What in the world made me buy this book?
To tell you all honestly, I really have no idea as to how this book came home with me. It's just an ordinary book though, no special ornaments, featured articles or something that apparently caught my interest in the first place... and I can't see why I took it with me. I let my whole body lie limp on the couch as I plopped it right beside me. My eyes found its sight on the ceiling and perhaps I spent a few minutes staring up there, up at that nothingness that is my mind. My hand found its way on the book, and having nothing left to do, I began looking at the thing wherein half of my day's allowance was carelessly spent.
And then it hit me. Now I know why I bought it.
It's because of the hunch that came along with it...
... the hunch that it might do something.
Bad or good? I have no idea.
The cover, although done simply, was a sight to behold. The sketch of a yellow balloon caught my attention in an instant. It made me feel warm inside --- warm and comfortable at that. There's this strange aura that made my eyes stick to it like glue. I scanned the cover again... it's so queer to see an authorless book, lest tehe writer isn't proud of his or her (whatever the gender may be) work. but that ade me feel more uneasy with it, for it sent another message or threat. The butterflies in my stomach rose up to my chest, making it hard for me to breathe. Sweat profusely rolled down my shivering palms, and as far as I know myself, it only means that I have an unclear premonition about everything that's currently going on.
The next moment I blinked, I just saw my own hands opening the book to a random page, probably easing the apprehension that it feels... I feel like it moves not on my own accord anymore. I proceeded to read it since that's my only purpose on buying it: for leisure. Sunlight faintly lighted the white curtains as cumulo-nimbus clouds rolled over the king of the skies, covering his fame. I sighed as I set back my sight on the printed page.
Once there was a very jolly princess of a very powerful kingdom that had won so many battles of their time. This talented young woman is very gregarious but as a saying goes that everyone has a lonely side, she has one that she only shows when the nights are cold, dark and lonely. It's a side that even the queen herself doesn't see. (The king died about three to four years ago during a nasty bloodshed.)
The reason of her loneliness? It's this common townsperson who always visits the castle and later on stayed there on a regular basis. Little do everyone know that this princess has her eye on this simple yet industrious townsfolk... this guy hardly notices the princess due to his so-called work inside the palace. The Royal highness sheds tears when she's nowhere there except up at her lone tower.
She can't express her emotions well and although she does, it's more likely that this certain guy doesn't see it. Up to this date, the princess is still waiting for the chance to tell him how she feels, that she don't care at the fact that he's just a common townsperson.
She's waiting, but who knows when her patience will run out?
What are you going to do, heartless selfish townsfolk?
I felt my head spin after reading that short story that has no conclusion, especially the last sentence. Perhaps this is just an effect of staying so much outside the sun earlier. It hurts so much that I dropped the book flat by my side. Moments later, my sight registered the ceiling as blank as my mind. Everything's already under control, I murmured to myself as I focused hard on the whiteness of that space above me.
The princess and the townsfolk... it's such a fairy tale written in an oddly familiar way. The princess who has a lonely side, and the heartless townsfolk... the kingdom that had stayed strong ad undefeated... the unsuspecting queen... and the king who died due to a massacre.
The opened door revealed Kaoru's form to me... and a sudden change of air, so frustrating and unwelcoming. She stood by the door, eyes looking blankly at me, for a moment then she just turned to her table without a single word. I eyed her warily, and the coldness that surrounded her is something rare and something so suffocating.
The princess and the heartless townsfolk...
She delved into the drawers and got her portfolio then closed it with a slight thud. She bent a little lower to retrieve her pencil case and notebook. Kaoru... you indeed have changed a lot. She turned off her laptop and folded it neatly then prepared to leave.
Speak up, dimwit....
I thought you want to say something?
I felt my mouth open slightly, forming muffled tones, words that just won't come out of my own mouth. My hand reached out to her distant form turning away from me. I can't breathe well...
The princess, the townsperson, the kingdom, the late king....
It all mixed up into a long pandemonium, the turbulence of my seemingly blank mind.
"Ka... Ka..."
My hand shivered and stretched out further. It twitched about.
"Ka... ka... oru...."
