The Stealer of the Bacardi Breezers
This story is my first attempt at one, and is a Lord of the Rings spoof. I love The Lord of the Rings, and am a great admirer of Tolkien's work, so don't get me wrong- I'm not trying to offend anyone. Basically, this all started when me and my best mate Els were watching The Fellowship of the Ring at my house, got hy (as in hyper- spelt that way so that people don't think we're taking drugs!!!) and Els said, "What if Sauron (The Sour One in this story) stole all the Bacardi Breezers?", and the plot of this story was born. I disclaim Bacardi Breezers by the way- they are probably the only thing I don't own...I have written this story myself, but some of the later chapters had some input from Els. It is just meant to be funny, and it obviously can't live up to the real books; it's just some light relief.
The part that is based on The Fellowship of the Ring is based on the film not the book, but the parts which should be based on The Two Towers and The Return of the King are only lightly based on the books. I dedicate this story to Els, as she is my bestest friend, and my fellow weirdo.
Chapter 1: An old Wizzy returns
Frog Boggins was a habbit, who lived in his habbit-hole with his cousin Bibbo Boggins. His cousin owned a magic ring of power (this was really just a blue plastic ring from the top of a drink bottle).
One day Grandold the Wizzy knocked on the door. Frog and Bibbo ran to open it, and when they hugged Grandold they knocked him flying (habbits were twice the size of wizzys).
"Calm down you two, I need to tell you some bad news" said Grandold.
"Oh not again. You never tell us anything good. Why can't you just fk off and leave us in peace?" whined Frog.
"Sorry, but I need to tell you the latest on The Sour One" replied Grandold.
"Oh great! I thought I got rid of him when I shoved him in that hole full of Bacardi Breezers" whined Bibbo.
"God you habbits do whine a lot. Bibbo you are such an arse...Bacardi Breezers are what The Sour One lives on, and you pushed him into a pool of the stuff he loves" said Grandold.
"But you never told me that!" replied Bibbo, "You told me he would die if I did that".
"No I didn't, you gimp!!! I said a pool of BEER. GOT IT YET??? BEER!!!" shouted Grandold, "The Sour One is trying to steel all the Bacardi Breezers and then take over In-Betweeny-Place".
"SHIT!!!" exclaimed Frog.
"Frog, as Bibbo is a lazy old arse and can't do anything right, I need you to push The Sour one into a pool of beer, and destroy the magic ring too".
"Erm...what's the magic ring got to do with anything?" asked Frog.
"I dunno, but this is meant to be a crapped up version of The Lord of the Rings, so we need a magic ring. I guess it summons all the Bacardi Breezers to The Sour One".
"Okay!!! Okay!!! Keep your hair on!!!" replied Frog, "Can I take some peeps with me?"
"Yep. Just go to Riverhell and find some people there. I'm sure I'llrun won't mind. Take your best friends; Sum, Pip-pop and Merrid with you too. They're useless and have an IQ of two between them, but they might make this story funny (though I doubt it) so what the hell"
"Okay, I'm off...No wait I can't be arsed!!!" said Frog, "Are you gonna come Grandold? Because I think you should"
"No I think I'm meant to get captured by Shaguman (pronounced Shag-you-man) the Bastard first. So, see you then" replied Grandold, and he walked out the door, out of Habbitdown, and all the way out of Habbitland.
This story is my first attempt at one, and is a Lord of the Rings spoof. I love The Lord of the Rings, and am a great admirer of Tolkien's work, so don't get me wrong- I'm not trying to offend anyone. Basically, this all started when me and my best mate Els were watching The Fellowship of the Ring at my house, got hy (as in hyper- spelt that way so that people don't think we're taking drugs!!!) and Els said, "What if Sauron (The Sour One in this story) stole all the Bacardi Breezers?", and the plot of this story was born. I disclaim Bacardi Breezers by the way- they are probably the only thing I don't own...I have written this story myself, but some of the later chapters had some input from Els. It is just meant to be funny, and it obviously can't live up to the real books; it's just some light relief.
The part that is based on The Fellowship of the Ring is based on the film not the book, but the parts which should be based on The Two Towers and The Return of the King are only lightly based on the books. I dedicate this story to Els, as she is my bestest friend, and my fellow weirdo.
Chapter 1: An old Wizzy returns
Frog Boggins was a habbit, who lived in his habbit-hole with his cousin Bibbo Boggins. His cousin owned a magic ring of power (this was really just a blue plastic ring from the top of a drink bottle).
One day Grandold the Wizzy knocked on the door. Frog and Bibbo ran to open it, and when they hugged Grandold they knocked him flying (habbits were twice the size of wizzys).
"Calm down you two, I need to tell you some bad news" said Grandold.
"Oh not again. You never tell us anything good. Why can't you just fk off and leave us in peace?" whined Frog.
"Sorry, but I need to tell you the latest on The Sour One" replied Grandold.
"Oh great! I thought I got rid of him when I shoved him in that hole full of Bacardi Breezers" whined Bibbo.
"God you habbits do whine a lot. Bibbo you are such an arse...Bacardi Breezers are what The Sour One lives on, and you pushed him into a pool of the stuff he loves" said Grandold.
"But you never told me that!" replied Bibbo, "You told me he would die if I did that".
"No I didn't, you gimp!!! I said a pool of BEER. GOT IT YET??? BEER!!!" shouted Grandold, "The Sour One is trying to steel all the Bacardi Breezers and then take over In-Betweeny-Place".
"SHIT!!!" exclaimed Frog.
"Frog, as Bibbo is a lazy old arse and can't do anything right, I need you to push The Sour one into a pool of beer, and destroy the magic ring too".
"Erm...what's the magic ring got to do with anything?" asked Frog.
"I dunno, but this is meant to be a crapped up version of The Lord of the Rings, so we need a magic ring. I guess it summons all the Bacardi Breezers to The Sour One".
"Okay!!! Okay!!! Keep your hair on!!!" replied Frog, "Can I take some peeps with me?"
"Yep. Just go to Riverhell and find some people there. I'm sure I'llrun won't mind. Take your best friends; Sum, Pip-pop and Merrid with you too. They're useless and have an IQ of two between them, but they might make this story funny (though I doubt it) so what the hell"
"Okay, I'm off...No wait I can't be arsed!!!" said Frog, "Are you gonna come Grandold? Because I think you should"
"No I think I'm meant to get captured by Shaguman (pronounced Shag-you-man) the Bastard first. So, see you then" replied Grandold, and he walked out the door, out of Habbitdown, and all the way out of Habbitland.