Chapter 10- The end of an army
Thedid, Grandold, Arson, Longlegs, Oweme and their army of men from Rowham, marched towards the field surrounding Iregard and Othank. It was only a 'short' three hour march to reach it.
When they arrived the U-R-High were waiting for them, and behind the Highs were the Inks with Merrid and Pip-pop.
"We've destroyed the grounds of Iregard and all the U-R-High within, but we couldn't do anything to the tower of Othank, and now all these Highs have come out from it" replied Longfeared.
"Okay then lets kill 'em" shouted Grandold.
"YEAH" roared his army (God they sound like bloody lions).
"Hey this isn't fair" pointed the U-R-High leader (his name was Hyah), "There's two armies against one"
"What's your point?" asked Longlegs, "You can't decide which army to make out with? I mean, come on, I know nearly everyone in this story is either gay or a bisexual (otherwise known as a bicycle), but this is going a bit too far"
"What's wrong with being a bicycle? Are you a homophobe (no you arse...that's for gay people...) or summink?"
"No, but I am a bicyclephobe"
"Longlegs please shut up" interrupted Arson, "Do you ever stop talking or having pointless arguments? And by the way bicyclephobe isn't a word"
"Look are we gonna have the battle or what?" asked Oweme, "Because I really would like to get back home as quickly as possible so I can meet the love of my life"
"Oweme, no one is ever going to fall in love with an arsehole like you. Thedid don't look at me like that; it's the truth" replied Grandold, "Okay then, on the count of three. ONE...TWO...THREE...CHARGE"
As the Rowham lot started killing the Highs from the front, and the Inks killed the Highs from behind, Merrid and Pip-pop ran off screaming, "AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!! LEAVE US ALONE!!! WHY US???!!! AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!"
They reached Iregard and hid behind a large rock. Such brave soldiers, really into this fighting stuff...bless 'em.
Back on the battle field, the good guys (as in the Highs) were losing (wait, did I really say that? Must have been a slip of the tongue, or maybe it's because I am developing a deep loathing of Longlegs' ever worsening weird comments, arguments, movements...just him in general...). As I was saying the Highs were doing very badly. This was mainly due to the fact that there were only fifty of them (sorry did I make it sound like there were thousands?) and there were about 1000 Rowham fighters (including Grandold and co.) and Inks in total.
This battle lasted a record braking five minutes, and as not much happened, and none of the good guys died, there is no point telling you about it bit by bit, from the first executed High head to the last cut off High arm.
The two armies left the bodies of the Highs on a bonfire, and marched up to the tower of Othank (Arson and Longlegs grabbed Merrid and Pip-pop on the way).
"Now remember everyone" said Grandold as he knocked on the door of Othank, "Don't let Shaguman talk you into worshiping him, he's a bastard, he really is"
"What do you want?" shouted a voice.
"Fk you. We're here to talk to Shaguman the Bastard, go and tell him to come down here Grimy So-and-so, or I'll fire his arse off"
"I'll give you Grimy So-and-so" muttered Grimy (who was really called Gri- man and hated his nickname), but he went and fetched his master anyway.
"Why Grandold, how marvellous to see you" lied Shaguman, opening the door.
"Yeah, must be. Great to see you too. I really love you man" replied Grandold sarcastically, "Thanks for trying to kill me, I appreciate it, I really do"
"Now, now, Grandold. You know I had my reasons"
"Fk you. I've never liked you. Stop sucking-up to me for fks sake you fking bastard"
"No need to use that kind of language" said Shaguman, looking slightly unnerved, while everyone else looked impressed. He then noticed Merrid and Pip-pop, who were looking worried. "Is one of these two dumbarse habbits over there the one with the ring" he asked, and turned to face them, (to Merrid and Pip-pop in spooky voice) "You will worship me, you must worship me, you will do everything I say"
"Nah" they said, "We really can't be arsed, and your too arsey you bastard, weird annoying guy. We're too stupid to be under your control, so neh"
Everyone except Shaguman and Grimy (and Merrid and Pip-pop obviously) started laughing, and then launched an assault on the two bad guys. They shot them, stabbed them, kicked them where it hurts, and everything. The two bodies were abused (not sexually) for hours after they were actually dead.
Eventually the good lot (not including the Inks) marched off to continue on their journey to Beeror.
