A lot of this chapter was written by Els, as we wrote it when we were bored
on holiday...
Chapter 7: The end of a homosexual
They spent about a fortnight sailing down the river Andowe, stopping on the bank once a day to rest and sleep. Gollywog was still following them, this time on a log.
When they reached the bank which was opposite the bank that leads to the Rocky Place, they stopped for a company council. It was decided that Frog, Arson, Longlegs and Sum would continue to travel to Baceezer, and Borromemirror, Gimmy, Pip-pop and Merrid would go to Borromemirror's city Beeror to get the pool of beer ready (don't ask me how they intended to get The Sour One from Baceezer to Beeror- I'm only the narrator you know). But like all crappy stories nothing goes according to plan...
Frog had pissed off because he was a sensistive bastard and so the ring was seducing him into climbing a random rock that has no significance what so ever...except that it had some weird statue things...and this still has noooooooooo significance, and I'm rambling, and Frog is being up himself and wanting me to get on with the story, so I will shut up now, but not because of him glares at Frog...
Frog looked up and said, "Hey! I heard that!!! I am taller than you, you know...even though you're invisible and stuff..."
"HYPOCRITE!!!" I (the narrator) shouted.
Anyway, Borromemirror (hereafter known as 'Borroz', 'cos it takes too long to write his name...) turned up for no reason carrying a flower (because he's sad or maybe gay...TIPP TIPP!!!- check a German dictionary...nah don't bother it means 'HINT HINT'), and grabbed Frog and snogged him. Frog pulled away (not quite immediately...) yelling, "Hello!!! SEXUAL ASSAULT here!!! And this is not happening- he's supposed to be straight. STOP NIBBLING MY EAR!!!" he slapped Borroz and carried on having a go at him to waste space.
"I thought I'd come out and tell you before I get killed by the U-R-High" explained Borroz to a blank faced Frog (what is with these characters predicting everything that's going to happen in this spoof thingy- AGAIN???!!!) "I had to get to you before Sum did, even though he fancies Rozzin (yes a GIRL) the Habbit too...I think he's a bisexual (or bicycle...)...anyway...you know I'm better than him"
"YOU'RE ALL GAY!!!" Frog yelled.
"I know. I told you, and HEY so are you..." Borroz said patiently
The U-R-High waited for Frog to finish digesting this (he really didn't want to be a two-timer- sorry did I write that (Els wrote that bit- no idea what it means either, but probably that Frog didn't want to go out with both Sum and Borroz or something...just ask her...)???) and then started shooting arrows at Borroz, as U-R-High are all homophobes (don't ask why they didn't shoot Frog), and skanky, and high (literally...).
Anyway, everyone had suddenly realised Borroz and Frog were missing, and went off looking for them, yelling their names randomly and feeling pissed off because they really couldn't be arsed to move.
"I mean for fks sake" Arson complained, "I could be gazing fitly and stuff, but nooooooo, we have to look for all these gay guys. And I should also be shagging Amen, and speaking Gibberish sexily, and-"
"Shut the fk up" Longlegs said irritably "I'm better at gazing fitly, you're just old, and-"
"HYPOCRITE!!!" Merrid yelled (not actually knowing what it meant, but amazingly saying it at the right time)
"Concentrate on the story here. They may be gay, but we need them...I think..." said Gimmy.
"I need them" Sum said, wistfully, in one of his gay (well at least bicycle) moments confirming everyone's suspicions.
Everyone edged away from him. Merrid and Pip-pop pissed off and found Borroz being, like, killed, by U-R-High. He had been fighting them, but was so hurt by Frog's rejection of him, that he was practically committing suicide to make everyone feel guilty.
"Come on you U-R-dweebs. Is that your best shot? Come on if you think your hard enough" Borroz shouted, and the U-R-High fired more arrows at him (he was already covered with them).
"Borroz!" Pip-pop yelled, "Why are there loads of arrows in you?"
