Bad Gollum!

Gollum is annoying. He is being held in Mirkwood for being a naughty um... thing; and the guards have been ordered to not kill him? What madness will ensue?

Disclaimer: I own it all, I came up with LotR and I also own coke-a-cola Mwaahahaha No I am just kidding all I own are Anodien, Amon, Fred the herring, Hinia, Tang, this plot, Arwenontanelle, Phillip, Joe, bob, and jerry. I also own a subway Mediterranean chicken salad, but my dad bought that, and I ate it. So I really don't own that either.

Rating: pg for swearing and evil plotting

Reviewer responses:

Numenorean: thanks for liking it. Sorry bout the language, but that's part of why its rated pg. don't mean to sound rude, but there is very few 'colorful' words. But keep reading if you want to, it would make my frog Skippy happy! Lol and heres a cookie for replying

The wolf's pen: one. I know its confusing my computer messed it up. Two, would you mind telling me what is so confusing?

Xoxmelissaxox: thanks for liking the story. I am aiming for 6 chapters by the time we get out of school on Tuesday. Kik ( lol

Now ON TO THE EL STORY-O!

CHAPTER 3 the madness begins!

"He, WHAT?!?!?!" exclaimed Thranduil "let me get this straight, you want me to keep a spastic hobbit, thing that has been sitting in a cave for 500 years in my dungeon, MY DONGEON! Just to keep him out of your hair. Am I right?

"Well erm..... Yes?" squeaked Estel

"Yes please, please ada can we keep him. He is so CUTE in an ugly pathetic sort of way" squealed Arwenontanelle.

"Awe, look who found a boyfriend" cooed Legolas

"Oh, are we invited to the wedding, 'Re?" mocked Anodien

"You are such a cute couple!" squeaked Hinia

"Be sure not to have too much fun, 'Re" mocked Amon

"That breaks so many laws of nature there" said Tang

"Oh, haha you people are SOO funny! don't you have some small children to terrorize?" asked 're annoyingly.
(A/N since I don't want to type out Arwenontanelle all the time, I will call her 'Re or something like that)
"OK, OK ENOUGH!" yelled Thranduil while rubbing his temples in exasperation. "Hold on, can you wait a second?"

"Sure, handle the situation, we don't want a murder on our hands" said Gandalf. And he had a point, the 'five' were glairing daggers at 'Re, if looks could kill all six of them would be dead.

Meanwhile Gollum's tranquilizers had worn off and him Aragorn and the guard Jerry were eating popcorn and drinking coke, while betting on who would win.

"Five dollars on the 'five', safety in numbers!" said the ranger

"We agrees with the stinky human, preciousssss." Said Gollum

"Hey, I am not stinky"

"Tell me then Estel, when did you last bathe?" inquired Jerry.

"I do not wish to answer that"

"well then, preciousss, when did youses last brush your hairses?"

"when did you last change your loincloth?"

"Touché, preciousss" said Gollum

"I feel so unloved" said Jerry, who then proceeded to run off to do his guard duties.

-back with Thranduil-

"now, so we don't have a murder here, as Gandalf said. So you, 'Re, go and do whatever you were doing before you came here" ordered Thranduil

"But ADA! they..." she glares pointedly at Anodien, Amon, Legolas, Hinia, and Tang"... started it!"

"Arwenontanelle Elvaralindë Greenleaf! I will have no backtalk from you young lady!"

"but, but"

"I will have none of your buts now march"

"bu"

"I SAID MARCH!"

"yes sir"

"now for you five, Legolas, go to your room for trying to plot revenge on your sister and mocking her"

"but ada, I ..."

"I don't even want to hear it, now go to your room!"

"ada, I ...."

"I said go!"

"hurmph..."

"what was that?"

"I love you ada!" and with that Legolas went up to his room.

"now for you four, Tang, go invent something in your workshop" "yes sir"

"Traitor!" muttered Hinia and Anodien and Amon in unison "Ow" they said after Tang had jestingly thwacked them on the head.

"Hinia" said Thranduil

"go, erm, terrify your younger brother"

"but wont nana get a wee bit mad?"

"I will take the blame"

"awesome! MWAHAHAHA!"

"Ai, crap, my sister is going to kill me" said Thranduil

"oh 'Brilith, my loveable brother, can you come out to play?!?" yelled Hinia in a sickly sweet voice.

"correct me, she is going to kill me, bring me back to life, then kill me again" sighed Thranduil. "GET BACK HERE YOU TWO!"

"damn, almost got away too!" murmured Amon

"you can say that again bro" said Anodien

"damn we al- OW!" said Amon

"I didn't mean it!" sighed Anodien In exasperation.

"hem hem, I believe we have some unfinished business, twins"

"HEY! We detest being called 'twins..." said Amon

"yes, we are two, totally separate..." said Anodien

"individual" said Amon

"people" they said together

"Riiight, whatever. Ok then, Amon and Anodien, why don't you go to your rooms?"

"well we would but there is two problems" stated Anodien

"one, we are not your kids" explained Amon

"two, we don't live here" Anodien continued to explain

"argh! FINE, why don't you two go terrorize some innocent children?"

"OH, YAY!!!!"

The two of them run off to terrorize the innocent children in the daycare.

"OH, I am terribly sorry Gandalf, now we can get to the matter at hand." Said Thranduil, while regaining his composure, "please continue explaining why I must keep this thing"

"right, as you know this creature Gollum......" and yaddayaddayadda Gandalf explains the whole story about Gollum. With the ranger with identity issues adding in other details, and Gollum sleeping in a corner, sucking his thumb.

"well, very well then, he will stay here, in the dungeons of course, for you have told me that he likes dark spaces, am I not correct" stated Thranduil in a tone that finalized the conversation. He had regained his kingly composure and sounded like his old self again.

"ok, just one question, who will be guarding him, he is a most important prisoner as I have told you." Inquired Gandalf.

"why only my most trusted guards, Jerry, Bob, and Joe."

"but then who will guard the gate?" inquired Gandalf, again

"you are a very inquisitive person, don't worry about it, it'll be fine."

"your sure now?"

"POSITIVE"

"hrmpplh, MONKEY FEET!"

"huh?" said both Gandalf and Thranduil at the same time, "Aragorn, was that you?"

"no! of course it wasn't me, it was him!" said Aragorn, pointing to Gollum. Who continued to mumble to himself in his sleep.

"so, it is settled then, JERRY, BOB, JOE! Come and escort our new prisoner to cell 146.995. don't ask what to do with him yet, just don't kill him, don't set Fred the herring on him, just watch him and make sure he doesn't leave"

"yes, sir!" echoed three voices.

"DIS-MISSED!"

so Jerry, Joe and Bob march out, holding a snoring/muttering Gollum to cell #146.995, where they would put him until someone came to brief them on what they were to do with this, Gollum thing.

"Estel, Mithrandir, you have both had a very trying day. You will stay here this night for dinner. Until then, you will rest."

"thank you king Thranduil" echoed both Estel and Mithrandir
(a/n Estel is Aragorn's elvish name; Mithrandir is Gandalf's elvish name) TBC......
Hope you liked it, it took me twelve hours to do this, and my hand hurts.

Anodien and Amon tell you to review.