Thedid, Grandold, Arson, Longlegs, Oweme and their army of men from Rowham, marched towards the field surrounding Iregard and Othank. It was only a 'short' three hour march to reach it.
When they arrived the U-R-High were waiting for them, and behind the Highs were the Inks with Merrid and Pip-pop.
"We've destroyed the grounds of Iregard and all the U-R-High within, but we couldn't do anything to the tower of Othank, and now all these Highs have come out from it" replied Longfeared.
"Okay then lets kill 'em" shouted Grandold.
"YEAH" roared his army (God they sound like bloody lions).
"Hey this isn't fair" pointed the U-R-High leader (his name was Hyah), "There's two armies against one"
"What's your point?" asked Longlegs, "You can't decide which army to make out with? I mean, come on, I know nearly everyone in this story is either gay or a bisexual (otherwise known as a bicycle), but this is going a bit too far"
"What's wrong with being a bicycle? Are you a homophobe (no you arse...that's for gay people...) or summink?"
"No, but I am a bicyclephobe"
"Longlegs please shut up" interrupted Arson, "Do you ever stop talking or having pointless arguments? And by the way bicyclephobe isn't a word"
"Look are we gonna have the battle or what?" asked Oweme, "Because I really would like to get back home as quickly as possible so I can meet the love of my life"
"Oweme, no one is ever going to fall in love with an arsehole like you. Thedid don't look at me like that; it's the truth" replied Grandold, "Okay then, on the count of three. ONE...TWO...THREE...CHARGE"
As the Rowham lot started killing the Highs from the front, and the Inks killed the Highs from behind, Merrid and Pip-pop ran off screaming, "AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!! LEAVE US ALONE!!! WHY US???!!! AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!"
They reached Iregard and hid behind a large rock. Such brave soldiers, really into this fighting stuff...bless 'em.
Back on the battle field, the good guys (as in the Highs) were losing (wait, did I really say that? Must have been a slip of the tongue, or maybe it's because I am developing a deep loathing of Longlegs' ever worsening weird comments, arguments, movements...just him in general...). As I was saying the Highs were doing very badly. This was mainly due to the fact that there were only fifty of them (sorry did I make it sound like there were thousands?) and there were about 1000 Rowham fighters (including Grandold and co.) and Inks in total.
This battle lasted a record braking five minutes, and as not much happened, and none of the good guys died, there is no point telling you about it bit by bit, from the first executed High head to the last cut off High arm.
The two armies left the bodies of the Highs on a bonfire, and marched up to the tower of Othank (Arson and Longlegs grabbed Merrid and Pip-pop on the way).
"Now remember everyone" said Grandold as he knocked on the door of Othank, "Don't let Shaguman talk you into worshiping him, he's a bastard, he really is"
"What do you want?" shouted a voice.
"Fk you. We're here to talk to Shaguman the Bastard, go and tell him to come down here Grimy So-and-so, or I'll fire his arse off"
"I'll give you Grimy So-and-so" muttered Grimy (who was really called Gri- man and hated his nickname), but he went and fetched his master anyway.
"Why Grandold, how marvellous to see you" lied Shaguman, opening the door.
"Yeah, must be. Great to see you too. I really love you man" replied Grandold sarcastically, "Thanks for trying to kill me, I appreciate it, I really do"
"Now, now, Grandold. You know I had my reasons"
"Fk you. I've never liked you. Stop sucking-up to me for fks sake you fking bastard"
"No need to use that kind of language" said Shaguman, looking slightly unnerved, while everyone else looked impressed. He then noticed Merrid and Pip-pop, who were looking worried. "Is one of these two dumbarse habbits over there the one with the ring" he asked, and turned to face them, (to Merrid and Pip-pop in spooky voice) "You will worship me, you must worship me, you will do everything I say"
"Nah" they said, "We really can't be arsed, and your too arsey you bastard, weird annoying guy. We're too stupid to be under your control, so neh"
Everyone except Shaguman and Grimy (and Merrid and Pip-pop obviously) started laughing, and then launched an assault on the two bad guys. They shot them, stabbed them, kicked them where it hurts, and everything. The two bodies were abused (not sexually) for hours after they were actually dead.
Eventually the good lot (not including the Inks) marched off to continue on their journey to Beeror.