friend. That's where Miss Hannah Abbot steps in!

I'll go now, and find her. When I come back, Journal of Magic, I'll have a new best friend!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Wow! Big update on my life! Sally-Ann is so cool! Oh sorry, Sal. She hates the name Sally-Ann. I met up with her at dinner, and we talked the entire time! She said she had been really lonely since her older friends Kayla, Alisa, and Olivia finished school. She was telling me they are all in a band, and are saving her a place when she finally graduates. Can you believe it? I'm like, best friends with a rock star! Oh and when I asked her what boys she liked, she told me she already has an older boyfriend who she met through her friends' band! There are no words to describe this feeling. However, you have to remember that Sal was in desperate need of a best friend. No matter how cool she is, I'm only doing this act of friendship to help the community. Honestly.

Oh Oh Oh! Guess what else I found out today. Ok you'll never guess anyway. Ron and Pansy are going out! They must be! Today, at lunch right, Harry and Draco had another 'Jinxing each other' fit, and Ron was Harry's sidekick. Pansy came up behind Draco, to help him, as Crabbe and Goyle where to busy stuffing themselves with roast pork at the lunch table.

"Fowlhonkeraigo" Draco shouted, his wand aimed at Harry

"Gatopiagal" Even with a chicken bone where his nose should have been, Harry managed to retaliate.

"WestinghouseAntarctic" Pansy called, aiming at Harry

At this moment in time, Draco had his wand pointed at Ron, however, Pansy's spell bounced off the wall behind the Gryffindor pair, and hit Draco, turning him temporarily into a freezer. See, Pansy was trying to protect her boyfriend, in a subtle way Draco so wouldn't kill her. Simple. Then Ron turned to Pansy and called

"pcoropn-dino", causing pansy to start spitting out popcorn, like a machine. This really is a fine example of boys playing pranks on Girls that they like. After a few more exchanges of curses, Crabbe and Goyle had finished lunch, most probably as there was no more food to be eaten, and came over, with Blaise Zabini, and Theo Nott; While Hermione, Dean, Neville, and Seamus joined Harry and Ron. I, of course would've helped Harry, except for the fact I recently read in the 'quibbler' that excessive amounts of duelling can damage your complexion. Anyway, I might break a nail.

 "Hey Hannah"

A voice from behind shocked me

"Susan? Hey girl! Hows it going?"

"Han, I saw you at dinner with Sally-Ann"

"Yeah…she's my new best friend, since you're spending time with the Gryffindors; I thought I pretty much had the right to meet new people."

"Han, I don't have a problem with that at all. Just how well do you know Sally-Ann?"

"Well enough to know that she hates that name. She only likes 'Sal'"

"Hannah, have you ever wondered why you didn't get to know her in our classes? I mean she's been there for 6 years."

"Well, I remember being with you until recently"

"Han, don't do this. I'm trying to help you. The reason you haven't noticed her is she's never in class, always skipping. She hangs around with those older girls, and I've heard pretty bad stuff. The only reason she's no in Slythern is that she's muggle born

"I don't care about blood, and she's in a band with those other girls"

Susan laughed, which I found quite offensive.

"That's what she told you then? What else did she tell you then? She's an orphaned veela, engaged to a quiddich star, owns a pet dragon?"

"Of course not. She has a perfectly goods mother, who happens to be a famous muggle actress. Furthermore, before you ask, no I don't have any evidence, as DVDs don't work in Hogwarts. Also, no, she's not engaged to a quiddich star, as she has an older boyfriend, also a musician."

"And her father? She said he's Dumbledore's brother, hey"

"No. He doesn't live with them"

"So he's in Azkaban?"

Susan, of course not! It's quite fashionable to have separated families these days, you know. Sal told me so herself"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Can you believe Susan? I can't. Why is she so against Sal? She's just probably jealous, and can't see a really cool person even if they're right in front of them. Some people are just like so clueless.

(A/N) That was so much fun writing. Hannah just has no idea. Uh not much to say, just tell me how I can improve and stuff. OK, now for replies:

M. Black – Glad you liked it! I've tried harder with gram and stuff this time

Zek Majiri – Yeah, I wanted it to be different, I was getting bored reading & writing 'normal' fic's

CrazyStarz – Since you've been bugging me for the chapter, here it is! Hope you found it as funny as the 1st one

Sam – Do you realize how hard you review was to reply to? So Tired! So not wanting school to come!