Nothing. Nothing was what he expected and nothing was what he was met with.
Wasn't it like his fate that his own words, curse his own god damned words,
would be his undoing. Their undoing. Her undoing. Everyone was undone,
stripped to the bare emotions they held inside. But there was still a
layer, one he could only dream of getting past. A layer of resentment,
confusion, frustration, anger. A layer of human logic verses animal
instinct. Not impossible to break, but simply unthinkable. Yet that was the
problem. To share them with her, his thoughts, his dreams, his pleasures,
it was unthinkable. But for her to change, for their lives to be different,
to him was equally unthinkable.
So, there he was, staring at asphalt beneath his roaming feet. There he was, thinking only the thinkable. It was clear the phrase, 'thinking out of the box,' was a new concept to this man. It was painfully obvious to all who looked into his soul through the deep mesmerizing depths of his hazel eyes that this man had never colored out side the lines or stepped a toe out of line. But he had. Twice. Just a toe. But every slight movement seemed like a gigantic leap. His heart started to race as he thought of the words. The words that he had said, her response. The whole scene played out over and over. Each time, he discovered some new problem. A flaw he had overlooked. Though small, simply a tone or a single word would drive him mad if misplaced. He longed to take himself out of the pure misery he endured and make it stop then and there. But to him, that was unthinkable. A soldier never quit a mission. A man never abandoned his ego. A guy never left his woman. They were all utterly unthinkable, unheard of. But slowly, each of his was breaking down. Missions became unclear and unimportant in this world. Ego was something of his slowly eroding at this particular misfortune. His woman, well, his woman wasn't his.
But 'his' woman was breaking down into slow, deep, soulful sobs. Between shakes of her now fragile body, she felt deep pangs of remorse, each one representing a different abusive term, a misused word, or a phrase gone out of control. What had happened? It had started as a discussion, turning into a fistfight, then transforming into a full out emotional brawl. Every word she used that dripped with venom was only said halfheartedly. She needed to cry away her anger or beat away her tears. She disliked him, hated him, despised him, loathed him, detested him, adored him, loved him. She hated herself. She was too stubborn to allow his words to sink into her egotistical radiating confidence. It wasn't even confidence, it was more of superior outlook. Damn her! She always fucked things up, one reason for the self-confident mask she practically wore out, but that shit was never flung back in her face. Sure it always given back to her somehow, but never had it hit her hard. It had never been about an important life changing decision. Not once. Until now. Now she was his, but he would never know. He was gone from her life. Permanently and forever. Suddenly, the heart wrenching sobs returned and began to lull the tear soaked woman to an anguished state of mind that some call dreaming.
As he slipped down the cold, hard and semi-damp wall, slipping off into a distressed memory, Alec's anger was met with a feeling of disgust at all the previous happenings.
* I LOVE YOU DAMN IT! *
*You asshole! You liar! You're just trying to fuck up my life AGAIN! *
*Don't even start! I did NOT bring this on you, but I CAN tell you losing the fucking 'I'm a tough-ass bitch,' act will help your sorry situation! *
*My sorry situation?! That's how you talk to the WOMAN YOU CLAIM TO LOVE?! *
*What about the man YOU claim to love? Why the fuck aren't you bowing at his feet and mighty pasta bowl? *
*THIS IS ALL YOUR FAUL—*
* IT IS NOT MY FAULT! THIS IS ALL ON YOU! YOU are the one insecure enough to never leave his clutches and reach out to someone who can give you true pleasure and love. YOU are the one blinded by his pre-pulse grotesque wine and charm. YOU are the one too weak too realize any of this. YOU are the one throwing YOUR chance away. I DO love you Max, but this, this is just too fucking much! This time it is MY turn to run from a suck-y situation. So goodbye, I am going to take this whole load of bullshit off my shoulders and go. And when you think of this experience, I hope you always remember YOU BROUGHT IT ON YOURSELF! *
"I love you too, you big dipshit. I love you more than you will EVER fucking know." Max whispered in the darkness. "More than you will ever - fucking - know."
So, there he was, staring at asphalt beneath his roaming feet. There he was, thinking only the thinkable. It was clear the phrase, 'thinking out of the box,' was a new concept to this man. It was painfully obvious to all who looked into his soul through the deep mesmerizing depths of his hazel eyes that this man had never colored out side the lines or stepped a toe out of line. But he had. Twice. Just a toe. But every slight movement seemed like a gigantic leap. His heart started to race as he thought of the words. The words that he had said, her response. The whole scene played out over and over. Each time, he discovered some new problem. A flaw he had overlooked. Though small, simply a tone or a single word would drive him mad if misplaced. He longed to take himself out of the pure misery he endured and make it stop then and there. But to him, that was unthinkable. A soldier never quit a mission. A man never abandoned his ego. A guy never left his woman. They were all utterly unthinkable, unheard of. But slowly, each of his was breaking down. Missions became unclear and unimportant in this world. Ego was something of his slowly eroding at this particular misfortune. His woman, well, his woman wasn't his.
But 'his' woman was breaking down into slow, deep, soulful sobs. Between shakes of her now fragile body, she felt deep pangs of remorse, each one representing a different abusive term, a misused word, or a phrase gone out of control. What had happened? It had started as a discussion, turning into a fistfight, then transforming into a full out emotional brawl. Every word she used that dripped with venom was only said halfheartedly. She needed to cry away her anger or beat away her tears. She disliked him, hated him, despised him, loathed him, detested him, adored him, loved him. She hated herself. She was too stubborn to allow his words to sink into her egotistical radiating confidence. It wasn't even confidence, it was more of superior outlook. Damn her! She always fucked things up, one reason for the self-confident mask she practically wore out, but that shit was never flung back in her face. Sure it always given back to her somehow, but never had it hit her hard. It had never been about an important life changing decision. Not once. Until now. Now she was his, but he would never know. He was gone from her life. Permanently and forever. Suddenly, the heart wrenching sobs returned and began to lull the tear soaked woman to an anguished state of mind that some call dreaming.
As he slipped down the cold, hard and semi-damp wall, slipping off into a distressed memory, Alec's anger was met with a feeling of disgust at all the previous happenings.
* I LOVE YOU DAMN IT! *
*You asshole! You liar! You're just trying to fuck up my life AGAIN! *
*Don't even start! I did NOT bring this on you, but I CAN tell you losing the fucking 'I'm a tough-ass bitch,' act will help your sorry situation! *
*My sorry situation?! That's how you talk to the WOMAN YOU CLAIM TO LOVE?! *
*What about the man YOU claim to love? Why the fuck aren't you bowing at his feet and mighty pasta bowl? *
*THIS IS ALL YOUR FAUL—*
* IT IS NOT MY FAULT! THIS IS ALL ON YOU! YOU are the one insecure enough to never leave his clutches and reach out to someone who can give you true pleasure and love. YOU are the one blinded by his pre-pulse grotesque wine and charm. YOU are the one too weak too realize any of this. YOU are the one throwing YOUR chance away. I DO love you Max, but this, this is just too fucking much! This time it is MY turn to run from a suck-y situation. So goodbye, I am going to take this whole load of bullshit off my shoulders and go. And when you think of this experience, I hope you always remember YOU BROUGHT IT ON YOURSELF! *
"I love you too, you big dipshit. I love you more than you will EVER fucking know." Max whispered in the darkness. "More than you will ever - fucking - know."