Sequel to 'The Key and the Carpenter', by Reverend Killjoy
This story picks up where 'The Key and the Carpenter' left off, with Xander
and Dawn settling into their new house in Lago Vista, Calif. All of the
characters are owned by Joss Whedon and Kuzui Enterprises. I am merely
borrowing them.
Xander is up in the morning and making breakfast for himself and Dawn. Dawn comes in, dressed in only her nightgown.
Dawn: Xander, honey, I have a surprise for you.
Xander (cooking eggs): It couldn't be anything better than seeing you in your usual morning splendor.
Dawn comes to him, kisses his lips, and shows him the latest results of a pregnancy test.
Dawn: We're going to have a baby.
Xander: (open-mouthed) No – yes – for real ?
Dawn squeals with joy and they hug just as a small fire shoots up from the eggs. Xander pulls away and lowers the flame.
Xander: (holding her) Dawn, I love you so much. We'll have to tell Buffy and the gang. (He looks at the clock). And I have to hustle.
Dawn: Come on, let's eat and hubby can go to work while the little missus tells all her friends and looks at catalogues for baby furniture.
They finish breakfast, kiss, and Xander leaves for work.
Dawn finishes the dishes and goes up to the bedrooms to do what dutiful Stepford wives do while their husbands are away. Meanwhile, downstairs, the lock on the back door is turned and a man dressed in black makes his way quietly into the kitchen. He looks around. It's a resurrected Caleb.
Caleb: My, my, this young slayer certainly has the Lord's gift for making a household.
Dawn comes downstairs after hearing the noise of the door swinging open.
Dawn: Xander, I thought you went to work – is anything....? She sees Caleb.
Dawn: AAIEEEE ! (She points at him). You, you're evil, you get out of this house right now. (She hits the code on her cell phone to alert Xander to danger).
Caleb: Now, is that any way to behave for your favorite clergyman ?
Caleb waves a hand in front of her face and her eyes go all white, like when the spirit that came with a resurrected Buffy invaded her. She falls to the floor.
Xander is riding in his truck. He hears his cell phone ring, looks down, and sees their mutual danger code.
Xander: Yikes !
He slams on the brakes and turns the truck around to head back home.
Caleb kneels down and positions himself between Dawn's legs. He takes off her slippers and moves them apart.
Caleb: My, what nice legs u have, goldilocks. The better to treat you dirty with.
He puts his mouth on her ankle and starts to kiss his way up her leg when the front door busts open and Xander bounds in. He sees Caleb and a prone Dawn.
Xander: You lay one more finger on those legs and I will rip all your fingers off !
Caleb stands up to face Xander.
Caleb: Well, I like a man who will fight for his woman – too bad you're going to lose.
Xander goes to strike Caleb but he blocks the punch. Caleb picks up Xander by the scruff of the neck and throws him (boom) against the wall. Xander gets up and grabs a knife from the counter. He throws it at Caleb but Caleb holds up his hand and takes the knife through his hand. He pulls it out and the cut miraculously heals.
Caleb: That didn't hurt one bit. But this might.
He tosses the knife down and waves his hand in the air. Out of thin air, he produces Buffy's special axe. He comes at Xander and Xander puts up his left arm to block the blow. Caleb chops off Xander's hand at the wrist and the hand thuds sickeningly to the floor.
Caleb: I sure hope you weren't left-handed. Next time I come, your lovely, dirty wife comes with me. (Xander is holding his wrist). But, for now, I'll just take her baby.
Caleb points both hands at Dawn's stomach and blue lightning makes a rope between his hands and her stomach. A tiny baby in a blanket appears in his hands.
Caleb: The Lord do work in mysterious ways.
The axe disappears into thin air and Caleb wakes up Dawn by waving his hand. He then bolts out of the back door.
Dawn: Xander, what... (She sees him holding a bloody stump). AAIIIIEEEE ! Xander, what did he do to you ?
Xander: Don't worry about me; what did he do to you ?
Dawn: Well, I don't know; I guess I was knocked out...but we have to get you to the hospital.
Xander: (holding paper towels on his bleeding stump) Okay, call the hospital...and then, call Buffy in London. We're going to need some extra firepower to get this butthole next time.
