I've never thought of it. I have this memory of three years ago of a young chubby boy comforting a helpless maiden in a park. They were talking about their individual frustrations and inner fears, but in the end they struggled together to find respective solutions to each of their problems and to ease their negative feelings. Then, they left that bench, having more and stronger self-confidence than ever.
Who would have guessed that it'll be repeated right this very day, only now it was the maiden who'll mostly comfort the chubby boy? You've guessed it, the boy I'm talking about is Jin, and the helpless maiden before is me, and no one else.
I've knocked on his door already for the third time. It seems like he's already sleeping. I was about to turn heel when I already heard his voice muttering, "Who the hell disturbed my..." then the creaking of the door in front of me. I saw him wiping his eyes with the heel of his hand before proceeding to wear his glasses. He's about three to four inches shorter than me so he first took a look at my feet, then he raised his line of vision up to my hips and upon ending his sight on my face, a deep shade of crimson immediately tinted his once pale cheeks. I slightly giggled at his expression when he saw me. He acted as if I'm a ghost who he can't believe to have visited him in broad daylight.
"M-miss L-L-Lan F-Fang! W-w-why you h-here?" he stammered , still looking at me as he opened the door wider for me to step in to his room. He almost tripped on the slightly raised carpet upon his return to his bed. I chuckled once more. Oh Jin, you really didn't change.
"I am just paying you a visit." I smiled slightly, eyes focusing at the corner where the ceiling and the wall meet. That's my habit I usually do whenever I think on how to start a conversation correctly.
"O-oh... T-thanks." I just noticed everytime he speaks to me, his crimson cheeks always come back. I decided that it's no time for playing around anymore. Someone needs my aid...
... plus, I have to return a favor.
"Jin, why are you not there this morning? I've seen all your other teammates... well, except for Marume-kun." His deep blush disappeared and his paleness reverted. There, I can conclude that there really is something between him, Kuroudo, and the whole Tobita Team.
"I was just.... sick." he simply replied, wearing a sheepish grin. Denial, a way of eluding reality... the painful reality for him.
"Or is it something between you and Marume-kun?" I supplied the answer, trying hard not to hint that I know a lot already. He grew silent. Really, it's obvious to tell that he's worried... or pained.
"You can tell something about it to me." I reached out for his forearm and bent lower to see his face that he hides away.
"Did they tell you about it?" his face still hidden through his untamed bangs, he guessed. Of couse, I won't tell.
"No. It's just a guess." I replied in the calmest manner that I could. That's my specialty, hiding my uneasiness and tension.
Silence. I can tell that he doesn't want to spill. I let his arm go and stood up. I walked across his room and to his closed window. I twisted the knob and pulled the string of the cream-colored venetian blinds. Instantly, enough sunlight entered the room, just enough for him not to complain on how it makes his eyes explode.
"Look Jin, you were the one who told me that I shouldn't give up easily on every hardship that I encounter." I began, walking back to him. "That made me become the confident and calm person that I am now." I sat back beside him and stared up again... "Maybe it's about time you apply what you've taught me in your situation now."
I looked back at him, his shoulders still hunched as if he had lost more self-esteem than he had. I felt his shoulders rise and fall.
"I was just... I... I... I hate him." came out his initial emotions. I have a feeling that this will heighten as this talk progresses.
"You hate Marume-kun?" I questioned, confirming.
He nodded slightly, "Say, if you were on my positiong back then: You got angry at him, he walked away, he let the whole day pass, then he left... wouldn't you be angry, too?" I saw his fist double its take on his wrinkled bedsheet. I can feel all the emotion in him through that clench. I, being the calm girl, simply beamed up, stared at that edge again and then replied according to my wisdom.
"Walking away isn't a sign of being a coward, instead it also signifies bravery."
"Walking away? Bravery? Are you making me laugh?" I felt him look back at me, at me who's still staring up there.
"You see, he might had walked away because you thought he's a coward. But who knows, he might had walked away because he's hiding his coward side from you." I struggled for words.
"Hiding? Of course he's hiding from me. He can't just face me. He's too weak, that's why he walked..."
I silenced him by placing my left hand on hs shoulder.
"No, you're wrong." I smiled, and that again sent a blush on his cheeks.
"The way I see it, I think he's trying to be brave for you."
He stopped from his rambling when the words were grasped by his always preoccupied mind. In fact, even I myself don't know where I got that philosophy. It was as if something or someone placed that in my mind for me to speak up about it.
"He's trying to be brave for you, Jin." I repeated. "By those times, I surmise that he also had the strong urge to cry, but because he knows that it will just pain you more, he decided to walk away from you, to turn away just so you won't see his crying face." I smiled slightly, my eyes still fixed on that edge.
"What's more, I think walking away means facing... facing another problem." My voice trailed off, recalling Kaoru's revelations about that French-Japanese guy. I suddenly felt pity bugging me.
"Problems? He doesn't seem to have any of it. I mean, he has this perfect house, kind mom, balanced lifestyle..." Jin halted, then added, "While look at my house, my dad, my lifestyle. Don't you think I should be all the more worried than him?"
I set my sight back at the boy beside me, disbelieving all the anger and worry I am seeing on his being. This was the boy who had comfortmed me three years ago, in that place, at that bench. This is the wise boy I've known to be so strong, but look at him now. He's more perplexed than ever. Uncontrolled, I let my right hand slide over his untamed hair, combing it with my fingers.
Maybe I already found the reason why I feel so good being with him...
"He doesn't seem to have one, but does he really have none?"
I suddenly questioned. I was also shocked of the hidden counsel that I have in me. Also, I am simply happy because at least, in one way or another, I could return the great favor he gave me back then, and that is helping me become the strong lady that I am now.
"Look Jin, everyone of us has his and her own problems, but it's up for that person to make it look as if they have none." I added more info, being careful not to show the fact that Kuroudo really has one, and a big one at that.
I think I now know why I am being so kind to him. It's more than a favor...
I think I now know the reason why I have lots of wisdom to share.
My eyes staring up at that edge again, I felt my arms involuntarily circle around him, the boy whom I owe my triumphs in life to. I felt hotness on my arms which I soon found out to be his blush once more.
"As for you, Jin, it has always been obvious that you're having problems..." I whispered to him in a comforting tone. "But you know what? I am just here to comfort you all the way, to ease that terrible pain on your chest."
He had said that he liked me three years ago. Back then, I never knew of his charm and vulnerability. I was once the fragile and helpless girl yet he protected me. Now it's my turn... in return of the great favor he's given me.
Now I see why I want to protect him all along...
In the middle of the hug, warm liquid wetted my white long sleeve. They were his tears, and these are the things that made me like him more...
Within my hold, his muffled voice came out as: