Chapter 3: The journey to Riverhell
The next morning, Slyguy made them all get up early, much to their annoyance.
"Look Slyguy", moaned Frog, "First you make us get up before the crack of dawn, and now you expect us to carry loads of baggage as well. Well I'm sorry mister, but we're not going to. For God's sake, we can't be arsed damn you!"
"Okay! Okay! I'll steal a pony, seeing as we're all broke" replied Slyguy.
Half an hour later, they were ready to go, and had a new companion, Fill the pony, as Sum had named him. Being sad with a low IQ he had thought that this was hilarious.
"ARE WE GOING TO MOVE OR ARE YOU JUST GOING TO BLABBER ON ABOUT THE GOD DAMNED PONY, YOU ARSE OF A NARRATOR" shouted Frog.
Okay, Okay, I'll get on with it. So they started to go on their way to Riverhell. This was a lovely journey; hours of walking with no rest, shit marshes, hardly any food, and more walking.
"Life sucks. You people suck. I suck. Everybody SUCKS" complained Frog (he had said this 24/7 for the past week- it was obviously one week since they had set out (hold on- why is it obvious??? Me is confused...), but for you dumb, but SOPHISTICATED (see I remember the word Els) arses, I need to tell you...pause for breath)...Anyway, don't you just hate these characters? Okay, I'll bring a lovable in...well at least a sane one...I think...I hope... what's sanity???
"GET ON WITH IT" screamed...well...everyone...Okay, I'm hy...
On a beautiful white horse, a beautiful (anyone know another word for beautiful that isn't gorgeous or summin like that???) woman. She rode in, in slow motion (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the beauty of this sigh) looking annoyingly pretty. Just to add to the non-existant dramatic action, ten minutes before Frog had been stabbed by a Ringbreezer, because he had put the ring on yet again...God, what is with him??? Anyway, this beautiful woman was an Ell called Amen. She started to natter with Slyguy in Gibberish (the language of the Ells, which is pronounced with a strong 'g' like in 'give'). It was probably dirty, but I don't know, stop relying on me for information...She then started speaking in Rareish, just so I can tell you the story (Rareish is basically English by the way).
"You must get him to my daddy, I'llrun. I've been trying to find you, but my prayers (hence the name Amen) don't seem to be helping".
"We've been trying to get to your dad for ages" moaned Pip-pop (speaking for the first the first time...WOW!!!)
"Yeah" agreed Merrid (wow- they actually have voices!!!), "Why does he have to live so far away???"
"Don't moan at me, and don't talk about my daddy that way" snapped Amen.
"Ha, ha! She said 'daddy', she's babyish!" jeered Sum (showing off his ever decreasing IQ, and also being a total hypocrite).
"Get a life Sum. Your holding up the story" said Slyguy, "And leave my babe alone or else".
So they all climbed on the backs of the white horse, called Arfelloff, and Fill the pony (how'd they all fit on???), and sped off on a daring race against the Ringbreezers. When they reached the River Hell that surrounds Riverhell, Amen commanded the water in gibberish.
"Gib gibber gibbery gibbeny gibbed gibbing gib gibs", she shouted (I think that means, "You stupid gay water, chase the fing Ringbreezers and kill 'em for me" or summin like that...). So...erm...they did. The Ringbreezers were drownded, and Frog had fainted, so Slyguy carried him, as they walked up the path to the first crappy house thingy in Riverhell, where I'llrun lived.
The next morning, Slyguy made them all get up early, much to their annoyance.
"Look Slyguy", moaned Frog, "First you make us get up before the crack of dawn, and now you expect us to carry loads of baggage as well. Well I'm sorry mister, but we're not going to. For God's sake, we can't be arsed damn you!"
"Okay! Okay! I'll steal a pony, seeing as we're all broke" replied Slyguy.
Half an hour later, they were ready to go, and had a new companion, Fill the pony, as Sum had named him. Being sad with a low IQ he had thought that this was hilarious.
"ARE WE GOING TO MOVE OR ARE YOU JUST GOING TO BLABBER ON ABOUT THE GOD DAMNED PONY, YOU ARSE OF A NARRATOR" shouted Frog.
Okay, Okay, I'll get on with it. So they started to go on their way to Riverhell. This was a lovely journey; hours of walking with no rest, shit marshes, hardly any food, and more walking.
"Life sucks. You people suck. I suck. Everybody SUCKS" complained Frog (he had said this 24/7 for the past week- it was obviously one week since they had set out (hold on- why is it obvious??? Me is confused...), but for you dumb, but SOPHISTICATED (see I remember the word Els) arses, I need to tell you...pause for breath)...Anyway, don't you just hate these characters? Okay, I'll bring a lovable in...well at least a sane one...I think...I hope... what's sanity???
"GET ON WITH IT" screamed...well...everyone...Okay, I'm hy...
On a beautiful white horse, a beautiful (anyone know another word for beautiful that isn't gorgeous or summin like that???) woman. She rode in, in slow motion (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the beauty of this sigh) looking annoyingly pretty. Just to add to the non-existant dramatic action, ten minutes before Frog had been stabbed by a Ringbreezer, because he had put the ring on yet again...God, what is with him??? Anyway, this beautiful woman was an Ell called Amen. She started to natter with Slyguy in Gibberish (the language of the Ells, which is pronounced with a strong 'g' like in 'give'). It was probably dirty, but I don't know, stop relying on me for information...She then started speaking in Rareish, just so I can tell you the story (Rareish is basically English by the way).
"You must get him to my daddy, I'llrun. I've been trying to find you, but my prayers (hence the name Amen) don't seem to be helping".
"We've been trying to get to your dad for ages" moaned Pip-pop (speaking for the first the first time...WOW!!!)
"Yeah" agreed Merrid (wow- they actually have voices!!!), "Why does he have to live so far away???"
"Don't moan at me, and don't talk about my daddy that way" snapped Amen.
"Ha, ha! She said 'daddy', she's babyish!" jeered Sum (showing off his ever decreasing IQ, and also being a total hypocrite).
"Get a life Sum. Your holding up the story" said Slyguy, "And leave my babe alone or else".
So they all climbed on the backs of the white horse, called Arfelloff, and Fill the pony (how'd they all fit on???), and sped off on a daring race against the Ringbreezers. When they reached the River Hell that surrounds Riverhell, Amen commanded the water in gibberish.
"Gib gibber gibbery gibbeny gibbed gibbing gib gibs", she shouted (I think that means, "You stupid gay water, chase the fing Ringbreezers and kill 'em for me" or summin like that...). So...erm...they did. The Ringbreezers were drownded, and Frog had fainted, so Slyguy carried him, as they walked up the path to the first crappy house thingy in Riverhell, where I'llrun lived.