12 Idiots, a Ticket, and a Can of Raviolis

Ch 2: Conspiracy Theory and Lupin's pills.

A/N

Copywrite: I sadly do not own Harry Potter. If I did the movie would have had-- I mean been better... about their acting choices...

My Conspiracy Theory: Sirius didn't die! He fell through the veil and ended up in Mexico and was kidnapped by some druggie dealers who needed a dog mascot (better than a freakin camel). So now he's a drug lord in Tijuana and is stalked by raving fan girls. Then when he found out how ugly his actor was, he vowed to never show his face again because EVERYBODY knows he does not look like a hobo.

Fellow lunatics and patients in therapy

Well now reviewers, mauhaahha oh wait there's only two T.T fin then I get the picture! I'm self-motivated anyways!

Jen Riddle: Yay! Thanks for reviewing... sorry if I scarred you permanently for life. You wouldn't by any chance be related to... Tom Riddle... cowers under blanket... would you?

Acinorev: crazy name! What's it mean!? Thanks for reviewing!

Thank you few but proud reviewers! Now back to torturi-- I mean helping our favorite heroes.

People who are NOT fellow lunatics and patients in therapy (basically this is a LIE! These are just my accomplices in my crimes of writing MUAHHAHAH)

Mikomimi89 -- go read her stuff it'll make you all tingly inside... She came up with what the antics of a were-wolf with ADD would be like. Such a good friend (bursts into tears) If I could pay you in plushies I would! smiley smiles

Story========

Alas, due to Harry's bad luck (or that bad fortune cookie, whichever came first) he had traveled all the way to Hawaii to come to face with a De mentor.

Harry: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! DEMENTORS! I'M NOT GETTING OFF THIS PLANE! THE ONLY THING WORSE WOULD BE IF THAT LESTRANGE

WOMAN WAS HERE RUNNING BUTT-NAKED WITH A BUFFALO FUR HAT ON HER HEAD SHOUTING "WEASLY IS OUR KING" IN FRENCH. Of course then I would chuck my Ravioli can at her /strokes can/ My preccccciiiiiiooooouuuss..... We is not going to hurt you...

/Hermione subsequently clocked him on the head with Lupin's luggage remains/

Harry: DAMN IT VOLDERMORTS TRYING TO TURN ME INTO A COBRA AGAIN!! AHHH! THE SNAKES ARE GONNA EAT ME KNICKERS! /hits head on now empty luggage compartment/

A/N: Hermione confiscated Lupin's luggage after a series of suicide attempts. That's why Lupin's luggage (almost rhymes!) was in Harry's compartment. End of commentary.

============

Soon after, Harry began twitching and having convulsions as the plane pulled up to let other passengers on. He also started slithering around on his stomach trying to bite the flight attendants feet. Needless to say, he was very bruised and battered when Lupin finally noticed and gave him some pills.

=============

Lupin: Ritalin! IT'S THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING!... besides chocolate... and crack... and vegetable oil... and... /passes out/

Ron: What?

Lupin: What? WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER ANYTHING! /starts running in circles chasing after invisible tailstops and restsforgets he was resting and starts chasing his tail again

McGonagall: I thought I told you no more Vodka. We lost one professor to the birds we don't need to lose another one to the combined affects of alcohol and Ritalin on a were-wolf with ADD.

Ron: Never mind. /mumbling/ Hitchcock.... Damn voices.... I thought I told Mufasa to leave me alone! Give me some of those pills!

McGonagall: What are you doing? Give those to me now Weasley!

Ron: Get in line I asked first. /plops them in mouth/

McGonagll: No, I don't want to take it.... ARGH!

In the end, McGonagall pulled out that famous rifle again and got the meds after all.

IT READS: Were-wolf Ritalin Tranquilizer Pills WARNING: Do not take if you are anything but werewolf or you will be subject to flying out of plane windows with antlers taped on your head. Users may also be subject to randomness, sneeze attacks, and spider infestations.

At that moment, exactly one hundred and ninety-two spiders attacked Ron's freckles. He died. The end. Harry on the other hand was back with a vengeance.

Harry: I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE.... I KILLED SIRIUS AND I LIKED IT! AND I'D DO IT AGAIN TOO! MAUHAHAHA! DIE SQUIGGLES /takes Dumbledore's lemon drops and squishes them/

... I win... /walks off/

Lupin: SIRIUS, SIRIUS I KNOW SIRIUS! HE WAS MY FRIEND, MY BEST FRIEND! YES, HE WAS SIRIUS, HE WAS MY FRIEND! /pauses and thinks/ SIRIUS, SIRIUS I KNOW SIRIUS! HE WAS MY FRIEND, MY BEST FRIEND! YES HE WAS SIRIUS, SIRIUS WAS MY FRIEND...

=========

Fourteen seconds and two hours later there was an unconscious were-wolf with a large lump on his head and there blood was on McGonagall's rifle.

===========

From the cockpit: HELLO THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN, PRIVATE PEGLEG SAM SPEAKING, WE'D LIKE TO ANNOUNCE THAT WE HAVE REACHED OUR DESTINATION OF ICELAND, PLEASE EXSITS TO YOUR RIGHT AND DROP MONEY INTO THAT HAT ON THE GROUND BY MY FOOT. WE WILL BE IN HAWAII IN APROXIMENTALLY SEVEN HOURS. THANK-YOU-COME-AGAIN (A/N Peg-leg does terrible Apuu impressions by the way).

Dumbledore: That clearly explains the Dementors.

Hermione: Really?

Dumbledore: No.

Hermione: Oh.

=========

Then, something terrible happened (well something terrible happened when these people were drafted into my story but we can ignore that for now). The dementors boarded the plane and sat next to Hermione! (They had hid Ron's corpse in the bathroom). Dobby had fallen out one of the windows and turned into a Popsicle just like the Toboe-Seahorse-Popsicle-Theory had said he would. Nobody noticed. Something creepy happened and Hermione started hitting on the Death Eaters as Dumbledore picked up the remains of his lemon drops and ate them off the floor.

=========

Hermione: Did I ever tell you, you have BEAUTIFUL hic eyes...

Death Eater: Rawr!

Hermione: MARRY ME!

Ron: /from the bathroom/ I OBJECT!

Harry: FILTHY MUDBLOODS DIE!!!!!!! /throws oranges/

Cockpit: We're now approaching Honolulu, please buckle your seatbelts and remain seated. Thank you for giving your hard earned cash to Fly Cardboard Airlines. Have a nice day.

-------------------------

Next time:

Gay dementors and the Tijuana escapee!

The Friendship Song!

-------------------------

T.D.S: Adios.

Lupin: Shoot me now.

T.D.S: We already lost Ron (twice)... we can't afford any more special effects sequences.

Lupin: runs out window

T.D.S.: That's a wall you know...