Sheer Insanity by Cosmic Castaway

Chapter 1

"Onegaaaii, Ban-chan?"

"No."

"Demo -"

"I said no."

"Don't be so cold, ooaniki!"

Bankotsu turned over in his recliner, burying his face into the depths of his newspaper. No, he would not give in to Jakotsu's ridiculous ideas, even if he made...the 'pouty' face. It was a deadly tactic, but if he could just avoid looking at him, he could possibly escape with his dignity.

Jakotsu snapped the paper away from the braided boy, examining the page he was reading. "Mou, Bankotsu no aniki, are you cheating on me?"

Bankotsu rolled his eyes. "What now?"

Jakotsu held up the advice column that Bankotsu'd been pretending to read. The title of the article was Letting your guy down easy. His eyes narrowed and he snatched the paper back. "Baka, I wasn't reading that garbage."

"Were you reading the other one about upping your self esteem? Ooaniki, you should have told me! I wouldn't have been offended!"

Bankotsu rolled up the newspaper and bopped Jakotsu lightly on the head with it. "Quit your whining and get ready. Fine, I'll go to the damn Halloween party."

Jakotsu spun around the room, nearly crashing into a full-length mirror. "Yaaay! I love you I love you I love you, Ban-chan!"

Bankotsu sighed and rubbed his temples. I have no willpower whatsoever...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Ban-chan! Ban-chaaaaaan!"

Jakotsu rushed up to Bankotsu, waving maniacally, clutching two costumes to his chest. "Ban-chan, I found the perfect ones!"

Bankostu leaned against their shopping cart, near the exit, sipping an icee and trying to be inconspicuous. It was bad enough that his boyfriend always dressed like a teenage girl, but he also behaved like a three-year-old who'd just downed ten gallons of coffee. There was no end to that man's energy - he even rambled on incomprehensibly in his sleep.

"Jakotsu, calm down!" Bankotsu whispered harshly. "Do you want us get jumped again?"

Jakotsu slammed the two costumes into the already overflowing cart, smirking somewhat dementedly. "Why, ooaniki? It was fun making them cry for their mommies last time!"

Bankotsu looked around him, feeling suffocated by the stares they were recieving. "You're making a scene."

Jakotsu glanced at the crowd, shaking his head. He paused in thought for a moment. Bankotsu began to worry.

"Nah. We'll give 'em a scene..."

Nearly knocking the wind from him, Jakotsu pinned Bankotsu against the wall, crushing their lips together and pushing his tongue into his boyfriend's mouth. Bankotsu's eyes snapped open as he tried desperately to squirm away from the taller man's grip, but Jakotsu was just too strong for him.

Bankotsu watched helplessly as disaster erupted around them. Shopping carts crashed into one another; a woman fainted; an old man stopped to snap a picture. A mother grabbed her children and ran out of the store, crying. Yes, this is my life, ladies and gentlemen, Bankotsu thought to himself. I had to fall in love with a crossdressing psychopath...

Jakotsu pulled away from him, smirking. "Was that good for you, sweety?"

Bankotsu blushed deeply, muttered an apology to the general public and grabbed Jakotsu's sleeve, pulling him back towards the check-out line.

"Hey, Ban-chan! That huuuurts!"

"Good."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Bankotsu piled up the items Jakotsu had tossed into their cart: a stuffed cat, a box of cookies, two bottles of sake, a calendar featuring babies dressed as farm animals, an on-clearance VHS copy of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, a cooking magazine, several Halloween decorations, four tee-shirts (of which three were sparkly pink), and two costumes - which had been what they'd come for in the first place. Bankotsu grabbed a chocolate bar and a box of wintergreen tic tacs and threw them in with the rest of the pile.

"Geez, Jakotsu...why do you need all this junk?"

Jakotsu busied himself by reading a tabloid, chuckling softly to himself. "Hey, Ban-chan...it turns out the Emperor is really Michael Jackson! I knew it! Didn't I tell you?"

Bankotsu tried to ignore him. The cashier finished ringing up the items and Bankotsu handed her his credit card. Jakotsu continued giggling mindlessly in the background, the headline of the tabloid reading "Famous Preistess Kaede Caught While Picking Nose! Photos Inside!"

