Chloe Sullivan entered her office with a spring in her step. Not only did she have the story of the century, but she also had Lex. It looked like it might be time to ditch dull, dependable Whitney, but then dull, dependable Whitney walked into the office and before long everything started to change.
"Do you know where that Luthor guy lives?" demanded Whitney, an angry look upon his face. "I'm going to make him pay for what he did."
"What did he do?" asked Chloe in mock innocence, trying to figure out how Whitney had found out about her night with Lex.
"He had me tied up in that Chloe field as a scarecrow," explained Whitney.
Chloe's relief was tinged with horror. She expected footballers to indulge in such acts of thoughtless, sadistic barbarism, but she didn't expect it of Lex. Still, the Chloe field was a nice touch - it meant he was still thinking about her.
"I'd still be there now," continued Whitney, "if Edward Kent hadn't happened by and cut me down."
"You saw Edward's hands?" asked Chloe, suddenly really interested in Whitney for the first time in a very long while.
Whitney looked at Chloe, and remembered what she did for a living, What a story Edward Kent would make for her. But he'd made Edward a promise, and he intended to keep it, even if it meant lying to Chloe:
"Sure, a few scars from that corn picker accident, but nothing remarkable. Why do you ask?"
"No reason," replied Chloe, but inside she was angry. Angry with Lex - he'd obviously made up that lame Scissor Hands story just to go out with her. Angry with herself - she should have seen right through him. The guy was obviously some kind of psycho - tying Whitney up, getting her to shave his head, probably even faking the car crash and getting his minions to create that Chloe crop circle. And then there was Whitney - she was angry with him too. She almost felt bad about that (after all, Whitney hadn't lied to her the way that Lex had) but he'd been the messenger, the destroyer of her story, the remover of her hopes and dreams. Nevertheless, he could still be useful.
Chloe pretended to search her rolodex for Lex's address, and then wrote it down on a post-it note and passed it to Whitney.
"Here's Luthor's address. Now go and exact your revenge."
"Thanks, Chlo."
"And, Whitney, if you're going for the obvious scarecrow revenge, could you please takes some photos for The Torch."
"Sure thing, Chloe. See you later."
As Whitney left the office, Chloe started clearing the clutter from her desk as a prelude to banging her head against it. And as she did so, she kept asking herself how she could possibly have been so stupid? A boy with scissors for hands - ridiculous. And besides, her unerring journalistic instincts had already decided long ago who was and wasn't newsworthy at Smallville High.
Not quite an hour later Edward Kent was wandering up and down one of the school's longer corridors in a desperate attempt not to be ridiculously early for his meeting with Chloe. As he looked at the clock on the wall, he decided now was the time, and so, with a mixture of trepidation and hope, he made his way to The Torch's office.
Chloe was looking at a blank screen, that had been that way all day, when she heard Edward Kent's head knocking on the door. Originally she'd planned on not opening the door for him, just to see what would happen, but now that she knew there was nothing particularly special about his hands, she just walked over and let him in.
"Hi, Chloe," announced a smiling Edward.
"Hi, Edward, I'm afraid I don't really need you here after all. Sorry about that."
"That's okay, Chloe," he replied as the smile slipped off his face.
Seeing the dejected look on Edward's face, and not wanting someone in her office more miserable than she was, she added "Oh, thanks for rescuing Whitney."
"That's okay, Chloe," replied Edward, his smile returning.
"And hey, Edward, Whitney told me about your hands."
"He did?" replied Edward, feeling slightly betrayed.
"Yeah, you really shouldn't be that sensitive about them. Sure, they're not perfect, but so what? You should let people see them. Sure, they'll stare a little at first, but after a couple of days people won't even notice."
"You really think so?" replied Edward, a tear coming to his eye.
Chloe smiled at Edward and nodded. It felt good being sympathetic to him and his malformed hands, and then again, it might even make a good human interest piece.
And so, slowly, Edward drew his hands out of his coat, and Chloe's smile grew wider and wider.
Lana was sat against the wall in the corridor when she saw Edward jauntily walking towards her.
"Hey, Eddie. What did Chloe want?"
Eddie sat down next to Lana, and the words just started to flow, in the exact same way that they didn't do when he was with Chloe:
"Well, first of all I thought I was going to get there early so I -"
And at that point Lana's cellphone's familiar "Slayer - Seasons in the Abyss" ringtone started to chime.
"Sorry, Ed, got to get this. I'll try and be quick."
Edward looked on with curiosity as Lana chatted into her cellphone, a look of boredom spreading across her face. With her index finger she drew a square in the air. Normally this meant that it was her parents, but Edward knew it couldn't be them. Lana had told him earlier how she'd got bored with them always checking up on her, so she'd diverted their number to the Smallville morgue - that would give them a shock the next time she broke her curfew.
Finally, Lana came off the phone.
"You'll never guess who that was, Ed. Pete Ross."
"Who?" asked Edward.
"You know, that quiet kid on the school bus. Haven't talked to him in ages. We used to be best buds but my teen rebellion phase didn't gel with his Captain Nice phase. Anyway, Pete Ross is Lex Luthor's best friend - well, to be precise, his only friend. Lex is this billionaire nerd guy if you don't know. They met around 10 years ago. Me and Pete were playing hide and seek in the woods near where Lex lived, and Pete found him there, sitting by a tree, shaking and sucking on his inhaler. Lex was trying to conquer this fear of going out he has, but was failing miserably. Anyway, Pete helped him home and they've been best friends ever since. Until today."
