I am sorry about the delay in posting this chapter. I had a few things come
up in life.
Imagine that.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek Voyager characters, starships, sonic showers, etc. THEY DO NOT BELONG TO ME!
Where Did Everybody Go?
Tuvok exits on to the bridge, which is free of senior staff members.
Tuvok: There is a hostile alien entity on this ship computer, please locate any non-crewmen signatures.
Computer: Oh, please. I already told you about it.
Tuvok: That must have been during my memory lapse. Please re-state your report.
Computer: I don't feel like it.
Tuvok: He must have already tampered with the computer, or its just being stubborn again.
Computer: Why are you talking to yourself?
Tuvok: I am not sure.
Tuvok enters the turbolift
Tuvok: Deck X
Computer: This deck requires high level access
Tuvok: Tuvok-gamma-alpha-delta-epsilon- 5200896t487029389876590234598vfgie8872239509
Computer: How do you remember all of that?
Tuvok: I don't, I just made it up
Computer: Works for me
The lift starts down to level X.
Meanwhile, in the sickbay
Doctor: LAAAAAAA!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHH!!! BAAAAAAAAAA!!! GAAAAAAAAA-Bzzzrrrrr.
???: MAN! You call that singing?!?
Level X. The turbolift comes to halt, and Tuvok steps out.
Tuvok: What a damp, dark place.
???: Urrrggghhh!
Tuvok: Could that be the nemesis?
???: Tuvok? Is that you-AAGGGGGHHHHH!!!
Tuvok: Identify yourself!
Neelix: Its me! Neelix! I'm taking my daily. Um. Break.
Tuvok: Ah! You can help me!
Neelix: With what?
Tuvok: Do you know. Barney?
Neelix: Yes, he is wanted for child murder, and destroying my-
Tuvok: Lets not mention that incident.
Neelix: Ok then, what did you want to tell me about him?
Tuvok: He is aboard this ship.
Neelix: AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Tuvok: There is no need-
Neelix: AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Tuvok: Please, there-
Neelix: AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Tuvok: You are no help
He walk off, as Neelix runs back into the stall, screaming
Tuvok: The monster would make his base of operations here, in his natural habitat.
He walk over to a pipe, and smashes it with his fist. Brown liquid sprays on to the floor, along with fingernail clippings.
Tuvok: Ah! Just as I suspected! The monster has been known to bite his fingernails!
He walks along further until he comes to a crudely built stall at the end of the hallway.
Tuvok: Hmmm. This seems like an attempt to hide something. This must be his lair.
He opens the door, which falls off and crumbles to the ground, which is then eaten by an African Dust Eating Rhino, which then-
Writer's Conscience: You can't possibly go on with this. It is a poor excuse for something funny, as nothing remotely funny happened within the past few lines.
Writer: Readers like this! Its funny!
Writer's Conscience: No its not!
Writer: ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!
Tuvok: Shall I continue?
Writer: Yes, but do something funny.
Tuvok: Very well.
Tuvok takes his underwear, and gives himself a super wedgie
Tuvok: - Squeaky voice - Is that good?
Writer: Yes, thank you
Tuvok: No p-p-problem!
Tuvok enters the room, and finds a pure purple control room.
Tuvok: I shall have to destroy this base. Without it, he will have no control over the ship.
Tuvok goes over and presses the " Press this button to blow up this entire base in 10 seconds, so the user will not be able to take over the ship " button.
Computer: Since 10 seconds would be boring, I will blow it up in 3
Tuvok: Shoot!
The consoles start to explode, which throws a red shirt high in the air.
Tuvok: Where did you come from?
Red Shirt: Flushed. Down. T-the. Toilet.
Tuvok: Nasty!
Tuvok dives out of the door as the film slows down. A classic diving from the explosion that would have killed you, but it didn't and you landed 500 feet from your diving place without a single singe.
Tuvok: How did I do that?
Writer: Well, you couldn't die! That would defeat the whole purpose of the hero winning in the end!
Tuvok: Ah. Anyway, now that his base has been-
Computer: Red alert, red alert, red alert, red alert, red alert-
Tuvok: I get the idea.
