Authors note: This weekend I was introduced to the series "Berserk" and I
fell so deeply in love with it. The story, the scenery, Griffith and his
nature that I simply had to write a fanfiction ot it's tribute.
And listening to the most beautiful song related to this series, "Gatsu" it immediately came up with this idea. So if you have the theme song on your computer, set it to repeat and read this. Hopefully you will be as moved by it as I was...
Enjoy.
"SOULMATE"
Drip... drop... drip, drip...
Where am I..? ecchoed thoughts ran through his mind. It's so dark here... His body pained him as he lay on the cold brickfloor. He was dirty, his tattered clothes smelled. There was another pain overwhelming him, in his heart.
Twitching his fingers, as if reluctant to recollect his memories, he began to remember. The pain in his heart grew into a bulging wave and he thought it was going to explode as he moaned loves' name.
"Gatsu..." he whimpered. He remembered the first time he saw his face... This savage, wild, beautiful face glarring at him with such a fire in their eyes. He had been attrackted to them – almost drawn to them. They had been something he had found alien, yet so familiar. It almost humored him, the way he had been a fair match for him.
You belong to me now... his mind repeated the words he had said once and over and over again these past few days... weeks... months? He had no recollection or sence of how long he had been in this agonycing darkness.
From time to time, a man would pick the remains of his once so beautiful body and carry it into a room. He would be strapped on a wall, arms pointing outwards and legs pulled downwards by the pressure of the leather straps. They would pin, poke and burn his earthly parts, but his mind... would sink further and further away... slowly, for every word the man would humor himself with. He had stopped listening a long time ago, only concentrating on trying to keep his own mind together.
Although it seemed, he thought in defeat, that this task had proven it harder for him to accomplish. He didn't even seem to understand why he was down here. He could faintly remember what had happened that day, but he was unsure of time and place in short periods. At other times the pain was too hard to get away from and a stab to his inner theighs or his chestcase would whirl him back to reality, only to throw him into mercyful unconsciousness ...
When it became too hard to bare, he would muse himself with memories, not carring if they had actually been or not. He remembered Caska, her wild and intimet face and dark eyes... eyes as dark as ink... dark... dark... he hummed for himself. He had saved her once, as an Aristocrat had attempted to force his will upon her. She was confused, disorientated but willstrong. She had wanted to go with him and he had let her. He watched her grow into a woman, watched her become someone strong, brute yet vulnerable and fragile. She had been his ever reminder of his fruitfull doings, in battle, in business, in everything he had acomplished.
Until he had appeared and changed his whole world. Gatsu... his mind repeated for him. His face was the only thing that truly shinned in this darkness. This muscular, tanned young spirit, so willing to live and have someone – anybody – had surprised him. He had, however, never been able to deny his affection for Gatsu. They had been soulmates, they had been friends, in some twist, kins of the heart – they had meant to be forever...
A tear slipped down Griffiths dried out cheek as he wished to stroke the scar he had on his right shoulder, but somewhere in this time of pain his hands and feet had lost their mobility. Groaning he was able, with difficulty, to force his body into a sitting position. He recalled the day at the palace... They had been in battle and Gatsu had been wounded. Yet he was so strong and powerful. He never seemed fragile and weak. He had asked him why he always saved his life...
Why do you think..? Griffith had replied him in his mind. He had turned his body, so facing away from the balcony as the wind had played with his hair. He was unsure wether or not to tell him... show his affections for him as a soulmate, as a partner for life. Didn't he already know? His reply had been simple, but somehow more filled with emotions than he had wished for them to be.
"Do I always have to give you a reason... everytime I save your life?"
Leaning against the wall to still the pain in the weak muscles in his back, Griffith tried to recall that day. Always had he struggled upwards, and upwards – wanting to be the very highest and most regarded of all men. He had eyed the shortest way to the highest rank when his eyes had fallen upon the Kings' young daugther, a beautiful Princess. She was very pretty, yet somewhat naive and ignorant. So he had kept his men near the castle as he had been charming the Princess, very slowly, beeing sure to win her childish affection.