This story picks up where 'The Key and the Carpenter' left off, with Xander
and Dawn settling into their new house in Lago Vista, Calif. All of the
characters are owned by Joss Whedon and Kuzui Enterprises. I am merely
borrowing them.
Xander is up in the morning and making breakfast for himself and Dawn. Dawn comes in, dressed in only her nightgown.
Dawn: Xander, honey, I have a surprise for you.
Xander (cooking eggs): It couldn't be anything better than seeing you in your usual morning splendor.
Dawn comes to him, kisses his lips, and shows him the latest results of a pregnancy test.
Dawn: We're going to have a baby.
Xander: (open-mouthed) No – yes – for real ?
Dawn squeals with joy and they hug just as a small fire shoots up from the eggs. Xander pulls away and lowers the flame.
Xander: (holding her) Dawn, I love you so much. We'll have to tell Buffy and the gang. (He looks at the clock). And I have to hustle.
Dawn: Come on, let's eat and hubby can go to work while the little missus tells all her friends and looks at catalogues for baby furniture.
They finish breakfast, kiss, and Xander leaves for work.
Dawn finishes the dishes and goes up to the bedrooms to do what dutiful Stepford wives do while their husbands are away. Meanwhile, downstairs, the lock on the back door is turned and a man dressed in black makes his way quietly into the kitchen. He looks around. It's a resurrected Caleb.
Caleb: My, my, this young slayer certainly has the Lord's gift for making a household.
Dawn comes downstairs after hearing the noise of the door swinging open.
Dawn: Xander, I thought you went to work – is anything....? She sees Caleb.
Dawn: AAIEEEE ! (She points at him). You, you're evil, you get out of this house right now. (She hits the code on her cell phone to alert Xander to danger).
Caleb: Now, is that any way to behave for your favorite clergyman ?
Caleb waves a hand in front of her face and her eyes go all white, like when the spirit that came with a resurrected Buffy invaded her. She falls to the floor.
Xander is riding in his truck. He hears his cell phone ring, looks down, and sees their mutual danger code.
Xander: Yikes !
He slams on the brakes and turns the truck around to head back home.
Caleb kneels down and positions himself between Dawn's legs. He takes off her slippers and moves them apart.
Caleb: My, what nice legs u have, goldilocks. The better to treat you dirty with.
He puts his mouth on her ankle and starts to kiss his way up her leg when the front door busts open and Xander bounds in. He sees Caleb and a prone Dawn.
Xander: You lay one more finger on those legs and I will rip all your fingers off !
Caleb stands up to face Xander.
Caleb: Well, I like a man who will fight for his woman – too bad you're going to lose.
Xander goes to strike Caleb but he blocks the punch. Caleb picks up Xander by the scruff of the neck and throws him (boom) against the wall. Xander gets up and grabs a knife from the counter. He throws it at Caleb but Caleb holds up his hand and takes the knife through his hand. He pulls it out and the cut miraculously heals.
Caleb: That didn't hurt one bit. But this might.
He tosses the knife down and waves his hand in the air. Out of thin air, he produces Buffy's special axe. He comes at Xander and Xander puts up his left arm to block the blow. Caleb chops off Xander's hand at the wrist and the hand thuds sickeningly to the floor.
Caleb: I sure hope you weren't left-handed. Next time I come, your lovely, dirty wife comes with me. (Xander is holding his wrist). But, for now, I'll just take her baby.
Caleb points both hands at Dawn's stomach and blue lightning makes a rope between his hands and her stomach. A tiny baby in a blanket appears in his hands.
Caleb: The Lord do work in mysterious ways.
The axe disappears into thin air and Caleb wakes up Dawn by waving his hand. He then bolts out of the back door.
Dawn: Xander, what... (She sees him holding a bloody stump). AAIIIIEEEE ! Xander, what did he do to you ?
Xander: Don't worry about me; what did he do to you ?
Dawn: Well, I don't know; I guess I was knocked out...but we have to get you to the hospital.
Xander: (holding paper towels on his bleeding stump) Okay, call the hospital...and then, call Buffy in London. We're going to need some extra firepower to get this butthole next time.