Computer: K
Tuvok: Why would there be a red alert? The other crew is not smart enough to be aware of the presence of the intruder. So that could only mean. A poor defenseless alien ship with a magnifying glass!
Tuvok races toward the turbolift, but is stopped by a large shadow, which knocks him off of his feet.
Tuvok: Umph! Show yourself, attacker!
???: How dare you destroy my lair!
Tuvok: Barney!
Barney: You will pay for your heroism! Ho-ho-ho-ho! Prepare to meet your doom!
Tuvok: I think not.
Tuvok shoots him with his phaser pistol.
Barney: Acckkk! Why does that always get me?!?
Barney falls down, but starts to glow white again.
Tuvok: I have seen this tactic before.
Tuvok shoots him again.
Barney: Gaaaccckkk!
The glow fades.
Tuvok: You have been defeated, and the ship saved. You have failed.
Barney: Bwa-ha-ha- urghp! Ha-ha-ha! I- I am not- the- one.
Tuvok: Like in The Matrix?
Barney: No. You fool. Not. The one-t-to take ovvvveeerrrrrrrrr.
Tuvok: You mean, there is another?
Barney lays silent.
Tuvok: NOT MORE WORK!!! NOOOOOOO!!!
Tuvok's screaming echos throughout the corridors, which are being monitored.
???: He has defeated our first pawn, but we will still have the ship.
???: I agree, we still have a very good chance for our evil plans to succeed.
???: Yes! We will have Voyager!
???: Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Suddenly, a light turns on to in a dark room to reveal.
MONKEYS SMOKING CIGARS!!!
MSC1: Who turned the light on! You aren't supposed to know who we are until the last chapter!
Janitor: Oops.
MSC2: You idiot. You shall die!
Monkey Smoking a Cigar 2 blasts the Janitor with a Solar Beam, incinerating him.
MSC1: Where did you get that?
MSC2: Oddish.
MSC1: Ah.
So, Monkeys Smoking Cigars are the villains behind this evil plot to take over Voyager! Will Tuvok figure out the plan? What happened to Neelix? Is he still in the stall? Has the alien ship been destroyed yet? Why doesn't this time traveling make since? All this to come in the next chapter!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek Voyager characters, starships, sonic showers, etc. THEY DO NOT BELONG TO ME!
Where Did Everybody Go?
Tuvok exits on to the bridge, which is free of senior staff members.
Tuvok: There is a hostile alien entity on this ship computer, please locate any non-crewmen signatures.
Computer: Oh, please. I already told you about it.
Tuvok: That must have been during my memory lapse. Please re-state your report.
Computer: I don't feel like it.
Tuvok: He must have already tampered with the computer, or its just being stubborn again.
Computer: Why are you talking to yourself?
Tuvok: I am not sure.
Tuvok enters the turbolift
Tuvok: Deck X
Computer: This deck requires high level access
Tuvok: Tuvok-gamma-alpha-delta-epsilon- 5200896t487029389876590234598vfgie8872239509
Computer: How do you remember all of that?
Tuvok: I don't, I just made it up
Computer: Works for me
The lift starts down to level X.
Meanwhile, in the sickbay
Doctor: LAAAAAAA!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHH!!! BAAAAAAAAAA!!! GAAAAAAAAA-Bzzzrrrrr.
???: MAN! You call that singing?!?
Level X. The turbolift comes to halt, and Tuvok steps out.
Tuvok: What a damp, dark place.
???: Urrrggghhh!
Tuvok: Could that be the nemesis?
???: Tuvok? Is that you-AAGGGGGHHHHH!!!
Tuvok: Identify yourself!
Neelix: Its me! Neelix! I'm taking my daily. Um. Break.
Tuvok: Ah! You can help me!
Neelix: With what?
Tuvok: Do you know. Barney?
Neelix: Yes, he is wanted for child murder, and destroying my-
Tuvok: Lets not mention that incident.
Neelix: Ok then, what did you want to tell me about him?
Tuvok: He is aboard this ship.
Neelix: AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Tuvok: There is no need-
Neelix: AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Tuvok: Please, there-
Neelix: AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Tuvok: You are no help
He walk off, as Neelix runs back into the stall, screaming
Tuvok: The monster would make his base of operations here, in his natural habitat.