A terrible rumour had struck the camp, though. Gatsu... wanting to leave... wanting to leave the Band of the Hawk, and him. Judeau, Caska, Rikkelt and himself had gathered on the hill not far from the castle city, awaiting him. Grifftih had been quiet, pondering... Gatsu couldn't leave so suddenly, just when they were about to get their highest ranking. He had planned on woeving the Princess completely, a few months from now, asking for her hand. He was sure she wouldn't refuse him.
He had been furious at Gastu, he admitted that to himself. The very thought of him leaving made him boil with anger and dispear. He had challanged him, reminding him that – in reality – he belonged to him so if he wanted to leave he had to fight his right to it. He hadn't meant to force him to stay, but he couldn't bear the thought of him not being near.
Why do you wish to leave me..? he had wondered, keeping Gatsus eyes locked with his. He was confident that he would be able to conquer over him, he was just so overwhelmed by the very notion of it. Gatsu leaving... he belonged with the band of the Hawk, his destiny was by his side!
It all happened so quickly that all Griffith could remember in this time, was kneeling before Gastu, with the pulling wheight of his massive sword resting, however, lightly on his shoulder. Time frose, as did he... bewildered and astonished – not just by the surprise of being defeated for the first time, but by the fact that he had lost him... He had actually lost him. Shame and regreat floating over him, slowling sending a cooling chill down his back. He had to force himself to stay on his knees, to not get to his feet, run after Gatsu and beg him to stay. Beg him to be his company for just another campaign's time, just another battle – just another conversation... he muttered to himself, not recognising the gurgling sounds exiting his throat. There was something missing inside his mouth, but he couldn't recall exactly what it was or what had taken it.
He had been so consumed by his thoughts, that he had almost missed the last words escaping from Gatsus' lips. ...See'ya...his mind replayed the words for him over and over again, as it had done that day. He had no idea how long he had been sitting there, replaying the moment Gatsu was leaving... he just knew that Caska and the others had left his side when he shortly came to his sences. He felt heartbroken, betrayed... thrown away as a used toy a child didn't want anymore. Did he not mean a single thing to Gatsu? Had he not been the supporting pole in his life, helping him evolve into the man he was? The man he is..? he pondered.
He remebered doing everything the rest of that day in a trance. His dream didn't matter anymore, the Band of the Hawk, Judeau, Caska, the Princess..? What was all this when his half was missing? Maybe it had never been destinys thought to bring them together..? Maybe the highers powers had meant to taunt him, to show him something as beautiful and powerful as him – show him something he would never get..?
He now only wanted to complete his dream simply because he felt it had to be completed. He had given his men so much hope, so much inspiration. He knew this. So many of them had fallen by his hand, for his dream and his actions. Had they fallen for nothing? He couldn't let their death be in vain, se he would take it a step further, not caring if it was too soon or not.
When dark crept by and he had sat in his room all day and thought, replayed that instant, thought and thought he sneaked out. Caska and the other men were sleeping, so he left them unoticed. He knew the way to the Princess' room all to well, having escorted her to it before. Without ease he climbed the vegetation crawling up to the side of her window, and jumped on to the small balcony outside her glassdoor. His thoughts whirled around everything and nothing, a part of him not sure what good would come out of this, another part wanting to get it done, be close to her warmth... be loved.
He thought those very last words as she had opened the door. She looked surprised, unsure and exited as a small girl reading a romantic novel. After telling her it might not be a good idea for him to stand outhere, with the chance of him getting seen and her reputation getting smeared she let him in. Her cheeks were lightly blushed and became more red as he somewhat forced her lips against his. A thunder broke the sky outside, as she tried to pull away from him. He could feel her body getting warmer under his grip and kissed her again, holding them together in it.
Inside his mind this was awkawrd, arousing, confusing and depressing. He hungered so much to feel the way he used to feel – to feel there was someone besides him, close to his soul, someone who would love him and not betray him that he didn't hesitate as he threw her onto the bed. He would do anything to get that feeling back, even if that meant replacing it with something totally different only an hour or longer. He crawled over her and held her arms tight, not hurting her, but to keep her in place. He wanted that feeling again. He craved it.
