CHAPTER 2- The Americans

Brainwashed, that was the only explanation. Everyone of his friends were the same way, not to mention every Hylian, Zora, Goron, and Gerudo who saw the same thing. Quickly, Link traveled to the forest to see if the Kokiri had been converted too.

When he arrived, he sighed with relief. They were safe from the plague of the evil internet service. Thank the gods. "Saria!" he called, trying to get the attention of his Kokiri/Sage friend.

She appeared in front of him, "We have a song you know." she said with an eyebrow raised.

Link shook his head. "No time to argue. Zelda and everyone else in Hyrule have been caught by the evil internet service from hell, and the service is none other than AOHell."

Saria gasped and took a step back, "Oh no!" she cried. "This is what I feared. I knew that if that delirious king of ours opened our trade to internet access, something like this dreadful plague would happen." She paused for a moment, then continued. "I'm afraid all we can do to help this land is to receive the curse ourselves and defeat it from the inside."

Link nodded grimly. "Yeah, I guess you're right. But the question is, how do I trade rupees in for American dollars? We can't buy the service with rupees can we?"

"No, but maybe if we ask the American Ambassador, John Travolta, we'd be able to accomplish this task." Saria pointed out.

"Good idea." Link said and he left the forest with high hopes. This John Travolta would be able to help them, he was sure of it. He called for Epona and rode to the edge of Hyrule's borders. When he looked out and away from the mountain, he saw a camp of what seemed to be the loud mouthed Americans.

He made his way down the mountain and walked confidently into the camp. Some of the soldiers stood up and he could hear them whispering among themselves. Some would say, "Isn't that Hyrule's Hero of Time?" or "What's that sniveling Hylian doing snooping around here?" Link smiled to himself, if these guys ever fought him head on, they'd see how sniveling he was. Finally he found the Ambassador's tent. Clearing his throat loudly to get someone's attention, the Ambassador himself walked out. For not ever seeing this man, he sure didn't look like much. He had a bit of a graying beard to go with his white uniform.

"You call?" The Ambassador asked in a highly accented voice, much unlike anything Link had ever heard of before. This somehow had alerted the troops and they all turned toward the man with the beard. The Ambassador shifted his feet nervously.

Suddenly, one of the soldiers shouted, "It's him! It's Osama Bin Laden!"

Another soldier joined him, "Let's get him boys!" All the soldiers shouted triumphantly and raced after the fleeting form of the 'Ambassador.' Link was absolutely and entirely confused. Americans were always known to be stupider than Hylians, but this was ridiculous. Chasing their own Ambassador? But wait, they said he was some Osama guy. Weird. Link shook his head to clear his thoughts.

Then, another man dressed in the same white uniform walked out from behind the tent. "Excuse that." he said in a differently accented voice. "I am the Ambassador."

Link bowed his greeting but before he could say anything, another man, again in the same uniform, ran from behind the tent. "Stop you perpetrator!" Now this guy sounded like the rest of the Americans. The man settled down into what looked like some martial art stance. "Ah, Saddam, so you show your ugly face at last!" The guy jumped high in the air and landed on the bewildered 'Ambassador' and knocked him down. "Ha ha! You stand no chance!"

The fallen man called Saddam got to his feet. "How can you be so sure?" As Link watched uncomfortably, the two men fought hand to hand, foot to foot, kicking, punching.... It was quite impressive but he was sure that if he fought them, he could win. But then again that could be his 'Never say die' attitude of his. Finally, the kung fu man had beaten the Saddam guy. "Sucker. Come on boys, take this man to jail." With that, several returning soldiers picked Saddam up and carried him off into the gloom.

"Sorry about that. I'm the REAL Ambassador John Travolta. What can I do for you?" The kung fu man asked.

Link rolled his eyes and spoke, "I need to trade in rupees for American dollars. I'm on an important mission and I have no time for delay."

"Understood." John looked at Link for a moment. "So... how much money do you need?"

"Oh." Link said. "Um, as much money I'll need to buy the AOhe- I mean AOL internet service for a month."

"Okay," Travolta seemed to tally this up in his mind. "That'll be 1,200 rupees."

"WHAT?!" Link asked incredulously. "That can't be!"

"Yup, so cash up the jewels or you don't get the service. It's two cents per rupee so that's why it's so much. You need twenty four dollars and it's sixty cents to one dollar."

"Very well." Link dug into his rupee bag and handed him almost every jewel inside. All he had left was a red one. Luckily he had brought his whole stash. Boy did Zelda owe him now.

"Yes, okay. Just a moment." John Travolta disappeared inside his tent and returned two minutes later with the cash. "Here you are. Have a nice day." With that, he went back inside the tent.

That didn't bother Link though. He got what he came for. After setting up the service on one of the castles many computers, he got to work.