Gone. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it the first time, no, the first time I refused to believe it, but this time...this time I had seen you fall. I had watched helplessly, as my legs refused to move. I watched helplessly as your ego got in the way (like it always seemed to do), and I watched the look of confusion form on your once-handsome face. I watched you fall through the arch. It was worse than seeing you die. The thought of an unknown fate taking you, the question if you were alive or dead, was almost too much to take.
I had to run to Harry and hold him back. I had to tell him you were gone. Me, me, me. It shouldn't have been that way, old friend. I shouldn't have had to do that. He shouldn't have had to watch you fall. You shouldn't have been stolen from him--from me--from us. It was unfair to everyone. But there is nothing that I can do about it now, is there?
There's an emptiness in my heart where I used to keep my hope. It's only a gaping hole now. The wind blows through it sometimes, and it stings for a time, but it's good to know that I am still capable of feeling. Because lately I've been feeling inhuman. No, I am inhuman. I'm a monster. But you were my friend, my brother, and you understood me. You made me feel like I belonged, where now...now I see that I don't belong anywhere.
Do you remember school? Our little group? Do you remember the feeling of spring afternoons out by the lake? Do you remember the smell of autumn turning to winter? Do you remember the sound of all of us laughing in unison? I can't recall any of them. Everything is foggy, a blur, confusion. All my childhood friends...one betrayer, one dead, and one lost forever. And then, there's me...
Sitting here as the rain pours down is almost happy. I always felt connected to the rain somehow, though, I don't know why. The smell of pine saddens me, though, because it was always your favourite scent. Part of me wants to end my life. Part of me thinks that I, and everyone else would be better if I wasn't breathing. But the other half says no. The other half says that you will come back. I think that half is holding on to the last bit of hope I salvaged.
But you know what? When that wind blows through the hole in my heart and it stings so badly, I want to scream...I know that's you. I know it's you pushing me. Telling me this isn't over. Telling me it will never be over. I know it's you telling me that Harry needs someone here for him. Telling me that you have my hope, and you'll only give it back when I find you. Damn you and your childish games, Black.
I look back up at the stars and remember your name sake. Sirius--Dog star--you are still there, after all. And it's raining, you're crying. You're crying with me, crying for me, because I cannot. I crack a smile, it feels good for once. As sure as the stars will shine at night, I know that you will be there, watching, waiting patiently (for once) for your return, or our meeting. And I know that we will meet again. For the brotherhood of dog and wolf can never be broken. Like our paws, our hearts beat as one.