"Lord Griffith, no..." she had moaned, a bit unsure but still exited.
"Do you not like it?" he had replied, somewhat emotionless with a blank expression. She twitched a little as his hand crept up under her skirt, curessing her theigh. They made love, the first time for her. She felt so soft and fragile under him. Everything around him felt so lovely and peaceful that he sometimes shortly believed it was his imagination teasing him. His heart cried out from sadness. He was carefull with her, but it was a depressing way to loose her innocense, as his affection for her was not true. His heart and mind hadn't been with her and as they were done he sat besides her, with his hand curessing the bruise on his right shoulder.
He felt disgusted, alone and abandonned... Even more so as he had used her as a thing, more than he had intended too. Almost mechanicly he had gotten up and gotten dressed. Things where becoming reality to him again as he replayed the insident in his memory, blurry as a dream long forgotten. Abandonned or not, he could not be seen here. His long built trust with the King would be shattered and he would be prisonned until he could not tell the difference between day and night.
Elegantly he jumped down from the balcony, attempting to force himself to concentrate, to keep his guard up. Not to his surprised he failed. He was quickly surrounded by guards, unable to defend himself as Gatsu had broken his sword as he had broken his heart.
Drawing himself back to reality, Grifftih felt a tear crawl down his cheek. He heard the lock on his celldoor being opened as his mind prepared himself for the agony to come. He forced the whimper down which was building itself up in his throat, as he felt the strong man lift his weakened body from the ground, his arms dangling helplesly in the air. Somewhere out there, lived his better half. Somewhere out there was the missing pussle to his heart – the very piece that had destroyed his life and his purpose for living.
And he would do it all again, to be with him, if only he could...
The man exited the cell and pushed the door shut with his left foot. Griffith was always surprised when he was lifted. He seemed to wheigh nothing in the mans arms, as if his body had been drained from the very thing that had kept him alive. As they enetered the all to familiar room, Griffith felt, for the first time, insanity take it's grip on him. Somewhere out there lived the beauty that had cost him his life, the beauty he would loose his life to anytime...
And he would never see him again...
And listening to the most beautiful song related to this series, "Gatsu" it immediately came up with this idea. So if you have the theme song on your computer, set it to repeat and read this. Hopefully you will be as moved by it as I was...
Enjoy.
"SOULMATE"
Drip... drop... drip, drip...
Where am I..? ecchoed thoughts ran through his mind. It's so dark here... His body pained him as he lay on the cold brickfloor. He was dirty, his tattered clothes smelled. There was another pain overwhelming him, in his heart.
Twitching his fingers, as if reluctant to recollect his memories, he began to remember. The pain in his heart grew into a bulging wave and he thought it was going to explode as he moaned loves' name.
"Gatsu..." he whimpered. He remembered the first time he saw his face... This savage, wild, beautiful face glarring at him with such a fire in their eyes. He had been attrackted to them – almost drawn to them. They had been something he had found alien, yet so familiar. It almost humored him, the way he had been a fair match for him.
You belong to me now... his mind repeated the words he had said once and over and over again these past few days... weeks... months? He had no recollection or sence of how long he had been in this agonycing darkness.
From time to time, a man would pick the remains of his once so beautiful body and carry it into a room. He would be strapped on a wall, arms pointing outwards and legs pulled downwards by the pressure of the leather straps. They would pin, poke and burn his earthly parts, but his mind... would sink further and further away... slowly, for every word the man would humor himself with. He had stopped listening a long time ago, only concentrating on trying to keep his own mind together.
Although it seemed, he thought in defeat, that this task had proven it harder for him to accomplish. He didn't even seem to understand why he was down here. He could faintly remember what had happened that day, but he was unsure of time and place in short periods. At other times the pain was too hard to get away from and a stab to his inner theighs or his chestcase would whirl him back to reality, only to throw him into mercyful unconsciousness ...
