Hi all! So sorry for not updating sooner. I tried, but it was hard. Please forgive! Okay, so this chapter is entirely devoted to blondes. (Like myself…) Hope you like it!
Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter or any of the jokes.
Chapter 2 Blonde Jokes
"Have you ever heard a blonde joke?" asked Hermione after telling The Farmer Joke.
"Yeah, but I never understood why we blondes are picked on for them. I thought it was just some stupid muggle thing." Said Draco shaking his head in the darkness. "Tell me one." He demanded. So Hermione started her joke.
"A blonde walked into a hairstylist to get her hair done. She was wearing a pair of headphones attached to a cd player as she sat in the chair. The stylist came up to her, but couldn't cut around the headphones.
'Miss, I can't cut your hair with the headphones on. Will you please take them off?' she asked politely.
The blonde answered, 'I can't.' She got up and left. The next day, she came back with the headphones still on. She sat in the chair and the same stylist came over to her.
'I still can't cut your hair with the headphones. If you would, please take them off.' She said.
'I can't. I'm sorry.' Said the blonde as she got up and left. She came back on the third day still with the headphones. She sat back down in the chair and the hairstylist came back again.
'If you really want me to cut your hair, you will have to take off the headphones.' Pressured the hairstylist. Finally, the blonde gave in and removed the headphones. After five minutes, she fell down dead. The hairstylist screamed and called the cops. When they arrived, they took pictures and talked to the hairstylist. When one of the detectives picked up the headphones to see what the blonde was listening to, he heard, 'Breath in… breath out… breath in… breath out…'"
Hermione stopped. Draco snickered again and laughed.
"Not bad, Granger. At least you have a sense of humor." Said Draco when he finished laughing. Hermione rolled her eyes in the dark.
"Do you know any?" she asked him.
"Yeah, I know a few… Okay, redhead, a brunet, and a blonde were flying in an airplane. The redhead was eating a lemon.
'Oh, to sour!' she said, and she threw it out the window. The brunet was eating an apple.
'Oh, too crunchy!' she said as she threw the apple out of the window. The blonde threw a stick of dynamite out of the window for no reason. When they landed, they got out and walked around. They came to a house with a boy sitting on the porch crying. They asked him what was wrong.
'A lemon dropped from the sky and hit my dog on the head, and killed him.' Sobbed the boy. They exchanged nervous glances and hurried away. At the next house, there was a girl sitting on the porch crying.
When they asked her what was wrong, she answered, 'An apple dropped from the sky and killed my cat by hitting it on the head.' Once again, they hurried off. At the next house, there was a boy laughing hysterically on his porch. They asked him what was so funny.
'I farted and the building behind me blew up!' he answered.
Hermione laughed loudly.
"How do you know these things? You're a pureblood." She questioned.
"You learn a lot here that teachers could never teach you." He answered. "Okay, you next." He urged. Hermione thought, and then began her joke.
"A blonde was driving down the road and kept swerving back and forth. Finally, a cop pulled her over.
'Why do you keep swerving? You could kill someone.' He said in a concerned voice.
'Well, I keep seeing a tree in the middle of the road so I'm swerving to keep from hitting them.' She answered. The cop looked into her car and through the windshield. He saw her problem.
'Um, that's your air-freshener.'"
Although Hermione couldn't see him, Draco gave her a blank look.
"I don't get it." He said dumbly.
"Muggles have air-freshener for cars that hang from their mirror and look like trees. It was in the middle, so she kept swerving to miss it." She explained.
"Oh." Said Draco shortly. Hermione could tell that he still didn't understand, but she didn't go farther. "My turn." Said Draco.
"There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunet. They were running from the cops when they came to a bar. They got in, but the cops were right outside. So they hid in potato sacks that were lying around. The cops came in and began to search. They came to the bag with the redhead inside.
They shook it to see if anything was in it.
'Bark, bark.' Said the redhead sounding like a dog. The cops thought it really was a dog and moved on. Next came to the brunet's bag. They shook it.
'Meow, meow.' She purred like a cat. They agreed that it was a cat, and they moved on to the blonde's bag. They shook it, and the blonde said, 'Potato, potato.'"
It was a while before they stopped laughing. When their laughter had subsided, Hermione started hers.
"There was a Mexican, and English, and a blonde who were all working on a building. At lunch, the Mexican opened his lunch to see a taco.
'Taco?! If I get one more taco, I'll jump off of this building.' He swore. The English guy opened his lunch and saw crumpets.
'Not again! If I get any more crumpets, then I'll jump off of this building.' He said. The blonde opened her lunch and found a bologna sandwich.
'If I get one of these tomorrow, then I'll jump off of this building too!' she declared. The next day, the each got the same thing as the day before, and jumped off the building and died.
At their funerals, the Mexican's wife said, "He should've just told me that he didn't want tacos any more.' She sobbed.
The Englishman's wife said, ' I didn't know he was so sick or crumpets!'
The blonde's husband said, 'She paced her own lunch. She should've packed something different.'"
Another crack of laughter rang throughout the small closet. Hermione and Draco were laughing hard. It was hard to stop. After many fits of laughing, they calmed down and Draco started his joke.
"A blonde and a redhead were watching the news. The redhead bet the blonde fifty galleons that the man on the news would jump off of the building. The blonde accepted. In the end, the guy jumped off the building and died. The redhead felt guilty for betting on such a thing.
'I'm calling off the bet. It seems wrong if I don't.' she told the blonde.
'No, no, you won fair and square.' Insisted the blonde.
'No you see, I cheated. I saw the three o' clock news on before so I knew he would jump.' Said the redhead.
'I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again.'"
Hermione couldn't believe how much fun she was having. It was insane that she got locked in a closet with no way out. Both had stupidly forgotten their wands and had no way of getting out yet. Draco could actually be a decent person when he wanted to.
"Hey, what do you call a blonde with a half of a brain?" he asked.
"I dunno." She answerd.
"A genius." He said back. They erupted with another fit of laughter.
"How do you kill a blonde?" she asked him when she was able to talk again.
"I dunno. How?"
"Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool." She said. It was as though they had been friends forever. It was funny how these jokes were bringing them closer together…
A/N: Okay, I took the best jokes I could find, and put them here. I'm not going to make this where Hermione and Draco just fall in love automatically. It's not that easy in real life any way. I hope you liked the jokes, and special thanks to natslacks for sending me some of the jokes. Please review and thanks for reading!
Me,
RonFan