The cashier gave Bankotsu back his things and stared at him oddly. "Hey, aren't you the guy who -"

"Was recently attacked by the idiot with the face-stripes by the exit over there? Yes. Now if you don't mind, lady, I would like to leave this store before he humiliates me any further."

The cashier blinked. "Oh. I was going to say I though I knew you from Junior High School. Oh well. Sorry."

Bankotsu hid his face as he pushed his cart away from the line, Jakotsu skipping giddily behind him.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

No. This couldn't be happening.

Bankotsu, at present, was dressed up as a giant rutabaga. He had planned to never in his life resemble a vegetable, but here he was...leafy top and all. If he had known he would be subjected to such madness, he probably would have pretended to die in his sleep that morning. No such luck...

"K...Kawaiiii!" Jakotsu stammered, clutching his fists to his face. "Ban-chan, you look so cuuuute!"

Bankotsu sighed. Well, this was his life, and he might as well accept it, giant rutabagas and all. Jakotsu, at least, looked equally ridiculous in his broccoli outfit. Why his boyfriend had wanted to dress up as the infamous green food was beyond him, but if it made him happy, who was he to judge?

Jakotsu leaned over and began breathing hotly on his ear. "Mm, Bankotsu...I could just eat you all up..." Jakotsu gave him a seductive look and slunk downwards, but Bankotsu managed to grab him by his...sprouts...and pull him up.

"That would be sexy, Jakotsu, if you didn't look like such an idiot."

Jakotsu made the 'pouty' face, nearly melting Bankotsu. "Ooaniki, you're mean!"

"Augh! Don't do that!"

"Do what? I thought you loved it when I -"

"No, that face! It kills me! Later, Jakotsu, later. I'm not really in the mood right now."

Jakotsu's smile spread into a gigantic grin. He let out a painfully high-pitched squeal and danced around the room. "Gomen, Ban-chan! I just...can't take you seriously when you look. So. Cute!"
Bankotsu could barely take himself seriously, so he should have figured there wouldn't be much hope in Jakotsu doing so, either. The man would start a conga line at a funeral, if he was ever invited to one. Bankotsu suddenly realized that his friend's Halloween Party was probably the only thing Jakotsu'd ever been invited to. He began to regret he'd let the spastic drag-queen know about it.

Hopefully it wouldn't be a total disaster...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Jakotsu, help us find the house, will you? The number's 23415...look for a lot of cars out in the driveway and such."

Inuyasha, who was in back seat with him, let out a low growl at the mention of his current problem's name. "He's latched onto me, Bankotsu...I don't think there's any reaching him."

"Damn it, Jakotsu, get off of him!"

Kagome, who was driving, seemed to find the entire situation hilarious. Inuyasha, who was dressed as an astronaut (which he dressed as every year, saying he spent too much money on the costume to only wear it once), was currently being suffocated by a giant piece of broccoli. Bankotsu, who usually acted near as arrogant as Inuyasha did, was dressed as what looked like a type radish or an onion. Plus, despite how much Bankotsu pretended to be annoyed by his boyfriend, he always threw a fit when he turned his attentions toward any other male.

While Bankotsu and Jakotsu had been best friends since they were kids, living as orphans on the street and creating their 'gang', the Shichinintai, they had only known Kagome and Inuyasha since High School. At that time, they and their five companions were arrested and detained for yet another one of their heists, and the verdict was to place the four of them that were children into foster homes. The other two, Renkotsu and Suikotsu, were separated and sent out of their hometown, while Jakotsu and Bankotsu refused to part. They were raised as brothers together and ended up straightening their acts, eventually, and even getting into a good university. Later, though...the two of them had discovered that there was little they could do to straighten their sexuality, and they had been together, as a couple, ever since.

Inuyasha had been Jakotsu's first male crush before Bankotsu had come out and confessed to him. Even though Jakotsu loved Bankotsu unconditionally, he still could not bring himself to resist a glomp or a groping when Inuyasha was around. The black-haired boy had come to tolerate these advances, because Bankotsu was his friend, and Jakotsu went everywhere with Bankotsu. It would even seem out of place to Inuyasha to have Jakotsu not go crazy over him, and if he didn't, Inuyasha would have suggested a visit to the doctor for concern of the strange boy's health.