When it became too hard to bare, he would muse himself with memories, not carring if they had actually been or not. He remembered Caska, her wild and intimet face and dark eyes... eyes as dark as ink... dark... dark... he hummed for himself. He had saved her once, as an Aristocrat had attempted to force his will upon her. She was confused, disorientated but willstrong. She had wanted to go with him and he had let her. He watched her grow into a woman, watched her become someone strong, brute yet vulnerable and fragile. She had been his ever reminder of his fruitfull doings, in battle, in business, in everything he had acomplished.
Until he had appeared and changed his whole world. Gatsu... his mind repeated for him. His face was the only thing that truly shinned in this darkness. This muscular, tanned young spirit, so willing to live and have someone – anybody – had surprised him. He had, however, never been able to deny his affection for Gatsu. They had been soulmates, they had been friends, in some twist, kins of the heart – they had meant to be forever...
A tear slipped down Griffiths dried out cheek as he wished to stroke the scar he had on his right shoulder, but somewhere in this time of pain his hands and feet had lost their mobility. Groaning he was able, with difficulty, to force his body into a sitting position. He recalled the day at the palace... They had been in battle and Gatsu had been wounded. Yet he was so strong and powerful. He never seemed fragile and weak. He had asked him why he always saved his life...
Why do you think..? Griffith had replied him in his mind. He had turned his body, so facing away from the balcony as the wind had played with his hair. He was unsure wether or not to tell him... show his affections for him as a soulmate, as a partner for life. Didn't he already know? His reply had been simple, but somehow more filled with emotions than he had wished for them to be.
"Do I always have to give you a reason... everytime I save your life?"
Leaning against the wall to still the pain in the weak muscles in his back, Griffith tried to recall that day. Always had he struggled upwards, and upwards – wanting to be the very highest and most regarded of all men. He had eyed the shortest way to the highest rank when his eyes had fallen upon the Kings' young daugther, a beautiful Princess. She was very pretty, yet somewhat naive and ignorant. So he had kept his men near the castle as he had been charming the Princess, very slowly, beeing sure to win her childish affection.
A terrible rumour had struck the camp, though. Gatsu... wanting to leave... wanting to leave the Band of the Hawk, and him. Judeau, Caska, Rikkelt and himself had gathered on the hill not far from the castle city, awaiting him. Grifftih had been quiet, pondering... Gatsu couldn't leave so suddenly, just when they were about to get their highest ranking. He had planned on woeving the Princess completely, a few months from now, asking for her hand. He was sure she wouldn't refuse him.
He had been furious at Gastu, he admitted that to himself. The very thought of him leaving made him boil with anger and dispear. He had challanged him, reminding him that – in reality – he belonged to him so if he wanted to leave he had to fight his right to it. He hadn't meant to force him to stay, but he couldn't bear the thought of him not being near.
Why do you wish to leave me..? he had wondered, keeping Gatsus eyes locked with his. He was confident that he would be able to conquer over him, he was just so overwhelmed by the very notion of it. Gatsu leaving... he belonged with the band of the Hawk, his destiny was by his side!
It all happened so quickly that all Griffith could remember in this time, was kneeling before Gastu, with the pulling wheight of his massive sword resting, however, lightly on his shoulder. Time frose, as did he... bewildered and astonished – not just by the surprise of being defeated for the first time, but by the fact that he had lost him... He had actually lost him. Shame and regreat floating over him, slowling sending a cooling chill down his back. He had to force himself to stay on his knees, to not get to his feet, run after Gatsu and beg him to stay. Beg him to be his company for just another campaign's time, just another battle – just another conversation... he muttered to himself, not recognising the gurgling sounds exiting his throat. There was something missing inside his mouth, but he couldn't recall exactly what it was or what had taken it.
He had been so consumed by his thoughts, that he had almost missed the last words escaping from Gatsus' lips. ...See'ya...his mind replayed the words for him over and over again, as it had done that day. He had no idea how long he had been sitting there, replaying the moment Gatsu was leaving... he just knew that Caska and the others had left his side when he shortly came to his sences. He felt heartbroken, betrayed... thrown away as a used toy a child didn't want anymore. Did he not mean a single thing to Gatsu? Had he not been the supporting pole in his life, helping him evolve into the man he was? The man he is..? he pondered.