My sight turned blurry, a fusion of colors, and it all suddenly turned pitch black .
The next moment I opened my eyes, it was already raining quite hard outside. I was looking at it through a wide frosted glass window which surprised me so well because... I'm not here earlier. Where am I? Where is this darn place?!
"And... what do you want us to talk about?"
All I knew was I was reclining on my couch back in out apartment a while ago and now... Kaoru's right in front of me with arms crossed in front of her chest. Boy, she really looked grumpy now. I wandered my sight around the place. It's a coffee shop, a not-so-known one since we're the only people around, together with a young guy in his trench coat and dark shades, sipping what I can sense java coffee. The shop owner was just turning away from us three, drying the cups and saucers with a piece of clean cloth at his hand. There was someone playing the piano, and it's a somewhat familiar song, but I can't discern it by then. The smell of brewed coffee filled my nose and I savored it even more. I saw my own cup sitting meekly before me, untouched while Kaoru's was halfway through.
"I'd better go home if this is all we'll do here..." her rather irritated voice walked in my ears. She was about to stand up and leave when I said, "Wait, Kaoru. I need to say some ---"
"Fine, but it has been almost an hour since we got here but you spoke nothing. What am I, so dumb to not get that?!" She paused and I eyed the owner who got a bit startled of her voice.
"That's you, Kouya... you're such a selfish, overly self-sufficent brat, and you don't care about others... you don't care about m---"
My mind had lost control of my hands that they found their way on the table, making a very loud commotion. It caused a lost tone in the piano piece, breaking of a cup, and spilling of coffee. She had this very startled look on me... so scared... scared of the guy who suddenly turned like a madman ready to kill any minute by then.
"FINE, THEN GO YOUR WAY. YOU'RE JUST A PAIN IN THE ASS IF YOU WANNA KNOW!"
I halted, and as if everything was staged, thunder roared and lightning crashed. I was back to my calm self when I saw her fix her coat abruptly and ran to the exit, sobs walking through my ears. The other guy just fixed his glass, unminding what's going on... and the raindrops crashed heavily on the ground.
"What are you going to do, heartless townsfolk?"
That line from the book bothered me and seemed to come nearby. It took over my senses that I turned and darted out the shop to follow her. Rain heavily poured, so hard it seemed like a storm. Still I ran, my coat getting heavy with all the water it was absorbing. I found her there at a corner, her chocolate brown hair a big tangle and her form really messes up. I walked towards her and reached out.
"Kaoru... I am so sorry. I... I never meant those... those things..."
I reached out for her sobbing shoulder but she instantly turned to me, revealing her red swollen eyes and blotchy cheeks. Rain was storming heavily over the two of us. I saw her now fiery eyes look at me and in one swift motion, she propelled her hand to slap me, but she stopped when it was about to land. Her expression suddenly turned hurt, she clenched her hand into a fist before softening it. And to my surprise, she cried again, her face in indesscribably deep agony and confusion. In one move, she threw herself on me, face burrowed on my chest. Within that hold, she whispered weakly and broken with sobs...
"Kouya, I want to forget you. I want to loathe you with all my might... but I can't... I just can't. It's.... it's the hardest thing.... hardest thing to do..."
She wept and I suddenly felt my eyes watery. Was it the rain? No... hot tears ran down my cheeks and soon was mixed with the rain. I set my sight up to the crying heavens... thinking hard of my wrongdoing to this girl within my reach. From the distance... from the coffee shop, a song was played, and it dawned to me that it's a song... in my shaky voice, I sang, containing what I want to say to Kaoru, to this sobbing girl.
I never meant to do you harm...
She was about to place a big slap on my face, but she already had slapped me even though it didn't sting my skin so well. But sorry, I tell you... for this townsfolk did what he has to do, but he just can't leave his work, and the other person whom he loves who is unfortunately, an ordinary townsperson like him... a townsperson in deep sorrow... so even if she will understand it the other way, I have to say it while holding her frail head gently...
"I am sorry, Kaoru. I am so sorry..."
and the harsh and frank rain whispered,
"I'm sorry I can't love you back..."