Borroz stuck up his middle finger with one hand and pointed at the U-R-High with the other. Pip-pop looked at the skanky U-R-High.
"Oh. Are they like evil then or something?" he asked stupidly.
Merrid looked at him, "You know" he said in disbelief, "Sometimes you're even more of a dumbarse than me"
Borroz rolled his eyes, and once again there was a request for me to stop rambling. So I did...finally...even though Merrid and Pip-pop are being arses and rambling too...anyway...
Borroz cleared his throat as the fiftieth arrow pierced his arm, and did his crappy dying speech.
"Firstly, you're all bastards. Especially Frog, who is supposed to fancy me back, I mean god, I am so better than Sum- I have muscles!"
"GET ON WITH IT!!!" everyone in this weird story yelled, not being original or anything, but who gives a shit???
Borroz continued (ignoring the last comments), "And I hate my dad as he's never accepted my sexuality, and my 'ickle brother's an arse, he's almost as gay as me, even though he's going to marry a woman (predicting the future AGAIN). And you all suck, and I'm a transsexual, but anyway...Look, can you U-R-High guys shoot these arrows a bit faster? I'm rambling here...No you pervy High-dweeb thingy, don't shag me- I'm not that desperate, and I'm dying. And you'd be a necrophile if you did that once I'm dead, so ner-" he stopped for a second as the pervy U-R-High gave him a nosebleed for being so pissy, and then attempted to kill him as quickly as possible (and failed as you can't kill a Min with a foam javelin),. Arson turned up at last so he could have a death-bed chat with Borroz.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
Again the middle finger rose..."You bastard! You didn't shag me either, you're too caught up in Amen to notice me, and I'm running out of breath here, but you'll be a crap king of my city, no wait it'll be your city, but I love you anyway" said Borroz, and then he died.
"Really lovely chap" said Arson sarcastically.
Merrid and Pip-pop were captured by the U-R-High, Arson and Longlegs pissed off after them, and Frog, Sum and Gimmy buggered off to Baceezer to finish off this ever failing quest.
Chapter 7: The end of a homosexual
They spent about a fortnight sailing down the river Andowe, stopping on the bank once a day to rest and sleep. Gollywog was still following them, this time on a log.
When they reached the bank which was opposite the bank that leads to the Rocky Place, they stopped for a company council. It was decided that Frog, Arson, Longlegs and Sum would continue to travel to Baceezer, and Borromemirror, Gimmy, Pip-pop and Merrid would go to Borromemirror's city Beeror to get the pool of beer ready (don't ask me how they intended to get The Sour One from Baceezer to Beeror- I'm only the narrator you know). But like all crappy stories nothing goes according to plan...
Frog had pissed off because he was a sensistive bastard and so the ring was seducing him into climbing a random rock that has no significance what so ever...except that it had some weird statue things...and this still has noooooooooo significance, and I'm rambling, and Frog is being up himself and wanting me to get on with the story, so I will shut up now, but not because of him glares at Frog...
Frog looked up and said, "Hey! I heard that!!! I am taller than you, you know...even though you're invisible and stuff..."
"HYPOCRITE!!!" I (the narrator) shouted.
Anyway, Borromemirror (hereafter known as 'Borroz', 'cos it takes too long to write his name...) turned up for no reason carrying a flower (because he's sad or maybe gay...TIPP TIPP!!!- check a German dictionary...nah don't bother it means 'HINT HINT'), and grabbed Frog and snogged him. Frog pulled away (not quite immediately...) yelling, "Hello!!! SEXUAL ASSAULT here!!! And this is not happening- he's supposed to be straight. STOP NIBBLING MY EAR!!!" he slapped Borroz and carried on having a go at him to waste space.
"I thought I'd come out and tell you before I get killed by the U-R-High" explained Borroz to a blank faced Frog (what is with these characters predicting everything that's going to happen in this spoof thingy- AGAIN???!!!) "I had to get to you before Sum did, even though he fancies Rozzin (yes a GIRL) the Habbit too...I think he's a bisexual (or bicycle...)...anyway...you know I'm better than him"
"YOU'RE ALL GAY!!!" Frog yelled.