He remebered doing everything the rest of that day in a trance. His dream didn't matter anymore, the Band of the Hawk, Judeau, Caska, the Princess..? What was all this when his half was missing? Maybe it had never been destinys thought to bring them together..? Maybe the highers powers had meant to taunt him, to show him something as beautiful and powerful as him – show him something he would never get..?
He now only wanted to complete his dream simply because he felt it had to be completed. He had given his men so much hope, so much inspiration. He knew this. So many of them had fallen by his hand, for his dream and his actions. Had they fallen for nothing? He couldn't let their death be in vain, se he would take it a step further, not caring if it was too soon or not.
When dark crept by and he had sat in his room all day and thought, replayed that instant, thought and thought he sneaked out. Caska and the other men were sleeping, so he left them unoticed. He knew the way to the Princess' room all to well, having escorted her to it before. Without ease he climbed the vegetation crawling up to the side of her window, and jumped on to the small balcony outside her glassdoor. His thoughts whirled around everything and nothing, a part of him not sure what good would come out of this, another part wanting to get it done, be close to her warmth... be loved.
He thought those very last words as she had opened the door. She looked surprised, unsure and exited as a small girl reading a romantic novel. After telling her it might not be a good idea for him to stand outhere, with the chance of him getting seen and her reputation getting smeared she let him in. Her cheeks were lightly blushed and became more red as he somewhat forced her lips against his. A thunder broke the sky outside, as she tried to pull away from him. He could feel her body getting warmer under his grip and kissed her again, holding them together in it.
Inside his mind this was awkawrd, arousing, confusing and depressing. He hungered so much to feel the way he used to feel – to feel there was someone besides him, close to his soul, someone who would love him and not betray him that he didn't hesitate as he threw her onto the bed. He would do anything to get that feeling back, even if that meant replacing it with something totally different only an hour or longer. He crawled over her and held her arms tight, not hurting her, but to keep her in place. He wanted that feeling again. He craved it.
"Lord Griffith, no..." she had moaned, a bit unsure but still exited.
"Do you not like it?" he had replied, somewhat emotionless with a blank expression. She twitched a little as his hand crept up under her skirt, curessing her theigh. They made love, the first time for her. She felt so soft and fragile under him. Everything around him felt so lovely and peaceful that he sometimes shortly believed it was his imagination teasing him. His heart cried out from sadness. He was carefull with her, but it was a depressing way to loose her innocense, as his affection for her was not true. His heart and mind hadn't been with her and as they were done he sat besides her, with his hand curessing the bruise on his right shoulder.
He felt disgusted, alone and abandonned... Even more so as he had used her as a thing, more than he had intended too. Almost mechanicly he had gotten up and gotten dressed. Things where becoming reality to him again as he replayed the insident in his memory, blurry as a dream long forgotten. Abandonned or not, he could not be seen here. His long built trust with the King would be shattered and he would be prisonned until he could not tell the difference between day and night.
Elegantly he jumped down from the balcony, attempting to force himself to concentrate, to keep his guard up. Not to his surprised he failed. He was quickly surrounded by guards, unable to defend himself as Gatsu had broken his sword as he had broken his heart.
Drawing himself back to reality, Grifftih felt a tear crawl down his cheek. He heard the lock on his celldoor being opened as his mind prepared himself for the agony to come. He forced the whimper down which was building itself up in his throat, as he felt the strong man lift his weakened body from the ground, his arms dangling helplesly in the air. Somewhere out there, lived his better half. Somewhere out there was the missing pussle to his heart – the very piece that had destroyed his life and his purpose for living.
And he would do it all again, to be with him, if only he could...
The man exited the cell and pushed the door shut with his left foot. Griffith was always surprised when he was lifted. He seemed to wheigh nothing in the mans arms, as if his body had been drained from the very thing that had kept him alive. As they enetered the all to familiar room, Griffith felt, for the first time, insanity take it's grip on him. Somewhere out there lived the beauty that had cost him his life, the beauty he would loose his life to anytime...
And he would never see him again...