"What happened?"
"They had a falling out, as did Lex's hair."
"Sorry?"
"Before I explain, there's one thing I've got to check. Lex had this car accident yesterday. Apparently, according to Pete, you saved him."
Edward nodded.
"Boy, you sure are one dark horse. Are you keeping any other secrets from me?"
"Yes," Edward replied, nodding again.
"Ditto. Anyway, Pete goes round to check up on Lex this morning and Lex is completely bald. Anyway, after Lex reassures Pete that he's perfectly healthy and that this radical new hairstyle was a conscious choice, Pete does what any best friend would do in the circumstances and bursts out laughing. Upshot of it all is that Lex and Pete aren't talking anymore."
The stranger paused for a second and looked at Clark.
"You realize, Clark, that this is just the tip of the iceberg."
Clark looked at the stranger blankly.
"Hair!" proclaimed the stranger cryptically.
"Hair?" echoed a confused Clark.
"Yes, hair. That's the unfathomable force that binds the realities."
"Hair?" echoed Clark again, but this time echoing himself rather than the stranger.
"Hair, Clark. It's the most important thing in your many existences. It colors men's perceptions. Just as in this story I tell, where it's driven a rift between Lex and Pete, in some realities hair causes the rift between you and Lex."
"What?" asked an unbelieving Clark.
"There are countless parallel worlds, Clark, where Lex hates you because he blames you for his hair loss. Having said that, there are just as many parallel worlds where he hates you because you restored his hair, thus removing his cool shiny uniqueness."
"But hair can't make that much difference," protested Clark.
"Tell that to Lex. When he lost his hair in this reality, his relationship with Lionel, who no longer had anyone to carry on the family mane, was destroyed. Also, have you ever wondered the real reason why Jonathan detests Lionel so much. It's jealousy because, until he met Lionel, Jonathan thought he had the best hair in the world. And then there's the real reason why Jonathan wouldn't let you play football."
Clark looked at the stranger with even less comprehension than usual.
"Helmet hair," explained the stranger. "Hair. It's the reason for everything. The reason you prefer Lana to Chloe. The reason you turn out good and Lex becomes evil."
"That's stupid," observed Clark.
"If we were in the future, I'd back my claim up with Captain Marvel and Dr. Sivana," continued the stranger relentlessly. "Hair equals good, bald equals bad. For purely dramatic purposes I wish it was the other way round - a David and Goliath match where Goliath always wins is no fun."
"What about that bald superhero Warrior Angel?" asked Clark, spotting a loophole in the stranger's argument.
The stranger laughed. "That's comic books, Clark. Not real life. Trust me, I'm a stranger. Hair - it's the omnipresent force. A fifth-dimensional imp that you'll one day encounter observed that, if you sit far enough back from reality, its many strands form not so much a multiverse as a mulletverse."
"You've got to be kidding me," groaned an exasperated Clark.
"Yes, of course I am, Clark. You're so much fun to kid. I was also attempting to interject some levity, although by the look on your face it appears that I failed. Anyway my story's about to get darker, Clark, as dreams are destroyed and death makes its presence felt."
"And there'll be some snow presumably," added Clark, remembering the story's title.
"No, Clark. No snow. After all, as you pointed out earlier, it never snows in Smallville. Now, let me continue with my story."
Whitney had been busy with football practice but now that was finished with and he was after revenge. He burst into the Luthor ancestral home (well he would have if the door hadn't already been open) and made his way towards the noises of a sword-fencing match. A male and female were engaged in a frantic battle.
"Luthor. Me and you have a score to settle," he shouted at the male combatant.
Lex Luthor held his hand up to Heike to stop the match and then strolled over to Whitney. Chloe had phoned him in advance to warn him about Whitney, but Lex wasn't the least bit scared of anything anymore.
"Whitney, you've come down at last."
"Me and you, Luthor. Outside now."
"Whitney, you made an idle threat to me and I had you strung up in a field. What do you think I'd do to you if you actually struck me."
"I'm willing to find out," replied an angry Whitney.
Lex removed his helmet, revealing his bald head beneath. "Chloe did this, and she did a lot more besides," said Lex, in an attempt to demoralize Whitney. He was reasonably sure that Chloe wouldn't have told Whitney about their night together.
"Neat. Can't top that," replied Whitney, stifling his guffaws, and turned round and left. He'd only told Chloe what had happened this morning and already she'd got revenge for him by removing Lex's precious hair. What a girl. He'd just have to remember never to get on the wrong side of her. As he chuckled to himself, he almost felt sorry for Lex. Almost.
Later that day, Martha, Jonathan and Edward were just finishing their evening meal, when they heard a knock at the door. While Martha went to answer it, Edward mentally crossed his fingers (which was, of course, the only way he could ever cross them) and wished that it was Chloe.
"Edward, you've got a visitor," Martha announced as she re-entered the room, with the visitor following.
"Hello, Edward. I don't suppose you remember me but my name's Lex Luthor."