Bankotsu, on the other had, could not stand it when this happened. It was almost a shock to him - Jakotsu would worship him every second, not even giving him a moment's peace, but as soon as Inuyasha came around - it was gone. He had to sit back and watch as his boyfriend clung to and fawned on another guy, muttering 'kawaii' every five seconds. He tried not to make his jealousy obvious...but Kagome, being the most observant of them, took some sort of sadistic amusement out of watching it.

"Kagome, there's the house," Inuyasha announced, pointing at at a car-packed driveway.

"Yeah, I see it," she replied, pulling into a space about three houses down.

The four of them got out of the car (well, three of them, Jakotsu was dragged) and began walking towards the party. Laughter and music could be heard faintly from outside, where the porch was covered in glowing pumpkins and fake-looking cobwebs. They crossed the lawn, trying not to trip over the styrofoam tombstones, and Bankotsu gazed up at the overgrown trees above them.

"Heh. Looks like they did some decorating," he commented, looking at the strings of white toilet paper that were thrown around the branches.

Kagome sighed. "Knowing Miroku, he probably did do it himself."

Stepping up to the door, Inuyasha pressed the bell adorned with little plastic spiders. They heard it ring, and a few seconds later, a pretty woman dressed as an Egyptian princess opened the door and smiled.

"Kagome! Glad you you could make it!" She glanced around at the others, smiling sincerely. "Great costumes, guys."

"Thanks, Sango," Kagome replied. "You know Inuyasha. This is Bankotsu - the one down there clinging to Inuyasha's legs is his boyfriend, Jakotsu." Bankotsu glared slightly but managed not to say anything.

Sango tried not to look confused, but nodded. "Glad you could make it, guys. Come on in."

"Sango, who is it?" called a voice from inside the house.

Sango sighed. "Sorry, you'll have to excuse my husband...he's a little slow," she joked, and then turned to yell back to him, "Miroku, don't be so rude! It's Kagome, Inuyasha, and their friends. Come say hello!"

A man with shoulder-length hair pulled back into a tiny pigtail stumbled to the door, chuckling. "My apologies. Hi there. Nice costumes."

Inuyasha stepped in, dragging the broccoli with him. "Nice costume yourself, Miroku. What are you supposed to be, a whore?"

Miroku pouted and wrapped his arms around Sango's neck. "I'm insulted. I'm Cleopatra's slave girl!"

Sango rolled her eyes. "He insisted."

Jakotsu looked up at Miroku and grinned, releasing Inuyasha's now numb legs. "Hmm...I like this guy. He's a cutie."

Bankotsu slapped a hand to his forehead and pulled Jakotsu back to him. "Please ignore him. He's an idiot."

"Mou, Ban-chan...don't be so mean!"

Kagome chuckled and motioned for everyone to come inside, closing the door behind her. "You'll get used to it," she assured Miroku, who was blinking quite quizzically at the stripe-faced boy.

"Well, he's got good taste," Miroku replied, shrugging. Sango pushed him away from her, rolling her eyes.

"It's a shame that we actually reproduced," Sango said. "I often fear for the planet with Miroku's son on the loose."

Kagome giggled. "So where is Shippou, anyways?"

"Oh, he blacked out about an hour ago. Souten and Rin spent the night last night, and they were all up until about four in the morning. Hiten and Sesshoumaru picked up the girls around three, and Shippou practically fell into a coma after dinner."

"Planned perfectly as usual, Sango-chan," Kagome smiled.

"Well, I try. I swear, he's Miroku #2, always surrounded by girls."

Jakotsu coughed slightly. "That doesn't sound like too much fun!"

"Quiet!" Bankotsu snapped.

"Nee, Ban-chan...let's go meet some cute guys...pleeease?!"

Bankotsu bowed at Sango and Miroku. "If you'll excuse us...I have to take the little boy out to play..."

"Yay! You're the best boyfriend ever, Bankotsu no aniki!"

Bankotsu shook his rutabaga-enclosed head and lead his broccoli into the crowd; though not before Jakotsu grabbed a protesting Inuyasha by his hair to drag him with them. Miroku grinned while Sango tried to be polite and pretend it didn't phase her.

"Well, you certainly have some interesting friends, Kagome-sama," Miroku commented.

Kagome paused for a moment. "They're Inuyasha's friends."