He walk over to a pipe, and smashes it with his fist. Brown liquid sprays on to the floor, along with fingernail clippings.
Tuvok: Ah! Just as I suspected! The monster has been known to bite his fingernails!
He walks along further until he comes to a crudely built stall at the end of the hallway.
Tuvok: Hmmm. This seems like an attempt to hide something. This must be his lair.
He opens the door, which falls off and crumbles to the ground, which is then eaten by an African Dust Eating Rhino, which then-
Writer's Conscience: You can't possibly go on with this. It is a poor excuse for something funny, as nothing remotely funny happened within the past few lines.
Writer: Readers like this! Its funny!
Writer's Conscience: No its not!
Writer: ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!
Tuvok: Shall I continue?
Writer: Yes, but do something funny.
Tuvok: Very well.
Tuvok takes his underwear, and gives himself a super wedgie
Tuvok: - Squeaky voice - Is that good?
Writer: Yes, thank you
Tuvok: No p-p-problem!
Tuvok enters the room, and finds a pure purple control room.
Tuvok: I shall have to destroy this base. Without it, he will have no control over the ship.
Tuvok goes over and presses the " Press this button to blow up this entire base in 10 seconds, so the user will not be able to take over the ship " button.
Computer: Since 10 seconds would be boring, I will blow it up in 3
Tuvok: Shoot!
The consoles start to explode, which throws a red shirt high in the air.
Tuvok: Where did you come from?
Red Shirt: Flushed. Down. T-the. Toilet.
Tuvok: Nasty!
Tuvok dives out of the door as the film slows down. A classic diving from the explosion that would have killed you, but it didn't and you landed 500 feet from your diving place without a single singe.
Tuvok: How did I do that?
Writer: Well, you couldn't die! That would defeat the whole purpose of the hero winning in the end!
Tuvok: Ah. Anyway, now that his base has been-
Computer: Red alert, red alert, red alert, red alert, red alert-
Tuvok: I get the idea.
Computer: K
Tuvok: Why would there be a red alert? The other crew is not smart enough to be aware of the presence of the intruder. So that could only mean. A poor defenseless alien ship with a magnifying glass!
Tuvok races toward the turbolift, but is stopped by a large shadow, which knocks him off of his feet.
Tuvok: Umph! Show yourself, attacker!
???: How dare you destroy my lair!
Tuvok: Barney!
Barney: You will pay for your heroism! Ho-ho-ho-ho! Prepare to meet your doom!
Tuvok: I think not.
Tuvok shoots him with his phaser pistol.
Barney: Acckkk! Why does that always get me?!?
Barney falls down, but starts to glow white again.
Tuvok: I have seen this tactic before.
Tuvok shoots him again.
Barney: Gaaaccckkk!
The glow fades.
Tuvok: You have been defeated, and the ship saved. You have failed.
Barney: Bwa-ha-ha- urghp! Ha-ha-ha! I- I am not- the- one.
Tuvok: Like in The Matrix?
Barney: No. You fool. Not. The one-t-to take ovvvveeerrrrrrrrr.
Tuvok: You mean, there is another?
Barney lays silent.
Tuvok: NOT MORE WORK!!! NOOOOOOO!!!
Tuvok's screaming echos throughout the corridors, which are being monitored.
???: He has defeated our first pawn, but we will still have the ship.
???: I agree, we still have a very good chance for our evil plans to succeed.
???: Yes! We will have Voyager!
???: Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Suddenly, a light turns on to in a dark room to reveal.
MONKEYS SMOKING CIGARS!!!
MSC1: Who turned the light on! You aren't supposed to know who we are until the last chapter!
Janitor: Oops.
MSC2: You idiot. You shall die!
Monkey Smoking a Cigar 2 blasts the Janitor with a Solar Beam, incinerating him.
MSC1: Where did you get that?
MSC2: Oddish.
MSC1: Ah.
So, Monkeys Smoking Cigars are the villains behind this evil plot to take over Voyager! Will Tuvok figure out the plan? What happened to Neelix? Is he still in the stall? Has the alien ship been destroyed yet? Why doesn't this time traveling make since? All this to come in the next chapter!