"I know. I told you, and HEY so are you..." Borroz said patiently
The U-R-High waited for Frog to finish digesting this (he really didn't want to be a two-timer- sorry did I write that (Els wrote that bit- no idea what it means either, but probably that Frog didn't want to go out with both Sum and Borroz or something...just ask her...)???) and then started shooting arrows at Borroz, as U-R-High are all homophobes (don't ask why they didn't shoot Frog), and skanky, and high (literally...).
Anyway, everyone had suddenly realised Borroz and Frog were missing, and went off looking for them, yelling their names randomly and feeling pissed off because they really couldn't be arsed to move.
"I mean for fks sake" Arson complained, "I could be gazing fitly and stuff, but nooooooo, we have to look for all these gay guys. And I should also be shagging Amen, and speaking Gibberish sexily, and-"
"Shut the fk up" Longlegs said irritably "I'm better at gazing fitly, you're just old, and-"
"HYPOCRITE!!!" Merrid yelled (not actually knowing what it meant, but amazingly saying it at the right time)
"Concentrate on the story here. They may be gay, but we need them...I think..." said Gimmy.
"I need them" Sum said, wistfully, in one of his gay (well at least bicycle) moments confirming everyone's suspicions.
Everyone edged away from him. Merrid and Pip-pop pissed off and found Borroz being, like, killed, by U-R-High. He had been fighting them, but was so hurt by Frog's rejection of him, that he was practically committing suicide to make everyone feel guilty.
"Come on you U-R-dweebs. Is that your best shot? Come on if you think your hard enough" Borroz shouted, and the U-R-High fired more arrows at him (he was already covered with them).
"Borroz!" Pip-pop yelled, "Why are there loads of arrows in you?"
Borroz stuck up his middle finger with one hand and pointed at the U-R-High with the other. Pip-pop looked at the skanky U-R-High.
"Oh. Are they like evil then or something?" he asked stupidly.
Merrid looked at him, "You know" he said in disbelief, "Sometimes you're even more of a dumbarse than me"
Borroz rolled his eyes, and once again there was a request for me to stop rambling. So I did...finally...even though Merrid and Pip-pop are being arses and rambling too...anyway...
Borroz cleared his throat as the fiftieth arrow pierced his arm, and did his crappy dying speech.
"Firstly, you're all bastards. Especially Frog, who is supposed to fancy me back, I mean god, I am so better than Sum- I have muscles!"
"GET ON WITH IT!!!" everyone in this weird story yelled, not being original or anything, but who gives a shit???
Borroz continued (ignoring the last comments), "And I hate my dad as he's never accepted my sexuality, and my 'ickle brother's an arse, he's almost as gay as me, even though he's going to marry a woman (predicting the future AGAIN). And you all suck, and I'm a transsexual, but anyway...Look, can you U-R-High guys shoot these arrows a bit faster? I'm rambling here...No you pervy High-dweeb thingy, don't shag me- I'm not that desperate, and I'm dying. And you'd be a necrophile if you did that once I'm dead, so ner-" he stopped for a second as the pervy U-R-High gave him a nosebleed for being so pissy, and then attempted to kill him as quickly as possible (and failed as you can't kill a Min with a foam javelin),. Arson turned up at last so he could have a death-bed chat with Borroz.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
Again the middle finger rose..."You bastard! You didn't shag me either, you're too caught up in Amen to notice me, and I'm running out of breath here, but you'll be a crap king of my city, no wait it'll be your city, but I love you anyway" said Borroz, and then he died.
"Really lovely chap" said Arson sarcastically.
Merrid and Pip-pop were captured by the U-R-High, Arson and Longlegs pissed off after them, and Frog, Sum and Gimmy buggered off to Baceezer to finish off this ever failing quest.